


Shards of innocence

by BlazingStarInInkyBlackness



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: A lot of sex, Alternate Universe - High School, Blackmail, Child Abuse, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/ Referenced relationship, Implied/Referenced Underage Relationship(s), M/M, Manipulation, Principal Matt, Recovery, Self-Harm, Sex, Slurs, Student Ray, Teacher Burnie, Teacher Gus, Teacher Joel, Teacher-Student Relationship, There's a reason for that, Trans Character, Transphobia, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, and a worrying amount happening in school, boys wearing dresses, but then again it is a high school au, everyone else is a student, how did i forget that one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 03:24:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 38
Words: 120,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4861181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazingStarInInkyBlackness/pseuds/BlazingStarInInkyBlackness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A new year, a new you. That’s how it works right? Gavin can start fresh, leaving dreary England far behind. Geoff can try to turn over a new leaf; looking after himself. Ryan can finally get the courage to just ask his crush out on a fucking date (it’s been a long ass time now). Jack can try to kill off the small habits that were getting to be too much. Michael can reign in his anger which has so nearly cost him his education and Ray can make good on a promise he never thought he’d make to a man who both terrifies and intrigues him.</p><p>But a new beginning isn’t always positive and as they each try to remake themselves they find out just how broken the other people are. From fist shaped bruises to thin, clinical scars, from secret kisses stolen in the dark to chest binders burning on a fire. </p><p>They can’t do it alone but they’re not sure they can do it together either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story contains some messed up stuff. The tags are a rough warning but they are not all encompassing, there are other issues I have not put in there, either because I forgot or because I want it to be a surprise. if you want me to clarify a point then drop me a message and I'll tell you everything (with the minimum amount of spoilers.) Also there are some relationships in here I have not mentioned either because they're too small or because they're secretive.

Gavin stared into the mirror with a mix of trepidation and pride. He turned to the side, watching how the shirt fit against his chest. It was almost flat, the slightest hint of something around his chest but really it wasn’t anything big. His jeans were nice, he’d picked them out himself.

More importantly, he’d finally managed to get his hair into the right style. He leaned forwards and touched it softly, feeling the quickly drying hair products. It looked windswept, the kind of casual look that took far too long to create.

But it was just how he liked it.

Gavin didn’t bother going down to breakfast, knowing his mother would be sitting there. Being around her was exhausting at the best of times. But with the snakes of anxiety curling in his stomach he knew it would be horrific.

So instead he waited for the tell-tale slam of the door before sauntering down the stairs. He grabbed one of the boxes of cereal and frowned at it.

It was one of the American cereals, not really surprising as they were in America. It was all sweetness and colour, nothing like what he was used to.

But then again, nothing was.

Gavin had been shoved from the drab drizzly English countryside into the boiling sun of Texas and he couldn’t be happier. He loved that he could remake himself, leave his mistakes in the past and grow. He also loved, more than he could say, that he’d been the one to choose and sign up to his new school.

Really, the only thing he regretted about leaving England was Dan, his best friend since childhood. For his sixteen years there had barely been a week when they hadn’t talked in person. But they could still talk now, could still play online regularly. Gavin couldn’t help but feel it was a fair trade-off. He didn’t mention that to Dan though.

Gavin munched away at his cereal, pulling out his phone as he did. He tapped away at it for a few minutes until he was done eating and then went back to his room, staring down at his school bag with a mixture of anxiety and satisfaction.

He’d picked it out himself. It was a nice blue bag with a British flag resplendent on the back. It was a gimmick, a joke. In the month and a half he’d lived in America he’d found out that his accent was fairly obvious. More than that, his words were different.

It was highly disorientating for the Brit to have people stare at him in confusion over half his vocabulary. He was sure though, when he got to his new school everyone would just shut up about it.

But he wasn’t sure. The roiling inside his stomach made him regret the cereal from just a few minutes ago.

He had a feeling this would be a long year.

He had no fucking clue.

 

Jack had good night and then he had bad nights. Jack knew this, could sometimes even predict what kind of night it was going to be.

He hadn’t had a really bad night for months now, not since finals last year. But he tried not to think about that.

Jack tried not to think about a lot of things actually.

The room around Jack was pitch black, the only light coming from the boy’s phone which he was holding in shaking hands above his leg. He hardly noticed as tears dropped down onto his leg, mixing with the bright red liquid there, doing nothing to the consistency.

There would have to be a lot more tears for that.

The small piece of metal that had been held so deftly in his hands, ripping apart his skin, had been discarded to the side. He was determined to not need it again that night. There was a good chance he’d break that anyway.

This wasn’t been a night he’d predicted so he hadn’t prepared for it. As blood trickled down his leg he desperately grabbed for any scrap of clothing to stem the flow.

He snatched up a well-worn green shirt and slammed it onto his leg, sucking in a deep breath at the pain that flared through him.

The green shirt slowly began to be saturated with crimson liquid and the boy put his head against the wall. As the minutes ticked by the light emanating from the phone flicked off. Jack was left alone in the dark, blood still dripping down his leg and tears spilling from his face.

With every beat of his heart he cursed himself for doing this, giving into such a stupid instinct. There was no reason Jack’s happiness should depend on a small piece of metal. In fact there was no reason he shouldn’t just throw it away, making sure he’d never be able to do this to himself again.

But he wasn’t strong enough for that.

Sitting alone in the dark he wondered if he should even bother. With that thought he pulled himself to his feet and staggered into the bathroom, covering his leg with anti-septic, biting his lip at the pain. He then wrapped bandages around the injury, wincing at the red edges.

The injuries would take months to fade, if they ever did. There was a good chance it would be years until they were completely gone. His legs were a testament to how long it took for them to heal, angry red lines criss-crossed by white scars.

As the thoughts of what if’s began to creep into his mind him he forced himself into bed.

There wasn’t any point on dwelling on what if’s. He was here and that was all that mattered.

Before Jack could slip into sleep a final one appeared in his head, the one that returned to him every night.

_What if I just didn’t wake up?_

 

Geoff sat in the kitchen glaring at a glass of water. He was good at a great number of things. He was good at insulting Jack, he was good at laughing at Ray and he was good at winding up Michael. He was also good at drinking although that was something he always regretted the next morning.

Because there he was, staring at a glass of water on the side not willing to stand up and get it. The door swung open and Geoff turned to see Griffon walk through.

She looked at him with a distinct look of amusement.

“Regretting last night, tiger?”

Geoff just groaned at her, holding his head. She laughed and walked over, grabbing one of the boxes of painkillers they kept around just for this.

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” Geoff asked weakly, grabbing a few of the pills and downing them. Griffon smiled down at him affectionately.

“I think you could still say it a few more times.”

“Love you.” Geoff half rose at this, planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek. The woman just laughed, half pushing Geoff away as he continued to grin sleepily at her.

“Come on, Geoff, you’re going to make us late!”

At that thought Geoff suddenly gained a smirk she knew meant he was planning something.

“You know Griffy, the first day of term-”

“No,” Griffon cut him off before he could finish, sensing where the conversation was heading. “You’re going to school Geoff.” Geoff whined at this, throwing himself back onto the table. Griffon smirked at her boyfriend before walking back and placing a gentle kiss to the top of his head.

“Come on then, what do you want for breakfast?” Griffon asked a still groaning Geoff.

 

Michael glared down at the desk in front of him. It was a nice desk, all things considered. It was sturdy and had plenty of space for the heaps of paper piled on top of it. But over the top of the desk Matt Hullum glared down at the boy.

Michael had managed to find himself in the principal’s office on the first day of term, lessons hadn’t even started. Neither of them looked too happy about the situation. Michael glared at Hullum as he looked over his desk at Michael.

The boy’s knuckles were already beginning to bruise.

“Michael, the school term hasn’t even started. Why are you already in here?” Hullum’s tone was flat, he knew what Michael was going to say. This wasn’t their first rodeo together, they’d done it so many times they knew what to do, what role to play. At this point it was more like a dance, each step memorised to a tee.

“Burns made me come in here.” Michael grumbled, staring off into the distance. Hullum put his head into his hands for a moment and stared back at the boy.

“Who did you attack Michael?”

There was a beat of silence as Michael debated just leaving, ending the flimsy façade. He knew that Hullum would tell him off, give him detention and send him back to lessons.

“No, actually Michael it doesn’t matter. We both know what’s going on here.”

Michael looked up in surprise, this wasn’t part of the script, and this wasn’t the norm. He’d had these meetings for two years and never once had Hullum bothered to change it.

“Michael, you’re in your third year here and I realise that high school is never easy but you can’t keep doing this! This meeting is a final warning. If I see you in this office it will be a permanent exclusion.”

Michael gaped at the principal who looked entirely serious.

“You can’t do that!”

“I can and I will. This disruptive behaviour has to stop Michael. Nothing I’ve done has made an impact and you are not the only student here.”

“They were hurting Kerry!” Michael exclaimed, making sure to keep himself from shouting, which would not help his case. Hullum just took a deep breath and stared at Michael.

“It doesn’t matter. You can’t respond with violence.”

Michael clenched his fists under the table. He could and he had, he’d been doing this for a long time now, standing up for his friends when they couldn’t.

“If there is a problem alert a teacher and they will deal with it. That is their job Michael, not yours. Do you understand?”

Michael nodded glumly and Hullum sighed. The kid’s heart was in the right place but he’d been given too many chances. Most schools would have kicked him out long ago but Matt wanted to keep him, wanted him to change. Wanted to give him the chance at least.

“That’s all Michael, you can go.”

Michael stood and left, angrily. Hullum watched him go and sighed. The student really not want to make his life easier.

 

The words on the page slowly merged into each other, becoming more and more difficult to read as the seconds ticked by. Ryan glared down at them, willing them to just stop, just stay still, just let him read the goddamned thing.

But apparently they didn’t want to obey him.

Ryan groaned, leaning back. He took a glance at the clock and winced as he saw the time. Suffice it to say it was early and not in the good way.

His phone buzzed and Ryan frowned, pulling it out of his pocket.

**From: Miles**

**You up?**

Ryan smirked at the message. He was somewhat renowned among his friends for his sleeping habits, or rather lack of.

**To: Miles**

**No, this is the ghost of Ryan**

**From: Miles**

**Ha-ha very funny asshole. Are you looking at the script?**

**To: Miles**

**Yeah, trying to anyway**

Ryan glared back down at the page in front of him and closed his eyes, placing his head onto the table. He wanted to sleep, he wanted to sleep so badly. Just as he felt his eyes slip closed his phone buzzed again.

Ryan glared at it as it buzzed a few more times. He should probably get into the bed next to him but instead he sighed, picking up the phone.

**From: Miles**

**You’re trying out this year right?**

**From: Miles**

**I’m thinking of actually playing someone this year backstage is such a drag sometimes**

**From: Miles**

**Johnson’s in charge this year isn’t he? Him and Heyman will be a laugh if nothing else.**

**From: Miles**

**Do you know what Kerry’s doing?**

“Obviously not you.” Ryan muttered under his breath.

**To: Miles**

**Yeah I’m trying out. I think Kerry said he might as well. Why don’t you just ask him yourself?**

There was a much longer pause this time, long enough for Ryan to change into his pyjamas and actually sit down in his bed. He grabbed the script and tried to concentrate on the words as they continued to blur in front of his eyes.

He knew it was just because of how tired he was, in the morning it would be fine. But it was still off-putting, scary even, to find his brain short-circuiting.

When his phone did finally ring he picked it up slowly, so ready to sleep.

**From: Miles**

**It’s complicated**

Ryan snorted at that, it wasn’t complicated.

**To: Miles**

**I’m sure you can figure it out. I’m going to sleep.**

With that Ryan flicked off his light and lay down in bed, determined to get at least a few hours sleep. The next time the phone buzzed he ignored it. It wasn’t as if the world would end if he missed a couple of texts from his friend.  

 

 

Michael stormed out of the office and paused as he saw Kerry stood outside. Kerry leapt up as he saw Michael and offered a weak smile.

“Thanks for doing that Michael. You didn’t have to.” Kerry said, almost apologetically. It made Michael angry. The kid was so used to being hurt, being picked on, being shoved to the floor for what he liked he didn’t even bother to stand up for himself any more.

That was why Michael had to fight, whatever shit Hullum pulled out.

“Shut the fuck up Kerry.”

 

When Jack woke up the next morning he did it slowly, staring up at the ceiling for a while before forcing himself to move. Every time his leg moved, even the slightest bit, he could feel the cuts threatening to rip themselves open all over again.

Jack knew from experience that it wouldn’t vanish after a couple of minutes. It would last for the rest of the day and maybe even into the next.

Every step would hurt, if his leg was pressed against something it would send jolts of pain through him. If he let his hands hang to the side he’d feel the warmth of the blood pumping so much closer to the surface than it should be.

The day would be full of winces and sharp breaths as he tried his hardest to hide what he’d done to himself as well as what he’d nearly done. Jack would spend the day freaking that someone would see through the lie, would understand just how fucked up he was.

But he also knew they wouldn’t.

Jack had been doing this for a long time now, long enough for his first cuts to have vanished. No-one noticed. Even back when he’d been an idiot, ripping apart the skin on his arms, no-one had asked. If they did then they’d swallow any bullshit answer he gave to them.

In the end they didn’t ask so he didn’t tell.

Somehow that made him feel worse, thinking that no-one even cared enough to ask again, to prod and question, to make sure he was okay.

Jack sighed and dragged himself out of the bed. This wouldn’t help him. Remembering what he’d done wouldn’t get him through the school day. Imagining someone finding out and giving a shit wouldn’t do a god damn thing. The bottom line was that he carried on no matter what.

After all, he’d been doing it fine until now.

 

Ray woke up in a foreign bed with a warm body next to him. For a moment he was disorientated, freezing in place as he tried to figure out just what had happened. The bed was warm and comfortable, the sheets felt much nicer than the ones at home did. The ceiling was a pale blue, despite the pale colour a stark contrast to his own cream ceiling.

But the most surprising thing was the body next to him. Ray hadn’t shared a bed with anyone for years, since he was a kid way before it meant anything. But the man next to him was most definitely there.

When the memory finally washed over Ray he blushed for a moment. Suddenly he remembered quite why he was in bed with another person. And why they were both naked.

When Ray finally came to this conclusion he just lay there for a few moments, revelling in the memories of the previous night. He then realised that the man next to him was still asleep and this would be a perfect time to sneak out, to never talk to the man again.

Well, it would be perfect except that he’d have to see the man at school. Ray wrinkled his nose at the thought, slowly shuffling to the edge of the bed. Every time they passed in the corridor Ray would just remember this, what had happened between them.

He didn’t even want to think about his drama lessons.

“You leaving already, R?”

Ray jumped a mile at the noise ad spun around to see the man in the bed looking at him, a half smile on his face.

“What if I am?” Ray asked cockily. The man simply walked over to him and stood over him.

Ray suddenly remembered how much taller J was, how much stronger he was and just how Ray compared to him. But after a moment of regarding the boy the man merely bent down and drew him into a kiss. Ray couldn’t help the squeak that escaped him but it was quickly smothered as the man continued to kiss him.

They broke apart after a moment and the man took the opportunity to drag Ray back to the bed, intent obvious in his eyes. Ray hesitated for a moment and the man noticed, freezing in place.

“You alright R?”

“Yeah J, just-” Ray shrugged, trying not to let his nervousness show. But then he met J’s eyes and smiled up. “It’s nothing.”

J grinned widely and brought Ray crashing back down onto the bed, towering over him.

“Good.”

Ray quickly forgot his nervousness as hands roved across his body.

When they were done he lay there, finally sated. Dimly he thought about how he’d had the luck to end up here. Last year he’d been the introverted nerd with a few friends and no chance at a love life. Now? Well, this year was certainly going to be different.


	2. Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Beginning  
> The point in time or space at which something begins.  
> It's the first day of term. Nothing could possibly go wrong. Probably.

When Ray finally stumbled into school he was ten minutes late and Michael was pissed off. Neither of these events were uncommon.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Michael hissed at the still slightly red faced Ray. Ray flushed slightly before responding, not quite meeting Michael’s eyes.

“Slept in.”

Michael narrowed his eyes at the boy, not believing him for a second. He noticed Ray shift uncomfortably, pulling on his collar a bit and wincing. Michael’s gaze landed on a red mark and he started laughing. The teacher, Burns, stared at the pair in annoyance.

“Hey Jones, wanna share that with the class?” Burnie asked, obviously annoyed at the boy’s antics. Ray glared at Michael who simply turned to reply to Burns.

“Not really sir.”

Burnie glared at the pair for a second and Ray winced, he was a good teacher and Ray really did not want to get on his bad side. He got scary sometimes.

“Okay class, we’ve got a new student here with us today. Gavin?” Burnie half turned so that the boy in the corner could step forwards. His hair was windswept and his face was feminine, green eyes scanning the classroom frantically. They settled on Michael for a moment. Michael glared back and Gavin’s eyes quickly moved away.

“Well Gavin, where do you want to sit?”

 

Gavin looked around the room nervously. He had really not expected this. He thought he’d go into the lesson with the rest of them, just slip in and not be noticed. But instead he’d been brought into the lesson early to talk to Burns and then introduced to the entire class.

Gavin would have really preferred his option.

But there he was, stood in front of a group of teenagers who looked like they wanted to eat him alive. Now he had to decide which person looked least likely to rage at him for the next year.

 

Michael realised, with a mounting horror, that there were only two empty seats in the class. One, right next to him and one across the room. Michael met Gavin’s gaze for a moment and cursed. He didn’t want the fucking newbie to sit next to him. Gavin glanced at him again before making his choice.

Michael breathed out a sigh of relief as the seat next to him remained empty. He barely stifled a laugh as he caught sight of Gavin’s backpack. What a pretentious prick.

“Now then class, this year we’re starting with a Shakespeare play.” As Burnie spoke he pulled the book out of his bag and Ray begrudgingly did the same. Next to him he saw Michael staring at his neck.

“So Ray, you got yourself a girl?” Michael whispered. Ray flushed scarlet and Michael snickered. Ray turned on Michael

“Michael I swear to god-” Whatever Ray was about to say was cut off as Burnie called on Michael, obviously annoyed they weren’t shutting up.

“Mr Jones, do you have your book?”

Michael thought for a moment, rifling through his bag before shaking his head.

“Can you give the class a brief summary of the book?”

Michael wracked his brains. He hadn’t read it but he’d read a summary. Now he just had to remember it.

“Uh-” Michael said, wracking his brains. “The lion king?” the new guy, Gavin, started sniggering which Michael glared at. It wasn’t exactly a good joke, asshole.

“Well, someone’s obviously read up on it.” Burnie said sarcastically. Michael slumped back in his seat and glared at Ray who was chuckling.

“Oh fuck off Ray.”

“Dude, I didn’t say anything.”

Michael glared down at the book in Ray’s hands; Hamlet. He’d been studying it for less than five minutes and he already hated it.

 

Ryan felt something hit the back of his head. He ignored it. Something else hit him, harder this time. He ignored it again.

Rather than looking back he stared at the book in front of him. Whoever made Statistics should be killed, slowly and painfully. As Ryan began to imagine this something hit him again in the back of the head.

Ryan whirled around and saw Geoff sat behind him grinning, next to Jack who was staring down at his book despairingly.

“Hey.” Geoff said, grinning at Ryan. Ryan glared back at him and turned around, determined to actually figure out what the hell he was meant to be doing.

But Geoff was insatiable and when Ryan felt something else hit his head he turned again.

“What do you want Geoff?” Ryan whispered, trying to make sure the teacher wouldn’t hear. Geoff seemed to have no such qualms as he replied loudly.

“What’s the answer to the first one?”

“Geoff, we’ve been here for half an hour. What have you been doing?” Ryan asked incredulously. Geoff just shrugged, opening his mouth to respond but Jack got there first.

“Nothing. He’s done absolutely nothing.”

Geoff turned to him and frowned but Jack just glared back. Geoff held the glare for a moment before turning back to Ryan and shrugging.

“Yeah, basically.”

Ryan sighed and turned around fully to explain to the older boy just where he was going on. Sorola glared at them from his desk but did nothing to actually intervene. They could sort themselves out.

 

At lunch Gavin dithered for a moment, unsure of where to go and what to do. It had been simple at his old school; follow everyone else. He walked to the canteen, accepting a tray of what could possibly pass as food. Once more he paused this time in the middle of the room. He didn’t know anyone.

“Hey, you’re the new kid right?” a voice came from behind Gavin. He whipped around and saw a girl with fiery red hair standing there. He nodded slightly, recognising her as the girl he’d sat next to in English, Lindsay.

“You looking for somewhere to sit?”

“Yeah, I don’t know any of these bastards.” Gavin said ruefully, looking over the sea of unfamiliar faces. Lindsay smirked and nodded, leading Gavin over to her table.

“Hey guys, this is Gavin.” This statement was met with very little enthusiasm. Lindsay frowned and coughed, alerting the table to her presence. “This is Gavin.”

“We heard you the first time.” A boy said, with curly hair trapped by a beanie. “You’re the new kid aren’t you?” Michael squinted up at Gavin who nodded. “I’m Michael, that’s Ray.” He gestured at the boy next go him who was busy on his Gameboy. Ray didn’t even acknowledge Gavin which was a bit off-putting.

“I’m Geoff,” this was said by an older boy with sleepy eyes. Gavin gaped as he saw a tattoo on his right arm. Geoff didn’t even point out the stare, instead turning to the woman who was sat next to him. She had several piercings, including on in her nose. While she didn’t have tattoos Gavin could easily imagine her with some. “This is Griffon.”

“Nice to meet you.” Griffon said as Gavin sat down. He smiled at her.

“Where’d you get the piercings? They look bloody top!”

Geoff stared at him for a moment, blinking as if trying to get his brain to kick-start.

“English, eh?”

Gavin frowned before nodding and Geoff smiled lazily.

“Figures.”

Gavin didn’t have time to work out what that sentence meant before Lindsay was introducing the rest of the table. There was a brown haired boy called Miles, he had a notepad in front of him and he seemed to be foregoing lunch in favour of scribbling something down. Next to him a small scruffy kid with sandy hair, Kerry, was looking over his shoulder making small corrections.

There was an older boy with sandy hair and blue eyes. He was pouring over a script but smiled up at Gavin as he was introduced as Ryan. A petite blonde woman introduced herself as Barbra and smiled sweetly at Gavin. Gavin smiled back, perhaps a bit goofily. Geoff then introduced the final member of the table as Jack. Well, those weren’t quite the words he used.

“So Gavvy,” Geoff said, snagging a fry from Jack’s plate. In response the boy took two from Geoff’s plate. “What you doing here?”

Gavin frowned, trying to understand what the older boy meant. As he did Geoff took three fries from Jack’s plate.

“Wot?” Gavin asked after a pause, confused.

“He wants to know why you’re in the US, dumbass.” Michael griped. Gavin pouted at him which Michael just glared at. Gavin didn’t know what he’d done wrong to make the boy hate him so quickly. Really, it was nearly a record for him.

“Parents got a new job didn’t they?” Gavin said. After all, that was probably easier than telling them the whole truth.

His father had got a new job. But only after knowing they’d have to move anyway. Gavin tried not to think too far down that path.

“So you’re a Junior, right?” Miles asked, glancing up from the paper in front of him. Next to him Kerry looked up as well, catching Gavin in the cross-hairs of their gazes. Meanwhile, unnoticed, Jack took another of Geoff’s fries.

“Yeah, I think so. Your years are all spaffy.” Gavin said, not noticing the confused glances around him.

“What the hell does that mean?” Michael snapped, glaring at Gavin. His knuckles were just beginning to ache, the bruises were going to be impressive. But they did nothing to calm his mood.

“What?”

“Wot?” Michael mimicked, stabbing his food with a fork. “Speak English idiot.” Gavin pouted at that.

“It is English!”

“Hey, love birds, knock it off.” Geoff cut in, before the argument between the two lads could escalate any further. Michael glared at him before actually getting some food onto his fork. Somehow he still looked pissed off while eating. It was quite impressive actually.

Geoff took the interval to talk to Gavin.

“The grumpy asshole, Ray, Miles, Lindsay and Kerry are all in your year then.”

“Yeah, I’m next to Lindsay in English!” Gavin said, triumphantly. Lindsay smiled, being drawn from her conversation with Barbara for a moment. “So where are the rest of you?” This time it wasn’t Geoff who spoke but the beautiful woman by his side.

“We’re all Seniors.”

“So, you’re seventeen?” Gavin asked. Geoff and Griffon looked older somehow. Maybe it was just the tattoos and piercings. But at Gavin’s question Geoff’s sleepy eyes flicked up to fix the boy’s own gaze.

“They are. I’m eighteen.” Geoff said levelly, keeping eye contact with Gavin. Kerry brought his head up and paused, eyes flickering between Geoff and Gavin. Gavin frowned. It felt as if he’d touched a nerve but he didn’t quite understand.

“Early birthday?”

“Nah, June.”

Gavin frowned and half opened his mouth. Before he could get anything out Michael snapped again.

“Why are you so fucking nosey? What even is that?” Michael gestured at Gavin’s nose and the Brit frowned.

“It’s my nose boi!”

“I’m not your boy.” Michael said grumpily. Ryan, watching the exchange, lifted an eyebrow. It wasn’t like Michael to snap this quickly. Michael’s parents must be having a bad day. Ryan sighed at the thought.

They’d caused Michael so much heartbreak over the years but he took it without question, without complaint. Really it was no surprise that every so often he raged and attacked people.

Michael was convinced it wasn’t their fault. Ryan didn’t try to add his opinion. All he understood was that it was complicated, made messy with love and memories of years past.

Griffon glared at Michael, in her mind a bad day was no excuse to be cruel to the Brit. She then smiled at Gavin and drew him into a conversation. Michael sulked on the outskirts, still stabbing away at his food.

About ten minutes after that Kerry shoved whatever he was doing back into his bag and started to talk to the others at the table as well. Five minutes after that, Ryan sighed deeply and put down his script, leaning over and taking the Gameboy from Ray.

“Hey! Give it back Ryan! I nearly got Mew!”

Gavin giggled at the ridiculous scene, the larger boy holding the Gameboy over his head as Ray tried desperately to drag his arm closer.

“Ray come on now, can’t be rude with our guest here, can we?” Ryan asked, in a voice that was tinged with laughter as he watched Ray struggle. Ray huffed, crossing his arms before moving back to Gavin.

“Do you game?”

“Yeah!”

“What do you like?” Ray asked curiously. Gavin paused for a moment before responding.

“Halo, it’s pretty top!”

“Top, what the hell does that mean?” Michael snapped.

“Top! Tippy top!” Gavin cried out, feeling smug as Michael’s face got more and more frustrated. “Come on boi!”

“I told you. I’m not your boy.”

“Geoff, you like Halo don’t you?” Ray asked, smirking at Geoff. Geoff glared back.

“Go fuck yourself Ray.”

“Why would I need to do that? Got someone to do it for me now!” Ray smirked at the confused looks around the table. Michael rolled his eyes, knowing what was coming next. Ray never could resist surprising the others.

“What’s the dicks’ that mean?” Geoff asked, confused.

In response Ray just pulled down top slightly, letting the hickeys from the previous night into the open.

The change of atmosphere was immediate. Barbra and Lindsay stared at Ray in disbelief, he tried not to be too offended by that. Miles’ jaw was hanging open. Geoff was smirking and, of course, taking the opportunity to take more of Jack’s food.

At this point he wasn’t even eating it, just shoving it onto Griffon’s plate. But really, it was the thought that count.

But the biggest change had come over Ryan. His hands, hidden under the table, had curled into fists and his jaw had set. He didn’t know why it affected him so much but it did.

“Who the hell are you hooking up with Ray?” Michael asked, in a much more pleasant tone than he’d had for the rest of the meal. Ray smirked at him before readjusting his shirt.

“Why’d I tell you that?”

“Oh come off it! I’ve been your friend for fucking years!” Michael all but cried out angrily. “At least give me a name!” Ray smirked at him before relenting.

“J.”

“That’s dumb as dicks. Who calls their kid Jay anymore?” Geoff asked, grumpily as Griffon returned some of the stolen food to Jack’s plate.

“Who names their kid Geoff?” Ray sniped back. Geoff glared at him before responding, with an equally cutting comment.

Ray watched the conversation devolve into an argument over just who J could be, smirking. He had no intention of telling them who J was quite yet. Or maybe ever.

As Ryan followed the conversation he was on edge and he didn’t know why. That bothered him more than anything else. There was no reason for that kind of reaction. Every few moments he glanced at the clock and was thankful as the clock ticked forwards. He had somewhere to be.

“Hey Jack, you coming?” Ryan asked suddenly, standing. Ray took the opportunity to grab his Gameboy back. Ryan raised an eyebrow and Ray sighed, stuffing it back into his bag. Kerry, Miles, Barbra and Lindsay all stood as well.

“Where you going?” Gavin asked, curiosity piqued.

“There’s a play we’re interested in. Today is just the basics really. Wanna come along?” Ryan asked genially. Gavin frowned for a moment, thrown.

“What is it?”

“It’s this British play actually, you might have heard of it.” Jack said, grabbing his bag. Geoff took the opportunity to grab the cookie that Jack had left and stuffed it into his mouth. Jack glared at him and Geoff returned it with a shit eating grin.

“What’s it called?” Gavin asked curiously. He hadn’t been into theatre in his old school but it hadn’t been a big thing. But from what he’d heard it was a very big thing over here. He’d seen pictures of past productions smattered through the halls. The range was interesting, a picture of Hamlet right next to a picture of the car from Grease. Gavin wondered what kind of play this one would be.

“History Boys, it’s an Alan Bennett play.”

Gavin shrugged.

“Never ‘eard of it before.”

“Ah well, long shot. If you want you could come with us.” Ryan asked, a note of pleading entering his voice. Gavin shook his head and Ryan sighed before nodding. It had been a long shot.

Ryan walked off with the others and they’d gotten to the door before Ray caught up with them.

“Uh sorry- I- can I come?” he asked, hopefully. He knew that J would be there, he’d idly mentioned the play but it was only when Ryan had named it that Ray put it all together. Ryan glanced at him curiously before nodding.

“The more the merrier I guess.”

 

Michael stood outside his door, chewing his lip. Michael didn’t like going home. Normally it was fine, he’d just slip up to his room and avoid his parents. But that didn’t always work.

It was one of his mother’s ‘bad days’. He’d found that out this morning. If he was honest it was half the reason he’d attacked those boys. Michael normally made sure to not be there when the bad days happened but he couldn’t avoid this one; unfortunately it also happened to be her birthday.

So Michael dragged himself home and hesitated as he watched his mother. She strode across the kitchen, daring anyone to stand in her way. Michael didn’t move for a moment, saddened. He didn’t bother trying to help her.

She owned the kitchen in moments like these, movements so similar to those that used to be. Michael swallowed around a lump in his throat at the thought.

Once upon a time his mother had been a source of comfort, of strength and safety. Now, well, now he could barely look into her eyes.

On her bad days Michael didn’t even dare talk to her, knowing how she could lash out at something innocuous he might say. On those days he just let his father deal with it. He didn’t complain, even when the bags under his eyes grew every single bad day.

Michael watched as his mother dropped the bowel she was using, the pieces shattering across the floor. The shards spread out across the floor, one nearly skittering out to where Michael stood. She stared down at it for a moment before stepping over it and striding into the kitchen.

Michael sighed and rushed for his father. If he tried to step in now it wouldn’t end well for him.

“Dad?” Michael said quietly. His father turned and took in his son. “Mom’s having a bad day.” Michael’s voice was soft but in an instant his father was by his side, eyes wide open.

“Did she hurt you?” he asked frantically, hands hovering over Michael clothes, as if scared to touch them. Michael shook his head and stepped back.

“Mom wouldn’t do that dad! You know that!”

After Michael’s words there was a beat of silence as they met eyes. They honestly had no idea what the woman would do anymore.

Michael turned and ran from the room, racing into his bedroom and shoving his headphones on. In his lap his hands clenched into fists. As some means of distraction he remembered what he’d done earlier that day.

The faces of the bullies who’d been stupid enough to attack Kerry calmed Michael, remembering the crack as his fist connected with their nose, the blood that poured down their faces. He held the image in his mind, the anger washing over him.  His eyes slid closed as he tried to block out the shouts echoing through the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I think these two chapters was just a bit too sweet. So just prepare yourself, the big issues are just getting started. (Angst! Yay!)  
> See you next time.


	3. Audition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Audition  
> An interview for a role or job as a singer, actor, dancer, or musician, consisting of a practical demonstration of the candidate's suitability and skill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This contains scenes from The History Boys by Alan Bennett. I don’t own it and I know that not everyone will know the plotline but just kinda roll with it okay? It’ll all make sense later.

“It’s good of you two to help me with this.” Joel said, grunting as he tried to carry a stack of chairs to the back of the hall. Ray smirked over at Ryan before responding.

“Well, it had to be done. Someone needed to do it.”

“Are you suggesting I couldn’t do it on my own?” Joel said, as if offended. The wide smile on his face broke the illusion quickly. Ray just smirked back.

“Didn’t need to say it.”

“You know, I am a teacher. I could give the both of you detention.”

“Hey hey, when was I brought into this?” Ryan asked indignantly. “I’m just helping!”

“Fine, Ryan can go. But I could put you into detention until you leave the school.”

“Aw Joel, do you love my company that much?” Ray said teasingly. Joel just looked at him for a moment, quirking an eyebrow.

“You keep telling yourself that Narvaez.” Joel said, smirking. Ryan chuffed quietly before ducking his head and continuing to stack the chairs.

When they were done Ryan waited for Ray for a second until the boy caught up, grinning. Ryan smiled back and they fell into an easy conversation.

“Hey Ray, are you trying for the play?” Joel called out from behind him. The two boys half turned and Ray bit his lip before nodding.

“Yeah, worth a shot.”

Joel nodded, looking contemplative.

“Good luck with that then.”

 

 

“What the toss is this play?” Gavin asked, looking between the script and Ryan with an open mouth. They were sat in one of the empty classrooms, Gavin helping Ryan try to memorise a few lines. No-one else had been willing to do it for some reason.

As Gavin continued he began to realise why; Ryan was a perfectionist.

“It’s a play Gavin.” Ryan said, as if offended. Gavin looked down at the script again.

“Why are they talking about screwing the teachers?”

“It’s- it’s complicated.” Ryan said, shrugging. Gavin didn’t look impressed and Ryan scowled. “I don’t know Gavin, it’s the play.”

“What’s it about?”

“You have the thing in your hand, read it.”

“But Ryan,” Gavin whined. Ryan rolled his eyes before grabbing the script back and flipping to the beginning.

“A group of History students applying for Oxbridge. Hector, one of their teachers gropes them, they’ve just got used to it at this point.” Ryan said quickly, really hoping Gavin would just shut up.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why’re they used to it.”

Ryan rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know. He’s meant to have been doing it for years. Anyway, the school hires a new teacher, Irwin-”

“That’s who you’re trying for, right?” Gavin asked. Ryan nodded, looking down at the script again nervously.

“Yeah. He’s there to teach the kids how to write interesting essays and basically teaches them how to lie. Some stuff happens and all the kids get into their Uni’s. Then the teacher from the beginning, Hector, is killed in a motorbike accident. Irwin gets paralysed and the play ends.”

“Doesn’t sound cheerful.”

Ryan chuckled at that slightly.

“Just wait until you hear about Posner.”

“What does that mean?”

“Posner, he’s one of the boys.” Ryan flicked the script to the end before reading out a part of the final speech.

“He lives alone in a cottage he has renovated himself, has an allotment and periodic breakdowns. He haunts the local library and keeps a scrapbook of the achievements of his one-time classmates.”

“Sounds bloody depressing.”

“Yeah, I think Kerry’s trying out for Posner.” Ryan snorted slightly at that. “Miles is trying out for Dakin.” Taking in Gavin’s confused face Ryan quickly explained. “Posner’s got a crush on Dakin. Don’t know if you’ve noticed but Kerry’s head over heels for Miles. So’s Miles but they don’t know it.”

“Aren’t you going to tell them?” Gavin asked curiously. Ryan snorted and shook his head.

“No way, they can figure it out on their own.”

“How long have they been like that?” Gavin asked curiously. He was still getting to grips with all the students, not quite knowing where he stood with all of them.

Overall he seemed to fit in quite well. Geoff had taken a liking to him, bullying him constantly. Ray, Ryan, Jack and Lindsay all seemed to warm to him quickly. Miles, Kerry and Barbara seemed to have nit really decided but that was fine.

Really Michael was the only problem.

“Ages now. I sometimes think we should just throw them into a hole and wait until they sort it out.” Ryan was busy flicking through his script as he spoke and so didn’t notice the look on Gavin’s face.

“Bloody hell Ryan!”

“What? It would be a lot quicker than just waiting.”

“Has anyone told you how creepy you are Ry?”

Ryan sighed deeply, looking off into the distance for a moment. He was trying hard to keep a straight face as he whispered.

“More times than I can count.”

Gavin shifted uncomfortably and Ryan chuckled.

“Come on, let me run through this one more time, okay?”

 

 

Geoff took in the state of the bathroom and groaned, groggily. He blinked trying to piece together what had happened, why he was on the floor of the bathroom when he should be- where should he be?

A small cough from above him caused him to whip his head upwards and he groaned. The sight of Jack’s unimpressed face met him and the groan increased.

“Stop being a baby.” Jack chided, pushing a glass of water and a pill towards Geoff. The older boy turned to the side slightly, wincing at every movement, and downed the glass.

“Wha-” Geoff attempted but his mouth felt sticky, as if it was filled with cotton wool. Jack sighed and stood up, re-filling the glass from the tap before taking a seat again.

“We were meant to be doing homework. Or did you forget that?” Jack’s voice was a mix of annoyed and tired. Geoff winced a bit, he was doing this to Jack too often.

“Sorry dude.”

Jack sighed and nodded, holding out his hand for Geoff.

“It’s just about Saturday now. Griffon called, said she’s stuck for the day. She’ll be back on Monday though.”

Geoff nodded groggily, suddenly realising that outside the windows the sky was black.

“What’s the time?”

“Half one?” Jack guessed. He’d learned a long time ago that brining a watch to look after a drunk Geoff was not a good idea. Bringing anything apart from water, painkillers and a bucket wasn’t good actually.

“Why’re you here?”

“Because I’m an idiot. Why did you do it this time Geoff?”

Geoff shrugged and Jack sighed, obviously irritated. Geoff was doing this all too often now, drinking himself into a stupor which Jack then had to clean up after him. Jack was getting tired of it but he couldn’t stop himself from helping, Geoff was one of his oldest friends.

Jack pulled Geoff into his bed and watched over him until the older boy was asleep. It didn’t take long. Jack then grabbed a bucket and put it next to the bed, poured a new glass and put it next to a fresh painkiller on the side.

He then walked back to the bathroom and made a face as he realised how much of a mess Geoff had actually made.

 

Ryan stood on the stage, trying not to be freaked. He’d been working hard on his script since he got it, the first day back. A week later and he still wasn’t sure about it. But he didn’t get time to debate. He was trying out for Irwin, a new teacher at the school.

Ryan stepped out onto the stage to stare down at the three teachers auditioning them. There was Heyman, the head of department. Then there was Johnson, Ryan’s old drama teacher. The final person was Kara, the beyond stressed assistant to Hullum.

All in all Ryan was in pretty good standing to get a good part. Johnson had been the one to persuade him to audition, Joel seemed to have taken a liking to both Ray and Ryan very quickly and Kara had seemed to develop a similar one.

But even with this Ryan was still nervous, not helped by how Johnson was tapping away at his phone or how Kara was scribbling on a piece of paper.

 “Okay, Ryan go from the top please.” Mr Heyman said in a bored voice. He seemed permanently bored so Ryan didn’t take it as a personal offence. The teacher was weird in all honesty and Ryan didn’t quite know how to handle him. Johnson put down his phone and nudged Kara gently, making the woman jump before stuffing whatever she was working on back into the folder she seemed to bring everywhere.

Ryan took a deep breath to settle himself before he started. Lindsay offered him a small smile which Ryan returned warmly. They’d been friends for a long time, before Ryan really knew Michael or Ray. Ryan had finally managed to convince Lindsay to try out for a part; Mrs Lintott the history teacher.

“Posner came to see me yesterday. He has a problem.”

“No nickname, but at least you get their problems. I seldom do.”

As soon as Lindsay had finished speaking to Ryan Kerry appeared on the other side of the stage, trembling slightly. Ryan winced, the kid was shy at the best of times.

“Sir, I think I might be homosexual.”

“Posner, I wanted to say,” Ryan said, turning back to Lindsay. “You are not yet in a position to be anything.”

“You’re young, of course. I never had that advantage.” Lindsay said, ruefully.

“I love Dakin.” Kerry blurted out, almost before Lindsay had even finished speaking. Kerry knew this wasn’t going too well. He was gripping his script too tight, hand shaking slightly.

As the scene continued Kerry kept on trying to relax but nothing he did could make him loosen his death grip on the script. By the time their section was complete Kerry wished the ground would swallow him whole.

There was a pause following the final words before one of the teachers started clapping. Ryan turned slightly to face him and smiled.

“That was wonderful, all three of you.” Mr Johnson said, stepping up to the stage. He walked up to Ryan and put his hand on his shoulder. Ryan smiled slightly, looking at the other two teachers. Heyman seemed happy with the performance, scribbling a few things down on a piece of paper.

Unfortunately, to Ryan, it seemed to be some kind of doodle rather than actual notes.

“Now then, we need to finalise a few things but I think you’re all in good standing to get the roles.” Kara said warmly. Ryan ducked his head, heart pounding. Last year he’d got a secondary role after whiffing his audition. It hadn’t been that bad but it had been disappointing after spending so much time getting excited for it.

Getting a role as major as Irwin would be amazing.

With that thought he dismounted the stage and walked over to Ray who had decided to tag along to the rehearsal.

“Told you it would be fine.” Ray said smugly, smirking.

“Whatever.” Ryan said, grumpily. Ray smirked and left Ryan to talk to Lindsay as Ray pulled out his phone.

As they walked away from the studio Ray started typing away at his phone quickly, a smile spreading across his face.

“Who you texting Ray?” Lindsay asked curiously.“Oooh!” The Girl’s face lit up as an idea occurred to her. “Is it J?”

Ray nodded and Lindsay cooed, gaining a glare from Ray.

“Little Ray’s got a crush?”

“Piss of Lindsay.” Ray said, still smiling faintly. As Lindsay continued to talk about J, or rather Lindsay tried to talk about it and Ray refused, Ryan felt a shock of envy race through him.

Ryan’s face fell and he shook his head, internally berating himself. He didn’t have a crush on Ray. He’d been being ridiculous last year, overthinking his feelings for the younger boy.

He most definitely did not have a crush on Ray. As Ryan saw Ray smile again he groaned internally. He might be just a little bit screwed.

 

 

When Geoff was awake again he was conscious enough to be embarrassed about what he’d done. Jack shouldn’t be cleaning up after him but the boy did, time and time again no matter what Geoff said.

Sometimes Geoff just wished the boy would leave, leave Geoff to deal with the consequences. But that was, after all, how Jack normally found him, drowning in his consequences. The irony, of course, was that he had been trying to down something else entirely.

Geoff walked into the living room and smiled faintly as he saw Jack playing on the X-Box. Or rather, getting his ass handed to him.

“You’re shit at this.”

“And you’re shit at holding your drink.” Jack retorted instantly. Geoff twisted his face. He could handle his drink perfectly well. He had the highest tolerance of anyone he knew. It was just he had more alcohol than he had tolerance.

“Where did you even get the booze?” Jack asked, not taking his eyes off the screen. Geoff hesitated for a moment too long and Jack, taking advantage of a respawn screen, turned to glare at the older boy.

“A friend.”

“A friend?”

“A friend of a friend.” Geoff said, hurriedly. “What does it matter to you?”

There was a pause as they stared at each other for a moment. Jack glared and Geoff returned it. They both knew why it mattered, if Jack found out who was supplying Geoff he could stop Geoff or even stop the supplier.

Geoff knew that if he told Jack he might not be able to get alcohol until he turned legal. He was not prepared to do that.

So they remained there, in a stalemate as Jack’s character respawned and died again. Jack was the one to break it, taking a deep breath and turning back to his game.

“It’s your funeral Geoff.”

The worst thing was it might well be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, any ideas on who J is? I mean, at this point it could be anyone…  
> Also, for the History Boys stuff, there won’t be a lot of it. In my original draft there are three scenes of it. There might be a couple more but I dunno at this point. Cause somehow I’ve managed to add another 10 000 words to this story since I posted the first chapter. I just don’t know anymore…  
> See you next time. (also shout out to the ten subscribers cause, that really warmed my cold, dead heart.)


	4. Success

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Success  
> The accomplishment of an aim or purpose.  
> The parts for the play have been decided and both Ray and Ryan are happy with them. For slightly different reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to put this out a few days earlier because I found out that one of my stories (Dirty Alleys and Second Chances) hit 100 kudos which- I just don't have the words for. So, enjoy the chapter!

Sometimes Gavin hated his parents. Sometimes, being most of the time. Of course it was normal for a kid his age to say that, to scream it at the top of their lungs for anyone to hear. But most people were not Gavin.

He didn’t think anyone was.

Gavin had a special reason for his hatred, a reason he could actually use a word that strong. It hid itself well, lurking in his closet, hiding in the corners of his room and in the shadows that crawled across his skin, sinking deep and leaving purple and black reminders.

Gavin had been at the school for a week and a half the first time he got a new reason to hate his parents. He’d had a shit day, Michael was pissed at him for some reason, Gavin had got a D grade back and he’d had to sit through a lesson that he thought would be about drama until his teacher started talking about the stock exchange.

As he walked home he worried his lip, staring down at the D on the page. It wouldn’t matter. It was one test on one subject that he wasn’t even that bothered about. It shouldn’t matter. But it did.

So he stuffed the test into his backpack, making sure that his parents wouldn’t find it. He walked into the house, smiled at them and then paused as his mother beckoned him over. He felt panic rush through him before he steeled himself.

It couldn’t be that bad. And if even if it was he was Gavin Free. He could cope.

He was Gavin David Free and they couldn’t take that away from him.

But they could.

They could and they would because that was how his life worked and he bloody hated it. A letter was all it took, a letter from school addressed to Mr and Mrs Free about their son Gavin.

“We need to have a talk.” Gavin’s mother said sternly, staring down at Gavin. He glanced up and then fixed his eyes on the floor. He could see the letter on the table, knew what it meant. Of course he knew what it meant, it meant he’d fucked up. Badly this time.

Gavin glanced over to where his father sat and felt his stomach drop as he saw the glass that he was cradling, full of a dark red liquid. It couldn’t start this quickly could it?

“What is this?” his mother asked, brandishing the letter in Gavin’s face. Gavin gulped as he took in the name at the top.

“I- I dunno mum. They must ‘ave got confused.” It was a feeble excuse and he knew it. His mother seemed to know it as well as her eyes narrowed and she stared at him, distrust obvious in her eyes.

“Why is this addressed to Gavin Free? Who is that?”

Gavin gulped. See, if this was a nice happy movie this would be the big reveal, the time when he could throw off his cape and announce to the world who he really was, rip away the mask and look at the world through bare eyes again.

But it wasn’t a film, it was real life.

“I have no idea mum, honest!”

“So you’ll change it first thing tomorrow?”

Gavin nodded, making sure not to make eye contact with his father who was still staring at him, swirling the alcohol around in the glass.

“Lucy, answer me when I ask you something.”

Gavin winced at his given name but mumbled out an affirmative that was apparently enough for his mother. The first chance he got, Gavin scampered up the stairs to the safety of his own room.

When he was there he paused for a second, feeling as if he was about to break down. It wasn’t fair. Life just wasn’t fair sometimes.

Gavin strode across to the full body mirror and ripped off his shirt. Beneath the baggy fabric there was what looked like a vest, clinging to his skin, hiding the things he hated most about himself. But he knew what was under there, he knew why he wore the binder.

He wasn’t sure when he worked out he wasn’t Lucy, he wasn’t sure if there was ever a time he thought he was Lucy. But he knows now that he’s not, he knows it almost physically hurts when his parents call him that, when people mistake him for a girl.

England had been torture, everyone knew him in the tiny town. Or rather, they all knew Lucy. They didn’t realise there was a difference.

Dan had been different, he’d stuck beside Gavin all the way through, even before Gavin chose a name, forgetting names in favour of nicknames.

Sometimes Gavin was amazed at Dan, amazed that he’d been quite so receptive. Not many people were like that. Gavin pulled at the top of his binder, feeling how it rubbed against his skin. It was old and he’d grown. It wasn’t too bad, just every now and then he’d stop and focus on breathing or he’d find red welts where it had clung too tight to his chest.

The binder began to fall as Gavin tugged at it, revealing what Gavin hated most about himself.

A noise from his pockets made him jump, squealing as he grabbed his phone.

**From: Rye-bread**

**Group chat.**

Gavin smiled slightly, just like Ryan to get to the point. He rushed over to the computer, remembering just in time to drag his binder back up and throw his top on. The others didn’t seem to have a problem with that kind of stuff but Gavin didn’t know them well enough.

It was just Dan and him that knew.

It was bloody lonely sometimes.

 

Michael glared in frustration at the screen as his computer decided to be a slow bitch. Finally the group chat appeared and he was met with the smiling faces of Miles, Kerry, Lindsay, Ryan and a very tired looking Geoff.

“Michael!” Lindsay exclaimed. The other people in the group smiled, fear in their eyes.

“What’ve you guys been talking about?” Michael asked curiously. Miles shook his head slightly as Lindsay opened her mouth but Geoff barrelled through.

“Is Gavvy coming or what?”

The older boy had taken a liking to Gavin. Or rather, he’d taken a liking to laughing at the kid. With them, it was basically the same thing.

“Yeah, I sent him a text.” Just as Ryan spoke Gavin’s icon appeared; the face of a creeper. Then it was replaced with Gavin himself. Michael frowned slightly as he took in the Brit, he looked upset but he quickly hid it as the rest of the people greeted him warmly.

“Where’s everyone else?” Gavin asked, peering at his screen.

“Are we not enough for you?” Ryan asked teasingly. Gavin pouted slightly.

“Ryan, you’re always enough for me.” Gavin paused for a moment. “Gay thing.” Michael glared at him quickly, the Brit not noticing.

“Jack’s not here cause he’s got a crew meeting. Fucking nerd. Same with Griffon.” Geoff said, tone softening at the name of his girlfriend.

“Is she back in the group?” Miles asked curiously, interrupting Geoff. Geoff glared at him before responding.

“She’s my girlfriend, of course she’s in the group.”

“You were the one to kick her out.” Michael reminded him which simply made Geoff glare at his picture on the monitor. Neither Michael nor Miles actually realised who he was glaring at though, thus the unfortunate short comings of technology.

“Girlfriends stay in the group.” Geoff said, definitively. 

“Has anyone heard from Ray?” Ryan asked worriedly. Gavin frowned at the boy as he shook his head, matching the actions of the others.

“Probably being sucked off by his girlfriend.” Michael said, snorting. Ray still wasn’t talking about it but it was fairly obvious. He kept on ditching the group at random times and returned, hair ruffled and looking spaced out. It didn’t help that he then boasted about what had just happened.

None of them had managed to figure out which of the girls he was banging. It was probably someone in their year or possibly the one above. In all honesty Michael wasn’t even sure it was a girl. After the catastrophe of last year with Ryan, Michael knew Ray didn’t always swing straight. But really overall, it was impressive that Ray already getting around. Michael had honestly thought he’d be getting some way before Ray would.

He suddenly realised he was staring at Gavin and he looked away, glad that the Brit couldn’t work it out. Michael frowned, who cared if Gavin knew? It wasn’t like Michael liked him like that. Sure, he swung that way sometimes but not always. It wasn’t like he wanted to bone Kerry.

Michael scrunched up his nose at that thought, anyway there was a good chance Miles would hit him if he made a move on Kerry. The bagsie system apparently worked for hobbits as well.

Really, Michael didn’t even like Gavin as a person, let alone romantically. The Brit was just so annoying. Michael felt his fists curl up as he thought about the boy. He was frustrating, constantly thinking he was right and he didn’t think twice about hurting other people, winding Michael up or laughing at Kerry or taking Ryan’s stuff.

If Michael could do what he wanted to the boy-

“Michael!” Michael jumped out of his thoughts, probably just in time, to see Ryan squinting into the camera at him.

“Yeah?”

“Do you know who Ray’s with?” Ryan asked, with a strange look on his face, If Michael didn’t know the older boy he would have said it almost looked like jealousy.

“Dunno. He won’t tell me. Don’t worry though. He’ll probably scare off any girl pretty quickly.”

Ryan’s expression didn’t change, still with that odd look painted across his face.

“Michael, that’s not nice.” Gavin said pouting. Michael glared at him.

“My name’s Michael dumbass.”

“That’s what I said Micool!”

“Shut the fuck up Gavin.” Michael said grumpily. Gavin frowned, as if utterly heartbroken with how Michael was acting.

“Michael, my boi!”

“I’m not your fucking boy alright?” Michael snapped. The rest of the people in the group paused. Michael’s voice wasn’t taunting anymore, wasn’t joking. He was seriously angry at the Brit.

Gavin seemed to realise it at the same time, his face falling as he bit his lip nervously.

The tension was broken by Geoff as he suddenly started to laugh loudly, distracting Michael from snapping again. They all stared at him in confusion as he didn’t stop, if anything growing more boisterous as he continued.

“What the hell Geoff?” Michael eventually snapped, tired of waiting for the boy to finish laughing.

“Gavin.” Geoff choked out. Gavin flushed as he almost felt everyone turn to stare. Michael frowned and scanned the boy, looking for something funny. He didn’t have food on his face, he wasn’t wearing some kind of dumb shirt. Then Michael noticed, his face dropping into deadpan.

“You’re a fucking dumbass Gavin.”

“What?” Gavin asked, oblivious.

“Your fucking shirt is inside out and backwards. How the fuck does that even happen?” Michael yelled while Geoff continued to laugh. Luckily some of the anger had drained out of Michael’s voice, making it more of a friendly poke than an actual jab at the boy.

Gavin chuckled gently to himself and frowned down at it. He pulled his arms back into it and twisted it around, hiding the label.

“There!”

It didn’t stop Geoff from laughing.

 

Ryan wasn’t one to get jealous. At least not over petty things. Or at least he thought that until Ray started showing up with someone else’s hickeys on his throat.

He tried to persuade himself he wasn’t jealous. Just- looking out for Ray.

So Ryan persevered. Ryan tried to ignore it. Ryan tried to be the bigger man.

It wasn’t working.

So there he was, stuck watching Ray being happy.

All he had to distract himself was his theatre. It was his passion, one of the greatest sources of joy in his life.

“Fucking racist that’s what it is.” Ray grumbled, obviously upset with the part he’d been assigned. Ryan couldn’t help the little jump his heart made as he noticed who he was; he’d got Irwin. He grinned down at Ray who glared back.

“Come on Ray, you didn’t even try.”

Ray shrugged and stared at the notice.

“Akhtar, who even is that?”

Ryan shrugged. He didn’t really remember the character but it was a fairly small ensemble and the lines wasn’t distributed very evenly. Akhtar probably didn’t even have ten lines.

Ray frowned as his phone buzzed. He reached into his pocket, unlocking it. The moment he did that he blushed a deep scarlet and quickly closed the phone, staring at Ryan awkwardly.

“I’ve- uh- gotta go dude. Sorry.”

Ryan watched as he raced down the corridor, confused. After a moment he stared back at the notice and felt a tightness in his throat as he grinned. He’d got the part!

 

“Hey. Hey.”

Michael stared ahead, taking in deep breaths. Nothing was happening, he was completely calm. There was nothing that could possibly frustrate-

“Hey.”

“What the fuck is your problem?” Michael cried, turning around. He was met with the shocked face of Kerry.

“Mr Jones, don’t make me write up another detention slip for you.” Mrs Chase chastised from across the room. Michael nodded glumly. The woman was a shitty teacher, not giving a crap about actually teaching them.

But her apathy meant he very rarely got into actual trouble. Thinking this he turned back to Kerry who was now looking a bit put out.

“Sorry.”

“What the hell do you want Kerry?” Michael snapped. It wasn’t his fault, he was stressed and this was just about the last place he wanted to be.

“Are you doing anything next Wednesday[CR1] ?”

“Why?” Michael asked, confused. Kerry half turned to Miles who was actually trying to concentrate on the Physics problems in front of him.

“Do you reckon we can force Geoff to have a game night?”

“Why?”

“I dunno, it’s been a while. Also we can get the new kid to come over!” Kerry said happily. Miles glanced up, almost stumped by the question he was working on.

“Gavin? He’s an asshole.”

“Is he?” Kerry asked confused.

“He might be.” Miles said, shrugging. He was met with the curious face of Kerry and the angry face of Michael. “I dunno! He might be an asshole. He might not! You never know.”

“I know.” Michael ground out.

“What’s your problem with him?” Miles asked confused. Michael wasn’t the easiest person to get along with but he wasn’t normally this hostile. The boy shrugged angrily.

“He pisses me off.”

“Yeah but why?”

Michael shrugged again.

“Talk to Geoff but I reckon it’ll be fine.” With that he turned back, trying to ignore the thoughts of Gavin. Michael didn’t know why Gavin pissed him off but he did.

Michael glanced at the empty seat next to him and sighed. He couldn’t even talk to Ray about it.

 

Ray raced down the corridor cursing to himself, why the fuck did J think that would be a good time to meet? They were in the middle of a school day! Ray ran into the drama studio pausing as he saw the man standing there.

He half turned and smirked at Ray.

“I see you got my text.” He walked over to Ray quickly. Ray licked his lips nervously.

“What happened to subtleness?”

“Fuck subtlety.” J said, beginning to kiss along Ray’s neck. Ray blinked several times, trying to make his brain work.

“I’d rather you fuck me.” Ray managed to mumble out after several moments of concentration. J pulled back and smirked at him.

“That can be arranged, after all.” Ray’s teacher leaned into his pupils’ neck, hands beginning to drift across the boy’s body. Ray’s breath hitched as a hand found its way down to his pants. “I did get you that part.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time.


	5. Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Tension  
> A strained state or condition resulting from forces acting in opposition to each other.

Michael skulked down the corridor, a scowl on his face. His mother was having one of her bad days again, not allowing him close as she struggled to remember just who he was.

Every time it happened it made him feel like shit, feel as if he just wasn’t important. It was unfair and he knew that, she did care about him, she loved him. It wasn’t her fault.

But he couldn’t blame his father either, couldn’t even really blame the illness. He never knew who or what he could blame.

Michael heard a yell bounce off the walls of the corridor and frowned, half turning to the noise. His eyes widened in realisation and he began to run, legs pumping as he recognised the voice; Kerry.

He rounded the corner and saw Gavin and Kerry, surrounded by several other boys. Michael saw red for a moment and charged, yelling, into them. Gavin leapt back, fear in his eyes while Kerry sagged, knowing he was safe.

Within just a few short moments Gavin was helping Michael and the would-be attackers began to disperse, just in time for Heyman to stride down the corridor.

“Hey!” he yelled, catching sight of the boys running away. “Stop!” most of them did and Heyman walked over to them, glaring at them. “Office now! All of you.” His voice was curt and Kerry shivered slightly, he knew what that tone meant.

There was a rumour floating around somehow that Heyman wasn’t entirely there, with the way he seemed to just appear at the right time. He was the head of drama but no-one really knew how far those duties extended. He handpicked his classes and seemed to do no work outside them.

Some of the students said he’d been an actor who’d never made it. So he’d grown angry and was plotting his revenge, prepared to sell his soul in return. Michael thought they were fucking idiots.

Personally Michael just thought the man was insane. For some reason Ryan got along very well with him.

They reached Hullum’s office quickly and were herded into the waiting area. Heyman stepped inside to talk to Hullum first. Several tense minutes passed in silence before Heyman and Hullum stepped out again. Hullum was the first to speak.

“What happened?”

“They attacked us!” Kerry exclaimed. Immediately the room fell into chaos as the boys all started yelling at each other.

“Shut up!” Heyman yelled. There was a beat of silence before Hullum spoke.

“Free, Shawcross, Jones, my office now. Joel, deal with these ones.”

Heyman nodded and the three boys walked into Hullum’s office.

“Now then, what did they do to you?” Hullum said, looking as if he wanted the ground to swallow him whole so he wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore.

“They attacked us! We didn’t do anything sir!”

Michael and Gavin remained silent as Kerry was gently prodded to elaborate on the point. Hullum then sighed again, burying his head in his hands.

He had really hoped it wouldn’t come to this. He’d hoped Michael would be sensible enough to not fight, at least for the first term.

“Jones, I told you last time what would happen.”

Michael set his jaw, remembering just what Hullum had promised. Kerry and Gavin looked at him curiously but he didn’t bother to answer.

“Sir, it wasn’t Michael’s fault-” Gavin started but Hullum stared at him, causing him to lapse into silence.

“Gavin, Kerry you can go.”

Gavin looked up in surprise and glanced to see Kerry matching his expression.

“Sir?”

“I don’t doubt that you were protecting yourself. I don’t doubt that those boys were in the wrong, especially considering your track records.” This last part seemed to be directed straight at Kerry who shifted a bit on his feet. “I’m not going to punish you. But Michael and I need to talk.”

Gavin was slow on a lot of things but he could tell by the atmosphere in the room, the tension he could have cut with a knife, that the talk would not end well. He bit his lip for a second, weighing up the pros and cons before realising what he should do.

“Michael’s not done anything wrong. It’s- it’s my fault.”

Hullum looked up at Gavin, incredulous.

“Gavin, don’t try to protect him. It won’t help.”

Michael was looking at Gavin curiously as the Brit took a deep breath and pulled up the hem of his shirt. It didn’t rise high enough for the other men to see his binder but it did reveal something else entirely.

Gavin’s stomach was a mass of black and blue, bruises covering it. Michael and Kerry gasped as they saw it. Even Hullum looked shocked.

“It’s not the first time sir. They keep on doing it. Michael stopped himself before. Today he tried to help us. I swear that’s what happened.” Gavin glanced over at Michael who was staring at him with narrowed eyes. Gavin was spouting bullshit but the bruises were real.

Gavin really hoped that Michael wouldn’t quite be smart enough to work out what had happened. He couldn’t cope with people finding out.

“Is this true Jones?” Hullum asked sharply, staring at Gavin’s bruises. Michael locked eyes with Gavin before nodding slowly.

“Yes sir.”

“This changes things. You’re on your last warning Jones but-” Hullum trailed off as Gavin pulled his shirt back down, feeling self-conscious. “I’m going to make sure they won’t hurt you again.” He said softly, as if Gavin was a wild animal he was trying to soothe.

Gavin just smiled and nodded, glad that he’d finally been able to help Michael. They walked out of the office and Gavin braced himself for questions. When they didn’t come he was honestly surprised but incredibly relieved.

He was in no mood to talk this through.

 

Michael stared as the boy left. There was no way the boys had done that, there was far too much damage for that. But what surprised Michael even more was that Gavin had been ready to cover for him, ready to lie for him.

They weren’t close, no-where near. Every opportunity Gavin got he annoyed Michael and Michael gave as good as he got. He’d screamed and raged at Gavin while the boy just smirked back. Michael found him irritating and Gavin found him amusing, as if Michael was just some kind of toy.

Michael hated the feeling and so he hated Gavin. He put up with him because Ray, Geoff and Ryan seemed to love him. Well, Ryan seemed to be endlessly frustrated at Gavin and that made Geoff love the kid even more.

Gavin just didn’t make sense in Michael’s head. He was intensely curious but wouldn’t tell anything about himself. He didn’t care what the people around him wore but was almost obsessive in what he wore, just how his clothes fit. He was British and he could barely speak English.

Whenever Michael was around the boy he got this feeling in the pit of his stomach, like something was wrong. He didn’t know how to describe it or why he got it but watching the boy leave the feeling intensified.

 

Jack stared down at his leg, trying his hardest not to shake. There were gobbets of blood, half coagulated, which slid down his leg. He knew he shouldn’t have cut with so little time before Game night.

His jeans rubbed against the cuts painfully as he pulled them up. At the sensation he winched, the pain somehow different than it had been mere seconds before.

Anger at himself flared through him and he grabbed the blade once more. A more cognisant part of his mind screamed at him but he ignore it as he brought it down on his arm.

Three times.

Blood curled into his arm hair, clogging the fine hairs as it dribbled towards the floor.

There weren’t tears, there weren’t sobs. There was just the blade.

Jack let out a yelp of pain as the blade, wet with blood, slipped from his hands. His hand crashed into his bloodied arm and he held it close.

Instantly the calm, the disassociation of cutting vanished. Shame and disgust filled Jack’s gut as he saw blood dragging itself away from the cuts.

Jack threw his head back against the wall, not caring as a jolt of pain shot through him. How could he have been such an idiot?

 

Kerry couldn’t stop thinking about Gavin. Not in an  ‘I want to bone this guy’ way. More in an ‘I really don’t want this guy to be hurt just because I didn’t bother to ask him a few questions and have a simple conversation’.

They were very different moods.

So Kerry decided to get some answers.

When he got to Game Night he approached Gavin, trying to be subtle.

Gavin was sat in the kitchen, a coke in his hands. The lad was staring into nothing, gently biting on his lip. He didn’t notice when Kerry came in and only just noticed when the boy sat down next to him.

“Hey Kerry.” Gain said, smiling at the boy. Kerry smiled back, taking a seat and grabbing a soda from the fridge.

“I’m here to say thanks for today. You- you didn’t need to do that and I’m glad you did.”

“No problem Kerry. I’m just sorry I wasn’t much good. If Michael hadn’t come we would have been buggered.”

Kerry frowned at the word but didn’t bother questioning it. In the short time he’d known Gavin he’d learnt to not question any new word the Brit used. It probably make sense in his mind.

“But there’s something I don’t get.” Kerry said quietly, worried to be voicing his thoughts. “Those guys didn’t give you those bruises. They didn’t hurt you enough.” Kerry’s voice made Gavin’s stomach drop. He knew someone would figure it out, would figure something out at least. “Who hurt you Gavin?”

Kerry’s gaze was soft, as if he was trying to coax an answer out of the boy without alerting the boy to what he wanted.

Gavin sighed. Kerry was just trying to help. But it wouldn’t help. This wasn’t his first rodeo and wouldn’t be his last. It didn’t matter how much he tried to look after Gavin. It wouldn’t help. There was no point even trying.

“Ate absolute shit on the stairs the other day.” Gavin grinned weakly as he said it, trying his hardest to convince Kerry. The boy held his gaze for a moment before nodding and smiling.

“Be more careful next time alright? Come on. I think Geoff’s done setting up now.”

“What’re they playing?” Gavin asked curiously. Apparently Game Night was legendary among the group.

Geoff had three X-box’s, apparently for no more reason than game nights. Gavin wondered how that must feel like, being able to spend money on something so simple. More than that, the freedom of being able to do that.

“Minecraft. I was going to sit out though. I guess it’ll be Michael, Ray, Ryan, Jack, Geoff and you. Sound good?”

Gavin smiled and nodded.

“Sounds top.”

Once more Kerry didn’t bother trying to translate that.

 

Apparently letting Gavin loose in Minecraft was not a good idea.

The other five boys found this out very quickly as they attempted to play the game. Ray had some idea of how to play the game so it wasn’t too bad.

But it seemed that Gavin knew far more than the basics, if the buckets of lava he was making were any indication.

“What are you doing?” Ray asked, glancing over at their shared screen. Gavin jumped slightly and smiled.

“Nothing.” He said, in a voice that made it plain that he was lying. Michael glared at him and Gavin turned to meet his eyes.

“Hey boi.” Gavin said, happily. Michael scowled back.

“Why the fuck do you call me that?”

 “It’s a nickname Michael.”

“Why can’t you just say my name right? Jesus, can you even speak English?” Michael exclaimed and then paused, staring at the house he’d built. It was quickly turning orange as lava ate up the blocks.

“WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE HOUSE!” Michael yelled, not even bothering to try and be quieter. Gavin giggled quietly and Michael rounded on the Brit.

“Are you serious!”

The rest of the guys came over to the house and started to yell at Gavin as the lava consumed their house.

“Who burns a house down?” Geoff cried, frantically trying to dig a channel away from the house. Jack died instantly, respawning half a world away.

“Fuck this. I’m going to go build a new house.” Jack grumbled, running over to a tree. Ray watched, laughing as Michael, Geoff and Ryan ran into the house screaming, trying to get rid of the lava.

“Get rid of the source block!” Kerry called out from behind them. Ryan turned around curiously before realising what the boy meant. His characters jumped up a tower of dirt and crouched, inching closer.

Ryan let out a yelp of surprise as he fell into the lava. Instantly his screen was tinged red and his name appeared.

**BM Vagabond was burned to a crisp while escaping GavinoFree**

“What happened?” Ryan exclaimed. Gavin chuckled.

“MARK NUTT!” The Brit cried, shooting arrows wildly into the burning house, one striking Michael and killing him instantly.

That was too much for Michael. The boy launched himself at Gavin, toppling him over. Gavin let out a squeak of surprise before they began grappling, Gavin still squawking.

Miles scooped up their controllers, handing the other one to Kerry. Between the two of them they finally managed to put out the fire.

But the house was destroyed, no hope of salvaging anything. Geoff sighed, standing up.

“I’m too sober for this shit. Get off Gavin, idiot.”

At this Michael begrudgingly moved off Gavin who grabbed his controller back from Miles and set about wreaking more havoc.

 

Griffon paused as she took in the sight that greeted her. Lindsay was pressed against the wall as Barbara pushed her backwards. They were kissing, deep and passionately and neither of them could stop the small noises that were escaping.

Lindsay opened her eyes lazily and froze as she saw Griffon in the doorway. The red head abruptly pushed Barbara backwards. She looked hurt for a moment before turning and seeing Griffon.

The two girls then glanced between each other, frantically.

“It’s- Uh- it’s not what it looks like okay?” Lindsay said, almost aggressively. “We were just-” But Griffon raised a hand, a gentle smile playing across her face.

“I think I know what it looks like. About damn time too.” She walked forwards and grabbed a glass of water, smirking at the two girls who were gawking at her.

“About time?” Barbara finally got out. “What does that mean?”

“Come on.” Griffon said, still smiling. “You’re almost as bad as Kerry and Miles.” Lindsay spluttered at that but Barbara just grinned, stepping forwards and slinging an arm around her friend.

“Those two losers? Come on, no-one is that bad!”

“I thought that too.” Griffon muttered. “Remember you two, use protection.”

With that she walked out, chuckling as she heard the two girls behind her beginning to yell after her.

“What’s going on in there?” Geoff asked curiously. Griffon sighed as she saw the empty bottle he was grasping, most definitely not his first.

“Lindsey and Barb.”

Geoff chuckled quietly and put the bottle down on the table. Griffon bit her lip before putting her hand on his arm.

“Geoff, how many have you had?” Her tone was soft but Geoff still bristled at the words.

“It’s fine Griffy. I can handle it.”

Griffon opened her mouth to argue before sighing and smiling. “Okay. Just be careful.” Geoff nodded and kissed her gently before walking past her into the kitchen.

He stumbled out instantly, right after a yell from both Lindsay and Barbara.

“Uh- let’s not go in there for a bit.”

Griffon nodded and they walked back to the living room, hands entwined.

 

 

“Michael!” Gavin cried out, smiling smugly. Michael scowled. He’d managed to get an iron sword and was hunting the Brit through the digital world, intent on killing him. Geoff walked back in, still holding Griffon’s hand tight.

“Oi Micool!” Michael mocked in a high pitched impersonation of Gavin. “What the fuck happened to your voice?”

“Michael, you’re being mean.” Gavin said, smile slipping slightly. Michael noticed and he pounced on it. Finally there was something he could do to shut up the Brit.

“Oi Micool, you’re bein mean.” Michael mocked, pitching the voice higher as he did so.

Geoff sniggered and Michael saw some of the rest of his friends joining in. Gavin’s face dropped as Michael continued but the Jersey boy didn’t care. The Brit had wound Michael up since they’d first met and now it was Michael’s turn to do it back.

Geoff joined in, still in the same high pitched voice. Gavin stood frozen in place as they each began talking back and forth, mocking his accent and his voice. He didn’t care about the accent, he could handle that.

What he couldn’t handle was the pitch of their mocking voices. It was one thing he couldn’t change.

Eventually the conversation moved on and Michael felt a spike of vindication as Gavin stayed silent.

It fucking served him right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is late (sorry). Here is my excuse but it’s a bit long winded so skip if you want.  
> The first draft was 56 000 words. I’m editing that and adding to it as I go. The document I am now working on is 72 000 words. Somehow I’ve managed to gain another two chapters. Game night is new, along with a lot of stuff which is a lot sadder.  
> While I should have been writing Game Night I was actually writing a bit for a character later on. Started just a bit sad, stressed, not eating, not sleeping etc. 9000 words later and there had been three extra confessions, a fist fight and a suicide attempt.  
> I get distracted and it goes wrong.  
> Also, I don’t think any of those 9 000 words will actually make it in. (I have another document with 20 000 words that I need to decide if they make the cut.)  
> TLDR: I am a terrible person.  
> But I am a terrible person who will try to put the next chapter up very soon as an apology.


	6. Extrapolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Extrapolate  
> To infer something not known from the known facts, using logic and reason

Ray and Ryan were sat in Geoff’s hall, giving themselves a little bit of space from the noisy living room. Ryan could feel his eyes sliding shut and he yawned widely. But his yawn was cut off halfway through as Ray started laughing.

“What you doing?” Ryan asked curiously, turning. Ray was curled up against the wall, phone clutched in his hands.

“Talking to J.” Ray was smiling as he spoke, the kind of smile he hadn’t put on his face. The smile that could only come from someone else.

Ryan smiled weakly. It was great that Ray had found someone like that, someone who could put a smile on his face.

So Ryan tried to ignore the other feelings bubbling in his gut.

“Are we ever going to meet J?”

“I dunno. He doesn’t really leave his house much outside of school.”

“Sounds like you two were made for each other.” Ryan said, trying to keep his tone light. He took another swig of his coke and so he missed the curious look Ray shot at him.

“Well, I mean. He’s not good at video games.”

“Really?”

“Nah,” Ray shook his head. “Says they’re a waste of time. He’s just terrible at them.”

Ryan nodded slowly before grinning.

“It’s good to see you out.”

“What, you mean, out of the closet?” Ray asked curiously. Ryan nodded and Ray frowned. Coming out in Texas wasn’t easy. Sometimes it was fine, like with Griffon. But then there were other examples, like Ryan.

“What actually happened to you Ry?” Ray asked, timidly. He hadn’t really known Ryan when it all went down. But overnight Ryan went from a random student to one of _those_ name. No-one really knew them but everyone knew of them.

Next thing Ray knew, the infamous Geoff Ramsey had swept Ryan under his wing. No-one messed with Geoff.

“My friends found me with a guy and they didn’t take it too well.” Ryan sighed and stretched out slightly. He’d told the story enough times that it wasn’t painful anymore. He’d told it far too many times. “The next day they beat me up and I stumbled into school in the middle of a school review. It’s the kind of thing that means no-one really forgets who you are.” Ryan smiled slightly and took a swig of coke.

“Do you regret it?”

“Regret that boy? No.” Ryan broke off, frowning slightly. “But I do wish the rest of it hadn’t happened.”

“Is that how you met Geoff?” Ray asked curiously. He’d fallen into the group, knowing Michael well but none of the rest of them. He’d just about got his footing and knew them but there was still so much he didn’t actually _know_ about them.

“Yeah, I was working with some tech backstage and Griffon came to talk to me. You know she’s bi too, right?”

Ray nodded and Ryan continued.

“Well we had a quick chat and the next day Geoff just sat down next to me and started to eat my food. I think it was his way of saying hello.”

“Yeah, that sounds like Geoff.” Ray said, smiling.

A buzz from Ray’s hand startled both of them and Ray quickly unlocked it, eyes scanning through the text. A smile snuck onto his face and Ryan tried his best not to look put out. Ray had been in the middle of a conversation after all.

 

At half seven Miles’ phone started to ring and he quickly grabbed it. He groaned as he read the text.

“What is it?” Barbara asked, curiously. Miles sighed and showed her the screen.

“My mom wants me home.”

“I thought you were staying for a few more hours?” Michael asked curiously. Miles nodded.

“I was meant to. I dunno. She’s just paranoid at the moment. Mom’s right?” Miles stood and grabbed his bag. “Does anyone know where Geoff went?”

An awkward silence followed as the group tried to work it out. Miles looked around the room and saw the absence, not just of the teenager but of his girlfriend as well.

“Ah. I’ll- uh- I’ll wait here a bit then.”

“Why’s your mum so minged off?” Miles mouthed the words for a moment, forcing Gavin to reiterate them. “Why’s she so grumpy?”

“Oh! It’s not that bad, just a bit overprotective. She doesn’t agree with how Geoff lives. You know, alone in the house.”

“Doesn’t Griffon live here too?” Gavin asked curiously.

“Technically? No. But her parents work out of state most of the time. Eventually it just became easier for her to live here than get someone to watch over her.”

“That happens?” Gavin asked, eyes wide. Miles chuckled.

“Not normally. Urgh, this is so annoying. I was going to talk to Griffon.”

“Why couldn’t you do that in school?” Michael asked curiously. Miles glanced over to Kerry and mouthed something at the other boy. Kerry shook his head and Miles turned back, a smile plastered on his face.

“Just needed a second opinion. I’ll ask tomorrow.”

Michael decided not to push it.

“Does your mum do this a lot?” Gavin sat straighter as he talked. Miles shrugged.

“Yeah sometimes. Kinda makes me wish I lived like Geoff.” Michael glared at Miles and the boy immediately started to backtrack but Gavin got there first.

“Having no parents would be top.” Gavin smiled slightly, not noticing Michael beginning to bristle.

“O’ right top.” Michael mocked, smirking as Gavin’s face dropped again. “You’re a fucking idiot.”

“You’re being rude Michael.”

“O’ you’re bein’ mean Micool! Just listen to yourself!”

“Michael, is this necessary?” Lindsay asked quietly but he didn’t even acknowledge her, glaring at Gavin.

“Come off it, he’s being stupid. Go on, why the hell do you hate your parents that much?”

Gavin bristled at the tone. He had bloody good reasons why he hated his parents but he wasn’t about to tell the rude boy in front of him. So instead he went back to being annoying, knowing exactly how to do that.

“Think about it Micool!” Gavin exaggerated the name and saw Michael’s nostrils flare in rage. “You eat what you like, live how you like. No bloody punishments or nothing!” Gavin’s voice quivered involuntarily at the end of that sentence.

Michael felt anger course through him as Gavin painted the picture he’d been seeing for years; looking after himself, cooking his own food, cleaning the house, making sure everything worked. He knew just how bad that looked like.

“Are you fucking serious? You don’t want parents because they tell you off?” Michael snapped and Gavin pulled his face into an expression that pissed Michael off for some reason he couldn’t describe.

Gavin could see how angry the other boy was getting and he smirked.

“What are you, some kind of mummy’s boy? Too scared to be without your mommy?” At Gavin’s words Michael froze. He could feel the rest of the room freezing along with him but he didn’t care.

“What did you say?” Michael growled, stepping forwards. He could barely believe what the boy had just said, that the shit head was taunting him about that.

There were boundaries. There were always boundaries. No-one had ever picked on him for that, never laughed at him because of his mother’s condition. No-one had said he’d be better off without her, that she didn’t serve any purpose in his life. No matter what they thought.

Michael was so full of rage he didn’t even question where Gavin would have learned that, who would have told the boy.

He saw Gavin falter slightly as the space between them became too small, not enough to defend himself if worst came to the worst. Gavin glanced over his shoulder and took in a deep breath.

Michael was just a kid. Michael wasn’t his father. Michael wasn’t going to hit him.

But Gavin wasn’t sure. He stood his ground anyway, determined to do that until he didn’t have ground to stand.

“You’re just a mummy’s boy aren’t you?”

Gavin didn’t even feel the first punch, just felt his head smashing into the floor.

The room erupted into chaos as the rest of the teenagers threw themselves towards the fight, trying to wrench the boys off each other. Jack made a grab for Michael but then stumbled backwards as a stray arm crashed into his leg, into the newly formed cuts.

The room was lost to screams, burning desperation matched with chilling rage. The two boys clashed, screams, squawks and yells filling up the room.

But for Gavin the fight was stopped by a single noise.

Michael had one fist bunched up in the Brit’s shirt, pinching so hard that Gavin’s skin was being pulled. The other hand was raised in a punch that Gavin was frantically trying to get away from, twisting and turning.

And then Gavin heard cloth rip.

Michael’s fist sunk into his chest.

“STOP IT!” Geoff yelled, cutting through the noise.

Gavin shuffled away from Michael instantly, twisting himself to try and see what had happened.

There was a looseness around his chest that was new and uncomfortable. His shirt was tighter and Gavin couldn’t help the fear that raced through his system.

Somehow the other boy had broken his binder, ripped right through it as if it was nothing. Gavin felt his head go woozy as he tried to think what could have happened, what was going to happen, what he was going to do.

The binder had been old and had begun to break, he knew that. But it was his only one.

He had nothing else.

 

Geoff surveyed the room for a moment. Most of the teenagers had frozen where they were, all trying to pull apart Michael and Gavin. Griffon and Kerry stood next to him, Kerry having enough sense to get him. As he stared Ryan and Ray skidded into the room looking shocked as they took in the same scene.

But what caught Geoff’s eyes were the two boys caught in the centre of the room’s gazes.

Michael looked furious, face red and chest heaving as he tried to take in air. His fists were clenched and Geoff knew that the boy was all too eager to continue the fight, to hurt the Brit just as badly as he’d hurt anyone who’d crossed Kerry.

Geoff also knew Gavin had to have done something spectacular to piss off Michael.

Geoff could see that Gavin was hunched over, away from the rest of the room. Even from across the room Geoff could see his back heaving as he struggled to take in air.

“What the dicks happened?” Geoff finally said, breaking the silence.

“They- they had a disagreement.”

“A disagreement?” Geoff’s voice rose but didn’t get any louder, looking between the two boys curiously. “What was it?”

“It was- it was my fault Geoff.” Miles said quietly. “I said- I said my mom was annoying and I sometimes- I sometimes wished I was- I had-” Miles trailed off and Geoff frowned. Looking around the room no-one would quite meet his eye and then it hit him.

Parents. It always fucking came back to parents.

“Who said what?” Griffon said, stepping in front of Geoff.

“Doesn’t matter.” Michael snapped and stalked off, still pissed. Geoff sighed before helping Gavin to his feet, frowning as the Brit remained hunched in on himself, arms crossed tightly across his chest.

“Geoff, I need to go home.” Gavin said quietly. Geoff sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

“Yeah, I think Michael needs time to cool down. I think-”

“Another time?” Ryan suggested. After the sobering argument between the two boys no-one was really in the mood to continue playing. Geoff nodded and Ryan stood.

“Griffon, how many can you fit?”

“My mom will take Kerry, Ray and Michael.” Miles offered, looking guilty. Geoff wanted to tell the boy to stop it. He could imagine how the conversation had gone, Gavin was an idiot and Michael was not in any mood to talk about parents.

Miles had probably said nothing wrong.

“I’ll take the rest of them.” Griffon said, trailing a hand across Geoff’s arm in a fleeting sign of affection.

They nodded and split off, Jack catching Geoff’s arm for a moment.

“Michael’s not good Geoff. Go talk to him okay?”

 

The ride home was beyond tense. Ryan, Griffon, Barbara and Lindsay were all quiet, leaving Gavin to stew in the silence as well. Eventually it became too much for him.

“What the toss was that about? What did I say?”

“Michael has some problems.” Barbara said diplomatically. Gavin snorted.

“I saw that!”

“Don’t say that Gavin!” Lindsay snapped. “His mom’s sick. She’s been sick for years and he’s had to look after her and his father.”

“Sick?” Gavin asked, guilt rising. Griffon glanced back and sighed.

“So much for subtlety Lindsay. Yeah, Michael’s mom is sick. She has dementia and she doesn’t remember stuff very well anymore. She’s not doing well at the moment. A few weeks before school started back up she ended up in the hospital again. That’s why Michael got angry.”

“Christ.” Gavin whispered.

“Just tread carefully around him okay?”

A thought occurred to Gavin suddenly, the horror story of every family who’d suffered through Michael’s situation. “She still knows who he is, right?”

“Not always.” Ryan muttered.

Once more the car lapsed into silence as Gavin realised he’d fucked up.

He bit his lip, debating it for a second before he pulled his phone out.

“Who has Michael’s number?”

Barbara took his phone, punched the number in and returned it. He smiled back widely and then looked down, flying his fingers across the keypad.

**To: Micoo**

**I didn’t mean what I said. Sorry Boi.**

After a while Gavin’s phone vibrated again and he unlocked it quickly.

**From: Micoo**

**I’m not your boy. Learn how to spell and actually think before you open your fucking mouth**

 “Everything good?” Griffon asked. Gavin shrugged, sighing and pocketing the phone.

“He’s pissed at me.”

“That happens.”

 

 

“Michael,” Geoff said softly, approaching the boy. Michael sniffled and wiped his eyes furiously, trying to hide the tears. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Gavin pissed me off.” Michael was trying to be grumpy, trying to be gruff but he couldn’t pull it off. He was crying and Geoff had known the boy for long enough to guess why.

“What happened with your mom?”

“The doctor’s said- She isn’t-” Michael broke off, sniffing angrily, which was something Geoff never thought was possible before he met Michael. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Michael-”

“No. It’s fine. Sorry about ruining Game Night.” Michael walked off and Geoff sighed.

“Michael! You can’t just blame Gavin for this! You can’t just run away to escape this problem!” Geoff said tiredly.

“Fucking watch me.” Michael muttered, storming off.

 

 

A lot of people have bad habits. These range, some people can’t stop biting their nails and some people are literal serial killers. Geoff’s habits weren’t that bad. Neither were Jack’s to be honest.

But their habits were still terrible.

Geoff’s were loud and obvious. They hung around every drop of alcohol, calling to the boy. When he gave in he did it with other people around him, looking at him worriedly. When drunk he just caved more and more laughing at the beautiful world he saw through the bottom of the bottle.

Jack’s habits were quiet. His didn’t leap out and rage and roar like Geoff did, his habit didn’t make him drink until he threw up. His habits slipped along in the night, whispering into his ears words he’d never wanted to hear.

But he couldn’t stop them.

His habits were so quiet it wasn’t a surprise that even Geoff didn’t know about them.

“Is Michael okay?” Jack asked quietly as Geoff walked back in.

The older boy groaned and flopped onto the other couch.

“Yeah. Something’s wrong though.”

“His mom?” Jack guessed and sighed as Geoff nodded his head. “Jesus, how much longer is he meant to put up with this?”

“It’s not like he can just stop now Jackie.”

Jack glanced at Geoff in surprise at the nickname Geoff noticed and turned curiously.

“What?”

“You called me Jackie.”

Geoff frowned. “Yeah?”

“You haven’t called me that for a while. Not sober at least.”

“Huh, didn’t notice.” Geoff frowned before standing. “I’m grabbing a beer, you want one?”

Jack shook his head, alcohol wasn’t his thing. Geoff shrugged and walked off to the kitchen. Jack stretched slightly, extending his arms above his head and yawning.

It had only been a few weeks since school started but it felt more like months. The last year of high school was stressful and on top of that he had quite a big role in the play.

A smile crept over his face at that thought, he wasn’t about to fight Ryan for the limelight, Jack just didn’t belong there. Jack liked backstage, rather than standing in the limelight he just made sure his friends were illuminated by it.

“What’s that Jackie?” Geoff asked quietly.

“Jesus!” Jack said, jumping. He froze as he saw Geoff staring down at his arm.

“Did you get some paint on you or something?” Geoff said smiling. He knew just how clumsy Jack was. “Idiot. Here.”

Geoff leaned forwards and was shocked as Jack leapt backwards.

“Get off me!”

Geoff frowned, blinking quickly.

“Jack?”

Jack breathed harshly for a moment, suddenly realising he’d fucked up. Geoff was watching him through narrowed eyes, staring down at his sleeve, at a dark red stain.

“It’s nothing.” Jack growled out, sitting back down and hoping Geoff would do the same. Geoff frowned but took a seat anyway, right next to Jack.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No, it’s just- it’s nothing okay?” Jack said tiredly. If Geoff dropped it then everything would be fine, there wouldn’t be a problem. Well, no more than there already was.

Because even if Geoff never found out Jack could still feel the prickling. He’d still done it.

The cuts had been opened as he tried to pull Michael off Gavin, the thin defence being ripped away by the exertion. His shirt was sticking to the blood pooling in the small gap between cloth and skin. From experience he knew that the stain would only get worse.

“I- I should probably be getting home.” Jack muttered, standing as he did so. Geoff met his eyes for a moment, he knew something was wrong.

“What is it Jack? Tell me the truth.”

“It’s nothing. Really, you don’t need to worry about it.” Jack managed to keep Geoff’s eyes until the older boy broke the gaze.

“Okay, you want a lift?”

Jack shook his head, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“I’ll walk it.”

Geoff rose and put the beer down on the side. He had a calculating look in his eyes that Jack didn’t notice until too late.

Faster than Jack could see Geoff shot out his hand, grabbing onto Jack’s wrist. Jack let out a yelp but couldn’t move fast enough to stop his friend pulling down his sleeve, revealing the thirteen dark, deep, bloody cuts along his arm.

Geoff staggered backwards, dropping the arm as he stared at Jack in horror.

“Why?” Geoff managed to croak out. It was obviously the wrong thing to say because suddenly Jack’s face dropped into anger, the kind that Geoff hadn’t seen in a long time.

“What do you mean? Jesus, why the hell did you do that?” Jack was yelling but he could barely hear it over the hammering in his own chest. He could just about notice Geoff’s expression but all he could think was that this was it; this was the end of a friendship that had spanned more than a decade.

“Why did you do that?”

“It’s none of your business!” Jack snapped. Geoff stared at him agape as he remembered some of the other times he’d seen red stains on the boy’s clothes. Geoff felt sick as he wondered just how long it might have been going on.

When Geoff said nothing Jack strode past Geoff and when the older boy tried to grab him Jack just glared at him. Geoff met the stare for a moment before dropping his hand back down.

The slam of the door reverberated through the house, leaving Geoff just standing there. He was in shock, not understanding what he’d just seen. He didn’t know what he was meant to do so he did what he always did; escaped the problem.

When Griffon came home an hour later it was to her boyfriend lying face down on the carpet in a puddle of vomit, a half empty bottle of vodka leaking into the carpet next to him.

As Griffon ran over, swearing and yelling she didn’t even wonder why Geoff was alone, why Jack wasn’t there. She didn’t think about that until they were in the ambulance.

He’d always been there before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, things are finally beginning to kick off. And don't worry, the RnR connection will also get angst thrown their way. I'm not leaving anyone out. Because that would be mean.


	7. Disguise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Disguise  
> Give (someone or oneself) a different appearance in order to conceal one's identity.

The morning after Game Night found Gavin on his bed, staring down at his ruined binder.

Michael had managed to rip along the underside, stretching across some of the seams. On the drive back more and more of the stitching had come undone until it was practically useless.

Gavin could try to fix it with sewing but he knew it was pointless. The binder was broken.

He felt his head fall and didn’t try to fight it, too busy trying to work out what the hell he could do.

What had he done before? Gavin wondered, trying to remember. His binder had been bought years before by Dan, the only person Gavin could trust with his secret.

He walked over to his chest of drawers, staring over the bras, trying to think frantically. He would use a pair of sports bras but they were in the wash after he split tea all over the room. His parents had been pissed at him for that.

Gavin shifted slightly, feeling the bruises on his stomach once more.

Nothing in the drawer offered him a solution. But he did have another option. Gavin debated for a second before sighing.

The Brit pulled on a shirt and slipped down the stairs, into the utility. He grabbed what he was looking for and scurried back up the stairs. In the kitchen his mother moved and he froze, before running the rest of the way up the stairs.

Once more in front of the mirror Gavin looked down at his find; a roll of duct tape. He chewed his lip for a moment in indecision. He’d heard just what it could do, the kind of injuries they could cause.

He didn’t want to do that, didn’t want to permanently screw up his body. But then he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and blanched.

His breasts, hardly contained by the first bra, seemed to mock him. His hips were too wide, shoulders too narrow. His face was feminine and no matter what he did he couldn’t change that. He could barely pass as it was.

Michael’s voice passed through Gavin’s mind for a second, taunting the Brit and he gulped. Even if he was lucky enough to get surgery it wouldn’t change what his voice sounded like.

He couldn’t change who he was.

The tape scratched loudly as it was unwound. Gavin slipped off the top and threw it to the ground. He kept the bra on, just in case he had to take off the tape.

Gavin turned to face the mirror straight on, bringing the duct tape up to his chest. Once, twice, three times around.

Then he just looked at himself. There wasn’t much left to cover, the tape having done its work.

One more good thing about the tape was that it covered the ugly bruise Michael had left. Gavin already had more than enough of those.

He pulled on a shirt, wincing as he tried to take a breath. The tape hurt like crazy, pulling on his skin and it felt as if it was crushing his ribs. But he couldn’t do anything else. He couldn’t even imagine going to school without them, they’d stare at him.

Michael would stare at him.

Gavin knew Michael hadn’t meant it, didn’t know about Gavin’s voice. But the comment had hurt, he’d felt the wind rush out of him as Michael laughed. When the others joined in Gavin could do nothing more than stand there as Michael mocked his voice.

He knew it would happen, knew that was one of the issues with not having hormones. But he’d hoped it wouldn’t be Michael who picked up on it.

From what Gavin had seen the boy was nice. He was fearlessly protective of Kerry and wasn’t afraid to stand up to anyone talking shit about his friends. The fact that Michael’s mother was sick explained a lot in all honesty.

Whenever Gavin saw Michael the boy looked furious and despite everything Gavin couldn’t help the feeling that had begun to form in his stomach.

If he didn’t know better he’d think he liked Michael.

Despite being ninety percent certain Michael was straight Gavin couldn’t quite keep his eyes off the boy. Worse than just being straight and stupidly attractive Michael was also probably banging Lindsay if their glances at each other were anything to go by.

Gavin heaved a sigh, wincing as the tape seemed to tighten around his chest. Sometimes life really seemed to hate him.

 

When Gavin arrived at school his friends were huddled in the corridor whispering to themselves. Gavin walked up and they glanced up, pausing for a second.

Gavin gulped, worried that they’d noticed, that somehow they knew. But then Barbara stepped forwards and began to speak.

“Gavin, have you heard about Geoff?” her voice was soft and that freaked Gavin out. Barbara was never that quiet. Something was wrong. Gavin shook his head and watched as the others shared a glance.

“He’s in hospital.” Miles muttered, next to a red eyed Kerry. Gavin felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him and he slumped slightly, glancing between his friends quickly.

“Is he okay?”

Michael shrugged, face set, staring at the Brit.

“He drank himself into a stupor last night. He- he could have killed himself. He’s in hospital right now for alcohol poisoning.”

“How did he even get the stuff?” Gavin asked, shifting slightly. His chest hurt and he was doing his best to ignore it. It wasn’t going too well.

“He’s got a dealer and- shit, this is just-” Ryan couldn’t even finish his sentence, pulling a hand through his hair in distress. “I knew he had a problem but this is just-” he trailed off again, shrugging.

“Wait, where’s Jack?” Gavin asked, suddenly realising who was missing. The group threw a glance around themselves, as if looking for their lost member. Ryan was the one to speak up first.

“We don’t know. Griffon tried to call him last night but he didn’t respond. He just refused to take the call. He hasn’t shown up for school yet either.” Ryan sighed. “We think he might have had an argument with Geoff but we don’t know.”

“What the bloody hell do we do now then?” Gavin asked, a tinge of desperation in his voice. A voice from behind him made him jump and then twist to take in Mr Heyman, standing behind the group.

“You get to lessons. You’re already late.” His voice had a touch of humour in it as he took in the teenagers staring up at him in what was approaching fear. Glancing between each other they nodded and began to file off but Heyman snaked his hand out and grabbed Ray’s shoulder.

“I’d like to have a word with you Narvaez.” Ray gulped and nodded, an odd expression crossing his face that Gavin didn’t have time to interpret. “Don’t worry, it’ll only take a moment.”

The student and teacher began to walk off and Gavin quickly attached himself to Ryan and Lindsay as they walked in an approximation to the room for Gavin’s English. He didn’t feel like walking alongside Michael who was still glaring at him.

“Hey Linds, you’re coming to the rehearsal tomorrow, right?” Ryan asked, obviously trying to move on from the topic of Geoff, hoping to get his mind away from it as well.

“Yeah, got the part didn’t I?”

“You got a part?” Gavin asked, surprised. His friends hadn’t really stopped talking about the play even though the performance was months away. Apparently they were all into theatre in a major way. Lindsay nodded happily and Gavin grinned, feeling the tape constrict again.

Ryan noticed the small wince and frowned slightly but didn’t make a comment.

“I got the history teacher. She’s awesome.”

Gavin nodded distractedly, trying to draw in a breath. He hadn’t had to wear tape in a long time and he was convinced it hadn’t been this bad, hadn’t made it feel like he was struggling to breathe. But he didn’t even consider taking it off as he walked into his next class.

 

Ray and Michael sat in English, staring off into nothing. It was hard to believe that Geoff was in hospital.

They all knew he drank, he didn’t exactly keep it a secret. But none of them thought he’d take it that far.

Neither of them were in the mood to be studying Hamlet. But Burns didn’t seem to agree.

“Okay, groups of four. Ray, Michael go with Lindsay and Gavin. Chris, Aaron-”

Michael didn’t hear any more as he turned to glare at Gavin. The boy was staring off into the distance, unseeingly. As Michael watched Gavin began to scratch at his chest, closing his eyes as if in pain.

Lindsay slid into the seat across from Ray, dragging Gavin into the one across from Michael. Gavin seemed to notice this a moment too late and made as if to move but Lindsay just pushed him back.

“So, Hamlet right?” Ray said dryly, noting the tension around the table.

“What the fuck are we even doing?” Michael growled out. “Geoff’s in hospital and we’re just sitting here!”

The rest of the group was quiet for a moment. None of them really had anything to add. At the end of the day their friend was in hospital and they couldn’t help him. Gavin was the one to finally break the silence, much to the surprise of Michael.

“It’s not going to help sitting around here whining. Geoff’s in hospital and we’re here. It bloody sucks but it is what it is.”

Michael did a double take at that. Gavin actually seemed to be taking something serious, seemed to be caring about someone other than himself for the first time since they’d met.

“What are we meant to do then?” Michael asked, some of the hostility dropping away. Ray and Lindsay exchanged glances, surprised that Michael hadn’t tackled Gavin again.

“I dunno.” Gavin said, a faint smile sneaking onto his face. “Try to do whatever the hell Burns gave us?”

“Yeah, sounds fun.” Michael said scathingly. Gavin smiled at that and pulled one of the books closer to him. There was a pause as Gavin scanned through the archaic texts, mothing some of the words and muttering them under his breath.

“Well I have no bloody clue what this means.” Gavin said after a moment, staring down at the words.

“That’s the point.” Ray said, smiling. “It’s Shakespeare.”

As the lesson continued, dissecting a conversation between Hamlet and Ophelia, the tenseness around the table began to dissipate. It was replaced with a much needed lighter air.

And as this happened Michael began to guilty about what had happened the previous day. So when the lesson ended he grabbed onto Gavin’s arm.

Gavin’s flinch only made him feel worse.

“Were you telling the truth? Did you really not know?” Michael asked brusquely. Gavin nodded.

“I swear Michael, I’d never have said that stuff if I knew. I’m sorry.”

Michael stared at him for a long moment after that.

“I jumped to conclusions. I didn’t hurt you or anything, did I?”

Gavin smiled and shook his head, swallowing the lie down. “Nah, just a bit dinged up.”

Michael snorted before walking off, Gavin close behind.

“Come on then.”

Maybe Gavin wasn’t that bad.

 

The rest of the day was filled with talk of Geoff. Griffon had come back to school after first period, saying that Geoff was alive and he’d be fine. She looked pissed as she said it though and no-one really wanted to ask more.

Jack wasn’t in school. He was just gone. None of them knew where he was, not even Griffon. She’d sent texts and calls but he’d not responded to any of them. That made Griffon all the more nervous, she knew how close Geoff and Jack were and she knew how loyal Jack was. Geoff would have had to do something terrible to push Jack away. Unfortunately Griffon didn’t doubt he had done something.

Jack didn’t actually turn up until lunch time. When he finally arrived he was grumpy and sullen. If it had been any other day they group would have stayed out of his way and done everything they could to help him. But this was not a normal day.

“What climbed up your asshole?” Michael asked, snippily. They were all on edge slightly, not sure where they stood with Geoff in such bad shape.

“Shut the hell up Michael.” Jack snapped, glaring at the boy. He glanced around the table, hostility evident in his face. “Where’s Geoff?” At Jack’s words the table fell silent. They glanced at each other before staring at Jack. He glared back, beginning to look worried as none of them responded.

“Where is he?” Jack could feel that something was wrong. He didn’t know how to explain it but the stares around the table made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on edge.

“Sweetie,” Griffon started, resting her hand on Jack’s. “He’s in hospital.” Jack’s eyes shot open in horror and he opened his mouth slightly, as if to rebuke the statement. But before he could do anything Griffon ploughed on. “He’s going to be fine. He had to have his stomach pumped. He’ll be out today and he’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

Jack stared at her, slightly shell-shocked before nodding.

“Can I- can I see him today?”

“He’s not out of the hospital yet and it was difficult enough for me to get in. I don’t think they’d let you.”

Jack nodded, eyes still blown wide. He looked as if he was struggling to say something but he frowned, letting out a deep breath.

He hadn’t been able to stop the little leap of his heart when they said Geoff wasn’t there. Not now, not when he knew the other boy was in danger. But to begin with- yeah, for a moment he was glad.

His hand ghosted along his pants, feeling the warmth from the newly made cuts.

Jack’s habits were quiet and Geoff’s habits had drowned them out yet again.

 

One of the biggest problems, Ray found, with dating your teacher is that you can’t really go on normal dates. Hanging out around school is difficult (although a lot easier since J moved into his private office). More than that, Ray couldn’t just pop into town and go to a film with J, they’d be spotted instantly.

So Ray had essentially resigned himself to quick meetings in school and evenings, cut off all too soon, at the man’s house. It wasn’t all doom and gloom, he reminded himself constantly, they had each other and they could make their own entertainment.

Ray didn’t quite know when it had happened but as time passed he’d grown more and more attached to J. At first it had been the danger that had gripped him; the forbidden line that they were racing past.

But then it started to be other things, the way J would treat Ray as if he was an object too precious to be touched. How J would stare at him, a smile playing across his face. When J would just pause in whatever they were doing to kiss Ray, just because they could.

If Ray was a more romantic he might have called it love. He didn’t actually know what to call it.

Ray was jolted out of his thoughts as his phone buzzed with an incoming text.

**From: J**

**Meet me in the carpark 4:00. Make sure no-one sees you**

“Who’s that?”

Ray jumped as Michael craned his head over.

“Piss off Michael.” Ray muttered. Miss Green, their biology teacher didn’t notice the two boys, far too intent on the lesson. Ray pulled out his phone again and tried to angle it away from Michael as he typed out a text.

**To: J**

**What are we going to do?**

About five minutes later when they were finally getting on with some exercises Ray’s phone buzzed again.

**From: J**

**It’s a surprise.**

Ray groaned. He hated surprises.

 

 

Ryan sat in his seat, trying to force himself into concentrating on Heyman. The man had gone off another tangent, this time about the issues and difficulties in actually getting somewhere in the acting business.

Another day it would have been interesting but today it was just frustrating.

Ryan wanted to learn, to involve himself so he could take his mind off his friend. But as Joel continued to talk Ryan could just feel himself sinking deeper and deeper into the thoughts that threatened to overcome him.

Suddenly Heyman’s phone buzzed and he frowned, pulling it out of his pocket.

“Talk amongst yourselves for a moment.” Heyman said, slipping from the room. Ryan frowned around the room where the class were all passing confused glances among themselves.

Ryan frowned and pulled out his own phone. Might as well spend the time trying to get in contact with Geoff.

 

 

“So where are we going?” Ray asked impatiently. He’d had to wait an extra half hour as the students continued to crowd the parking lot but he was finally in J’s car, with the man himself next to him.

“Patience R. Come on, is it such a trial to be with me?” J smiled, bending over to kiss Ray on the cheek. Ray groaned at the affection but didn’t pull away. Instead he placed one of his own on J’s cheek.

“I could be playing Destiny right now.” Ray grumbled. J just laughed.

“Ray, play your cards right and you’re getting laid, is it really that bad?”

Ray gulped slightly and J smirked at him again.

“That’s really not fair you know.”

“What?” J said, as if he had no idea just what he was doing to the teenager. Ray shifted uncomfortably and blushed as J noticed. “Ray, calm down. I’m not going to hurt you.” J nuzzled into Ray’s neck slightly, moving to nip at his ear before whispering into it. “Unless that’s what you want.”

“J!” Ray gasped out. J pulled back and grinned. Ray glared at him, coughing slightly as the car began to move again, the red light finally turning green.

“So Ray? What do you say?”

“Oh fuck you.” Ray grumbled. J laughed and Ray couldn’t stop a small smile escaping onto his own face. It felt good to have J here beside him.

It was difficult to spend so much time away from J, not being able to see the man Ray was slowly falling in love with.

Well, maybe not slowly.

J glanced over to Ray and Ray shyly smiled back. There was something about J that seemed to defy explanation. Ray could feel the world beginning to tilt, beginning to stop every time they were near each other, as if giving the pair all the time it could.

In Ray’s mind they deserved so much more time.

But, staring over at J, Ray was happy for the time they got, happier than he could possibly describe.

 

 

Gavin lay on his bed, booting up his X-Box. Dan’s gamer tag popped up and Gavin grinned, inviting him to a match and grabbing his headset.

“Hey B.” Gavin said happily. There was a chuckle from the other end.

“Hey B. You good over there?”

“Yeah it’s top B. What’s it like without me?”

“There’s a lot less explosions.” Dan was trying to be serious but Gavin could almost hear him smiling through the crappy headset.

“Being boring over there then?”

“Come off it B. Anyway, what’s it like in America?”

“It’s great actually. Got a few friends.”

“Any as good as me?”

“Course not B. Got a couple though.”

“What are they like?”

“Well, there’s Ray. He’s great at games, like scary good. He’s in my year and then there’s Ryan. He’s the year above and he’s kinda creepy but I think he’s okay?”

“You think?”

“Ry freaks me out sometimes.” Gavin admitted. Dan chuckled down the microphone and Gavin pouted. “I mean it!”

“Yeah, yeah. You met anyone else?”

“Uh- there’s Miles, Kerry, Lindsay, Barbara, Geoff, Jack and I guess Michael.”

“You guess?”

“I dunno about Michael. I think he hates me.”

“Why?” Dan’s vice grew protective and his character on the screen was suddenly caught in the crossfire, falling to the floor.

“I dunno, he just seems pissed at me. But then yesterday I really whiffed it. I said the wrong thing and he just attacked me.”

“Jesus Gav! Why didn’t you tell me that at the beginning?”

“I dunno B. It doesn’t change much.”

“Did he hurt you?” Dan asked frantically, character still down and not bothering to get up. Gavin chewed his lip gently, trying to decide what he should say.

“Not much. But- he broke my binder B.” Gavin whispered, not trusting his voice. He heard the sharp intake of breath and frowned as Dan said nothing for a moment.

“That was your last one, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you- are you going to be able to cope without it?”

“I don’t know B. I mean, I have to but-”

“B, please promise me you won’t do anything dumb.”

“What do you mean?”

“Any shit like bandages. I don’t know how bad it gets for you but those things could seriously fuck you up.”

Gavin licked his lips and sighed deeply. He didn’t want to lie to Dan but he really didn’t want to tell him the truth.

“Promise B?”

“Yeah B. I promise.” Gavin said before he could think it through.

“I can get a new binder for you B.”

“Dan you don’t have to. I can-”

“Bull B. I’m getting you a goddamn binder. Give me your address and your measurements.”

“Really B? You’d that that?”

“Of course idiot.”

Gavin smiled at the idea that Dan, from all the way across the ocean, would still help him.

 

“Really?” Ray deadpanned, staring out of the window. J chuckled and got out the car, Ray following slowly behind.

“What?”

“A café?”

“Come on, I want a milkshake!” J grinned and Ray laughed at his tone, as if he was a child again. Ray sighed and walked into the café, linking his fingers into the other man’s as they held hands. J smiled at him, the kind of smile that made something jump inside Ray.

He couldn’t describe it.

He didn’t want to describe it.

He didn’t need to describe it.

As they continued to talk the people around them moved and shifted to stare. They were in another town, far enough away that no-one would know them. But they were still watching the pair, with disgust on their faces.

The glances sent their way hurt Ray, the fact that these people were judging him, judging them, on something as small as age difference.

He stared down into his milkshake, biting his lip.

“Hey,” J said quietly, pulling Ray’s face up. Ray looked up and J smiled softly. “It’s okay R.”

“They’re all staring at us J. They’re all-”

“Fuck them.” J growled, a wildness creeping into his eyes. “We’re here. We care about each other. I lo- I like you.” Ray stared at J for a moment and his boyfriend stared back awkwardly. They both knew what he’d been about to say, what he’d been about to confess.

“I like you too.” Ray whispered, grabbing J’s hand. The older man smiled and brought it up to kiss the knuckles.

“That’s all that matters. You’re here. I’m here and we’ve got good milkshakes.”

Ray laughed at that and J smiled back, continuing to hold Ray’s hand as he pulled out his phone, snapping a picture of Ray laughing.

“Do you have to?” Ray whined. J just smirked.

“This is going to be my background.” He muttered, still not letting go of Ray as he flicked through the phone.

“Jaaayyy-” Ray whined out, pretending to grab for the phone. J looked at him in surprise and bit his lip.

“Do you want me to delete it?” He asked quickly. “I mean- I didn’t mean anything bad. I just thought-”

“No.” Ray said quietly, cutting off J’s ramblings. “I don’t want you to delete it. I just-”

“Want to take a better one?” J asked, quirking an eyebrow. Ray laughed and nodded.

“Maybe later.” Ray said, watching as J chuckled to himself quietly as he pocketed the phone. But then Ray sighed, a deep sigh that J knew all too well.

“It won’t be your background.” Ray said defeated. “Someone might see it.” J sighed and nodded gently, seeing anger flash across the teen’s face. “I don’t like this J! I don’t- I don’t like having to pretend!”

“R, I know okay? I know how difficult it is. How do you think I feel when I see you in school? I just want to be with you. I want to be able to talk to you whenever, to kiss you.” J pressed another light kiss to Ray’s knuckles and the teen sniffed before smiling. “Just a little longer, I promise.”

“How long J? I don’t- I don’t want to wait.”

“Until you graduate. I know it seems so far off but I’ll be here R. I promise.” At that J leaned over the table and kissed Ray gently. Suddenly the stares of the people around them didn’t matter to the teenager.

He had J. And J had him. That was all that mattered.

 

The next day Geoff looked like shit as he slumped into their maths lesson half an hour late. Sorola glared at him for a moment before moving on. He’d taught the boy for long enough to know when he was fighting a losing battle. Geoff laid his head down on the books and closed his eyes, fully intending to sleep. Ryan, next to him, sighed deeply. There was no way Geoff was getting any work done today then.

Geoff’s eyes shot open as a hand slammed down next to him. He glared up blearily and took in Jack. The boy looked tired and stressed, as if he hadn’t had a moment of rest since the last time they spoke.

“You’re coming to the rehearsal tonight Geoff.” Jack all but growled. Geoff opened his mouth to complain but Jack spoke over him. “If you seriously think that I’m going to let you go home alone you’re a fucking idiot.” Jack didn’t even move as Sorola coughed loudly. “We had a deal.” With that Jack stalked back to his desk, ignoring the students staring at him.

Geoff looked a bit green around the gills, even more than he had just a few moments before. Their deal, he’d forgotten it for a moment.

He knew exactly what Jack meant. The deal, their deal, was what had kept them both going when they’d wanted to give up.

They’d made it years before, snot-nosed kids who thought they could take on the world. That was before Geoff’s parents broke, before he first got his taste for drink. He didn’t know but it was before Jack fell down his rabbit hole as well, before he found the perverse joy of the razor.

They’d promised to be there. They’d promised to always be there. Geoff ran his finger over the tip of his thumb, they’d sliced them open to press them together, sealing the promise.

Geoff sank his head back down onto the books. He’d fucked up.

 

Gavin didn’t see Geoff until lunch. The Brit’s chest hurt with every inhale and he was trying so hard to ignore it. He saw Michael say something but for the life of him he couldn’t work out what he’d said.

“Gavin? Gavin?” Michael asked grumpily as the other boy continued to ignore him. “Fine, fuck you. Ray,” Michael turned to Ray who was busy tapping away at his phone. “Did you find that skull yet?” Ray looked sheepish for a moment, opening his mouth but then Gavin gave a yelp of pain as he tripped and fell.

The other two boys rounded on him, curious. Gavin just shook his head and heaved himself back up. He didn’t know why this was happening, why he was so out of breath.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He knew it was the tape, a flimsy replacement for his binder. But he ignored that. He couldn’t exactly take it off, now could he? It was the last line of defence and this was a war he was not willing to lose.

Gavin walked into the cafeteria and was shocked to see Geoff sat at the table. A grin broke across his face and he raced across the room. Halfway there he tripped and fell to the floor, feeling agony ricochet through his ribs.

A whimper escaped from his mouth before he could stop it and he staggered to his feet, ignoring the stares from the surrounding students. Geoff had stood up and was walking towards him quickly, obviously worried. Gavin smiled and took several steps forwards before dark blobs started to cloud his vision.

He had a brief vision of Geoff leading him out of the cafeteria before everything went black.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CAN WRITE FLUFF!  
> SEE! GOOD FLUFF!  
> NICE FLUFF!  
> SO MUCH FLUFF!  
> RAY IS HAPPY!  
> J IS HAPPY!  
> THEY ARE IN A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP!  
> THERE IS THE FLUFF!  
> THERE IS NOTHING BAD GOING ON WITH GEOFF OR GAVIN OR JACK OR MICHAEL OR RYAN.  
> okay well maybe there is.  
> BUT I CAN WRITE FLUFF
> 
> Okay but seriously. I'm taking part in NaNoWriMo this year. Hopefully this won't affect the update schedule (this schedule is a mess.)  
> And yeah, if anyone is curious my Nano is in fact an RT fanfic. Working title is Re-forged. You know, if anyone's interested.  
> But yeah.  
> Next chapter is entitled Truth.  
> FLUFF!


	8. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Truth  
> A fact or belief that is accepted as true.

When Gavin woke up Geoff was pissed.

“What the fuck was that?” Geoff hissed, keeping his voice down as much as he could, trying to ignore the fire flowing through his veins. Gavin blinked, confused.

“What?” Gavin tried to sit up but was immediately blocked by Geoff’s arm as the boy’s face twisted in fury.

“I said, what the FUCK was that?”

“I don’t-”

“Don’t try to bullshit me Gavin!” Geoff shouted. Gavin blinked and tried to pull back, suddenly scared of the other boy. Geoff glared at him before turning and walking a few paces, as if trying to control himself. “Why the fuck would you do that to yourself?”

“Geoff I don’t-”

“Tape. You used fucking duct tape!”

Gavin froze. Geoff was looking at him with sadness in his eyes, distraught at the thought of what the younger boy had done.

“How did you-”

“I didn’t know what was wrong so I tried to find out.” Geoff waved vaguely in the direction of Gavin’s chest. “Saw the tape and a shit-ton of bruises. No fucking clue what that’s about.”

“Look Geoff-”

Geoff overrode him. “No. No, you’re not going any further until you take off the tape.”

“Geoff I- I can’t.”

“You can and you will.” Geoff growled, grabbing a pair of scissors from the desk in front of him and nearly throwing them at the Brit. Gavin glanced around the room and was incredibly glad as he saw it was empty.

“Take the scissors and take the damn thing off Gavin.” Geoff’s tone broached no room for argument and so Gavin gingerly took the scissors.

“Turn around you pleb.”

“No way is that a real word.” Geoff responded, already half turning. He understood that Gavin had used tape for a reason, had seen enough of the reason when he tried to check the boy over. But using tape was beyond stupid. Geoff was glad Gavin had just passed out rather than broken a rib or something (and yeah, he was sure the boy hadn’t. Geoff knew broken ribs and Gavin, while probably being a bit sore, hadn’t broken anything.)

“You can turn around now.” Gavin griped, holding the tape in his hands. He had hunched over slightly, pulling his chest into his body as much as he could in a hope to hide himself. Geoff sighed and sat down, anger having drained out of him at the look on Gavin’s face.

“How long have you been using tape?”

“Not long, used it yesterday.”

“Why’d you start?”

Gavin sighed and averted his eyes. Geoff frowned at the normally happy Brit looking so downtrodden

“I’ve only got one binder. It broke.”

“Broke? How did it break?”

“Uh- Michael.”

“Michael broke your binder?” Geoff asked in confusion. The boy was aggressive but he wasn’t a dick. Most of the time anyway. Gavin shifted uncomfortably.

“At Game Night there was the scuffle. He managed to grab the binder and it ripped.”

“Jeez.”

“I only had the one.” Gavin said quietly. “Dan got it for me years back.”

“Dan knows about this?”

“Yeah. I’ve known him for years now. Do- do you want the story?” Gavin asked it almost shyly, as if he was willing to tell but hesitant to reveal that much to someone else, another unknown variable to bring into his already unstable world.

Geoff looked at him for a long moment, debating.

He was in no kind of position to deal with this kind of thing. He had issues and Jack had issues and actually the further along the year progressed the more issues he found that his friends had.

Jack’s arm, the angry red lines that seemed to attack Geoff just where it hurt, his childhood friend hurting himself. Geoff had no idea why, why someone as sweet as Jack would turn a blade on himself. He was determined to find out though.

Kerry could barely get through a day without being picked on, without being hurt because of what he liked. Or occasionally who. Ryan was beginning to push himself too far, his insomnia beginning to act up with the stress he was putting on himself. He wanted to get to college, he wanted to complete the play, he wanted to do so much and he hadn’t decided what he was willing to sacrifice to get the others. Geoff just hoped it wasn’t himself. Then there was Michael. Geoff frowned at that thought. Eh, he seemed to be doing okay actually. Considering the whole, mother isn’t going to remember him in a few years.

“If you’re willing to tell it, sure.” Geoff knew as soon as he’d said it that it was the right answer. Gavin smiled nervously and began to swing his legs nervously.

“My name’s Lucy Gabriella Free. I chose Gavin David Free though. Soon as I can I’m going to change my name.” Gavin smiled faintly at the name, the name that felt so _right._ He’d crafted each part individually, pouring through book after book until he finally decided on Gavin, white hawk. He chose David after his uncle, the most supportive member of his family stuck in Oxfordshire all too far away.

“I dunno when I stopped feeling like a girl. I was always different but my parents put up with it. When I hit puberty stuff changed-”

“Whoa, whoa,” Geoff cut him off, grinning. “Please, I don’t want details!” Gavin chuckled and glared at him.

“Piss off, you pleb. Anyway, I started to need to look different. Eventually I found out about transgender people and that caused a whole shit storm.” Gavin smiled weakly at that. “I tried to come out to my parents but uh- that didn’t go too well. They don’t really put up with things like that.”

“Is that where you got the bruises? Because they hit you?” Geoff asked it matter-of-factly, as if he’d just asked about the weather. Gavin gaped at him and Geoff shrugged. “Was it?”

“N-no it- it wa-was just.”

“Don’t lie to me Gavin.” Geoff was quiet now, with a look of melancholy on him that Gavin couldn’t stand, couldn’t even understand why it was there. “How long? How long have they been hurting you?”

“They’re- they’re not that bad.” Gavin trailed off. When he started again he was a lot quieter, knowing the gravity of the situation. “They hit me sometimes. Just when I piss them off though.”

“Just when you piss them off? Don’t make excuses for them Gavin.”

“I- I’m not trying to. It’s just-”

“No, it’s nothing, got it? It’s not your fault if they hit you. It is never your fault okay?” Geoff looked frenzied and Gavin was taken aback. Geoff never seemed this “They hit you and it’s your fault. They hurt you in any way, I mean _anything_ and they deserve all the jail time they can get. Fuck that, they deserve way worse than that. You got it? It is _never_ your fault.”

“I- I know Geoff.”

“Good. You should.” Geoff licked his lips and leant back, the emotion that had raced through him now bubbling under the surface. “How do they hurt you Gav?”

“What do you mean?”

“They hit you. But do they also just fuck you emotionally? Do they shut down anything you wanna do? Just make you feel shit constantly?”

“Yeah. My- mum does that quite a bit.” Gavin answered quietly, staring down at his crossed hands. Geoff sighed.

“Do they hurt you other than hitting you?”

“Sometimes my dad will throw a bottle or something but never on purpose, you know sober.”

Geoff closed his eyes, as if pained by the image of a fully grown man bearing down on Gavin, bottle in hand to crash against his head.

But then the image faded to be replaced by one much worse. Geoff took in a deep breath, centring himself for a moment. He didn’t want to ask He didn’t want the answer, he didn’t want to know just what Gavin had been suffering all these years. But he had to.

“Gav, do they uh- do they take- take advantage of you?”

“No! God no!” Gavin exclaimed. Geoff winced, looking far too vulnerable for an instant. It took him just a few seconds for him to recover, not enough time for Gavin to see him. So instead Geoff threw on a smile. If it was just a little weak Gavin didn’t notice.

“Trying to be helpful here Gavvy. Know you don’t get that feeling normally.”

“Aw Geoff!” Gavin pouted. “Mean!”

“Shut up idiot.” Geoff said, nudging into Gavin. “Come on, we should probably get back.” Geoff rose and stretched. “By the way Gavvy, don’t use tape again. I don’t know how bad it gets for you but it’s not worth it okay? A bit longer with that on and you’d have broken a rib or something. Those fuck you up.”

“Yeah. I- I’m not going to try it. Promise Geoff.”

“Good. Do you want me to tell the group?”

Gavin shook his head, looking ill at the very thought.

“No! No, please don’t!”

“Calm down idiot. I’m not going to. You tell them when you’re ready.”

Gavin nodded, smiling. “Thanks Geoff.”

Geoff rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

Geoff watched Gavin leave, sadness sinking into his own eyes. He hated watching other people go through that shit.

 

 

That night Geoff was pulled, literally, groaning into the theatre hall. He was flanked by Jack and Griffon who were talking over his head. When he arrived he was all but thrown at Kara to help with the props.

Jack left to go help the lighting. This was their first full run through. Their scripts were still on them and there would be a number of pauses throughout it. The audience consisted of the rest of the cast and the set creators.

Not exactly perfect.

Griffon had shown a large amount of interest in the play as soon as she heard about it. She’d read it before and was excited to try and re-create the set. She’d essentially been put in charge of the props division and she loved it.

Ryan, on the stage, was in his element. He was striding across the stage, script forgotten at the side of the stage. His low voice echoed around the hall, carrying all the authority of his character and little of the actual boy.

Geoff paused in his sloppy painting of a chair, he had no idea why the chairs had to be brown rather than the white they already were but when he’d asked Griffon that he’d found himself stuck under a glare that reminded him that if she hadn’t been there the previous night he wouldn’t have gotten to the hospital. He was getting that look a lot recently.

The characters on the stage enraptured him, watching them move across the stage. He didn’t know the play very well but as he sat back he started learning it.

It seemed to revolve around a group of British history students trying to get into university. There was the hot kid, Dakin. There was the writer, Scripps. There was the nerd, Posner. Then there was another kid, Rudge, who everyone seemed to shit on.

Geoff was kinda pissed off about that. The kid was smart but not quite smart enough. He was talented but not talented at the stuff they cared about. He was a good kid in a play based around deceiving and manipulating of everyone around them.

Geoff wrinkled his nose as he watched the boys on stage talking about the teacher, Hector, feeling them up. Geoff watched in disgust as it continued, not just with Hector but a new teacher coming in.

By the end of the play Geoff couldn’t decide if he was enthralled or horrified at the play. What he did know was that he hadn’t finished painting the chair. Luckily Geoff managed to just shove it into the back cupboard, not alerting anyone to his short falling.

He walked over to Griffon and they went home in silence. It was tense between the two of them now. Geoff knew it was his fault, knew he shouldn’t have drunk last night, shouldn’t have been so stupid to drink that much at least. She knew that too.

 

A week after the first run through Ray was worried. It wasn’t anything big, bad or scary. Just a little off putting. J had been asking him for a while to come over, to spend a weekend rather than just the night. It was goddamn tempting but it was dangerous.

Ray knew what kind of trouble J would be in if they were found out, he’d never teach again. But every time Ray raised the point J just soothed him saying he’d be the one in trouble, not Ray.

But it was getting to be too much. He just wanted to spend the day with his goddamn boyfriend without being taught by him.

_Ray sat next to J, legs swinging gently as they hung from the desk. His feet couldn’t quite touch the floor and J had laughed about that, laughed until Ray had silenced him with a kiss._

_If it went further than that then there was no proof. Apart from the smile still attached to Ray’s face._

_“R, I should get back to work. I have lesson plans to do.” J said gently, trying to extricate his hand from where it were intricately linked with Ray’s. Ray whined, pulling on his hand, not letting his boyfriend go. J frowned and continued to pull._

_A smile leapt onto Ray’s face as he began to tug, playfully dragging J back. J frowned, trying to get his hand free but Ray wouldn’t let go. J suddenly gave his hand a sharp tug and Ray overbalanced, crashing to the floor._

_“Oh shit!” J said, leaping down beside him. “I’m so sorry R, I didn’t mean to! I didn’t-”_

_Ray cut him off with another kiss._

_“I’m fine. Just a bit banged up.”_

_“Thank god.” J said, returning the kiss. He then sat back on his haunches and stared at Ray with a smile on his face. “I need to go R, I’m sorry.”_

_“You have to?” Ray said, disappointed. J sighed and nodded._

_“Look, can you come over this weekend?”_

_“J, you know my parents don’t know. You know they can’t know.”_

_“I know that. But could you tell them you’re staying over somewhere? Say it’s one of your friends or something. Please R. I want time with you.” J reached out and rested a hand on Ray’s hip, as if reaching for a treasure. “I want time alone.”_

_Ray shivered slightly at the touch, smiling at J._

_“I’ll- I’ll try.” Ray was embarrassed as his voice jumped slightly, cursing puberty. Hadn’t it done enough? J smiled at him tenderly._

_“I know you will R.”_

At the memory Ray felt his heart skip. The thought of a week with his boyfriend made his heart do far more. So Ray went to Ryan.

He knew the older boy well, had felt a good connection with him the first time they’d met. Ryan was quiet and when he spoke he was normally either really smart or really dumb. Ray had to admit, he liked that about the boy. You never knew what you were going to get.

“Hey Ryan,” At Ray’s words Ryan looked up, glancing over his shoulder at the younger boy. Ray gulped slightly. Here goes nothing. “Can you cover for me over the weekend?”

Ryan straightened fully and walked over to Ray, pausing right in front of him.

“What do you mean?”

“Uh- I wanna go see J and my parents don’t know about him yet.” Ray muttered, staring down at the floor. Ryan’s eyebrows shot up, looking at the boy in front of him in surprise.

“Why don’t you just ask your parents?” Ray shifted slightly and Ryan nodded slowly. “They don’t know.” Ryan conclude, Ray shrugged nervously.

“I don’t think they’d approve.” Ray said, laughing to himself. They’d approve of someone like J; sensible, charming, funny and clever. But his position as Ray’s teacher, the fact he was over a decade older and the fact that _technically_ they were breaking the law every time they fucked, that might put his parents off J. To be honest they’d probably be more annoyed about the fact he was having sex than the fact he was sleeping with J.

Ryan hummed, nodding but still looking torn. When he started talking again each word was slowly put together, as if testing out a new area.

“So- you and J- are you getting- you know- serious?”

Ray nearly laughed at Ryan’s expression, the guy looked like he’d never heard about the birds and the bees.

“Yep, fucking left and right.” Ray deadpanned, noticing how Ryan winced slightly. Ray frowned at that, wondering what the other boy was thinking.

“You know that you’re still underage right?” Ryan asked tentatively, grabbing for straws as to why he could get away with not covering for Ray. Helping some guy fuck Ray for a whole weekend was not high up on Ryan’s to do list. Unless he was the guy. But that was beside the point.

“Yeah I know I am. Look Ryan, do you really want to go into this? J knows what he’s doing.”

“Ray, I’m just saying- you’re both underage and-” Ryan broke off as he saw the look on Ray’s face. “J is underage right?”

“So, he’s a bit older than me, what does that matter?” Ray bit back. Ryan frowned, feeling more and more uncomfortable as the conversation continued.

“Ray, how old _is_ J?” Ryan asked, staring straight at Ray who began to squirm under the look. The longer Ryan waited the more nervous he got.

“Doesn’t matter.” Ray mumbled. “I’ll ask Chris.”

“No, wait!” Ryan grabbed Ray’s arm and hauled him back. Ray stared up at him, almost scared. As Ryan noticed that he immediately dropped his arm and let Ray take a small step back. “Tell me how old he is Ray.”

Ray glanced at Ryan and gulped. This wasn’t how it was meant to go. This was meant to be a quick in and out, he hadn’t thought he’d need to explain anything. But his brain short circuited, leaving him with dregs and the real age leaping out at him.

“Uh- he’s uh, what-”

Ryan glared at him, dragging him closer again. The older boy’s blue eyes had gone icy and he regarded Ray as one would a small creature. And not one with a long lifetime.

“How old is J?” Ryan paused between each word, deepening the sense in Ray that he’d fucked up. Ray tried to turn but Ryan grabbed his arm and tugged him back.

“Ryan, get off me.” Ray said, suddenly scared of the older boy. But Ryan did nothing like that, just continued staring at the younger boy.

“How old?”

 

“Hey Kerry.”

Kerry turned at Miles’ voice. They were sat in the drama theatre, perching awkwardly half on and half off the stage as they ran through one of Kerry’s stories. It was something they did together, each checking the other’s to see if they could improve it.

“Yeah Miles?” Kerry asked, curiously. Miles glanced at him and frowned, putting down the notebook.

“Do you ever wonder why we’re here?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Miles paused, as if confused by his own words. “What says we’re good enough to do this? It’s not like we’ve got any experience.”

Kerry stared down at the page in front of him biting his lips. He knew where Miles was coming from. They were writing together, had been for years. But they weren’t the best, not by a long way.

“Do you not like the idea?” Kerry asked timidly. It had been his idea but they’d worked together and turned it into something much bigger than he could ever have imagined.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just- what are we even doing? Even if we finish this,” Miles gestured to the script in front of them. The script that they’d spent hours on, pouring over every line to perfect it. “What then?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yeah!”

“Okay fine.” Kerry paused. He had an idea, had had it for months. But he hadn’t brought it up, far too worried about Miles’ reaction. If there was one thing Kerry was good at, besides writing, it was overthinking things. So he took the plunge.

“We can animate it. Ryan will help I’m sure. We can get him to voice someone as well.”

Miles was listening now, confusion obvious on his face but he was nodding along, a smile creeping onto his face.

“Think of this, Lindsay can be Ruby. She’d be perfect!”

“Barbra could be Yang…” Miles muttered. Kerry nodded, already excited.

“I can be Neptune. Michael will be Sun. I know, you could be Jaune!”

Miles nodded.

“Yeah, no yeah! This- this could work. I mean, we’d need someone for Weiss and Blake but- no I know who Blake could be- it could work Kerry! This is amazing! You’re a genius!”

Kerry smiled and they stared at each other for a moment. Kerry caught his breath, trying not to think too hard about what he’d just suggested. They could do this.

Miles broke the eye contact, coughing awkwardly. It shouldn’t be awkward, guys called each other amazing all the time. Friends did all the time and that’s what they were, good friends.

It wasn’t like they were anything more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be called Beat (or burn, haven't quite decided)


	9. Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Burn  
> Be or cause to be damaged, injured, or spoiled by heat or fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was a bit late. The next one probably will be as well. (They were both originally one chapter so now I need to write ~1500 new words for each of them.) In the meantime I would suggest that you go read Just This Time by tyrellis (http://archiveofourown.org/works/1620428?view_full_work=true) Which is a Joelay fic and one of the reasons I started to love the ship. So go read that. It is really good.

Ray ran out of the drama studio and crashed right into Michael.

“Whoa!” Michael cried out, grabbing Ray. “What’s going on?”

Ray heaved a great breath, staring up at Michael. For once in his life Ryan had legitimately frightened him. They joked about it, joked about The Mad King with his army of enslaved cows but Ray had never actually been afraid.

But when Ryan had grabbed his arm, had stared down at him Ray had been afraid. He subconsciously rubbed his wrists, trying to relieve the pain that spiked through them.

“Nothing. Ryan’s gone insane.”

“Did he hurt you?” Michael snapped, instantly assuming the mother hen position he fitted so snugly. Ray shrugged before shaking his head. Sure, his wrists hurt a bit but it wasn’t like they were going to bruise or anything. It would take a lot more than Ryan to leave bruises.

“He just flipped out.”

“Do you know why?”

Ray paused. He got why Ryan had flipped, why the boy had been so horrified but it didn’t justify his reaction. Ryan had looked like he was about to explode, about to punch Ray.

So Ray had run.

“I dunno.”

“I’ll talk to him. That’s just not on.” Michael said grumpily, staring at Ray.

Ray nodded and turned away, guilt churning in his stomach.

 

 

Miles was whistling quietly, walking down the hallways of the school. His mind was preoccupied, ever since Kerry suggested doing something with RWBY. Speaking of Kerry…

The boy was staring into his locker, quickly shoving books into his bag. Miles grinned and crept up behind him. He silently approached the other boy until he was inches from Kerry’s ear.

“Boo!” Miles shouted. Kerry jumped and whirled around. When he saw Miles he relaxed and just sighed.

“Fuck you.” Kerry sighed. “That really scared me Miles.” But Miles didn’t answer, just staring at Kerry. His lip was split.

“What happened?” Miles asked, grabbing Kerry’s face and turning it side to side.

“Doesn’t matter.” Kerry mumbled, turning away. Miles stared at him for a moment.

“Did someone punch you?”

“It doesn’t matter Miles. Just- just drop it okay?”

“Drop it? Kerry, who did this? Please, we can tell someone!”

“Don’t Miles. It won’t help okay?”

“Kerry-”

“Please.” Kerry looked up at Miles sadly. “It won’t help.”

“How long’s this been happening?” Miles asked in horror. Kerry shrugged slightly.

“They don’t normally hit me. Normally they just make fun of me.”

“Who are they?”

“Kids in the school Miles. It’s high school, this shit happens all the time.”

“No! It doesn’t!” Miles was horrified. He knew Kerry was laughed at sometimes and Michael would often get into physical fights to protect him but he didn’t think Kerry was ever being _hurt_.

“It does to me.” Kerry whispered, closing his locker.

“What can I do?” Miles asked despairingly. Kerry looked defeated, as if he could barely be bothered to stand up for himself.

“Just- keep being you I guess.” Kerry sneaked a glance up at that. Miles caught it and smiled back.

“If this happens again, tell me okay?”

“Sure.”

“Okay.”

The bell rang and Kerry jumped slightly. Miles chuckled at that. “Come on, you’ve got maths next right?”

“Yeah.” Kerry muttered, glancing up at Miles and smiling. Miles couldn’t help but it was nice to have someone beside him, someone who would try. Miles looked down at him sadly, he desperately wanted to do more. He just didn’t know how to.

 

 

Ryan strode down the corridor, mind full of bloodlust and fists clenched. He was enraged and he wanted, needed, something to take his rage out on.

How the fuck was J that much older? How did Ray even _find_ someone like that? J-

Ryan took in a shuddering breath, trying to calm himself down. J was a little bit older. It wasn’t that abnormal. But it was. Eighteen years was a ridiculous amount of time. Ryan sighed, resting his head against the wall. He had no idea what to do. It seemed to be a common factor in their lives at the moment.

A thought popped into his head and he frowned. He needed someone to talk to, someone he trusted, who knew Ray but wouldn’t tell Ray if Ryan said something. That ruled out most of his friends. His parents would flip out instantly. So who could he go to?

The answer leapt out at him and he smiled. Obviously.

Ryan began to stride down the corridor until he got to a door and knocked on it. There was a small commotion from inside, as if something was fallen and it was quickly followed by a yelp.

“Come in!”

Ryan walked in and was surprised to see Joel Heyman trying his hardest to balance halfway up a step ladder Ray was holding. Joel was holding a box and there was an identical one lying on the floor, various props spilling across the floor. He didn’t know why he was surprised in all honesty he’d seen Joel do stranger. As Ryan walked in Ray tensed up, glancing between Joel and Ryan worriedly.

“Ryan!” Joel exclaimed excitedly, all but leaping from the ladder. “Can I help?”

“Uh- I wanted to ask you something. In private though.”

Joel frowned, following Ryan’s eyes as he glared at Ray. Ray glared right back and Joel continued to frown, not used to two of his favourite students being this hostile towards each other.

“Sorry Ryan. I’m talking to Ray right now. Could you come back later?”

“Sorry sir. Doesn’t matter then.” Ryan muttered out. As he turned to leave he didn’t see the sigh Ray let out or how his entire body relaxed. Joel stared at the two, confusion painted across his face.

 

Gavin sobbed, curling up into himself as tears streaked down his face. He’d been dumb. He’d been stupid. He couldn’t believe how badly he’d fucked up this time. He could hear his father outside the door, banging on it loudly. With each crash against the door Gavin curled further into himself.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!” his father yelled and Gavin complied, just as his father crashed into the room, door shattering behind him. He paused for a second before racing over to Gavin, dragging him up by his hair. Gavin couldn’t help the yelp of pain he let out as he was pulled up to his father’s face.

Tears leapt to Gavin’s eyes as his father punched him, hard, in the stomach. He tried to double over but the grip on his hair made that impossible. He saw his mother out of the side of his eyes and whimpered quietly. She looked beyond pissed.

“Lucy what is going on?”

Gavin, as he’d already realised, was an idiot. It was his fault he was in this situation after all. Dan’s gift, the binder he’d got in all the way from the UK had arrived. Unfortunately it had arrived while Gavin was out. It had arrived while his mother was there.

“Mum- I-” Gavin’s sentence ended in a squawk of pain as his father pulled roughly on his hair.

“Answer the fucking question.”

Gavin shivered as he felt the warm air wash over him, stinking of alcohol. If his father was already this pissed it didn’t bode well for what would happen next.

Because something always happened next.

“I’m holding them- for a friend!” Gavin yelped out the first lie that sprang to his head. Unfortunately they didn’t seem to buy it, if the punch to his stomach was anything to go by. He doubled over, this time his father dropped his hair allowing him to crash to the floor.

Gavin stayed there for a moment as his gag reflex threatened to act up. That was not what he needed. He knew from experience it didn’t help. It just meant he had more to clean up than just the usual blood.

“Don’t lie to me!” his father roared, backhanding Gavin. Gavin screwed his eyes shut, trying his best to not care, to not allow them the pleasure of seeing him in pain. But he couldn’t stop the sob that rocketed through his body, bursting into the air.

“I’m sorry!” Gavin screamed as his father hit him again. He curled into himself, showing his back to his father as some form of penance for not allowing the man to smash his face in.

He was surprised when he felt the attack stop and he turned to see his mother pulling his father back.

“Lucy, this has gone too far. We let you go along with this absurd idea but it’s time to put an end to this. You’re a young lady and it’s time you started acting like it.” His mother strode across the room and threw open his chest of drawers, grabbing two pairs of trousers.

“What are you doing?” Gavin asked quietly. She turned to glare at him.

“This has gone on for too long. First you start all that nonsense about being transgender. Then you cut all your hair off and got rid of all your nice clothes. Now you’re acting out and I can’t trust you with a single thing. That stops here and now. Put these in this.” She pointed to the laundry basket at her foot. Gavin looked up at her, confused and she sighed. “Are you stupid as well? Jesus.”

Gavin bowed his head, wiping his nose on his sleeve as he walked, limping, over to his drawers and pulling out all the trousers his mother was frowning about. All that were left were a few skirts and some leggings.

“Now those stupid games you waste your time on.”

Gavin turned in surprise at that to see his mother’s face, blank and uncaring. He glanced at his battered X-Box before unplugging it gently and laying it down in the basket. He then grabbed the cases and put them on top. He left the controller where it was, rationalising it wouldn’t be any good until she gave the stuff back.

Gavin was then sent to take down several of the posters. His heart sank as he saw Masterchief fall to the ground, ripped from the wall by his father.

 

“What are you thinking about R?”

Ray jumped slightly as J spoke. He craned his neck up to smile at the man who was staring worriedly down at him. Ray just shrugged and snuggled further into the man. They were squashed into each other on the couch, both squeezing themselves into such a small space because neither wanted to leave the other.

On the TV there was an old episodes of Friends playing over but Ray couldn’t focus on it. All he could think about was Ryan, that Ryan knew how old J was, that Ryan was worried about it, that Ryan would try to stop them.

“J what happens if they find out?” Ray whispered, not wanting to give the world the idea just in case they heard it, just in case it came true. But he knew J had heard it when the man tensed slightly.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean-” Ray pulled himself upright, now just perching on his boyfriend’s legs rather than curled around him. “What happens if someone finds out about us? You’d lose your job!”

“But I’d get you. Fair trade.” J said, grinning and leaning forwards to kiss Ray. But the teen shook his head and pushed J back. The man frowned and relaxed into the sofa, still staring at Ray.

“I’m serious J!”

“Who says I wasn’t?” J said with a smirk but Ray shook his head again.

“You keep on saying just wait but I can’t! I don’t want to! I want to be with you J. But even afterwards it won’t happen.”

“Ray-”

“Just tell me okay? Just tell me what we do if someone finds out.”

J sighed and brought the teenager into a tight embrace, kissing him on his forehead.

“I don’t know but it doesn’t matter R. I know what I’m putting on the line. I could lose everything. I could lose my job, my reputation, I could be thrown in jail. I know all of that. I know that every moment I spend with you is a moment that could get me arrested but I don’t care. I love you R. I do. I’ve lived for so long with no-one else and now you’re here.”

Ray smiled and returned the kiss but J pulled him back, staring into the boy’s eyes.

“Before you I was alone for a long time R. Look at me! I’m nothing. All I’ve got is my job, my family and a half decent am dram career. But you made me something. It’s only been a few months but you changed something in me R. I finally wanna do stuff again.”

“Like me?” Ray said, smirking. J laughed and shook his head fondly.

“You’re terrible, you know that?” J said, rolling his eyes. Ray smiled and hugged him again, pushing his head up to rest it against J’s shoulders.

“I love you too.” He mumbled into J’s ear. As he did he realised he meant it, more than he’d meant anything in a long time.

 

                                                                                                                                 

When Gavin had cleansed the room from anything his mother found ‘too masculine’ they walked downstairs. Gavin was told to wait in the kitchen for a conversation while his father stepped outside.

“Lucy. Everything we’re doing, we’re doing for your own good.” Gavin’s mother sounded believable, that was the worst thing. She sounded as if she genuinely believed she was helping her daughter. But he knew she wasn’t. A thought occurred to him. Maybe, just maybe, he could explain it. She didn’t actually hate him. She just thought he was her daughter. Maybe she could eventually accept a son.

Gavin opened his mouth and then paused as the dark night outside was suddenly illuminated. He stood up slowly and walked to the window. His mouth dropped open in horror as he saw a towering bonfire. Through the smoke and the quickly racing fire he could just about make out what must be over half his room burning.

“No!” Gavin yelled, running from the room. Before he’d got more than a few feet his mother’s vice-like grip had descended on him and her nails dug into his fresh skin. Gavin, from where he was stood, could see the new binders burning away.

What was worse was that the sports bras were there too, burning merrily. Any chance at even a semblance of normality was slowly charring to a crisp. At that thought Gavin wrenched his arm from his mother and raced outside. He ran at the burning pile, trying to pull something from it. His hands flared up in agony and he yelled but before he could reach even one item he was thrown backwards, head slamming into the unforgiving ground.

He lay there for a second before his father descended, screaming and hitting. Gavin turned his head to the side just in time to see the remnants of his binders shrivel to nothing.

Tears dribbled down his face and Gavin wasn’t sure if they were from the bruises quickly forming underneath his father’s fists or the sight of tattered pieces of cloth that meant so much to him finally succumbing to the fire that blazed too bright in the darkness it was encased in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I promised you chest binders burning on a fire. Now every one of those things I talked about has come true. Now just got to move on to fixing the characters... Hmm...


	10. Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Free  
> Able to act or be done as one wishes; not under the control of another.

When Miles walked into school the next day there were a number of things he was not expecting. He was not expecting Bane to walk in, he was not expecting Frodo to stroll in, and he wasn’t even expecting a dragon. And it is, after all, a sad day when you are no longer expecting a dragon.

All in all there was a lot more he could have been expecting than not expecting due to an overactive imagination. But seeing Gavin in a dress was no-where even in _his_ imagination.

But there he was; slumped against his locker, head buried inside. It was a horrendous green dress, mismatched colours of green and various shades of white, grey and black. Miles walked up to Gavin and took him in fully.

Without the baggy shirts and pants Gavin looked, well, Gavin looked like a girl. Or maybe a woman. Miles wasn’t quite sure when one started and the other one ended. Now Miles had seen it he couldn’t un-see it, the way that Gavin’s hips protruded from his body so much more, how his chest seemed to extend as if in a poor imitation of breasts.

“Hey Gav.” Miles said easily. His eyes shot open as Gavin jumped, dragging his head from the locker slowly. Miles frowned as he saw Gavin’s face streaked with tears. “Whoa man, are you okay?” in response Gavin just shrugged.

“I-” Gavin broke off, shaking his head.

“Dude, why are you in a dress? I mean, you look great, don’t get me wrong, but why?”

Gavin brushed at his eyes ferociously and Miles frowned, something was wrong. Something was seriously wrong. Gavin stammered something out that Miles didn’t catch before he turned and ran. Miles stared after him before just pulling out his phone.

**To: The Ram**

**Gavin**

Miles frowned, he didn’t know how to explain it. Gavin had looked ready to break down. Gavin had looked desolate. Gavin had also looked like a girl. Miles didn’t know how to reconcile the brash and somewhat obnoxious Gavin with the miserable feminine one he’d just seen.

**To: The Ram**

**[Text Deleted]**

“Watch where you’re going!” Michael snapped as Gavin ran into him. He then paused, taking in the other boy. Gavin was wearing a dress.

“S-sorry.” Gavin mumbled out, tears trickling down his face. Michael gaped at him for a moment and Gavin tried to turn away. Michael grabbed at him, pulling him back around and stared at him, taking in the dress.

“Let me go please.” Gavin said, voice hiccupping slightly. He knew Michael didn’t mean it but he felt like an animal, a freak on display for anyone to laugh at. As Michael kept the grip Gavin could feel himself breathing faster, too fast.

“Gav-” Michael said, confused, before glancing at the boy’s face again. Gavin was struggling to breathe and Michael knew that meant trouble. “Come on.” He said shortly, dragging the other boy. Gavin went willingly, wasting most of his energy in an attempt to breathe normally. Michael dragged him into the bathrooms and pulled out his phone.

**To: Geoff**

**Gavin’s freaking out. We’re in the bathroom next to Johnson’s office. Come quickly. Dunno what’s wrong.**

In Geoff’s bedroom his phone buzzed loudly. He groaned at the noise, feeling around for it while deciding whether or not he could be bothered to answer it.

As he heard it crash to the floor he quickly found his answer.

“Okay Gavin, it’s okay. Can you hear me?”

Gavin whimpered slightly, falling to the floor as his legs all but gave out underneath him. He curled up slightly, hunching his shoulders over. He knew panic attacks and he knew one was approaching. At the thought a wave of anger sped through him. He wasn’t in the mood for a smegging panic attack! In fact he was so far from the mood that if the mood was a political grouping based off the seating positions in the first parliament formed in post revolution France and then used as a metaphorical simplification for issues and ideas of ruling for countries everywhere, the mood then used by several different states in extremities of the mood and varying ways of leading then he’d be right back in the mood.

Michael hesitated, with no idea what he should do next.

So he did the only thing he could think of.

“Gavin, everything’s going to be fine but you need to breathe. Got it? Come on, been doing it for long enough. Focus on my breathing.” Michael began to take exaggerated breaths and Gavin tried to copy them but his breath was still too fast. “Just a bit more Gavin.” Gavin gulped and closed his eyes, breath finally beginning to settle.

He then just sat there, head bowed and shoulders hunched.

“What happened Gavin? Why are you in a dress?” Michael asked dumbfounded. He didn’t understand. That morning it had been so simple. Gavin was an idiot who didn’t think twice about other people and didn’t understand they had issues.

But now there was something wrong and Michael had an itching need to fix it, to fix Gavin.

He hadn’t thought he was going to feel like that when he woke this morning.

“My- my parents put me in it.” Gavin whispered, almost too quietly for Michael to hear. Michael sighed and sat back against the wall, next to Gavin.

“Why?”

“I’m not- I’m not normal Michael. I’m just broken and-”

“No you’re not. You’re an idiot but you’re not broken.” Michael snapped abrasively. He was in no mood for any of his friends to be thinking like that.

He wasn’t quite sure when Gavin had turned into a friend.

Gavin glanced at him before shaking his head. “Don’t get it Michael. _I’m_ broken. I’m just messed up.”

“Gavin are you-” Michael paused. It was beginning to make sense, the way Gavin never took his shirt off, how he wouldn’t even respond to his own name half the time. And, of course, his voice. “Are you transgender?”

 

Ray awoke to the smell of burning. He sat bolt upright and stared around in confusion. He was in J’s bed but the other side was empty and cold. His heart lurched uncomfortably and he leapt from the bed.

“J? J?” Ray followed the burning smell. He skidded into the kitchen and froze. J was stood next to the griddle, face flushed, with a hand held behind his back. Ray slowly stepped forwards and J pulled the hand slowly round to the teenager.

Ray stared down at it in confusion, seeing a plate with a heaped mound of something black.

“What is that?” Ray asked cautiously. J flushed slightly and walked to the bin, shovelling whatever it had once been into it.

“I wanted to make you breakfast.” J mumbled, staring into the mess in the bin.

“What was that?”

“It was meant to be pancakes.” J mumbled, still staring morosely into the mess of the bin he’d made. “I can’t cook very well.”

“Luckily I can.” Ray walked over to the fridge and pulled out some butter and eggs. “Watch.” He took out the rest of the ingredients, pouring them all into the bowl. “You got a mixer?”

“Uh, no.” J muttered, staring around his fairly empty kitchen. Ray sighed and grabbed a spoon, beginning to beat the mixture.

“You can do this right?” Ray asked, showing J. The man nodded eagerly and grabbed the bowl, stirring as he did. As he did Ray grabbed a frying pan and started readying it for the mixture. When J had finished Ray poured a gobbet into the pan and it sizzled loudly. J jumped backwards slightly and Ray laughed. J frowned at his boyfriend but Ray just smirked right back.

When they got to the flipping of the pancakes Ray once more had to show J what to do. The man watched on as Ray cooked the pancakes. After he’d done a few Ray handed it over to J.

“You sure you’re alright with this?” Ray asked worriedly. J frowned and nodded.

“I think I’m good.”

Ray watched as the fully grown man, who paid his taxes every year, had graduated college, had lived on his own for many years, got the pancake stuck to the bottom of the pan. He laughed at J’s worried expression and quickly scraped it off.

Half an hour later they had two empty plates and a kitchen full of smoke. J stared down at the empty plate remorsefully. Ray laughed. He could read J well enough to know he wanted more.

“We can make more tomorrow.”

“Or we could stay here and have more now.” J said, a wheedling tone entering his voice. Ray laughed and shook his head.

“Come oooonnnnn.” He groaned out, still smiling. J pouted dramatically.

“Do we have to?”

“I need to graduate remember?” Ray said, standing and grabbing the plate. “Anyway, I should to get to class early.”

“And why’s that?”

Ray bent down and kissed J lightly on the cheek. “I’ve got drama first. My favourite teacher will be waiting.”

 

Gavin stared at Michael in a mix of wonder and horror as the question marched around inside his head.

_Are you transgender?_

“Ye-yeah.” Gavin whispered out. “I- I think.”

“You think?” Michael was confused, he’d always kind of presumed it was a yes or no box. Maybe with an ‘other’ tick-box as well, with a little dotted line there just to make sure. Or would it be a single line?

The train of thought was broken as Gavin started talking again. “Yeah. I- I am. My parents named me Lucy.”

“That’s a crap name.” Michael said, trying to get a smile onto Gavin’s face. He was elated as it worked. Gavin chuckled quietly. “But that doesn’t explain why you’re in a dress.” Michael knew what would happen as he said it; Gavin’s face would drop. But he also knew he had to say it.

“My parents don’t like it. They don’t like me being a boy.”

“How long have they been doing shit like this?”

“Few years now. It’s got worse though.”

“Worse?” Michael was confused, it seemed to be happening more and more as he spent time in the Brit’s company.

“Last night they bur- they took my stuff Michael. Anything that was- was masculine.”

“Your clothes?”

“My- my binder, my trousers, my tops. I don’t have any clothes Michael.” Gavin whispered this, as if by silencing himself he could make it less true.

“Will they give the shit back?” Michael asked, unsure what to say. He had no reference point to deal with this. He hadn’t known Geoff when he’d gone through that shit and his friends had all been lucky enough to not go through anything like it.

“Maybe. I dunno. Probably not for ages though. Maybe- maybe it’s for the best. It might- it might help.”

“What might help?” Michael asked angrily, he couldn’t imagine how that could have helped Gavin in any way.

“I might just get over this. Just- I dunno.”

“Get over it? Get over what?”

“This phase. I know I’m just being a smeg. I should just get used to it.”

“Get used to what?” Michael was confused but as Gavin continued to stare down at nothing the pieces suddenly clicked. Gavin meant stop being himself. Stop being Gavin. Pretend to be Lucy again. “You mean get used to being a girl?” Gavin winced but nodded, bottom lip quivering.

“It’s what I am isn’t it? That’s what my parents said.”

Michael stared at Gavin in horror, at this boy who was being convinced he was a different person, trying to be pushed into a mould he’d never fitted in.

“Fuck that. Fuck them!” Michael hissed, leaping to his feet. Gavin stared at him in confusion as Michael began to pull off his clothes.

“What- what are you doing?” Gavin asked in quiet bewilderment. Michael stared down at him, in just his underpants as his shirt and pants fell to the floor.

“Give me your dress Gavin.”

Gavin slowly tugged off the dress and passed it to Michael who shimmied into it. As he did Gavin finally understood what was happening; Michael was trying to protect him from his own body.

“You don’t have to love-” Gavin muttered but Michael cut him off.

“This is happening dipshit.”

“But- but why?” Gavin asked as he slipped into the clothes. They didn’t fit right but at that moment they felt fantastic, finally allowing him some sense of identity again, allowing him to be Gavin again. Michael stared at him, wondering. Why was he doing this? Because Gavin had looked so down trodden, so beaten up about the whole thing. He looked like he wanted to break down and never get up. Gavin had looked so much like Kerry. Gavin had been so hopeless.

But it wasn’t just helping Gavin for the sake of helping someone. It was helping Gavin to help Gavin specifically. No matter how much Michael tried to stop it he’d started feeling something which could grow into friendship. He’d ignored it because of how much of a dickhead Gavin was but seeing him so broken showed Michael that Gavin wasn’t all bad. That he might actually be a good person, despite all the previous evidence.

“Because-” How could he explain that? “Because you’re my boi Gavin.”

Gavin’s smile was radiant, as if the sun had finally come out after a hurricane, shining down on the destroyed land to try and recover what it could. The word, the nickname Dan had given him so long ago. It meant so much to Gavin and somehow Michael had worked that out.

“Thanks boi.” Gavin whispered almost reverently. Michael nodded and they just stared at each other for a moment, not sure how to continue, just what they meant to each other now. Michael was the first to break this, standing up and offering his hand down to Gavin to help him up.

Gavin took it without hesitation and they both walked out of the room. As they walked down the corridor Gavin could feel eyes on his back, people staring openly. But they didn’t bug him, not as much as they had when he was in the dress. He was Gavin, he was Gavin David Free and his parents couldn’t take that away from him.

Michael slipped a glance to Gavin. The boy had a broad smile on his face and his head was raised in defiance. He looked happy, no, he looked ecstatic. It was as if he was goading the world to come because he would win the fight. He looked rejuvenated.

Watching him, Michael felt a similar surge of emotion and smiled. If this was what it took to make Gavin feel like that Michael should wear dresses more often.

Or at the very least, buy some tights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I need to ask a favour. I want to do a December challenge thing where I write a prompt every day. I would be really nice if I could get prompts off you guys (I would accept anything apart from smut) and if not I'll just find prompts off tumblr and stuff. If you want me to write something leave it in the comments. Thanks :) (Here it gets awkward when no-one responds)


	11. Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Support  
> Bear all or part of the weight of; hold up.

When Geoff finally looked at his texts he raced into the bathroom next to Johnson’s office, finding it empty he began to panic, sending texts off to every one of his friends. By the time he had got through all of them he had just remembered that they were all in lessons, unable to respond.

So the next logical thing to do was walk across to reception, ask for a copy of Gavin’s timetable and work out what class he was in.

But then there was a line and the woman behind the counter was slow and by the time Geoff got to the front of the queue the bell for lunch had rung. So instead he raced down to the cafeteria and paused, taking in Michael Jones wearing a dress.

It was hideous. The dress, not Michael.

Next to Michael was Gavin, wearing baggy clothes. Geoff frowned. He was fairly sure that shirt was Michael’s. The two had been growing closer. Michael could almost stand to be in the same room as the Brit. Swapping clothes was on a different level completely.

“Hey Gavvy, can I have a talk?” Geoff whispered, trying to make sure the other people around the table didn’t notice. Michael glared at him for a moment but Gavin just nodded and stood up. The rest of the group didn’t pay them attention, apart from Miles who tracked their movements as they walked out of the hall.

“I’m sorry for not being there earlier Gav. I didn’t check my phone. Are you okay?”

Gavin nodded and paused for a second, forming the right words.

“Michael was there.”

“What happened?” Geoff asked, bewildered. Seriously, he’d not been there for a few hours and suddenly Michael was in a dress and Gavin was in Michael’s clothes. This was the last time he’d sleep through his alarm. (It really wouldn’t be.)

“My parents went psycho last night.” Gavin muttered, staring down at the floor. Geoff’s eyes widened and his heart sped up. “They found my binders.” Gavin whispered, casting a furtive glance down the hall. “They burned them up and then went through my room and took a ton of stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“My X-box, my phone, all of the trousers I own, all my games, some books and comics. They just- they burnt them all up.”

“Holy shit. Why?”

“They said I was being too masculine.” Gavin’s voice wasn’t quiet anymore nor was it sad. It was angry. “They’re bloody crazy Geoff!”

“Did they hurt you?” Geoff asked, worriedly. Burning Gavin’s things was horrible, taking away that much of his identity through force was a violation of their own child. But Geoff couldn’t do anything about that. He might be able to do something about Gavin being hurt.

“A bit.” Gavin shrugged. “To be honest I’m more annoyed about my stuff.”

Geoff frowned at the younger boy. He could tell that Gavin was trying his hardest to make it into a joke but Geoff could see how upset he was. In the short time they’d known each other Geoff had grown more and more protective of the kid.

To begin with he didn’t know why, it was just something that happened. But then time ticked on and he began to realise that maybe Gavin’s story was just a bit too similar to his own.

“Why’s Michael in a dress? I mean, if he’s wearing it he could have worn tights at least.”

Gavin chuckled at that and Geoff smiled back.

“My parents didn’t let me wear anything else.” Gavin shrugged, suddenly looking down again. “I didn’t have a choice.”

Geoff nodded slowly.

“Well, Michael looks absolutely ridiculous in it. So that’s good.”

Gavin chuckled and nodded. They both started to walk back, falling into a conversation. Geoff couldn’t help but think about what he’d ordered last night. It was going to be a Christmas present. Maybe it could come in handy just a bit sooner than that.

 

That night Miles stared at his computer. He didn’t know what was going on but he knew something was.

Gavin had been off all day. Then there was the whole coming into school with a dress thing. The boy’s face had terrified Miles and he wanted to do something to help. The only problem was that he had no idea what he should do. He didn’t even have a clue what was happening.

He heaved a deep sigh, staring at the wall in front of him. A large poster showing the different possibilities of the starter Pokémon’s evolutions met him and he traced it with his eyes for a moment.

He then sent a quick message off to Kerry. He could always count on Kerry being there to help him.

 

**To: The Hobbit**

**Kerry, did you notice anything about Gavin today?**

The response was almost immediate.

 

**From: The Hobbit**

**He looked kinda scared. I dunno man. He’s okay right?**

**To: The Hobbit**

**I dunno**

Miles paused for a moment before setting up a group call, bringing them all in apart from Gavin.

“Hey Miles, what’s up?” Barbra said happily. The others greeted him with similar expressions as they each accepted the call. Miles waited until there was a good number. For some reason Ray wasn’t there. Miles couldn’t imagine why not, it wasn’t like Ray to be out in the evening, the boy barely left his house.

“Hey guys, you all saw Gavin today right? What’s up with that?”

At Miles’ words both Geoff and Michael stiffened.

“Go ask him yourself dipshit.” Michael grumbled, trying to look somewhat normal.

“He’s not answering his phone.”

Michael frowned at that and grabbed his own phone.

“Didn’t he say his parents forced him to wear that dress?” Lindsay asked quietly. “That sounds fucked up to me.”

“How the dicks do you know about the dress? You weren’t even there!” Geoff exclaimed, staring at Lindsay’s picture. The red head shrugged.

“It’s all over the school Geoff. Gavin turned up to school in a dress and Michael spent the rest of the day in it. Most people just think that you fucked.”

Michael’s breath caught in his throat at that thought. It wasn’t that the thought was terrible, on the contrary, it sounded fucking fantastic or rather fantastic fucking (Barbra was obviously wearing off on him.)

No, the problem was the Michael was just a bit- closeted. It wasn’t because his parents were douche bags or anything. Most of his friends knew and they’d all been cool with it. Well, Ray had been a dick but that was just Ray.

But his parents didn’t know and the other students didn’t know and Michael just found it easier that way. He knew what happened to people who were gay in high school. He also knew Texas’ somewhat unique reputation on the topic.

Michael didn’t want to deal with that so he didn’t. He’d got over the fact that he was gay years ago. They’d been a rocky patch for a good few months however he’d pulled through.

But even now, the thought of being outed, or outing himself was terrifying. After seeing what had happened with Ryan he was much happier to remain closeted.

“It wasn’t like that, okay? He didn’t want to wear the fucking dress so I did.” Michael growled. Lindsay nodded, holding up his hands. “His parents are doing it to punish him. Lindsay’s right, it’s fucked up.”

There was a beat of silence as they remembered just how distraught Gavin had looked. Michael remembered having to stop the panic attack that was just about to crash over Gavin.

Miles suddenly slapped the desk and grinned.

“Okay, I have an amazing idea.”

Geoff looked at him worriedly, that was never a good sign. The younger boy was inventive sure, but he also had a habit of making odd plans.

Geoff was glad to see he was indeed correct in his assessment.

But it was a fucking great plan.

 

The next day Gavin walked into school, this time in a purple dress. He hurried into the same bathroom as last time and was surprised to see Ray there.

When Gavin walked in Ray shot up, staring at him worriedly.

“Gav? What are- what are you doing here?”

“Uh-” Gavin looked down at his dress and saw Ray looking as well. Gavin flushed as he knew just what Ray saw. He hated how easily he cried over things like this, he knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t stop a few tears appearing in his eyes.

“Hey dude, if you don’t want to tell me that’s fine, you know? Everyone’s entitled to their secrets after all.” The last bit Ray muttered and Gavin got the distinct feeling Ray wasn’t talking about him.

“Thanks.”

Ray nodded and slipped from the room, pulling out his phone and typing furiously.

Another few minutes passed and the door opened again, this time Michael hurried in.

“Jesus Christ Gavin, I told you to meet me at the lockers, remember?”

Gavin shrugged, he didn’t really remember it. Michael sighed and pulled open his bag, taking out a bag. He peeked inside it before chucking it at Gavin. The Brit could see another plastic bag still in Michael’s backpack but decided not to ask about it.

“What’s this, boi?”

“Just open the fucking bag Gavin.” Michael snapped, nervously shifting from one foot to the other. Gavin frowned and opened up the bag. He felt the air rush out of him as he saw three pairs of jeans, scrunched into themselves and four T-shirts.

“Bloody hell!” Gavin exclaimed, pulling out the clothes almost reverently.

“I didn’t know your size so they might not fit.” Michael said, shrugging. As if he hadn’t just helped Gavin, as if he hadn’t just given Gavin an easy way to keep his identity. Gavin rushed forwards and enveloped Michael in a hug. The Jersey boy let out a small ‘oof’ but then returned the hug.

“Idiot. Go get changed, I need to go.”

“Thanks boi.” Gavin said quietly. Michael rolled his eyes.

“It’s not a problem,” Michael paused before smiling. “Boi.”

Gavin grinned widely at Michael’s back. They were bois. He went into one of the cubicles and pulled out a pair of jeans. They weren’t skinny jeans but big and baggy. Another pair was much better fitting and Gavin slipped them on.

He stuffed the dress into the bottom of his bag, not caring about how it scrunched and could easily be stained if his pen exploded again. (Seriously the number of times his pen exploded wasn’t normal. Three times in one day was just taking the piss. Gavin was half convinced it was haunted. Geoff thought he was a clumsy idiot. Gavin preferred his own theory.)

Gavin then pulled out the tops and smiled even wider, if that was possible, as he took in the portal themed shirt.

He slipped it on and exited the cubicle, staring at himself in the mirror. He felt as if a giant weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He was himself again.

Gavin could easily stash these clothes at school and walk to and from in the dress or whatever horrific thing his parents forced him to wear. Because yes, they could force him to do things at home but not here. Not in school with his friends beside him. Not with Michael at his back.

 

“Gavin, can I have a word please?”

Gavin groaned quietly as he turned slowly to face his form tutor. The woman was sat on her desk. Her hair was a vibrant purple, framing a beautiful face.

“Yeah Turney?”

“Is something going on at home Gavin?” Turney asked, obviously worried at the boy in front of her. Gavin shifted from foot to foot and shrugged.

“It’s fine.”

“Gavin, are you sure?”

“Why?” Gavin snapped. Turney sighed and stood up.

“I heard you came into school in a dress yesterday.”

Gavin shrugged. “Is that against the rules?”

“No but-.” Meg broke off, sighing. “Gavin, you have bruises. I’ve seen them and other teachers have mentioned them. Is someone hurting you?”

Gavin met her eyes for a moment, thinking over his options. He could tell her, could bite the bullet and admit everything. He could be out of his parents’ house by tomorrow, somewhere safe and sound. He could be happy in jeans and a t-shirt.

But then his parents would be in prison. Then Gavin would probably be shipped back to England. Unless he got adopted or something and no-one would want him. The parents he’d been born to didn’t give a damn about him, why would a new pair like him?

“I’m clumsy.” Turney didn’t buy it for a second.

“Really? Really Gavin?”

“Yeah.” Turney sighed. She couldn’t do anything without Gavin’s help.

“Go to your lessons. But if something happens, come talk to me. I can help you.”

“Thanks Turney.” Gavin grinned as he left the room. He liked Meg, she seemed to actually give a damn about her students.

 

Gavin’ first lesson was history, rudimentary because he didn’t know the first thing about American history. Because he was in one of the most basic classes none of his friends were in there.

So when he got to the lockers at first break he was in for a surprise.

He paused in the hallway, staring as if half convinced he could make himself sane by staring long enough. Up ahead Ryan was wearing a kilt. It was a dark mixture of red, black and white. He was also wearing knee high white socks. He looked immaculate as if he’d just put them on, not as if he’d spent the last hour in them after getting to school.

Gavin’s eyes then travelled to Michael who was in a mini skirt and wearing a tank top, picking at the straps awkwardly. There was a picture of a bear on it that made Gavin chuckle slightly. The tights Michael were wearing were bunched up at his heels and already had a ladder in them but to Gavin they looked perfect. He looked perfect.

Geoff was wearing a form hugging white dress with a vague floral pattern on it. He hadn’t bothered with tights or shaving, his leg hair was obvious beneath the dress. He caught sight of Gavin and smiled at him warmly.

“Come on idiot.”

Gavin ran forwards and grabbed Geoff in a hug. The older boy let out the air in his lungs hard as the Brit crashed into him. After a moment Gavin let go and turned to face the rest of the group. Lindsay, Barbara and Griffon were all in dresses. It wasn’t what they normally wore and even though it was a small change it still seemed like an act of solidarity.

Jack seemed to have gone for a more subdued style than the rest of them. He was wearing jeans and a slightly feminine light flowing shirt. But what drew Gavin’s eyes was the flower crown the boy was wearing on his head. It looked natural, with a mix of blue and white flowers. It offset the boy’s red hair perfectly and matched his broad smile.

Kerry was wearing normal clothes and looking at Gavin apologetically. Gavin couldn’t care less.

He knew that the boy had a tough time with the bullies. He wasn’t about to force him to wear clothes that made him uncomfortable. That was the point, anyway.

“Why are you guys doing this?” Gavin asked, out of breath. Miles answered, from behind the Brit.

“To show you it ain’t that bad.”

Gavin turned around and felt his eyebrows shoot up and mouth hang open. In front of him stood Miles who seemed to have gone all the way with this.

The boy had red lipstick on his lips and black mascara around his eyes. He was smiling at Gavin who was trying his hardest to not laugh. Miles was also wearing a dress. It was black with a ruffled bottom half that extended as if it was a tutu. The fabric under this part was red. At his waist there was a black and red symbol of a flower of some kind.

A red cape flowed from Miles’ shoulders, the same ruby colour which set off the whole outfit. Gavin’s eyes trailed downwards and he gulped as he saw the high heels.

“Bloody hell Miles, how are you even walking?”

With that the slight tension in the group, the worry that Gavin could be offended, the worry that a teacher would tell them to be serious, the worry that they’d be hurt because of what they were wearing, vanished.

They laughed and Miles walked forwards, admittedly a bit shakily, and stood next to Kerry, resting slightly on the shorter boy. Kerry looked up happily at the other boy. At least one of them was brave.

Kerry dropped his head at that thought.

He wasn’t brave, he was short and he was weak. Too many times Michael had intervened in a fight because Kerry was getting the shit kicked out of him. Too often Miles had to speak for him in a presentation because Kerry froze up. Too many occasions when Kerry had been hurt because he wouldn’t stand up for himself.

He wasn’t brave. Miles was. That was one of the things that made Kerry love Miles just a little bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last time I mentioned my 30 day prompt thing. It's now up called Make the Yuletide gay (I really like puns okay? And Christmas.) So if you want to read that, you should. And you can leave a prompt of course :)  
> See you next time.


	12. Remnant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Remnant  
> A part or quantity that is left after the greater part has been used, removed, or destroyed.

“Gav,” Michael muttered out, smiling at the Brit. He turned and grinned broadly. Standing there in Michael’s old, worn, T-shirt, he looked happier than he had for a while. “English next, right?”

“Yeah.” Gavin frowned for a moment before Michael offered his arm. Gavin laughed and grabbed it, dragging the boy to their next lesson. Lindsay and Barbara followed, heckling the pair as they walked down the corridors.

It was then that Geoff turned to Miles. “So where’d you get the dress?” Geoff was smirking and Miles blushed for a moment.

_“Hey, Olivia,” Miles paused in the doorway, sticking his head around. He was met with the somewhat intimidating stare of his younger sister._

_“What?” She snapped. Miles winced but stepped into the room anyway._

_“I wanted to ask you a favour.”_

_Olivia raised her eyebrow, obviously not impressed. Miles gulped before continuing._

_“Do you have a dress I can use?”_

_There was a beat of silence where Olivia stared at Miles and Miles stared right back at her. “A… dress?” Olivia asked, as if she couldn’t believe her ears. Miles nodded._

_“A dress.”_

_“Why do you need a dress?” Olivia stood and walked over to Miles, crossing her arms and staring right up at him._

_“It’s a thing we’re going at school. It’s nothing.” Miles paused as Olivia continued to stare at him. “I need to wear a dress.” The stare continued. “It’s a solidarity thing, you know?”_

_“Fuck, okay then,” Olivia broke the gaze and beckoned Miles into the room. “What kind of dress do you want?”_

_Miles stared at Olivia in trepidation as she threw open her closet._

_“Uh-”_

_“How about you let me decide then?”_

_Miles had a feeling he’d just made a huge mistake._

“My sister helped.” Miles mumbled.

“It’s a nice dress.” Geoff said, still smirking. Miles frowned and looked down. It _was_ a nice dress. Maybe a bit over the top…

Okay, a lot over the top.

“Come on Geoff, he was just trying to help.” Jack mumbled, still wearing his flower crown. Geoff smirked at him and shook his head.

“I’m going to remember that crown, you motherfucker.”

Jack groaned before nodding. “Just- let’s just get to Math, okay?”

As the two older boys walked off Miles and Kerry were left alone in the corridor. Miles turned, smiling, towards Kerry who was just looking at him curiously.

“Kerry? You good?”

“What? Uh- yeah.” Kerry nodded but continued staring. “Where’d you get the dress? Where’d you buy it?”

“My mom and sister helped make it.”

“Olivier Candice actually helped you?” Kerry smiled, sounding shocked. “Call the police, the world’s ending.”

“She’s not that bad!” Miles exclaimed. Kerry just raised an eyebrow and Miles ducked his head, sighing. “Fair point. What does it matter anyway?”

Kerry continued to look thoughtful before he looked up at Miles and grinned. “I think I know what Ruby can going to wear.”

 

Sorola was talking. Ryan was bored. This happened a lot to be honest.

Ryan was staring off into nothing, trying to ignore the conversation behind him.

“What the hell _is_ that Jack?” Geoff hissed. Ryan sighed and stared down at the paper in front of his face.

“Shut up Geoff.”

“How long have you been doing it?”

“Fuck off.”                  

Ryan stared up at the board, desperately hoping that they’d be quiet. He heard a yelp of pain from Jack and he whirled around. Jack was glaring at Geoff as the boy had his hand clamped around Jack’s thigh. Ryan blinked in confusion. What the hell?

The two seemed to realise he was staring at exactly the same time as they broke apart, Geoff stuffing his hand into his pocket.

“It’s not what it looks like.” Jack mumbled, staring frantically at Geoff. The older boy just smirked.

“What did it look like to you Ryan?”

“I really don’t want to know.”

“Haywood!”

Ryan groaned as Sorola yelled across the classroom.

“Yes sir?”

“What is this?” he pointed to an equation on the board and Ryan looked around in confusion. He was met with a sea of blank faces and sighed in a mixture of relief and annoyance; Sorola hadn’t noticed him talking, he’d chosen Ryan because Ryan was the only one he could count on consistently.

“Difference of two squares.” Ryan mumbled out. Sorola nodded and carried on with the lesson. Ryan wanted to turn around again but the noises behind him stopped with a final word from each of them.

“This isn’t healthy Jackie.”

“Fuck off Geoff. It’s Jack.”

 

“So let me get this straight,” Michael said, frowning over the script in his hands at Miles and Kerry who were shifting slightly in worry. “You want me to play a monkey?”

“A Faunus.” Kerry corrected quickly.

“The guy has a tail!” Michael exclaimed. The two boys glanced between themselves and nodded hesitantly.

“A monkey Faunus.” Kerry mumbled.

“Look Michael, it would really help us out if you did this.”

“He’s a _monkey_.”

“Yeah?” Miles didn’t seem to have a problem with that or any idea why someone else would. Michael stared at him for a moment.

“A _tail_!”

“But he looks really cool!” Kerry exclaimed, pulling from his bag a folder. He threw it open and rifled through it, eventually coming up victorious with a handful of paper. He took one in particular and smoothed it out. Michael frowned and looked at it.

On the page there was a figure drawn from several different angles, each one changing slightly. The final one was of a boy in blue jeans. His shirt was open, revealing an almost obnoxious amount of muscle. He was smirking, a playfulness in his face that came very close to annoying. His hair was blonde and his tail (a tail!) wrapped around his legs.

“This is who you want me to play?” Michael asked doubtfully. Kerry nodded, gently taking the piece of paper back. “Who are you two playing?”

“I’m playing Jaune Arc. He’s human. And you know, kind of pathetic.” Miles added after a moment. Kerry nodded and pulled out another piece of paper which Michael gingerly took.

This boy also had blonde hair but he looked a lot weaker. He was wearing something that resembled armour. Next to that sketch was one of a sword and shield with words scrawled around it.

“I’m playing Neptune. He’s Sun’s friend.” Kerry handed Michael a new piece of paper, this time with a blue haired boy on it. Michael glanced at it briefly before setting it down.

“You’ve put a fuck ton of thought into this.”

Miles and Kerry glanced at each other and nodded.

“Kerry- we,” Miles corrected himself quickly. “Really want this to work.”

“Who else are you getting?”

“We’ve managed to get Joel to agree to a few lines. Barb and Lindsay’s good with it. Ryan’s in as well. Then we’ve just got some of the other students in the school. I think we could really do this. But we want to start soon. You know, Ryan’s graduating this year.”

Miles paused at that, thinking that over. He’d known the boy for three years and had been friends with him for almost all of that time. The thought of him leaving was off-putting to say the least.

“Fine. I’ll do it.” Michael ground out. “But you should see if you can fit Gavin in as well.”

“Oh don’t worry.” Miles grinned. “We will.”

 

“Lucy!”

Gavin flinched as the name bounced around the house. He slowly rose and slipped downstairs, watching his mother as she came forwards. She glanced over him with a smile on her face.

“I want to say sorry for what happened the other day Lucy. I know it must have been distressing for you but it was necessary.”

“How? How the hell was that necessary?” Gavin spat out, not caring as he cursed at his mother. She looked taken aback, almost injured.

“Lucy, I know you don’t understand it right now but everything I am doing is to help you. I promise.”

“You’re lying!” Gavin screamed. His mother frowned, ducking her head down. “You don’t give a shit about me!”

“Lucy I love you more than you can understand! I am trying to do what’s best for you.” His mother’s voice was hard, giving no room for argument. But Gavin made room anyway.

“What’s best for me? What’s best for me is to not burn my clothes!”

“You went to school in trousers, pretending to be a boy, how did that work out for you? How many people knew you were a girl? Answer me Lucy!”

Gavin looked away. Michael had noticed.

“Were any of them violent?”

Gavin opened his mouth but then closed it slowly. They hadn’t been but it had been one of his big fears. His mother took his silence as confirmation and she sighed, drawing him close.

“You’re seventeen Lucy. You don’t understand these things. There are people out there who want to hurt girls your age. Dressing like that, pretending to be that, it’s dangerous.”

“Mum it’s not going to happen to me.”

“That’s what they all say. I have heard too many horror stories to justify letting you do this crap just because you want to.” Gavin glared down at the floor, crossing his arms. His mother sighed and stepped forwards, gently tilting his chin up. “It’s something you need to know Lucy. You’re more vulnerable than men and some people will exploit that. If you go around like this you’re handing yourself to them!”

“What? The people at school are going to assault me?” Gavin asked per-petulantly. His mother sighed and nodded.

“Their age doesn’t matter. Their job doesn’t matter. They could be younger than you. They could be in their twenties. They could be in their forties. You’re weaker than them Lucy. You’re not strong enough to stand up for yourself. I’m trying to protect you.”

“What the hell would they do to me?” Gavin asked defiantly. His mother stared at him as if she couldn’t believe how stupid Gavin was being.

“You could be raped Lucy. You could be kidnapped. You could be killed. There are paedophiles. There are men much older than you who will purposefully manipulate you to use you. You’ve been taught all of this over and over again. You’re in danger and if you keep on dressing like a man you’ll be in even more danger. I am _try_ ing to protect you.”

Despite how much Gavin wanted to disagree he understood his mother’s reasoning. He’d heard the stories, had been taught everything over and over again. It had been drilled into his skull but no matter what he did he couldn’t imagine it happening to him. It was just one of those things. The chances had to be a hundred to nothing or something.

“Please Lucy. I want to help you.” His mother looked sad, looked as if she was honestly trying to help him. That was what broke him. He nodded and stepped forwards, hugging her.

“’M sorry mum.”

“This is for your own good Lucy.” Gavin shuddered at the name but nodded. She was just trying to help.

 

Michael slouched into his house and paused. His father emerged from the living room looking so very tired.

“Hey bud.”

“Bad day?” Michael asked quietly, knowing that a raised voice would only make everything worse. His father nodded, looking gaunt.

“I’m sorry to ask this but can you grab us some food? You know what I like. Here.” His father stuffed a wad of bills into Michael’s hands. The boy nodded.

“Should I get anything for her?”

His father glanced back before sighing and shaking his head. “She wouldn’t trust it right now.”

“Okay. I got it dad.” Michael whispered this, quickly bringing his father into a tight hug.

“Thanks Mikey.”

Michael walked back out of the house and started towards the closest shops. It wasn’t that far but it was just far enough for him to get cold. Just far enough for him to be shaking by the end. As fall turned to winter the walk seemed to get longer and longer.

Michael tried to focus on Gavin, on school, on anything but as usual his mind drifted back to his mother.

Michael remembered when his mother had been diagnosed, he didn’t think he’d ever forget it. He had been sat down by his father and it had been explained in a soft tone of voice that did nothing to soothe Michael.

All Michael could hear was that she was gone, she wasn’t coming back. He knew it could have been worse, that’s what the doctor had said. But in that moment he didn’t care that it could have been worse, it was bad. It was bad and it was his mother.

He raced to her, sobbing. She turned, confused at the child running at her.

As she stared down at him, not knowing who he was, some integral part of Michael that had been linked to his mother broke. She had given birth to him, had taught him how to walk, his first word had been her name, she had loved him and cared for him.

But there he was, being told in a few short years she wouldn’t remember him, that first word would be lost as her mind began to break down. Every memory they’d created together, everything that formed the basis of their relationship would be nothing.

One day she would look at him and see a stranger.

That day was the first time Michael had punched someone with the intention of them not getting back up.

He had sat at the kitchen table, his father glaring at him next to a woman who used to be his mother. It was the first time but it wasn’t the last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In real life Miles doesn't have a sister (I am 99% sure of that) even if he did Olivier Candice isn't meant to be based off her (if that makes any sense.) She is an original character (shout out to JustGoogleIt on FF.net for 'When you wish upon a star' for a joke I am kinda taking because it took me the entirety of the fic to understand it.)  
> Also, sorry for how sad this chapter is compared to Support. I dunno, it happens.  
> We are now in the uncharted areas of this fanfic. At this point in the original I skipped to about November time and then ended it at Christmas. I didn't get into half the story and just reported it second hand. Now I'm writing the rest of the scenes. Forgive me if they're slow.  
> See you next time.


	13. Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Remember  
> Have in or be able to bring to one's mind an awareness of (someone or something from the past).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Memory is the key)  
> (Just saying)

**I need to talk to you.**

Geoff glanced down at the bottom of his screen and frowned.

**It’s urgent**

That made Geoff even more wary. He clicked open the window and found that the messages were from Ryan. He closed the internet tab he was using and brought the chat to full screen.

**Geoff: What is it?**

Geoff sat there for a few moments, trying to think about what Ryan might have to say. The other boy seemed to be doing alright. There was something with Ray that Geoff didn’t quite understand. But then again, with Ryan and Ray there had always been something Geoff hadn’t understood. He knew Ryan was bi, had known it since before he’d even met the other boy properly.

Griffon had mentioned him a couple of times but Geoff had never really thought too much about it. When the boy then stumbled into school with a bloody nose Geoff made it his business to think about it.

He’d tracked the other boys down, the ones who had hurt a random teenager and did everything he could to make sure they wouldn’t do it again. Back then he couldn’t throw very good punches but he could take them and take a lot of them.

Jack had just rolled his eyes when he saw what Geoff had done but hadn’t done anything to stop him the next day when he walked up to Ryan and sat down next to him. The other boy was so shocked that he didn’t notice the still red knuckles as they stole his fries.

Geoff hadn’t ever told Ryan about that bit of the story.

**Ryan: Is Gavin okay?**

**Geoff: What do you mean?**

**Ryan: The dress.**

**Geoff: His parents were being dicks. What does it matter?**

**Ryan: He’s not a guy is he?**

Geoff sat there for a moment and exhaled, a long sigh as if he was exhausted. He was. He was tired of his friends not being themselves, having to hide. Gavin had to do it twice over, sometimes hiding by saying he was a girl and sometimes hiding that other people thought he was. But he wasn’t the only one.

There had been Griffon, pretending to be the perfect child. There was Jack, pretending to be the mature adult because he knew Geoff wouldn’t. There was-

Geoff paused the train of thought. Even before then, before he’d met any of the people he now knew he’d known about hiding. He’d known how badly it could hurt the people around the hidden person and hurt the person hiding even more.

Ryan’s words reminded the older boy just what Gavin was going to be facing. He’d have to figure out which lie he could keep up for longer; that he was a girl or that he’d been born male. Sometimes life fucking sucked.

**Ryan: That sounded bad**

**Ryan: Sorry**

**Ryan: I meant is he trans?**

This wasn’t Geoff’s secret to give away and he knew that but he also knew that Ryan was a crafty motherfucker. If Geoff didn’t tell him then the boy would go searching until he found solid evidence. If he found that out about Gavin he’d probably also find out about his parents.

Gavin wasn’t in a good enough headspace for that to happen just yet.

So Geoff brought up a video call.

Ryan accepted it immediately and just sat there for a moment, looking like a kicked puppy as he struggled for words.

“This isn’t something you should have asked me.” Geoff said. Ryan stared back challengingly.

“Should I just have gone straight to Gavin then?”

“No but-” Geoff trailed off and rolled his eyes. “Don’t use logic on me Haywood.” Ryan smirked back before his face fell again.

“I’m right through, aren’t I?”

“Yeah. Yeah he is.” Geoff sighed out. “How’d you guess?”

“The dress for one thing but he just seems on edge sometimes. When Michael was doing that voice thing Gavin reacted really strongly. I just remember thinking it was really weird. Then when I saw the dress it just started to add up.”

Geoff nodded, frowning. “Don’t tell anyone else, alright?” Ryan nodded earnestly. “I’m gonna try and get him to come out to the rest of you but not before he’s ready. You telling people could totally fuck him over.”

“I won’t. I promise.” Ryan paused for a moment, as if contemplating something else. “Is that why you help him?”

Geoff didn’t like where this was going. “I help him because he’s a decent kid.”

“No, I mean- Is, you know, _that_ why you’re helping him?”

“No.” Geoff’s tone was final, leaving no room for argument. “I’m helping him because it’s the right thing to do.”

Ryan stared at him for a second, as if trying to work the other boy out, as if met by a mystery he couldn’t solve. Geoff glared right back. This carried on for a moment before Ryan sighed and ducked his head, nodding.

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright.” Geoff shrugged. “Apart from that, you good?”

Ryan paused and bit his lip before shaking his head.

“Ray was talking to me the other day about J, the guy he’s dating.”

“You jealous?”

“No it’s- it’s just-” Ryan broke off and sighed. “J’s a lot older than Ray. It just- it feels wrong?”

“Come on Ryan,” Geoff rolled his eyes, smirking. “Jealousy never suited you.” Geoff hung up the call before he could see the expression on Ryan’s face. Instead he leant back and smirked. He’d found Gavin a new ally and managed to embarrass Ryan. Good work, given the time frame.

 

“Hey, Lindsay!”

Lindsay turned as she saw Miles running down the corridor towards her. The teenager barely stopped in time to not barrel into her. When he did stop he paused as if searching for words.

“Hey Miles. What’re you doing?” Lindsay asked easily, turning back to walk towards her locker. Miles smiled and bounded after her.

“How’s it going with Barb?” Miles smirked at that and Lindsay rolled her eyes.

“It’s going well.”

“How well?”

“Very well, okay?” Miles continued to grin at Lindsay’s eye as the girl rolled her eyes.

“When did that start?”

“Beginning of the summer.” Lindsay shrugged slightly, opening her locker. Miles stayed standing there as she rifled through it, trying to find her pencil case. “Well, not really.”

“Oh come on Lindsay, tell me!” Miles exclaimed, pouting for effect. Lindsay rolled her eyes again.

“We just started hanging out more and more. Then one day, out of the blue we just-” Lindsay trailed off, smiling gently.

_Barbara sat on the floor in front of Lindsay, the other girl lounging across her bed._

_“Do you ever miss Canada Barb?”_

_Barbara glanced over to her curiously. Lindsay was propped up on her elbow and staring at her curiously. Barbara shrugged before answering._

_“I’ve been here long enough it’s not that bad. Sucked to begin with.”_

_“Is it better here?”_

_Barbara paused for a moment, mulling the question in her head. “It’s different. A lot warmer for one thing.” Lindsay nodded slowly, as if she was thinking about something intensely. Barbara frowned and shifted forwards. “Are you okay?”_

_“Yeah.” Lindsay mumbled out, staring at Barbara intently. Barbara stared back, not quite sure what to make of this behaviour._

_“Would you go back if you could?” Lindsay’s voice was small and she seemed more nervous than Barbara had seen in a long time. Barbara knew something was up but she didn’t know what. She chose her next words very carefully._

_“It would be nice to get back to the rest of my family. I miss a lot of stuff from there. I didn’t have any friends when I moved here, remember?” Lindsay nodded. “I mean, that changed real quick with you but it was still lonely. And first winter here I thought I couldn’t cope. It’s super different back home.”_

_“So you’d go back?” Lindsay asked in a small voice._

_“No. I don’t think so.” Barbara said thoughtfully. “Canada’s nice but I’d miss Austin. You know, friends, family, you.” Barbara trailed off as Lindsay sat up fully and turned to her._

_“Barb,” Lindsay broke off before standing and walking towards Barbara, sitting down next to her. “I- I need you to not overthink this okay?”_

_“Lindsay? Are you-” Barbara’s worried question was cut off as Lindsay leaned forwards to kiss her. The red head quickly pulled back and glanced at the other girl. Barbara just stared for a moment, processing the information._

_Terror flashed across Lindsay’s face as Barbara didn’t even move._

_“S-sorry.” Lindsay jumped up and was halfway across the room before Barbara followed and spun her around. Lindsay stared at her, half fearful and half angry. “Let me go Barb.”_

_“No.” The next thing Lindsay knew Barbara was kissing her again and the worry slid away from her almost instantly._

“Miles?”

Lindsay’s head shot up as she saw Barbara standing next to her, facing Miles.

“Yeah Babs?”

“Are you harassing my girlfriend?” Barbara’s tone was light-hearted as she entwined her fingers with Lindsay’s, squeezing once for comfort. Miles feigned indignation for a moment as he started to defend himself. Lindsay stopped listening for a moment, staring down at her hand.

Not much had changed in their relationship since they started dating. They still saw each other the same amount (almost all the time), they still made fun of each other and their conversations had barely changed.

But there was something new, some undercurrent that Lindsay couldn’t explain. Something had changed, something fundamental but she couldn’t pin it down.

“Linds?”

Looking back up at Barbara Lindsay smiled slightly which Barbara mimicked.

Something had changed, something was different but it didn’t matter. Lindsay didn’t know what it was and she honestly couldn’t bring herself to care.

 

Ray sat next to J, curling slightly into the man. He was half asleep but would swear he wasn’t. Nope. No way. Was not possible.

Ray would just roll his eyes and nod his head, not believing a word.

The teenager smirked at that before turning back to his Gameboy. To his side the TV blared out some sort of nonsense he couldn’t be bothered to listen to.

In that moment he was safe and comfortable. A yawn escaped his mouth and he winced. He knew he’d need to wake J up in a moment to drive him home. Then they’d have to go through another day of school pretending they didn’t want to spend every second together.

Ray knew that Ryan was getting suspicious and he also knew just how much J would lose if anyone found out about them. It was the reason he couldn’t call J by his real name, couldn’t even think it in case he slipped up later. Ray was adamant that he wouldn’t be the one to screw up this relationship. He’d keep J’s secrets.

As he thought this his mind slipped back to the first day of term, when he’d made the promise. Ray smiled gently at the memory.  

_Sometime after their lips had locked together, their clothes had flown off, their bodies had finished moving in sync, there came a moment of calm._

_They just lay there, ready to let the world move past them._

_After what seemed like hours Ray turned slightly to his lover to see him smiling back._

_“Ray, I need to ask you something. I need you to call me J. I’m sorry but the position I’m in- It’s just not professional.”_

_“But Jo-”_

_Ray was cut off as his lover placed his finger over the teen’s lips, a smile sneaking onto his own face._

_“Please Ray? For me?”_

_Ray looked at the man for a moment, feeling how his finger was still gently pressed against Ray’s face._

_“Okay, J.”_

_J smiled, removing his finger to kiss Ray once more._

_“It won’t be forever R. I promise. Just until you graduate. Then we’ll do whatever the fuck we want.”_

_“And I can call you anything?”_

_“R, when you graduate you can call me whatever the hell you want.”_

_“What about sugar bear?”_

_J paused for a moment, arching one eyebrow at the teen._

_“Not that.”_

Ray glanced at the man next to him. Funnily enough he changed his mind on that part.

The teenager sighed and began to prod his boyfriend gently. As he sat in the car watching the streets fly by he tried to comfort himself. Just a bit longer. He just had to wait a bit longer. J would wait for him and Ray would wait for J.

He’d wait for as long as he had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who might not have got it anything bolded is written/ typed or stressed and italics is either a stressed word or a memory. But they're differently stressed if that makes any sense? I have no idea.  
> Also, a really big apology for how long this took to write. Life got lifey and it always sucks when that happens. Thanks for your patience and I'll try to get another one up reasonably soon.  
> See you next time.


	14. Equivocation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Equivocation  
> The use of ambiguous language to conceal the truth or to avoid committing oneself; prevarication.

 

“Ryan,” Ryan turned to Joel as he spoke. “Stay for a moment please.” Ryan frowned before nodding. Griffon glanced at him in a silent question but he just shrugged his shoulders. He had no idea. She furrowed her brow in curiosity but walked out of the room, leaving just the two of them in there. Joel paused for a moment at the front of the room before walking over to his student. Ryan looked up, still confused but the teacher just smiled.

“You’re not in trouble Ryan.” Joel broke off and stared off into nothing. Ryan stood there for a moment, not quite sure what to say next. It was as if Joel had completely forgotten he was in the room.

“Joel?” Ryan asked tentatively. Joel’s head snapped up.

“You’re in the play.” Ryan nodded and Joel frowned as if he was just learning this for the first time.

“Who are you playing?”

“Irwin.” Ryan said slowly. Joel was always a bit weird but this was almost a record for him.

“What do you think about him?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you think about the character?”

“I think he’s a bit odd.”

“And his relationship with Dakin?” Ryan shifted uncomfortably for a moment, with no idea what Joel wanted from him.

“I think- I think it’s unprofessional and dangerous. A teacher having that kind of relationship with a student, in an actual situation it would be considered very toxic and-”

“But within the context of the play?” Joel spoke over Ryan and the teenager frowned in confusion.

“It doesn’t seem wrong or at least the characters don’t think it’s wrong.”

“And is that healthy?”

“I don’t- I don’t understand.” Joel stared down at Ryan, brow furrowed. There was a long pause as Ryan shifted uncomfortably. Suddenly Joel started talking again as if there had never been a pause.

“Hullum wants to know if we should tone down the script. What do you think?”

“I think,” Ryan paused. “Because it’s a story it doesn’t matter.”

“So does a story not exist in the same way?”

“In a story there aren’t any victims. The worst thing that could happen is someone being upset over it.” Ryan said slowly, thinking about it. Joel watched him before nodding.

“I’ll tell Hullum that then. Thank you Ryan.”

Ryan frowned again before nodding and walking off. He felt as if the conversation meant more, as if Joel had been thinking about it before and was still thinking. But, Ryan thought, it didn’t matter to him.

“What did Heyman want?” Griffon asked as she fell into step beside him. Ryan shrugged.

“Dunno. He was being weird again. He wanted to know what I thought about Dakin and Irwin.”

“What?” Griffon asked nonplussed.

“He didn’t really say why. I dunno.” Ryan glanced around the lunch room before turning back to Griffon. “Have you seen Gavin?”

 

Geoff was slumped over in his seat, half asleep while Jack watched him in exasperation. They were in the middle of a lesson. Jack glanced up at the teacher. Sorola or Burns normally let Geoff get away with almost anything. But Mrs Chase wasn’t the same. While she stood up at the board, explaining something about the endless refractions and reflections of light Geoff started snoring. Before the teacher could notice it Jack shoved Geoff hard enough that the teenager nearly fell off the chair. He then sat bolt upright, casting around wildly before seeing Jack. He then collapsed back and glared at his friend.

“What was that for?” He grumbled. Jack rolled his eyes.

“It was because we’re in the middle of a lesson you’re meant to be listening to.” Jack hissed. Geoff sneered up at him before grumpily sitting back up. “Why are you so tired?”

“Bad dream.” Geoff yawned before finally picking up his pen and beginning to take notes. Jack decided not to point out that they were already three quarters of an hour into an hour long lesson.

“About what?”

Geoff paused for a moment, pen stilling, before answering. “Drowning.”

“Oh.” Jack paused, not quite sure what to say. “I thought that had stopped?”

“It did.” Geoff pulled a hand down his face, looking exhausted. “It started back up after the hospital. Told you I hated them.”

“You needed to go though.” Jack said carefully, glancing around. Geoff hated talking about this. Hated talking about his ‘drowning.’ Any number of their classmates could know what had happened but Geoff didn’t admit it, never admitted it.

“I get it Jack.” Geoff grumbled. “I get it was dumb but-” Geoff paused and stared at his friend. Jack held the gaze for a few seconds before looking away again. He knew it was dumb but it had been Jack, it had been Jack in pain.

“If it happens again, if you get the nightmare I mean,” Jack paused, wanting to do something more but he couldn’t think of anything. “Let me know.” Geoff nodded and they turned back to the lesson both knowing it would happen again. Both knowing Jack could do nothing to stop it, no matter how hard he’d been trying.

 

Gavin walked into his house, throwing himself across the couch and flicking on the TV. He scrolled through the channels, finding nothing interesting until he finally landed on some mindless show that was at least halfway decent. As he watched, his mind began to wander and he couldn’t stop himself thinking about what had happened earlier that day.

_“Gavin, I need to talk to you.”_

Those were never good words, Gavin reflected, as someone on the screen started shouting. Coming from Ryan they could be good or bad, no-one really knew what went on with that guy.

_“What is it Ry-bread?”_

Gavin remembered how Ryan had shifted uncomfortably, as if he wasn’t sure of what he was meant to say next. Gavin had started panicking after a few moments and so had started to think up some response, to make it into a joke.

_“Are you trans?”_

That had thrown anything Gavin was about to say out the window so he had just stood there for a moment, staring. Ryan had looked down at him with concern in his face.

_“What the bloody hell do you mean?” Gavin tried to control his voice but he couldn’t quite and it squeaked, too high he thought glumly._

_“Don’t lie to me Gav. I asked Geoff last night.”_

_“Geoff told you?” Gavin tried to make himself furious, tried to get mad but he couldn’t. All he could feel was fear. “Fine. What if I was?”_

_“I’m not judging.” Ryan raised his hands as if in a surrender. “I was just curious I swear.”_

_“Well then yeah. I am.” Gavin snapped, heart pounding in his chest. “What do you care?”_

_“I want to help you Gavin.”_

_“What do you know about it?” Gavin scoffed. “I can deal with it on my own.”_

_“But you don’t have to.” Ryan replied patiently. Gavin glared at him before forcing himself to relax._

_“Yeah, well, Geoff’s got my back.”_

_“And Michael?” Gavin’s silence was the only answer Ryan needed. “Why haven’t you told him?”_

_“Michael knows.” Gavin mumbled._

_“You told him?” Ryan asked in surprise. His face dropped as he saw Gavin shake his head._

_“He found out.”_

_“How?”_

_“I came in with a dress and he caught me having a panic attack in the bathroom.”_

_“Is that why you’re wearing his clothes?” Gavin frowned at Ryan’s words. He didn’t realise the teenager was so astute._

_“Yeah.”_

_“The rest of the crew can help. I promise.”_

_“Will they?”_

_“Yes.” Ryan’s voice didn’t leave any room for discussion or doubt. He believed it, completely and utterly. Gavin blinked in confusion before nodding slowly._

“I’m home!”

Gavin heard the door slam closed and he stilled for a moment. His father walked in and frowned for a moment.

“How was school?”

“It was good.” Gavin mumbled. His father frowned and turned to him.

“Where’s your mother?”

“I think she’s in the kitchen.” Gavin kept his voice neutral as his father walked off. His eyes tracked the man’s path for a second before he relaxed back into the sofa. Once more he remembered just what Ryan had said.

_“I’m guessing Geoff tried to protect you? He’s not going to stop doing that.” Ryan chuckled gently. “He doesn’t like seeing people hurt, especially people close to him. I bet Michael’s the same. You could just tell the rest of them you know.”_

_Gavin had shrugged, suddenly very self-conscious._

_“If you come out to them they’ll accept you, no questions asked. I swear.”_

_“How do you know?”_

_Ryan had smiled then. “I’ve known these people for years now. I’ve known some of them since they were thirteen. They’re assholes but they’re not going to hurt you over this. I promise.”_

This time Gavin was thrown out of his thoughts as a yell ripped through the house. He could just about hear the argument brewing but could barely make out a single word. It continued to escalate for what seemed like hours until Gavin could make out every single word as they ricocheted around the house, bouncing off the walls to throw themselves against the next.

“You piece of shit!”

“Don’t you fucking start!”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“You’re a bitc-”

Then there was a slap.

Gavin froze with no idea what to do.

In an instant he heard a door slam and his father crashed back into the room. Gavin couldn’t move as he stared up at his father. The man saw his gaze and started to approach the teenager. Gavin cowered back and that only seemed to enrage the man.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” He spat. Gavin flinched back slightly and felt a hand in his hair before he was yanked to his feet. He couldn’t stop the shriek that escaped him which was cut off as his father backhanded him across the face. This was almost immediately followed by a punch to his stomach. Gavin fell to his knees and suddenly there was a foot in his face. He was launched backwards, eyes stinging. He vaguely saw, through the water gathering in his eyes, his mother walking into the room. For a moment he thought she was just going to leave again or just watch.

But, rather than leaving, his mother stepped in.

“Leave her alone!” His mother screeched. His father turned around, giving Gavin time to put a bit of distance between them. He almost immediately felt the wall behind him and froze as he watched the scene unfold.

“She deserves-”

“She doesn’t deserve anything!” Gavin looked up in surprise as his mother actually defended him. “You’re pissed. Get out the house until you can actually control yourself!” Gavin’s father stepped forwards threateningly but his mother didn’t move. After a tense moment the man turned and left the room.

His mother hesitated for a moment before rushing to Gavin’s side.

“What did you do this time Lucy? You know how he gets sometimes!”

“I didn’t do anything!” Gavin attempted to defend himself but his mother was having none of it. She grabbed his face, turning it this way and that.

“Come on Lucy. You know how stressed he is right now. Antagonising him doesn’t help anyone.” Gavin gaped for a moment at his mother before falling silent as she continued to examine his face. “That’ll probably bruise.” She sighed. “Make sure to cover it up, okay? We don’t want anyone to get any ideas.” Gavin nodded dumbly and his mother frowned for a moment. “I know it’s tough Lucy but he’ll get better.”

“And how long is that meant to take?” Gavin snapped. His mother frowned at that.

“Lucy, if you could actually stop pretending he would be a lot easier!”

“Pretending?” Gavin asked tiredly. His mother shook her head.

“You’re a girl Lucy. I know it might be easier to pretend, might be easier to hide away from the world but that won’t help you. It won’t help anyone.” Gavin’s mother sighed and walked over to one of the drawers and pulled something out. Gavin took the moment to poke gingerly at his cheek which made him wince. When he turned around again his mother was holding a device of plastic and metal that made Gavin freeze on the spot. “Your father and I have discussed this when he was a bit more,” she paused before sighing and handing the device to Gavin. “Sober. We need to trust you again Lucy. We want to trust you again. We know that you’re having a hard time at school and this might help.” She leant forward and kissed Gavin’s forehead lightly before walking back into the kitchen.

Gavin stared at his hand, mouth hanging half open. He raced up the stairs, still holding it tightly. It was only when he was safely in his room that he unclenched his hand and stared at the device sitting there. At the phone. At his phone.

He turned it on and sighed in irritation as the battery sign flashed. He shoved the phone on to charge and then lay back He collapsed onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling. He wanted to call Dan, to call Geoff or Michael or Ryan or any of them. He wanted to do something.

He lay in his bed starting up at the ceiling. He’d just have to wait for tomorrow. But tomorrow… Gavin felt a smile on his face. Tomorrow he could talk to his friends again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...  
>  Lazer Team, am I right?


	15. Awareness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Awareness  
> Knowledge or perception of a situation or fact.

**From: Unkown**

**Michael**

**From: Unkown**

**Michael**

**From: Unkown**

**Michael**

**From: Unkown**

**Michael**

**To: Unknown**

**Who the fuck is this?**

**From: Unknown**

**Michael!**

**To: Unknown**

**Answer the fucking question!**

**From: Unknown**

**It’s Gavin!**

**To: Unknown**

**Gavin? When did you get a phone?**

**From: Gabby**

**My mum!**

Michael looked up from his phone for a moment, right in time to see Gavin come whirling around the corner. The teenager toppled and crashed to the floor before righting himself and grinning at Michael. The other boy rolled his eyes and stood there while Gavin rushed forwards. He couldn’t help the smile that slipped onto his face as he saw Gavin’s wide grin.

But then he wiped the smile off his face and batted Gavin away, huffing. Gavin continued to grin and Michael rolled his eyes.

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

“Michael!” Gavin suddenly looked affronted and Michael rolled his eyes again. As quick as he’d changed expression Gavin turned back, grinning goofily. “Don’t be mean.”

“I’m not being mean!” Michael exclaimed. “You’re bouncing around like a fucking puppy!”

“I got my phone back!” Gavin exclaimed, still grinning. “Look!” Michael looked at the phone and smiled just a little bit.

“You’re going to spam me now, aren’t you?” Michael asked, already resigned to his fate. Gavin smirked at that.

“I’m going to text you so hard that-” Before Gavin could finish his sentence another student pushed past and he staggered back, nearly losing his footing. Michael glared after the other student as he grabbed Gavin and pulled him upright again.

“Dick.” Michael muttered after the retreating figure. Gavin shrugged, suddenly looking a lot smaller than he had a moment before. He pocketed the phone and offered a weak smile to Michael.

“Come on, doesn’t matter.” Michael glared after the student as she turned the corner. Michael had half a mind to cause a scene, yell at her, but then he remembered what Hullum said. God, Michael thought, fists clenching, this was difficult. As he was thinking this Miles and Kerry turned the corner, deep in conversation. As they spotted Michael and Gavin Kerry stopped whatever he’d been muttering and Miles strode forwards.

“Hey guys.” He looked at Gavin and did a double take. Miles took a step closer and peered forwards. Gavin regarded him warily and winced when Miles started to talk. “Are you wearing make up?” He asked incredulously. Gavin shifted slightly as the other two stared at him as well.

“Gavin? Why the fuck are you wearing makeup?” Michael snapped. Gavin shrugged but Michael didn’t take that as an answer. He looked closer and went to grab Gavin’s chin. The Brit jerked back immediately and Michael frowned. “The fuck?”

“I-” Gavin paused. What should he do? Staring at Michael he knew what he wanted to do; come clean. “I got a bruise, that’s all.”

“From who?” Instantly Michael’s whole demeanour changed, he was furious as he stared at Gavin’s eye, at the bruise he could just about make out. Gavin opened his mouth but then, seeing Michael’s expression, he faltered. He couldn’t tell him the truth. Michael had a lot of anger but his parents had far more.

“It was just some guys.”

“Who?” Michael snapped out. “Tell me now!” Gavin glared at him, pouting slightly, as his mind raced.

“It doesn’t matter.” Gavin shrugged and made to move but Michael slammed his arm into Gavin’s chest, to hold him. Gavin let out a huff of surprise but Michael didn’t move his arm.

“Tell me!”

Gavin opened his mouth but before he could say anything (not that he’d know what to say) Kerry butted in.

“Get off him Michael!” Kerry pushed Michael away and stared at Gavin. “Have they done this before?”

“Yeah.” Gavin muttered. Kerry frowned and Miles, looking bewildered, stepped forwards.

“Are you okay?”

“Course. I’m top!” Gavin forced himself to grin, ignoring Michael glaring at him. “I’m always top!”

 

 

Miles walked down the corridor, stuck in thought. Kerry had brought up the idea of a villain in the script they were writing but Miles couldn’t work out who or what it would be. All of his current ideas were a bit grim.

He continued thinking in this vein as he walked down the corridor, mulling over what Kerry had said to him. He was ripped from his thoughts as he heard a voice, Joel Heyman’s, rising in anger. He froze in the corridor and glanced towards one of the classrooms where he could just about see Joel in the door talking to Johnson, one of the other drama teachers. Miles frowned and took a tentative step forwards, straining his ears.

After the first shout the two had became a lot quieter and started almost growling at each other. Miles couldn’t quite hear the conversation, just getting fragments through the door.

“-Unprofessional.”

“You don’t honestly think-”

“I don’t know-”

“You-”

“-Narvaez.”

At Ray’s name Miles paused. What the hell were they talking about? Miles took another tentative step closer but then Johnson glanced at the door. Miles froze, a deer caught in headlights. The teacher looked murderous for a moment and Joel glanced over to see Miles stood there. Joel looked angry but at the sight of his student he obviously tried to calm himself and took a step towards the door.

“What are you doing here Miles?”

“I- I was just-” Miles gestured behind him and Heyman frowned.

“Run along, you’re going to be late to class.” Miles nodded and glanced between the two teachers again before turning away, mind tumbling over itself with curiosity and theories.

In the room behind him the two drama teachers looked at each other.

“Narvaez is my student, he is my responsibility.”

“Is he only that?”

“Yes.”

“Make sure he stays that way.”

 

 

“I think I wanna tell them Michael.” Gavin muttered. Michael looked up, not even needing Gavin to tell him what about.

“Are you sure?” Michael asked quietly. Gavin nodded, breath catching slightly in his throat. He did want to. He thought he did anyway. “They’re not going to judge you for this Gav, Ryan didn’t remember?”

“Yeah, but Ryan’s insane.” Gavin grinned as he spoke. “Mad King and everything, remember?” Michael glared at him for a moment.

“Oh, I mean Ryan’s crazy and he’s probably going to kill us all but that’s beside the point. Griffon’s bi, Ray’s ace, Lindsay’s bi, Barb’s gay, they’re not going to hold this against you or judge you I promise.” Gavin hummed his agreement gently.

“I know. It’s just-” Gavin trailed off. It was scary. Back in England it had been easier, only Dan knew. He had other friends but really it was him and Dan. Now, in the warmth of Texas, he’d found more friends. And he didn’t like lying to them about this.

“It’s your choice.” Michael shrugged and turned. Gavin nodded and they began to walk off, quickly falling into conversation. At the back of Gavin’s head the idea gnawed away at him.

That night as he lay in his bed staring up at his ceiling he swore to himself he’d do it this time. Tomorrow he’d do it, he’d tell all of them. Gavin closed his eyes and rolled over, ignoring the screams and shouts from below him. He wasn’t going anywhere near _that_ tonight.

 

 

By the time J got home Ray was sat outside his house, dangling his legs down the wall he was perched on as he tapped away at his phone. The sun was setting and as time passed Ray grew more and more worried. J had promised him a few hours that night while Ray’s mom thought he was over at Michael’s house.

They couldn’t have the whole night together but there’d be enough time for-

Ray was broken from his thoughts as J’s car rolled up. He hopped off the wall and smiled as the man approached. At the sight of Ray J’s face turned almost scared.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He hissed, grabbing Ray’s arm. The teenager frowned as J dragged him towards the house, keeping a tight grip on his arm. “They can’t see you here! You know that!” Ray was pulled through the door and J slammed it closed, taking a number of deep calming breaths. Then he turned back to Ray who had not yet spoken a word. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I-” Ray backed up a step subconsciously as he saw J step forwards. “I was waiting for you.” Now it sounded dumb, even to his ears. He should know better than that. No-one was allowed to know about it. If they did then they’d try to stop it. Ray didn’t want that so he had to be subtle about it. “Sorry.” J sighed and nodded.

“It’s just- Yeah. I know R.” He paused for a moment before walking down the hallway into the kitchen. He grabbed a beer before moving into the living room. He slammed into the couch and Ray followed, entwining J’s free hand with his own. The man smiled tiredly at him and took a swig from the bottle. “You want some?” He proffered it to Ray who hesitated for a moment before shaking his head, thinking suddenly of Geoff.

“Nah. It’s pretty gross.” J nodded slowly and continued to drink. Ray shifted uncomfortably. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. J was _never_ like this. “Is everything okay?” J stared at him for a moment before shaking his head.

“No. Fucking-It’s not you R, promise.” He broke off for a moment, shaking his head. “Someone thinks we’re together. It just-” He squeezed his hand tighter around the bottle and Ray shifted closer to him, moving a hand around his to make J loosen his grip.

“Do they know?”

“No. He just guessed but-”

“We’ll be fine.” Ray scoffed slightly and rose, J following the action. “It’s not like he’s-”

“You don’t understand!” J suddenly roared. Ray whipped around, blinking in surprise as J continued speaking much louder than usual. “They’re going to split us up! They’re going to take you away!” Ray stepped forwards and suddenly was shoved backwards. The teenager stumbled for a moment before losing his footing and crashing down. As he fell he hit the glass coffee table and it shattered instantly, into tiny pieces of glass. Ray let out a yelp as one of the pieces ripped opened up the skin on his arm, blood rushing to the surface. Instantly J was there. He picked Ray up and pushed him onto the sofa, away from the glass, apologising profusely as he did. Ray just sat there for a few moments, blinking numbly.

When J returned, first aid kit in hand, Ray snapped out of whatever trance he’d been in. Hr offered a weak smile up as his boyfriend continued to apologise. J looked horrified at what he’d done and was grabbing everything he could that could help his boyfriend.

“It’s fine J. Now give me that.” Ray made grabby hands to the kit in J’s hands. The man frowned before shaking his head and sitting down next to Ray. He pulled Ray’s arm closer and frowned at the cut. It wasn’t very big, less than half an inch across, but J was treating it as if it was a life threatening wound. It was kind of sweet actually, Ray thought.

“I am _so_ sorry R.” J said quietly. Ray rolled his eyes in response. He knew J wasn’t actually going to hurt him. He’d reacted out of fear of losing Ray after all.

“I’m fine you idiot.” Ray muttered, batting J’s hands away. “It doesn’t hurt.” His words seemed to do nothing to placate J as the man continued to frown. He opened his mouth but before he could continue the argument Ray surged forwards and kissed him gently. “It Was an accident J. Anyway, you should be more worried about your table.” At his own words Ray glanced at the table. It was shattered completely, pieces of broken glass littering the floor. It would take forever to pick them all up Ray mused. Even then, the table would be broken. It was useless to even attempt it. Unless J reforged the whole thing the best thing he could do was bin it. No point in keeping something that broken.

“I am so sorry.” J whispered quietly. Ray snapped his head up to meet the man’s eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Ray rolled his eyes again and nodded.

“It was an accident J. Not your fault or my fault. A stupid accident that doesn’t mean anything.” J nodded his head, still frowning. He reached forwards and kissed Ray softly. As the kiss began to deepen Ray felt the pain in his hand fade into the background. J pulled away, breaking the kiss off all too soon.

“Come on.” J muttered, rising. “I need to get you home.” Ray pouted for a moment before following the man. Before they left the room Ray pressed a light kiss to J’s cheek and smirked up at him. J groaned in defeat. “I need to get you home, R. Tomorrow, promise.”

“School?” Ray asked, smirking. J nodded in response.

“You read my mind. You’ve got frees three and four, so do I.”

“It’s a date then.” Ray muttered.

As the door slammed shut the reverberations caused the glass to shift slightly. The rising moon did nothing to light the room, shrouded as it was by storm clouds. So there the glass lay, there the lost shards lay.

 

 

“Guys,” Gavin stood shakily, wishing his voice was stronger. The rest of the lunch table turned to him expectantly and he faltered. He could feel his heart speeding up. He knew they wouldn’t judge him, wouldn’t hold it against him but he was scared. He could still feel twinges in his eye from where his father had punched him a whole week later. His father’s wrath was because of Gavin, Gavin refusing to just sit down, shut up and be a good daughter.

“Gav?” Barbara asked curiously. “You still there, buddy?”

“Yeah.” Gavin took a deep breath. “I haven’t been entirely honest with you guys. I don’t- I didn’t lie to you.” Gavin corrected himself quickly as he saw Lindsay about to ask him something so he just bulldozed over whatever she was about to ask. “I- I-” Gavin sighed. This was it; the moment of truth.

This would be when he really found out what kind of friends they were. He’d heard about Ryan’s old friends, the guys that turned on him when they found out Ryan was bisexual. He knew all about people not accepting trans kids. The bruise on his cheek was a testament to that. So were the other bruises and cuts that were always duplicated before the first ones could heal.

“I’m trans.” Finally Gavin was proud of his voice, how strong it was as he declared just who he was to his friends. He sat down and waited for their judgement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I've been basing all of my American knowledge off Google so far and I don't really trust it (sorry Google). If there's someone who is American can you talk to me on my Tumblr blazingstarininkyblackness (I have no imagination) I need clarification on a couple of things. It would really help me :)  
> See you next time.


	16. Courage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Courage  
> Strength in the face of pain or grief.

 Gavin stared at the crew in front of him, heart pounding in his chest and breath coming too fast. He felt sick as he waited for their judgement. Sure, he thought they’d be okay with it but he didn’t _know_ and that was the worst part. Because he wasn’t sure he could take it if these people didn’t accept it.

He realised he was still staring at them and they at him.

“So?” He asked quietly, somehow managing to get the words around the vice in his throat. Miles stared up at him curiously before nodding.

“Okay.” He then turned back to his food, “You gonna sit down now?” Gavin gaped at the boy before Barbara smacked him over the head. Miles looked up at her reproachfully. But she ignored it as she turned to Gavin.

“Thanks for telling us Gav.” Gav stayed standing, blinking in confusion. The rest of the table smiled at him before turning back to whatever they’d been doing.

“What?” Gavin spluttered out. They glanced back up to see the boy blinking in confusion. “B- but- but I’m trans! You should- I dunno. You don’t just-”

“Gav,” Ray said slowly. “Sit down and eat. Bell’s going to go soon.” Gavin sat back down and looked around them in confusion, not understanding what was going on. A part of him was telling him this shouldn’t be happening. He shouldn’t still be sat here with them. They should be hitting him, hurting him because he was a freak, he didn’t even deserve the air he took, the space he took up. He definitely didn’t deserve acceptance. But here they were, easily accepting him without a second thought.

He sat down and continued to frown in confusion until Michael turned to him, smirking.

“Told you so.”

“Oh sod off.” Gavin murmured with no bite behind the words. Michael had been right somehow. His friends thought he was worth their time, his friends thought he was okay even though he was a monster, he was just pretending, even though everything his father said was true they still believed he was good. They weren’t just putting up with him. They were sticking by his side.

Gavin didn’t even notice he was crying until Lindsay hugged him.

“Come on Gavvy, we weren’t going to kick you out.” Lindsay said gently. Gavin nodded slightly and smiled up at her.

“Thank you.” He wanted to say more, to warn them that they shouldn’t waste time on him, shouldn’t put up with him, should hate him. But he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to tell them he wasn’t worth it. He wanted to believe what he’d always thought; he hadn’t had a choice. He hadn’t been able to choose who he’d been born as. He’d had no chance to change it. He’d been born wrong and he’d been born to parents who didn’t understand. And, most of all, it wasn’t his fault.

 

Ray sat next to Ryan, Miles trying to throw grapes into the other teen’s mouth. Ray missed most of them and there was now grapes covering the drama studio but it didn’t deter either of them from throwing more. It was beginning to get on Ryan’s nerves. Suddenly one of the grapes hit him in the head and he whirled around to see Ray smirking at him.

“Got you.”

“For-” Ryan broke off and growled under his breath. Ray frowned and glanced at Miles who just shrugged his shoulders. Ryan wasn’t normally that easy to annoy.

“What’s wrong Ryan?” Ray asked quietly. Ryan just shook his head in exasperation before holding up his script.

“I can’t remember the fucking thing!” He exclaimed before throwing it back down into his lap. He then took slow calming breaths. Again, the two teens exchanged worried looks before scooting forwards and looking over Ryan’s shoulders to the script. “And-” Ryan broke off, shaking his head.

“Come on Ryan, it’s not that bad.” Miles started. “We’ve got time.” They had nothing but time in fact. The play had been meant to happen at Christmas but then Johnson said they wouldn’t be able to learn the thing in time. That had then escalated into a shouting match between Ryan and Johnson until Heyman and Ray walked into the room and tried to intervene. Joel managed to calm Ryan while Ray attempted, with very little success, to calm Johnson. Johnson and Ryan had then just stared at each other in anger before Heyman agreed with Johnson and gave Ryan detention for yelling at a teacher. Johnson tried to fight for more but Heyman pulled the head of department card.

All that had really done had made Ryan even more annoyed and somehow even more stressed. Now rather than getting the play over and done with at Christmas he’d continue to have rehearsals until an as yet unknown date.

“Yeah, we’ve got time. Great.” Ryan growled out, still staring at the script. One of the things that pissed him off the most was that Johnson had been right and Ryan had yelled at him for no reason. If one of the leads of the play couldn’t even remember their lines then there was no hope for the rest of the crew.

“Come on then,” Ray snapped, grabbing the script before Ryan could stop him. The older teen glared at him as he did. “You start and I’ll finish it off.” Miles glanced between the two of them as they began to go through the script. With every line Ryan got right he relaxed just a bit more until he finally bent his head in an apology.

“Sorry.” He muttered after half an hour. Ray shrugged his shoulders

“You’re stressed. You worked out a college yet?”

“No.” Ryan sighed. Out of all the group he was the one most focused on going to college, with Geoff very close behind. But for that he needed good grades. In these last few weeks they had been slipping away from him. He was worried about his friends. He’d talked to Gavin a lot in the weeks after he came out. Really, the only one of his friends he hadn’t been able to talk to was Ray. Any time he tried to Ray just deflected. Thinking that Ryan realised this was the perfect time. “Ray,” Ryan started slowly. “I want to talk to you.”

“You want me to leave?” Miles asked but Ryan shook his head. If Miles left then Ray could easily get out of the conversation. Ray frowned at Ryan, what could he want to talk about?

“Ray, tell Miles how old J is.” Ryan said softly. Ray narrowed his eyes and glared at Ryan before turning to Miles.

“He’s thirty three.” Miles’ eyes widened and he gaped in horror.

“Thirty three?” His voice squeaked at the top which made Ray scowl at Ryan who didn’t look sorry in the slightest. In fact Ryan looked almost glad at Miles’ reaction. Ray sighed and nodded.

“I know it’s different. I know it’s weird but he’s good. He’s great. He’s,” Ray trailed off, smiling gently. “He cares about me and I care about him. He won’t hurt me and I won’t hurt him. I love him.”

“Does he love you?” Ryan snapped out. Ray nodded.

“You’re underage Ray.” Miles said slowly.

“And?” Ray bristled at Miles’ words. “He looks after me, he doesn’t take advantage. He loves me!”

“It’s illegal Ray!”

“So is Geoff’s drinking!” Ray exclaimed.

“And he’s nearly killed himself!”

“That’s because he’s an idiot!”

“He’ll hurt you!”

Ray took a deep breath after that to calm himself. He didn’t want to fight. “Ryan, I trust him. He’s never hurt me. He’s never even tried to hurt me. I love him and he loves me back. Age doesn’t matter.”

“Ray-” Ryan started before shaking his head. “I don’t trust him.” He whispered. “I just-”

“I know. I know you don’t. I’m not asking you to trust him. I’m asking you to trust _me._ ” Ryan met Ray’s eyes and held them for a moment. He didn’t like this at all. He could feel dread deep in his gut but he did trust Ray. He didn’t think he’d ever met J (he had, he’d seen him at least once a week since terms started back up) so he didn’t think he had any right to argue with Ray. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes. Ray just-” Ryan paused, wanting to say so much but having no words to use. “Just be careful, okay?”

“I will be. Promise.” Ray smiled after that. “Anyway, come on.” Ray stood, obviously wanting to leave the rest of the conversation far behind. “Heyman’s going to need the room back.”

“How did you even get him to agree to us using the room?” Miles asked in curiosity. Ray smirked at that.

“I called in a favour.” With that the three teenagers left the drama studio, leaving a pile of half squashed grapes behind.

 

Gavin sat next to Michael, humming a tune under his breath. Michael smiled over at him. Ever since the Brit had come out he was happier, there was a bounce in his step and a light in his eyes that had nearly been extinguished.

“Michael,” Gavin suddenly said, sitting bolt upright. “Do you ever wonder-”

“Why we’re here? No. Never once have I thought that.” Michael snapped out. Gavin turned to him in confusion and Michael suddenly remembered that Gavin had only been in the school for a few months. “It was- it was something Geoff said a lot.” Michael muttered. Gavin continued to frown at that but nodded.

“Nah, do you ever wonder if science is proper?”

Michael turned to Gavin fully, giving the Brit more than enough time to take in his incredulous face.

“What?”

“Well I mean-”

“You’re a fucking idiot.” Geoff chimed in. Gavin turned to Geoff, looking betrayed.

“Geoff! How could you say that?”

“It’s the fucking truth!” Michael exclaimed. “Is science real?” He put on his Gavin impersonation, pitching his voice higher. “Oi, Michael, did you ever fink science wasn’t real?” Michael paused as he saw Gavin’s face fall instantly. The Brit stood and hesitated for a moment before walking off. Michael turned to Geoff in confusion but the older teen just shrugged his shoulders in confusion. “The fuck?” Michael asked incredulously.

“Maybe he’s-” Geoff paused before continuing. “Oh. Shit.”

“What?”

“He’s trans Michael.”

“Yeah. And?” Michael asked brusquely, still not putting the dots together.

“He can’t get the drugs. That’s his voice Michael. He can- he can hide what he looks like and he can feel like himself but he can’t change his voice.” Michael suddenly realised what Geoff meant and a memory sprung into his head; Game Night.

Michael suddenly remembered how Gavin had fallen silent after they started imitating him and how he’d looked afterwards. Michael remembered the spike of vindication that had raced through him, his smirk as he finally found something he could hurt the boy with.

“Fuck.” Michael stood and strode off in the direction Gavin had gone before Geoff could stop him. Geoff rose as well but then cringed and sat down, head in hands. The pounding in his head from the previous night’s drinking was barely tolerable when he was staying still. Moving was beyond him. Once more he cursed himself for drinking that much while knowing he’d do the same that night.

As he helped Gavin he found himself reaching for a bottle more and more. It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t good. But it was relaxing. It was a coping mechanism that he needed if he was going to help Gavin cope with his parents. Geoff wished he could just stop it, force the Brit to leave but he knew that wasn’t going to happen any time soon.

Gavin loved his parents and no matter how many times they hit him that wouldn’t change.

“Gavin!” Michael raced down the hallways, glaring at the students who glared right back. “Gavin!” He skidded around a corner and froze as he took in the scene in front of him. A teenager had Gavin pinned against the locker, holding the Brit by his shirt. There was another two teenagers standing there, each one much larger than Gavin. The boy himself was trying to struggle but his attacker wasn’t letting him move an inch. Michael couldn’t hear what the teenager was saying to Gavin but the terror on his face was more than enough explanation.

Michael couldn’t quite tell you what happened next. All he knew was that he ran and then he felt some warm liquid begin to pour down his hands. There was pain in his side but he ignore it as he leapt forwards again.

“Michael! MICHAEL!”

Michael froze as he heard Gavin’s voice. He half turned and one of his attackers took that opportunity to crash his fist into Michael’s face. Michael reeled backwards as he felt pain explode in his nose, quickly followed by a burning liquid slipping down his face.

“You mother _fucker_!” He exclaimed as he felt the pain. He staggered backwards and the attackers took the opportunity to advance. Suddenly Michael was on the defensive as he tried to get a punch in while the others took as many as they could. Gavin vanished and Michael had just enough time to feel glad the Brit wasn’t going to be hurt before he was grabbed and punched in the stomach. He collapsed to the floor, winded and took a kick to the head.

He instantly knew he had to get up. If he stayed down they wouldn’t stop. He managed to scramble to his feet before he was kicked in the head again. This time when he went down he stayed for several seconds before he heard a yell down the corridor. He stayed down, blinking slowly before he felt hands on him. He tried to push them away, punching out wildly. The punch connected and was quickly followed by a curse but then the hands returned, a lot more gently this time.

“Michael! Michael!” Michael opened his eyes and blinked in confusion as he saw Burns crouched in front of him, gently shaking him. Behind him there was a small crowd of people all staring down at Michael. The teen struggled to his feet but Burnie held him back. “Whoa Michael, you can’t get up right now.” Michael shook his head and tried to stand. This time it was Gavin who pushed him back down.

“Careful boi.” Gavin muttered quietly, watching Michael. “You got hit in the head.” Michael nodded and slowly sat up.

“Get out of here.” Burnie snapped at the crowd behind them. “Get to your classes!” The crowd slowly filtered away and as they did Sorola, their maths teacher, came to crouch next to Michael, passing him a wad of tissue paper. Michael looked at it in confusion before Gus gestured to his nose.

Michael suddenly realised he must look terrible. He could taste blood in his mouth, probably having bitten down on his cheek at some point. There was blood on his face and dribbling down onto his clothes. His knuckles ached from the violent punches he’d thrown. He couldn’t quite sit up without help and so was leaning heavily on Gavin. The world was spinning in front of his eyes and he was worried it might be concussion. But then Gavin was there, taking the tissues and dabbing away at Michael’s face, cleaning off the blood. Michael’s eyes tracked the Brit as he carefully got rid of the blood.

“Come on Michael.” Burnie gestured for Michael to stand up. “We need to get you to the nurse.”

“Where are those fuckers?” Michael asked, suddenly remembering why he was there. Burnie rolled his eyes but didn’t even try to tell Michael off for the expletive.

“They’re in there too. You really did a number on them.” Michael shakily stood, leaning on Gavin. After a moment Burnie was there as well to support his student. Michael slowly hobbled down the corridor to the nurses’ office. Halfway there he remembered why he’d attacked the people. He stopped in the middle of the corridor and turned to Gavin.

“Did they hurt you? Did they-” He trailed off, not knowing what else he could ask. Gavin offered him a shaky smile and shook his head.

“You got there in time boi. Just hit me a bit.”

“Those fuckers.” Michael hissed. This time it was Gus who sighed.

“Wait, did you attack them?” Burnie asked in surprise. He really shouldn’t have been surprised when Michael nodded. “Michael, you know what Matt said-”

“Please don’t tell him.” Gavin broke in. “It was my fault!”

“That’s what you said last time.” Gus said curiously. “Do they often hurt you?” Gavin paused for a second before nodding. Those scumbags could take some of the flack.

“They hit me and they-” Gavin rolled up his arm and Gus gasped at the purple and black handprints emblazoned on his skin. Michael also gaped. He hadn’t know. He’d never noticed Gavin was being hurt that badly. Burnie just frowned at the bruising. Those kids would have a hard time leaving those. They could only have been made by someone holding Gavin against a solid surface, maybe a wall, while he tried to escape. They would also be made by someone a lot bigger.

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

“They said they’d hurt me.” Gavin mumbled. He didn’t really want to get the kids kicked out of school but he couldn’t let his boi be kicked out just because Gavin had been threatened. So those kids would take the flack.

“Okay, okay.” Burnie sighed. “You’re not going to be hurt anymore. Come on. We’re going to Hullum.”

 

Half an hour later Michael was sat in the nurse’s office, staring off into nothing. Gavin was next to him, babbling away. Michael suddenly remembered why he’d gone after Gavin.

“It wasn’t making fun about you being trans.” Gavin stilled at Michael’s words before nodding slightly.

“I know Michael. It’s just- annoying, you know?”

“I wouldn’t make fun of that.” Michael burst out. “I wouldn’t. Never.”

“What?” Gavin asked, confused. “I know-”

“No. You don’t get it.” Michael burst out again. “I’d never make fun of you for real. I wouldn’t- I don’t want to hurt you Gav. I would never want to.”

“Aw Michael! My boi!”

Michael frowned and shook his head. He didn’t mean it like that. He didn’t mean he’d just not hurt Gavin. He wanted to say he would _never_ hurt him. He wanted to protect Gavin. Just like he protected Kerry and Miles and Lindsay and Barbara. Just like he couldn’t protect his mom.

But there was something else as well. He wanted to protect Gavin, he wanted to curl around him and keep him cushioned from the real world as long as he could. He never wanted to see another bruise on him. He never wanted Gavin to even be put in danger. He wanted to do more for Gavin and protecting him wasn’t the only way.

He wanted to- he needed to- He didn’t know. He didn’t know why the idea of Gavin hurt made his chest seize up. He just knew it did.

But he didn’t have the words to explain it.

Luckily, before he had to, Hullum strode in and sighed.

“Again Jones?”

“Wasn’t my fault.” Michael grumbled, crossing his arms and Hullum nodded.

“Jesus.” He said tiredly. “You have no idea how much paperwork I need to do now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a week? Wow! I dunno, I was struck by inspiration (when I say inspiration I mean I started to write a bit and then I worked out I could really hurt one of the characters).  
> I want to thank everyone who messaged me to help and I want to apologise for the people I didn't respond to. It's not that I didn't want to or that I didn't have questions. It's just that I haven't been able to be near my laptop except for where there's no wifi (don't even ask it's just... really really infuriating). So if I message you in several weeks with a random question then I am sorry.  
> See you next time.


	17. Guard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Guard  
> A person who keeps watch, especially a soldier or other person assigned to protect a person or to control access to a place.

Michael sat in Hullum’s office, sullenly staring at the desk. The teacher himself was on the phone and Michael could just about hear his father on the other end of the phone. He hunched over just a bit more. This was going to be painful.

When Michael had left the nurse’s office he’d gone straight to Hullum’s office to work out what his punishment would be. Gavin was still hanging about outside, waiting for Michael to get out. Hullum put down the phone with a sigh.

“Do you at least have a reason this time?” He asked tiredly. He didn’t want to get rid of Michael, he really really didn’t. With everything happening with the teenager’s mother moving school would be a massive source of stress on both of them. The teen was a primary care giver at the age of sixteen, he didn’t need any more stress.

“They were hurting Gavin.”

That was it, that was always the excuse, Hullum thought. Most of the time it was Kerry, Michael would come storming in with a bloodied nose and fire in his eyes as he yelled at the other students who’d been hurting his friend. It had often been Lindsay or Miles. Sometimes it was even Geoff, Jack or Ryan. When that happened Geoff would also be there, having taken at least the same amount of hits.

Geoff had said many times that in a fight one of the best things he could do was take punches. When Michael fought it was without even noticing he was being hurt until afterwards. When Geoff got into a fight he was aware of every time he was hit and how fucking bad it hurt but he carried on anyway. He never hit anyone unless he had to.

 “You could have waited-”

“No I couldn’t have.” Michael snapped before the principal had even finished speaking. Hullum glared at Michael who looked apologetic for a brief moment.

“Why not?”

“They were threatening him. I don’t know what they were saying.”

“Why was this different?” Hullum asked curiously. There were more than enough bullies, boys thinking they could be men for a few minutes. A few detentions stopped most of them but there were always more.

“They were-” Michael shifted slightly. “He’s- I don’t know, okay?” He snapped. “They were threatening him and he was scared!”

“I’m sure that your intentions-”

“No! It wasn’t just my fucking intentions! He was going to be hurt!” Michael had stood up, the chair having fallen and skittered backwards. He was now staring at Hullum with a fire in his eyes that was ready to burn down any defence the man dared put in the way.

“Michael-” Hullum started but Michael overrode him once more.

“I didn’t know when they’d stop!” Michael yelled. Hullum sighed and stood. “I didn’t know when they’d let him go! They-” Michael broke off, not knowing why he felt like this. “He’s-”

“Michael sit down.” Hullum said calmly. “You need to calm down.”

“I-”

“Michael.” Hullum stated. Michael glared at him for a moment before sitting back down. “I have a problem here. I can’t let you keep doing this. You can’t keep trying to protect your friends like this.” Hullum held up a hand as Michael opened his mouth. “You _can’t_ Michael. Got it?” Michael nodded and Hullum sighed again. “You’re a good student Michael. You’re doing this because you’re a good person but this can’t continue.” Hullum broke off again and Michael looked up in fear.

“They started it!”

“But you tried to finish it! They’re getting punished as well.” Hullum sat down again and regarded the student in front of him. “You know what position I’m in here. What can I do?”

Michael shrugged. He had no clue, why was Hullum even asking him?

“Michael, you’re suspended for two weeks. You’re not allowed on school property and if you come back then you’ll be trespassing. After that you’ll have three weeks of detentions until you can work out where your priorities lie. If, after all that, you still haven’t learned your lesson then you will be permanently excluded. I don’t want to do that Michael and I don’t think you want it either.” Michael stared at Hullum in shock.

“Two weeks?” He exclaimed. “Two weeks!”

“Michael, don’t make this worse. Your father is on his way now to pick you up. Use these two weeks to work out what you want to do from this point on. In a year and a half you’ll graduate. You’re on target to pass but if you put a bit of work I you could get a very good grade. I realise your position is,” Hullum paused, trying to find the word. “Unique. But I can’t make excuses for you.”

There was a knock on the door and Michael turned to see his father walk in. His heart sank as he saw the expression on his face.

“Mr Jones, please, come in.” Hullum gestured to a seat and Michael’s father sat down slowly, keeping is eyes fixed on his son as if the teenager could explain what was happening, what had happened. Michael avoided the gaze as best he could.

“What’s happened?” His father asked quietly.

“Michael got into another fight today Mr Jones.”

Michael’s father sighed and nodded. “Why did you do it this time?” Michael gulped. He wanted his dad to scream at him, he wanted the man to scream and shout at him. He wanted him to shove him, to hit him. Anything would be better than this. This apathy. Because Michael knew what it meant; his father had given up on him.

“I tried to protect Gavin.” Michael all but whispered. His father nodded again without even asking for more.

“What’s he punished with?” This question was asked to Hullum who was watching the conversation warily.

“Two weeks exclusion and three weeks of detention after that.”

“Okay. Should I do anything in that time?”

“No, Michael needs to work out what he needs to do on his own.” Michael’s father nodded and stood.

“I’m sorry for this.” He said tiredly. “I’ll try to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” Hullum nodded and with that the Jones’ left the office, Michael trailing behind his father. They walked out of the building and into the car park silently. It was only when they were sat in the car that Michael asked the question he needed to ask and the question that he dreaded the answer to.

“Why aren’t you angry?” He asked quietly. His father sighed and just shook his head.

“I’m just disappointed Michael. I thought you were more mature than this. I- I thought that with everything happening with your mother you’d understand a bit more about being responsible.”

“I do!” Michael exclaimed but his father just shook his head.

“I love you Michael and that’s never going to change but this can’t keep on happening. You’re meant to understand the consequences of your actions. Maybe this isn’t on you. Maybe it’s just on me. I try you know. I try so much but without your mom-” He shrugged. “I can’t look after both of you Mikey. Please don’t make me choose.”

Michael stared at his father for a moment before nodding and looking away. There was a lump in his throat that wouldn’t shift properly. He didn’t blame his dad. He knew which one he would pick; his mother. But the idea of his father giving up on him made him want to scream. Or maybe cry. He didn’t know.

 

Gavin sat in the library staring off into nothing. In the two days since Michael left the Brit had grown quieter. The previous night his father had snapped again and now Gavin was trying his best to not shift his arm too much because of how pain raced through him every time he did.

It hadn’t been that bad, considering everything. Just a few bruises. His mother had stepped in before it could escalate and after that she’d lectured Gavin on how he was pissing off his father too much, how he should give up this stupid façade. He wasn’t a man, he was a young woman and he needed to act like it. There were people a lot worse than his father out there who wouldn’t even pause before hurting someone for pretending to be trans.

Well, she hadn’t used quite that word, trans was still just an excuse to her, a way that freaks turned good honest people into liars. Gavin wished he’d known that before he came out to the both of them. He could have saved himself so much pain and grief. He could be happy. Well, as happy as he could ever have been as Lucy.

Gavin suddenly let out a yelp as Geoff crashed into him. Geoff smirked at the reaction but Gavin just rolled his eyes. Geoff then pulled out something from his bag and threw it to Gavin. Gavin squawked, which earned him a dirty look from the librarian, until he realised just what it was; a present. It was wrapped scrappily but it was a present nonetheless. Gavin frowned at it in confusion, taking in the Christmas wrapping paper. He then looked up at Geoff in confusion but the teen was just grinning at him with that same shit eating grin.

“Christmas present.”

Gavin frowned and poked it gently, half expecting it to explode in his hands. When it didn’t he gently shook it next to his ear, trying to work out what it could be. When that yielded no extra answers he slowly undid the wrapping paper and then gasped as he saw three binder inside. He launched himself at Geoff and the older boy let out an ‘oof’ as he was suddenly met with an armful of British idiot.

“How did you even get these?” Gavin breathed out in wonder. Geoff just shrugged, grinning crookedly.

“Online. Shipping took for fucking ever.”

“How much did these cost?” Gavin asked in amazement. “They’re-”

“They’re your Christmas present Gavvy. They didn’t cost me any more than I was willing to pay.” Gavin nodded, still staring down at the binder. He carefully wrapped them back up and placed them into his bag.

“Thanks Geoff.”

“Go on you idiot. What’s my present?” Geoff asked, teasingly. Gavin frowned before shrugging.

“Ain’t got one yet.”

“You’d better, you fucker.”

“Yeah yeah.” Gavin muttered.

Geoff smiled gently at the Brit while he was still scrabbling around in his bag.  He couldn’t fix everything that was wrong with Gavin but maybe, if he was lucky, he could help just a little bit.

 

 

“Please just leave me alone.” Kerry whispered, staring down at his feet. He didn’t want this to happen today.

“That’s not going to happen, you little shit.”

Kerry winced at the words and tried to curl into himself, as if he could protect himself like that. The teen who had spoken growled and grabbed Kerry’s shirt. The boy gulped and stared up, trying desperately to wriggle free.

“It’s true isn’t it? You’re a fucking fag.” The teen spat out every word, as if it was poison in his mouth. It stung Kerry like it was as well, every time his attacker said the word something inside Kerry clenched, that part of Kerry that hated himself. The part that was growing every day.

“Please don’t.” Kerry whispered, trying to keep the tears from his eyes. The teenager laughed and released the boy, making him stagger backwards.

“Gonna run off to your boyfriend? He’s not here is he?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve all seen him. It’s obvious! How long have you been fucking him then?”

“I don’t know what you mean!” Kerry wailed. He wanted to go home, he wanted to be safe.

“Don’t fucking lie to me.”

“Maybe we should go get him too. Filthy cocksucker.” This was one of the other teenagers, towering over Kerry. He wanted to hit out, to get free. He didn’t know who they were talking about but he could guess; Miles. Boyfriend? He wished.

“It’s fucking unnatural you know. You’re all going to hell!”

I’m already there, Kerry thought dully.

“Got nothing to say?”

“Sorry.” Kerry whispered, still hoping they’d just go, leave him alone. But neither of them seemed ready to leave. Instead the first one grabbed his shirt again.

“We’re going to teach you a lesson and you’d better _fucking_ learn from it.”

 

Miles found Kerry half an hour later. Kerry was sat up against the wall, sobbing. Miles felt his heart break as he saw it and he put on as much speed as he could to collapse next to Kerry. The boy flinched away at the movement, scared of another beating.

“Hey, hey, it’s just me Ker. What happened to you?”

“Miles?” Kerry raised his head and Miles winced as he saw the black eye the boy was now sporting.

“It’s me bud.”

“’m sorry. Shouldn’t have texted you.” Kerry mumbled out, slowly getting to his feet. Miles tried to pull him back down but Kerry resisted. “’m okay.”

“Please Kerry. Tell me who did this!”

Kerry shook his head, lip trembling and tears dribbling down. “They’ll do worse.”

“Kerry-” Miles trailed off, staring at Kerry. He was defeated. He looked even smaller than usual, as if he’d collapsed into himself and had no way of building himself back up. Miles enveloped him in a hug suddenly and just held him for a moment. “Let me help.”

Kerry pulled back and brushed away a new waterfall of tears before shaking his head. “You can’t stop this. There’s just no point trying.”

“Ker-” Miles started. As Kerry met his eyes Miles trailed off. He didn’t have anything to say. So all he did was envelop the shorter teen in another hug. “It’ll get better.” Kerry didn’t bother correcting Miles. All he did was relax into the hug. Miles couldn’t stop it but he could most definitely make Kerry feel better afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So with this chapter I will now push over 10 000 views overall (I mean, unless only four people read this which would be embarassing) I just wanted to thank all of you guys for that :) So in half celebration here is a chapter. Not sure how happy it might make you...  
> See you next time


	18. Behove

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Behove  
> It is a duty or responsibility for someone to do something.

Jack shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He was sat next to Ryan, Geoff’s empty seat in front of him. Sorola was up in front of the class, lecturing them on something or other. Jack was worried about Geoff. The teen wasn’t in school yet as far as Jack knew and he had a bad feeling he knew why. December was just a day away and Geoff was never good at Christmas time. He hadn’t been good with it since-

Jack was shoved from his thoughts as Ryan nudged his arm. Jack looked up to see Ryan staring at his arm. His arm where the sleeve had slipped down. His arm, with thirteen symmetrical lines still ripping apart the skin as an ugly white line grew where there had once been pristine skin. Jack pulled his sleeve back down and continued to stare at the desk for several long moments until Ryan started to speak.

“What are those?”

Jack opened his mouth to answer and found he had nothing to give. He didn’t want Ryan to find out, didn’t want the teenager to know just what kind of person Jack was. What kind of excuse could he give? Ryan was smart, wasn’t going to believe any random bullshit. So it had to be _good_ bullshit.

He wanted to give the one he’d heard so many times; I fell out a tree. It had been Geoff’s go to line for years and so many people had believed it. (Even Jack had believed it for years. When he realised it wasn’t true he was horrified just how many times Geoff had said it.) But no-one would believe that these thirteen straight, clinical scars came from random twigs and thorns. Anyway, it wasn’t as if any of them climbed trees anymore. So that left Jack with very limited options for what to say.

“It’s none of your business.” Jack snapped out. Ryan stared at him in worry and Jack turned away. Ryan sat back a bit and tried to work out what he should do. It was obvious that those cuts were self-inflicted. If Jack was hurting himself then it was Ryan’s duty, as his friend, to help him.

“Do you need to talk to someone?” Ryan asked softly. He winced as Jack turned around, obviously angry.

“No.”

“Jack-” Before Ryan could finish the question Sorola noticed they had been talking.

“Ryan! Have you and Jack managed come up with an answer while you were talking?” Sorola was obviously annoyed.

“No.” Ryan mumbled. Sorola scowled.

“What should the next step be?” Ryan stared at the board in confusion. It looked like a mess of squiggles and symbols that meant nothing to him anymore. That was, after all, what you get after missing a minute or two in a maths class.

“I- I don’t know.” Ryan muttered after a minute. Sorola nodded and moved on. Ryan immediately turned back to Jack, lowering his voice but continuing none the less.

“Please Jack, if you’re-”

“If I’m what?” Jack snapped out, heart hammering in his chest. He’d been hiding this for months. After Geoff found out Jack had thought it was all over. But between them they’d come to some sort of silent agreement; Geoff didn’t say anything just like Jack had never said anything about him.

“If you’re hurting yourself then let someone help.” Ryan added softly. “We’re your friends, you can talk to us.”

“Don’t, Ryan. Don’t even try.”

“You don’t need to deal with this on your own.” Jack bristled at the tone Ryan was using. He was speaking as if Jack was some sort of tiny animal that would be scared off by any loud noises. He wasn’t, he was nothing like that. He idly realised that this must have been what Geoff thought when his arms were covered in these cuts, luckily now just scars.

“Shut up Ryan.” Jack said, warningly. Ryan continued to watch him sadly.

“I just want to help. I’m sure that Geoff would want the same thing. He’s-”

“He’s a drunk.” Jack snapped. “He’s a drunk that can barely get through a week without needing to drown his fucking memories with booze. Do you really think he’s a good role model right now?” Ryan paused at that but continued anyway.

“He’s still your friend.”

Jack had no answer for that. Geoff was his friend. But he couldn’t talk about this with him. Instead of answering he just pulled his textbook closer and started working on the problems. They were a lot easier to solve than his or his friend's.

 

 

For most people two weeks at home without school would be a dream but for Michael it was hell. He just had to sit by the side as his father rushed around. His mother was ill, that had been a constant for so many years. Sometimes he couldn’t even remember the good times, the times before he became a ghost to his mother, when he became nothing.

It wasn’t his mother’s fault, it was no-one’s fault. But he wanted it to be someone’s. He wanted to be able to blame someone. As there was no-one he had no real way to express the anger that coursed through his veins every time his mother looked at him with fear in her eyes. The fear was terrible, when she thought her only son was about to attack her. He hated that look but it was somehow better than the other one; nothing.

She’s stare at Michael with a smile on her face as she asked gently who he was, if he knew where John was. One time she’d rambled on for three hours about her fiancé, telling Michael just how amazing it would be to spend the rest of her life with him. She’d talked about the house they’d picked out, how perfect it would be for raising children. She’d then confided that she wanted a tribe of them, enough to actually fill up the enormous house.

Michael had sat there, transfixed, as this picture was painted for him. When his father finally came home Michael had fled up to his room, past all the empty bedrooms. When he collapsed onto his bed he heard the house creak and groan around him and suddenly realised his mother was right; it was empty.

She’d never had the chance to fill it with children. Michael had never had a brother or a sister. He didn’t even have a mother half the time. He had a stressed father and an enormous, empty house.

So no, Michael didn’t like being excluded from school. He hated it. But he understood that he’d fucked up and that this was the punishment for said fuckup. He’d sit and stew until he was finally allowed to get back to school, back to his friends. Thinking this he grabbed his phone and typed out a quick message.

**To: BrownMan**

**You good with me coming over to play next Wednesday?**

It had been a long time since they’d had a ‘sleepover.’ (what their moms still called them) In all honesty it consisted of them playing video games until Michael yelled too loudly and Ray would try to mute him as best he could. Then they’d start again and play until they fell asleep where they sat. Michael was shaken from his thoughts as his phone buzzed.

**From: BrownMan**

**No can do. Visiting J.**

**To: BrownMan**

**Again? Come on man, give me something!**

**From: BrownMan**

**Try to get Geoff to host something. It’s been a while.**

**To: BrownMan**

**Cause the last one went so well**

Michael set his phone back down, not expecting Ray to answer that one. He wondered if he could. Well actually, he didn’t wonder that. He knew that Geoff would be more than happy to have another Game Night. If Michael’s house was empty and quiet it was nothing compared to Geoff’s. Michael was pretty sure that half the time Geoff just invited the over to fill the emptiness. Michael didn’t blame him.

Sighing, Michael grabbed his controller and booted up his X-Box. He winced as he heard his mother yelp but didn’t move from his spot. He stayed on the menu screen as he heard his father calming his mother. It was only when that was done did he allow himself to look back up. The date caught his eye and he scoffed, first of December. He had one day left until he could finally be back in school.

“Merry Christmas, you fuckers.” Michael murmured, plugging himself into his headphones. Time for some stress management.

 

 

Ryan swirled in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. He couldn’t stop thinking about those thirteen scars. It had to be Jack who put them there. They were perfectly made, as if etched into his skin by a carver rather than a desperate seventeen year old boy.

Ryan wasn’t quite sure when Jack had turned desperate, he certainly hadn’t noticed it. The two were good friends, probably Ryan’s closest excluding Ray. But Ryan hadn’t noticed anything. He wondered idly if Geoff had then he frowned, he must have. The two boys had been friends for years, Geoff would have noticed anything different about Jack.

Right?

Ryan flicked over to his computer and booted it up, opening his video messaging and calling Geoff. He had to wait for a long moment until the boy appeared. His hair was tousled and he looked like a mess. Ryan frowned at the sight but then Geoff was talking.

“What is it?”

“Is Jack okay?” Ryan asked tentatively, better to slowly build up to the question than jump right in. But Geoff obviously knew where Ryan was going. He sat up straighter and his eyes gained a calculating look.

“Why?”

“Look,” Ryan broke all pretence, obviously Geoff knew something was up. “I don’t know what’s going on but I think- no, I know that he’s hurting himself.” Ryan waited for Geoff’s reaction and was shocked when there just wasn’t one. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, maybe anger, or sadness, disbelief, something at least.

But there was nothing.

“You knew.” Ryan stated. Geoff nodded and Ryan exhaled, shaking his head. “Why didn’t you do anything?”

“It’s complicated Ryan.” Geoff mumbled out.

“No it’s not!” Ryan exclaimed. “He’s your friend! Ask him, make him tell you and fix him!”

“I can’t fix him if he doesn’t want to be.” Geoff seemed defeated. He leant back in his chair and carded a hand through his hair, somehow making it less tousled than before which, Ryan was pretty sure, wasn’t the way that was supposed to work.

“What do you mean, doesn’t want to be?”

“I tried to talk to him Ryan. I really did. But he won’t listen. If you can get him to then fucking kudos to you but I can’t.”

“Why wouldn’t he talk?” Ryan asked softly. Geoff shrugged.

“I have no idea. But he’s not letting me help. Probably wouldn’t let you help. Maybe, maybe he just needs to sort it out on his own.”

“That’s bull.”

“I know.”

“Try again tomorrow.” Ryan suggested. “He might talk to you a bit. Well, he’ll talk to you more than the rest of us anyway.”

“Yeah.” Geoff murmured. “Guess I need to be in school then.”

“Yeah, guess you will be.” Geoff just grunted in response, already deep in thought as to just what he should say.

 

 

The next day Geoff spotted Jack as he was walking into school, staring off into nothing as he listened to the music he was plugged into. Geoff made a move forwards before stopping and drawing himself back. This was Jack. Jack was hurting himself.

Geoff had tried to ignore it for so long now, imagining that it was just a one-time thing. He was terrified that it wasn’t. He couldn’t stop thinking of them, how he’d thought Jack just had paint on him. How he’d tried to brush it off as if it was nothing. It _had_ been nothing. For so long he’d thought Jack was happy. Stressed sure, worried, angry, but overall, happy.

Now Geoff had concrete evidence that he wasn’t.

“Geoff?” Geoff looked up as Ray called his name. The teen was looking at him oddly and Geoff realised he’d just been standing still, staring off into nothing. He glanced at the retreating figure of Jack and stopped himself again.

“Yeah?”

“You coming into school?” Ray smirked at that and Geoff smiled back. If he went in then he could talk to Jack more, could maybe get the right opportunity. But he also knew that he wouldn’t. It didn’t matter how much time he had, he still couldn’t ask Jack what was wrong, why he would be hurting himself.

“Nah, sorry.” Geoff turned quickly, not spotting the surprised look on Ray’s face. “Maybe tomorrow.” Maybe tomorrow he’d have the words to ask Jack. He doubted it. God, Geoff thought, he _really_ needed a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time.


	19. Mavin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Mavin  
> A maven (also mavin) is a trusted expert in a particular field, who seeks to pass knowledge on to others. The word maven comes from Hebrew, meaning "one who understands", based on an accumulation of knowledge.

Michael couldn’t believe it. He could not _fucking_ believe it. He sat in his chair, fists turning white as he dug his nails deeper into his skin. He wouldn’t be surprised if, when he pulled his fists apart, there would be blood staining them. Michael had been away for two weeks. Two fucking weeks. He’d left Gavin hurting but he’d taken some of the boy’s attackers down with him. Apparently there were more. Apparently there were a lot more.

Gavin, stood in the doorway, had his left arm in a sling and a cast just peaking out from the top of it. A fucking cast. Burns paused in the middle of his lecture and stared at Gavin. The boy looked back and smiled weakly. Burns went to say something but then stopped and turned back to the class, keeping a worried eye on Gavin. The boy slipped into the seat next to Lindsay and avoided Michael’s gaze. Lindsay leant over to say something to him but the Brit just shook his head.

Michael was staring across the class at him in anger. He couldn’t prove other people in the school did it, Gavin was clumsy enough for it to have just happened but he had a feeling. His feelings were normally very accurate. Next to him Ray, who had been texting under the table, noticed the expression on Michael’s face.

“Calm down dude.” Ray whispered, glancing at Burns. “It’s your first day back, remember?” Michael didn’t respond but he took in a deep breath. Looking after Gavin was one thing, exploding in the middle of an English lesson was another. “I don’t want to be stuck alone with Burns for the next two weeks.” Michael nodded again and tried to settle down, keeping his eyes fixed on Gavin.

The Brit seemed to be ignoring Michael’s gaze, as if he didn’t even notice it. It wasn’t exactly subtle, Michael was staring right at Gavin and even Lindsay, sat next to Gavin, kept on glancing back at Michael and just shrugging. But there Gavin was, staring resolutely down at his notes or straight at Burnie.

The lesson seemed to drag on forever but after just a few minutes Gavin asked to go to the toilet which Burns agreed to. As soon as the door closed Michael’s hand was in the air.

“Can I go?” He asked in a rush. Ray pulled his head up from his lap where he’d been frantically typing out a message. The conversation caught his gaze and kept it. Burnie was obviously debating it. He knew Michael just wanted to talk to Gavin but Burnie wasn’t against that idea himself. He was worried about Gavin, he couldn’t explain it but there was something wrong with the Brit and he knew it.

“Fine.” Burnie sighed out. “Be back in five minutes.” Michael nodded and was out of his seat in a flash. Burnie watched him go, frowning. He could try to help his students but at the end of the day if they didn’t come to talk to him he couldn’t help.

 

Michael strode into the bathroom, the door crashing behind him. Gavin winced slightly at the noise and turned around to face the boy. Michael finally managed to get a good look at him and he sighed deeply.

“Jesus Christ Gav.” Gavin’s lip was split and sluggishly bleeding. Michael put his hand up to Gavin’s face, as if to brush it away but paused. He could see spots of blood on Gavin’s collar. His hair was mussed and he looked tired, not in pain but in pure exhaustion. “What happened?”

“I-” Gavin sucked in a breath and shook his head. “I fell over walking home.”

“That’s bull.” Michael spat out. Gavin didn’t make a comment, just avoiding Michael’s eyes and blinking rapidly. “Tell me Gavin. Tell me!” Michael yelled the end of that and Gavin jumped slightly, still nervous. He’d never seen his father like he had been the previous night. The man had had a shit day at work, his colleagues then taking him out for a pint afterwards. Gavin’s mother was off with some friends. His father’s colleagues went home at six in the evening. His father came back at eight.

By then he could barely stand. He stumbled into the house and made a beeline for the almost empty bottle of wine on the counter. When he found it empty he roared in anger, throwing it against the wall. Gavin had chosen the wrong time to come downstairs.

With no alcohol to find his father changed his target from alcohol to his child. By the time he was done his voice was hoarse from yelling at Gavin and Gavin was sobbing in a pile of limbs. He hadn’t even realised his arm was broken until his mother came back the next morning. She’d rushed him to the hospital and made up this bullshit story about getting into a fight.

As she was lying through her teeth Gavin was sat in one of the cubicles, wishing he just wasn’t there. Everything hurt and he couldn’t think of anything apart from the fact that he just had to wait a few more hours and then he’d be in school. There was nothing he looked forward to at home. His mother sat next to him, crying, whispering that she had no idea his father would do this.

Gavin didn’t even listen and she didn’t try to force him to. Eventually she trailed off and they just sat in silence as the doctors tried to work out just how bad the break was, just how badly Gavin’s father had hurt his child.

Gavin closed his eyes at some point, exhausted from the pain and screaming. The nurse told him to relax, think of something calming. Gavin wanted to cry when he realised he couldn’t think of anything. Everything with any link to home hurt to think about. Dan was across the ocean, all the fun they’d had together was gone. Gavin couldn’t think of a video game at that moment. Anyway, it wasn’t as if he could play it any time soon, not with a broken arm and an X-Box still AWOL.

When his mind slipped to Geoff Gavin relaxed. The older boy had been there when his own parents hadn’t. Geoff hadn’t stopped no matter what he was going through himself. Even when he’d been out of hospital for less than a day he still supported Gavin, still calmed him down when Gavin needed it. At that point Geoff seemed like more of a father than Gavin’s natural one had been in years.

From Geoff, Gavin’s mind had slipped to Michael and it was then that he really relaxed. If he told Michael everything that his parents did then it would be okay. Michael was his boi, he’d fight for Gavin and wouldn’t stop. Gavin prepared for school that morning with his arm in a cast, body aching and thought of Michael. When he heard screams and yells downstairs he ignored it. Michael would be in school and for some reason that thought let Gavin know that everything would be okay.

 

Gavin looked up at Michael who was staring at him in horror. Gavin smiled weakly. “It’s okay Michael.”

“No it’s not!” Michael yelled. Gavin winced a bit, glancing to the door. Michael took a deep breath in, knowing that if he didn’t calm down a bit he was likely to scream. “Tell me what happened Gavin please. What _actually_ happened.”

“I can’t.” Gavin whispered. Michael growled in frustration.

“Did someone do this?” Michael took Gavin’s silence to be an affirmation. “Fuck.” Michael ducked his head, trying to get some kind of control over his emotions. He then raised his head, anger plain in his eyes. “Tell me who. Tell me who and I swear to God I’ll kill them.”

“Michael-” Gavin started before Michael cut him off.

“No! Tell me! Tell me and I swear to God that they will never touch another fucking person again! I’ll make them go down and stay the fuck down! Trust me Gavin!”

“I do.” Gavin said quietly. Michael paused at that. Gavin’s heads was down. “But you can’t.”

“Gavin-” Michael started, voice full of anger but Gavin overrode him.

“If you hurt them then Hullum’ll kick you out. If you try to defend me-”

“Doesn’t matter. That doesn’t fucking matter!”

“Yes it does!” Gavin cried, wincing as he did. “If you’re kicked out then there’ll be no-one left to protect me.”

“You won’t need protection!”

“But I will.” Gavin muttered. “I’m trans Michael. People know that. They’re not going to just let that happen.”

“They’d better-”

“No. They won’t Michael and I need you. I need my boi.” Gavin smiled weakly and turned to leave. Michael caught his arm and gently pulled him back around. Gavin glanced at him in confusion.

“I don’t like seeing you hurt Gav.”

“Aw Michael,” Gavin smiled. “My-”

“Don’t say your boi Gavin.” Michael ground out. “You’re being hurt and I can help. You don’t deserve being hurt like this. You don’t deserve being hurt at all. I want- I need to protect you.”

“I know Michael. I wish you could but-” Gavin sighed and shook his head, turning away. Michael grabbed him and Gavin froze. Michael took Gavin’s chin and moved it to look at him. Gavin went along with it until they were staring at each other.

“Please Gavin. I want to help you.”

“I know Michael. I know.” Gavin whispered. Michael continued to stare at Gavin, wishing he had the words to say what he wanted, what he couldn’t express. “Just-” Gavin broke off and was about to turn away but Michael’s hand stopped him. Michael took a step forwards and Gavin frowned in confusion.

“Gavin I-” Michael broke off and shook his head, going to break away but Gavin grabbed him. All he could think was that this was Michael, the very idea of the boy had helped Gavin that morning, had calmed him because he trusted Michael intrinsically.

As he stared at Michael’s confused expression Gavin couldn’t help but remember. This boy had been one of the first faces he’d seen in America. Michael had been harsh, had been brashful and had hurt Gavin. If Michael hadn’t been there then Gavin’s first binder wouldn’t have broken. If he’d never met Michael then his parents wouldn’t have burnt everything. Geoff wouldn’t know anything and Gavin could have continued happily. If Michael hadn’t been there Gavin could have continued for much longer without anyone hurting him.

But even though Michael had caused all of that (indirectly of course) he’d tried to get it back to normal. He’d fought off everyone who tried to hurt Gavin, he’d stood up for Kerry and Gavin was sure he’d done it for other people as well. He was willing to put himself up as a shield for everyone else to hit just so his friends wouldn’t be hurt. Michael was extraordinary and, staring at him, Gavin suddenly remembered that. He remembered how careful Michael was every time Gavin was hurt, how, even when he was furious, he’d never hurt Gavin.

Gavin looked at Michael and he remembered.

“Gavin?” Michael asked tentatively. “Are you-” Before he could finish his sentence Gavin had lunged forwards and was kissing him. Michael gasped in surprise and Gavin instantly leapt back, an apology on his lips. Michael just shook his head and leaned forwards again, kissing him tenderly. Michael noted that Gavin tasted of mint and salt, with a faint taste of copper he wanted to purge so badly.

This time when they broke apart it was for longer. They both stared at each other, neither knowing what they should say.

“So-” Gavin started. Michael nodded and then they lapsed into silence once more.

“That was-” Gavin stuttered out after what felt like an age. “Nice.”

“Do you uh- d’ya wanna do it again?” Michael mumbled. Gavin nodded and leant forwards but just before they could start kissing again the door opened.

“Dude!” Ray exclaimed. “Give me some fucking warning!” He turned away, shielding his eyes. Gavin flushed and Michael scowled.

“The fuck do you want Ray?” Michael snapped out.

“Are you done making out?”

“Yes.” Gavin said, a bit too quickly. This made Ray finally turn around.

“Jesus, Burns wants you back. Sent me here to get you.” Michael and Gavin exchanged glanced and Gavin bit his lip.

“You know, I actually needed a leak.”

“Oh.” Michael replied. “Well I uh-” Michael nodded before turning and walking out of the room. Ray winked at Gavin before following him. Gavin blushed again before walking into one of the stalls.

“So,” Ray started as soon as the door closed behind them. Michael glared at him.

“So what?” Michael spat out. The hostility just made Ray grin more.

“Didn’t think you were the kind to fuck in a school bathroom.”

“It’s not like that.” Michael grumbled, face flushing. At that Ray grinned again.

“Really? What is it like? Did you just stare into his eyes and fall in love?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Michael shoved Ray slightly at that, causing the smaller boy to stumble.

“Good on you I guess.” Ray shrugged, still smiling. “Wondered how long it would take.” Ray paused and suddenly became serious. “Is this, you know, is this serious?” Michael frowned in concentration. He hadn’t thought about it before a few minutes ago. But now it made perfect sense. Across the past five months they had gone from enemies to friends and Michael suddenly wanted it to be more.

“I- yeah. I think so.” Michael said tentatively but with a smile on his face. Ray grinned back. “Gavin might actually be it for me.”

In the bathroom Gavin had just come to the same conclusion. As he washed his hands he met his gaze in the mirror and found his face beaming. Five months ago and he wouldn’t have believed it, he barely believed it now but it made sense. It made sense and how could he argue with that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is, there is the ship. There is the ship that this whole thing was based off. I'm serious. I listened to a song (Yo Ho Sebastian by Cosmo Jarvis, go look at it), read a few High School AUs and wrote this. So, finally, the main ship is in play. (Just in time for Christmas!)  
> Also, chapter with only one storyline will not become a norm. I think there are currently two other chapters like this but they're going to be rare. So yeah, hoped you were pleased with how these two nerds finally got together.  
> See you next time.


	20. Persist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Persist  
> Continue to exist; be prolonged.

Gavin spent most of the day nervously tapping his foot against the floor. All he could think of was Michael, what had just happened between the two of them. He couldn’t believe it had happened, that it had _finally_ happened. Really, he was just stuck on the thoughts of Michael. They hadn’t had the chance to talk it through yet, not properly anyway. But Gavin was going to make sure they said something, make sure they would talk this through.

As he’d missed a lot of the morning in hospital he arrived to lunch a bit late after talking to his teachers. When he got to the table the rest of the group were already sat there. Michael was looking around while biting his lip in worry. When Gavin walked in Michael stood up and the rest of the table turned to him curiously. Gavin smiled at him and walked over to the table, sinking down to the left of him. Michael didn’t meet his eyes for a moment but then glanced up and smiled.

“What the hell’s going on with you two?” Lindsay asked. The two shared a glance again before Michael spoke up.

“We’re together. I think?” He turned to Gavin who nodded. They looked at the rest of the table who were grinning.

“Took you long enough.” Lindsay smirked and Michael glared back to which she just grinned.

“Good on you.” Barbara said and returned to her food. Miles and Kerry looked up from the paper they’d been writing on together and smiled at the both of them. Ray was too busy eating, having already been told the news. Griffon smiled kindly at Gavin. Jack did the same, chuckling quietly.

“Who’d have guessed that a few months back?” Gavin grinned at that before looking to Geoff. The older teen smiled at him.

“I don’t know which one I should be warning off.” Geoff shrugged. “I guess both of you then. And remember,” He winked. “Use protection.” Michael flipped him off and Geoff just chuckled, something almost strained in his voice. The table returned to their food and after a few moments Michael felt Gavin take his left hand. He smiled at his… boyfriend? (He hoped that was it. He really really did.)

After lunch the euphoria of the day began to wear off as he remembered just what had happened the previous night.

As he remembered, the pain in his arm seemed to increase and worry began to grow in his stomach. He would have to go home that night. He’d have to see his dad and he’d have to talk to his mum. Gavin didn’t want to do any of that so he just sunk deeper into his seat and focused on the lesson in front of him.

Unfortunately, no matter how much Gavin wished it, he couldn’t force time to follow his commands.

At the end of the day Gavin was preparing himself to walk home when his phone buzzed. He pulled it out and saw a text from his mum.

**I’ll meet you at the front gate.**

**-Mum**

Gavin frowned down at his phone before ducking into one of the bathrooms to pull off his binder. With the previous night at the forefront of his mind he didn’t want to risk pissing his parents off even more. He then walked up to the front gate, most of the students having left already.

When his mother caught sight of him she smiled weakly and beckoned him forwards. Gavin followed her into her car and they sat there for a moment.

“Lucy,” His mother started. Gavin bristled at the name but made no move to correct her. There wasn’t much point at this stage. She wasn’t going to magically accept him overnight just because his father beat the shit out of him. “What happened last night, it won’t happen again. I promise you. Your father was out of line.”

“Where is he?” Gavin asked timidly. No matter how much he wanted to be strong he knew that the man had a strong right hook and might not be afraid to use it. In response his mother sighed.

“What he did Lucy-” She broke off and shook her head. “He’s never done anything that bad before. He’s staying with some friends for a while until he’s got himself under control.”

“And then he’s coming home?” Gavin exclaimed.

“He is your father Lucy. I know it’s-”

“He broke my arm!” Gavin shouted, instantly stopping as he saw a few heads turn in his direction. His mother frowned and turned to walk briskly towards the car, gesturing him to get in. When they were both seated she started the car but didn’t make a move to drive off.

“I know this must be hard for you Lucy. I know that. I’m going to try my hardest to make sure your father never does something like this again. You have to understand the stress he’s under.” Gavin gaped at her for a moment before just shaking his head and sifting to stare out the window. “Hey,” his mother placed a gentle hand on his back. Gavin winced at the bruise beneath her hand. “That doesn’t mean he should have done what he did, it means we can stop it happening in the future. I know it’s annoying but you just have to be more-” she gestured at Gavin and he shook his head, talking over her.

“Shut up mum. I am who I am and I’m not going to change that just because dad wants to kick the shit out of me.”

“Lucy-” Gavin shook his head and went for the door.

“I’ll walk home.”

“Lucy!” His mother exclaimed. Gavin paused for a second and turned back. “Gavin,” she ground out. Gavin stopped at that, his heart jumping a bit. If he could just get her on his side, if she could just _understand_ …

“You’re going through some stuff right now and I understand that. So is your father. I’m going to make sure he doesn’t do this again and until then it’ll just be us in the house, okay? Come on, just get back in the car.”

“Call me Gavin again.” Gavin said quietly.

“What?”

“Use my name.” Gavin reiterated.

“Lucy-”

“My real one!” Gavin snapped. His mother sighed before obliging, obviously annoyed.

“Gavin. Get back into the car. Please.” Gavin nodded and closed the door. The car moved off and Gavin breathed out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t much, it wasn’t anything at all but his mother had called him Gavin, maybe for the first time since he’d come out to her. Maybe the first time ever.

“Where are we going?” Gavin asked quietly. His mother smiled over at him, affection obvious in her eyes. She still cared about her child.

“I thought we could enjoy ourselves tonight, my treat.” Gavin nodded and smiled weakly. He wanted to go home and sleep but if this was how his mother was going to stop herself feeling guilty then he wouldn’t stop her.

 

 

Jack sat on his sofa, frantically mashing his controller buttons as he tried to make the jump. On the screen his bike teetered precariously before sliding back down the slope, no matter how hard Jack tried to cling to it.

“Oh for-” He sighed out, leaning back as he was reset yet again. Before he could start his phone rang and he sighed, pausing the game. “Yeah?”

“Jack, it’s Griffon.” Jack nodded, only half listening as he scrolled through the game’s menu.

“What’s up?”

“It’s Geoff.” Jack’s hands stilled for a moment before he sat up straighter and clicked out of the game.

“What is it?”

“You- you need to come over.”

“Got it.” As he hung up he rose and strode to the door, yelling out a quick excuse before grabbing the car keys and leaving. As he drove he ran over what could be wrong with Geoff. He hadn’t seen the teenager much that day, just a little bit at lunch and he hadn’t looked too bad.

When he got to Geoff’s house he parked the car sloppily and walked up to the house. Before he could even get his key out Griffon opened the door and smiled at him weakly.

“Hey.”

“What’s going on?” Jack asked quietly. Griffon shook her head and glanced back into the house.

“I don’t know. He won’t talk to me. He’s just- just sitting there Jack.”

“It’s not-” Jack broke off and Griffon shook her head.

“He’s been getting better Jack. He hasn’t had a flashback since-” She trailed off, shaking her head. “I don’t even remember.” Jack sighed and nodded.

“But he’s calm?”

“Dead calm. He’s just- just sitting there.”

“I’ll go talk to him.”

“Thanks.” Griffon frowned as her phone buzzed and sighed. Jack raised an eyebrow. “It’s my parents. They want me to- I should-” Griffon dithered for a moment before Jack shook his head.

“Go.” Jack said softly. She went to refuse but he just shook his head. “Go. I’ve got Geoff.”

“You sure?”

“Of course I am.” Griffon wavered for a moment longer before nodding and leaving the house. Jack waited until the door slammed closed before walking into the kitchen. Geoff wasn’t there, the only evidence that he might been was the empty bottle on the side. Jack sighed. He didn’t want to know how full that had been.

Jack was worried about Geoff. Worried didn’t actually even begin to cover it. He was terrified. He’d been Geoff’s friend for years now, ever since they were dumb kids. He liked to think he knew the teen quite well at this point but he also knew that Geoff was a wild cannon. Sometimes he did things because they would hurt him, just to rebel against a power that didn’t even control him anymore. Jack also knew why, Geoff had been through shit that no-one should have to.

Especially not a child.

Jack was pulled from the thoughts as he heard a retching coming from the bathroom. He slowly walked over to the door and then just sighed. Geoff was hunched over the toilet, a trail of saliva still connecting his mouth to the toilet water. He glanced up as Jack entered the room and smiled weakly.

“Hey Jack.” He slurred out, trying to smile. Jack just shook his head and came to sit next to him, ignoring the stench of the room. Since Geoff had started drinking Jack had made himself get over the smell.

“Why did you do it this time?” He whispered, rubbing Geoff’s back as the boy felt another wave of nausea pass through him. Geoff just shook his head, not looking at Jack.

“Why’d I need a reason?” It sounded like he was trying to make it harsh, pushing Jack away but it just sounded defeated.

“Geoff, please. I want to help.”

“You can’t!” Geoff snapped. “You can’t fucking help! You haven’t been able to for fucking years! Why the fucking hell do you stick around! There’s no point!” Jack didn’t rise to the bait, just stroking Geoff’s back as he suddenly threw up again.

“Why did you do it this time?” Jack asked quietly. Geoff gulped and scrubbed at his eyes where they were watering from the force of vomiting.

“It’s December Jack. It’s gonna be _Christmas_.” Geoff spat out the word as if it was poison and he bunched himself closer, curling in. I-“

“Shit, I forgot.” Jack berated himself silently. How had he forgotten that? December and January. That was always when Geoff needed him. “It’s-”

“This shouldn’t fucking happen!” Geoff exclaimed. “I shouldn’t-” He broke off as he retched again. There hadn’t been much in his stomach to begin with but now there was nothing left. Only bile fell from his lips but he stayed hunched over, staring into the bowl. Jack shifted slightly closer to the boy and Geoff subconsciously did the same. “My arm hurts.” Jack frowned in confusion before replying.

“Uh- what is it?”

“Gavin broke his arm.” Geoff mumbled. He’d seen it at lunch and he could only guess what had happened.

“Yeah. But what’s that-”

“My arm was broken, wasn’t it?” Geoff stared at Jack, waiting for an answer.

“Yeah, couple of times. But Geoff-”

“I’m clumsy.” Geoff mumbled, breaking Jack’s gaze and leaning back against the wall. “Clumsy me. Clumsy little _Geoffrey_.” He scoffed slightly. “Fucking bullshit.”

“Hey Geoff, come on now,” Jack started calmingly. He didn’t like seeing Geoff like this, it scared him. “You’re not clumsy. You know that.”

“I’m weak though.” Geoff mumbled quietly, closing his eyes. “I’m- I’m- this is-” He shook his head as tears started to fall from his eyes, dribbling down his face. “I’m-”

“Geoff, you are the strongest fucker I have ever met okay?” Jack half snapped. When Geoff flinched he cursed under his breath. “Sorry. You don’t need to be afraid anymore and if you are then it’s not your fault. It’s theirs.” Geoff nodded but Jack knew he didn’t believe what Jack was saying, Geoff hadn’t believed any of that for a long time. “Okay, come on.” Jack heaved Geoff up and instantly the older boy all but collapsed. Jack supported him to the bed until he collapsed again. Geoff looked up at Jack, tears still in his eyes.

“It’s Christmas Jackie.” Geoff whispered. Jack nodded gently.

“Yeah Geoff. It’s Christmas.”

 

When Gavin got back home he lay on his bed for a moment, controller in hand. In a sudden change of heart his mother had given everything back, all of his games and his X-Box and even a few new games that he’d been wanting. It was just a way for her to stop feeling so bad and that made Gavin want to scream at her. Getting his stuff back didn’t heal his broken arm, it didn’t change the fact that his father was going to come back in just a few weeks. No matter what she did it wouldn’t stop him being in pain. And, worse of all, she wouldn’t even call him Gavin.

She had while they were in the car, every time she went to call him Lucy she broke off and corrected herself with a roll of her eyes. She was doing it to appease him nothing more. When they got into public she point blank refused, saying the people around them wouldn’t understand why she was calling her daughter a boy. At that point Gavin had just gone quiet and asked to go home.

So there he was, wishing he was anywhere else. He could probably get together the rest of the group for something but he couldn’t be bothered. He didn’t want to be there but he could barely summon the energy to move. He didn’t know how long he lay there, thinking about nothing in particular.

Eventually he was shaken from his reverie by his phone going off. He raised it to his face and saw Ray’s contact number. He clicked open the text.

**From: X-Ray**

**Hey, can you cover for me?**

**To: X-Ray**

**What?**

 

**From: X-Ray**

**This is my mom’s number**

Gavin frowned at the long list of numbers underneath the text.

**If she calls can you say I’m staying over with you?**

 

**To: X-Ray**

**Why?**

**From: X-Ray**

**I’m going over to J’s house. Need to keep it a secret.**

**To: X-Ray**

**Sure**

**From: X-Ray**

**Owe you one Vav**

 

Gavin nodded before putting his phone down and pulling himself off the bed. He could probably invite one of his friends over. In the state of guilt his mother was in he was pretty sure she’d let it go, even though she thought that a sleepover with a boy would leave her ‘precious little daughter’ pregnant. Gavin scoffed at that thought. He wasn’t stupid, he knew that technically that could happen but he also knew that Michael knew that, plenty of straight couples got it on. You only had to walk down a corridor in high school to see that.

Shaking his head to clear it of those thoughts he stood up and walked over to his laptop and opened it up, happy to see that it looked like his mum had left it alone. He pulled up Dan’s contact information and typed out a short message.

**To: Dan**

**Hey**

He sat there for a moment before sighing. Dan wasn’t going to be online now. It was about lunchtime for him, he’d be in school. He’d forgotten about that. Instead Gavin just clicked over onto the group chat.

**From: Gav**

**How is everyone?**

Almost instantly he got his replies.

**From: Red**

**Good.**

**From: Barb**

**Doing homework :(**

**From: Micoo**

**We literally left school just two hours ago Gavin.**

**From: Gavin**

**Don’t be mean Michael!**

**From: Micoo**

**How come you get to keep your name and I get stuck with Micoo?**

**From: Gavin**

**Because that’s your name!**

**[‘Micoo’ changed ‘Gavin’ to ‘idiot with a giant nose’]**

**From: Barb**

**Oooh**

**From: Lindsay**

**Getting awkward in here!**

“Wanna play like that?” Gavin mumbled, grinning. Everything about his dad had slipped from his mind while he typed.

**[‘Idiot with a giant nose’ changed ‘Micoo’ to ‘smegging annoying bear’]**

**From: Smegging annoying bear**

**Those aren’t fucking words!**

**[‘Barb’ changed ‘smegging annoying bear’ to ‘Totally gay teenager in love with Gavin’]**

**From: Totally gay teenager in love with Gavin**

**Hey!**

**[‘Red’ changed ‘Idiot with a giant nose’ to ‘British idiot in love with Michael’]**

Gavin grinned at that and paused for a second, revelling in it. He was dating Michael. It was his first real boyfriend. He had Michael and Michael had him. But then he shook it off and clicked over Barbara’s name.

**[‘British idiot in love with Michael’ changed ‘Barb’ to ‘Your puns are terrible’]**

**From: Your puns are terrible**

**Gavin! That’s so mean.**

**From: Your puns are terrible.**

**By the way how’s Egypt**

**From: British idiot in love with Michael**

**Wot?**

**From: Your puns are terrible**

**Linds, you got this?**

**From: Red**

**Yep.**

**From: Red**

**How’s Egypt cause right now you’re knee deep in denial**

There was a pause in the conversation there as the two groups just stared at their screens. Barbara was grinning slightly as her girlfriend finished her own joke. Michael and Gavin were just staring at their screen in a mix of disgust and pity.

**From: Totally gay teenager in love with Gavin**

**No.**

**From: Your puns are terrible**

**Come on Micoo!**

**From: Totally gay teenager in love with Gavin**

**That’s not my name!**

**From: Red**

**You’re fine when Gavin uses it ;)**

**From: Totally gay teenager in love with Gavin**

**That’s cause he’s my boyfriend**

**From: British idiot in love with Michael**

**Thanks boi**

**From: Totally gay teenager in love with Gavin**

**No problem boi**

Gavin smiled as the conversation began to move on to something else (with slightly less name changing). He leant back in his chair and sighed, some of the thoughts from earlier chased away. He smiled lazily as a new message came up on the screen.

**[‘Totally gay teenager in love with Gavin’ changed ‘Totally gay teenager in love with Gavin’ to ‘Gavin’s boi’]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I've hit writer's block hard. This may be odd to hear as I have just posted another fic but both of these have been hanging around on my computer for a while. (I wrote this at the same time as the last chapter.) I watched Civil War (No spoilers, I know America doesn't have it yet) and I was super inspired as I watched it and ended up with two hundred words of nothingness. (If you wanna talk to me about it you can find me on tumblr at blazingstarininkyblackness but I warn you, I may just yell a lot about Marvel in general as I have suddenly remembered just how good it is.)  
> Anyway, one of the reasons I am posting two today is because I'm getting a project back tomorrow which is 10% of my final grade and I think I failed it :/ (Basically I'm just using my writing to feel better.) I'll see if that works...  
> See you next time.


	21. Hunter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Hunter  
> A person searching for something

 

Ryan was many things, he was a bright young student with many friends who he cared deeply about. He was sarky and knowledgeable, adding words to his litany just so he could use it against people. Sure, he couldn’t always get the sentences out properly but he was clever. He was clever enough to piece together a pattern when he saw one. And now he was watching.

Jack and Geoff had always been close, since way before Ryan had known either of them. They’d already been friends by the time Jack was five and had stayed friends since then. Ryan had heard them argue, raising their voices and screaming at each other but after it they’d just make up instantly. There wouldn’t be hurt feelings, they’d both accept that they had been annoyed and got over it.

The longest Ryan had seen the two of them argue before this year was a week. Geoff had pissed Jack off and the younger boy was ignoring him. Whenever Geoff walked towards him Jack would stalk away. Ryan had been there the next morning when Geoff was staring morosely off into nothing and Jack had sat down next to him. Geoff had instantly perked up when Jack started talking to him. It was as if the argument hadn’t happened, as if it didn’t matter.

Ryan knew that their relationship was different, it was deeply protective both ways. Geoff loved Griffon, had been dating her for years but his best friend was and always had been Jack. It was one of the constants of Ryan’s school life.

But then it stopped.

Ryan would watch as Geoff and Jack whispered to each other in maths until one of them broke off, glaring at the other. There were still days when they were fine but Ryan could see that there was something festering. Neither of them seemed to want to talk about it.

Ryan could figure out why Jack was angry, Ryan kept on smelling alcohol on Geoff. There was no way that amount was healthy. But Ryan had no idea why Geoff was angry with Jack. It confused Ryan and so he decided to work it out.

His first step had been to talk to Michael, whenever the Jersey teenager had a problem he’d go to Jack. Ryan cornered Michael one day before school started and took a deep breath before asking the questions that plagued his mind.

“What’s wrong with Jack?”

“What?” Michael asked. “The hell do you mean?”

“There’s something wrong and I don’t know what it is.”

“Go ask him dude, I can’t help.”

Ryan was about to continue when Michael caught sight of Gavin and mumbled his goodbyes. Ryan watched as he strode to his boyfriend. Gavin smiled at him as they walked into the school together. It was sweet, how close the two had gotten in such a short time. But it wasn’t helping Ryan with his puzzle. Ryan sighed and turned around, wondering what to do now. His answer appeared as he spotted Kerry walking into the school.

Ryan started to walk forwards before pausing as he saw several teenagers splitting from a group and walking towards Kerry. Ryan was confused for a moment, he hadn’t thought that Kerry really knew those people.

Ryan got his answer as Kerry was shoved backwards. Ryan growled before striding forwards into the mass of students. There were three teenagers, all of them much taller than Kerry. Only one of them was taller than Ryan.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Ryan spat out. Kerry glanced up at him and offered a shaky smile. The three boys glanced at each other, obviously weighing up their options. Kerry didn’t put up a fight, hadn’t for a long time. Ryan could put up a fight though. He didn’t have any experience but he was tall and strong, that would be enough to do something.

“Come on.” One of the teenagers turned to walk away, the other two following. Ryan glared at them and stepped forwards again.

“Hey! I-” Ryan broke off as Kerry grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. “What?”

“Don’t bother.” Kerry sighed out. “They’d win in a fight.”

“How do you know that?”

“Cause they can nearly beat Michael.” Kerry shrugged and Ryan nodded in understanding. Michael was much better than him.

“Jesus Kerry, why don’t you talk to someone about this?” Kerry just shrugged as the two began to walk towards the school.

“It won’t help. No-on seems that get that.”

“Look what happened with Gavin! He’s good now.” Ever since the day Gavin came in with a broken arm no-one had tried to hurt him. There were no new bruises, no winces or whimpers in the middle of class. He was happy and, while Michael was still fiercely protective, he didn’t need to be. Gavin was happy.

“Do you know what’s up with Jack and Geoff?” Ryan asked almost absent-mindedly. In response Kerry just shook his head.

“Sorry.”

“There is something though, isn’t there? It’s not just me?”

“No, you’re right. They’re arguing about something but I don’t know what. I’ll keep an eye out.”

“Thanks Kerry.” Kerry nodded and Ryan turned away, walking down the corridors to his first lesson.

 

As the days crawled on Ryan’s curiosity steadily grew. Geoff and Jack seemed angry at each other but there’d still be days when they were fine. Some days Ryan could see one of them forgiving the other and other days he could see the argument start but he never knew what it was.

As it got closer to Christmas there seemed to be less and less days with the two of them co-operating. Ryan could see them whispering together in maths and avoiding looking at each other at lunch. It felt more and more like a secret was being kept from him and he did _not_ like it.

But his options were limited. He could maybe talk to the pair but he balked at that idea. They weren’t telling him something and he didn’t want to walk into what must be a minefield between them. Ryan didn’t pretend to understand their relationship, not really. It was platonic but more than he’d met anywhere else.

But then one maths lesson, a few days before the end of term, Ryan managed to find out some of it, enough of it anyway.

“Please talk to me Geoff.” Jack was whispering, keeping an eye as Sorola explained arithmetic sequences or something. Geoff just grunted in response and Ryan could see Jack’s chest rise and relax as he sighed deeply. “Come on Geoff.”

“No.” Geoff snapped. Sorola glanced over at them and the two suddenly shut up. After a long moment Sorola turned back and continued to explain. Ryan dithered for a second, he really should be listening. It wasn’t as if this was his strongest subject but then Jack started talking again and his attention was focused on the two.

“You don’t have to talk to _me_ but-”

“Shut up Jack.” Geoff snapped.

“Geoff-” There was annoyance creeping into Jack’s tone now, he was getting angry at his friend’s stalling.

“No.” Geoff snapped back. Jack flung his hands out slightly in anger and both Ryan and Jack froze as Geoff flinched backwards. Ryan could feel his heart in his throat and Jack looked stricken.

“God, Geoff-” Geoff didn’t look at him, just sat straighter and stared down at his book. He let one hand fall to his side and Ryan frowned as he saw it shaking ever so slightly.

“Don’t.” Geoff growled out.

“Geoff don’t be like that.” Jack sounded resigned and at that Geoff whirled on him.

“Don’t be like that? What the fuck do you mean by that?” He hissed through his teeth. Ryan glanced at Sorola as he asked Jo, one of the other students, a question and she floundered for a moment. Ryan suddenly snapped back to Geoff and Jack as he heard a gasp of pain. Geoff had grabbed Jack’s arm and was holding it tight in his hand.

“Geoff-”                                                    

“You don’t get to fucking lecture me, got it?” Geoff snarled the words out before all but throwing Jack’s arm back down. Jack winced. Geoff had known where he had gripped the arm, right over the thirteen lines that Jack hated more and more every day. He shouldn’t have done it, it was stupid and pathetic. He sighed again.

Ryan stared between the pair of them as Jack leaned closer to Geoff and whispered something. Geoff suddenly seemed to almost collapse, every bit of stress just draining out of him before he nodded weakly. Jack placed a hand on Geoff’s back and held it there for a moment before turning back to the lesson.

A few moments later Jack turned around to Ryan and paused as he saw the teenager staring right back. Jack frowned for a moment but didn’t let it stop him.

“Geoff’s got a game night last day of term, you good?” Ryan frowned for a moment before nodding. Jack smiled in response. “Tell the others.”

“Jack-” Ryan started, not sure of what to ask. When Jack turned back Ryan opened his mouth but found it empty. He didn’t have the words, he didn’t have the questions that he wanted answered. “Don’t worry.” Jack frowned before turning back and Ryan laid his head on the desk.

“Ryan!” Ryan snapped his head up to see Sorola staring at him. He gestured to the board and Ryan groaned. He had no idea.

 

The idea of another game night went over very well with the other people in the group. Normally Geoff would already have had three or four but this year had been different, he’d spent so much time worried about Gavin that he had barely managed to think about anything, let alone a game night. In the end it was Jack’s prodding’s that motivated him.

Geoff sat in his living room, smiling at his friends. Lindsay and Barb were sat on one of the sofas, Barbara’s legs were thrown across Lindsay’s and their hands were entwined. Lindsay was busy arguing with Miles over something while Barbara just sat there, staring into nothing. Kerry, Griffon and Michael were sat in front of the Xbox and Michael’s yells echoed around the room. Gavin was sat next on Lindsay and Barbara’s sofa and laughed a bit every time Michael screamed. When Michael began to actually get angry Gavin moved Kerry out of the way so he could slide next to Michael and hold his hand with Gavin’s unbroken one. Every time this happened Geoff smirked, they were incorrigible together.

Ray had left the room a few minutes ago, saying he had a headache and just needed some quiet. Ryan had then followed with a glass of water. Geoff himself was slowly swigging from a bottle, avoiding Jack’s gaze. The younger teen would often throw him a look and Geoff knew what it meant. It meant that Jack thought Geoff was doing a Bad Thing (the capital letters were needed.)

Geoff couldn’t quite bring himself to care. He was exhausted, eyes heavy and all he wanted was to sleep for a year and a day. But he also knew he couldn’t. His nightmares didn’t adhere to his wishes and he was being woken by them too much now. He wished they’d change because that was the worst part.

If it was new, if he could dream about falling or walking into school naked on some nights then he’d get a rest but his mind was stuck on one dream, as it always was. He’d see the bottom of a table, the ceiling, screams and shouts as he felt liquid fill his mouth and lungs as he heaved for air. Geoff shivered at the memory and took a swig. This time he made the mistake of glancing at Jack who just shook his head and sighed.

That annoyed Geoff and he was just about to retort when he felt the anger drain out of him. What was the point? He took another swig before picking up a controller and loudly declaring that he was going to annihilate them. Jack didn’t move to pick up a controller, the four love birds deciding to challenge Geoff instead but Geoff could still feel the younger boy’s gaze on his back. This time he refused to look back.

 

“Are you alright?” Ray looked up as Ryan sat down next to him. For a moment he remembered being in the same spot all those months ago, when Ryan opened up to Ray about just what had happened to him.

“Yeah.” Ray smiled and Ryan took that as an invitation to sit down next to him. They both just sat there for a moment in silence before Ray’s phone buzzed. He grabbed it and pulled it out. Ryan could just about work out that he was texting someone but couldn’t see who it was or what it was.

“Who’s that?”

“It’s J.” Ray mumbled, frowning as he typed out an answer. Ryan paused for a moment. He didn’t like J. He didn’t like how much older he was, he didn’t like how Ray wouldn’t introduce him to them. But on the other hand he had a sneaking suspicion he wouldn’t like anyone dating Ray.

“Trouble in paradise?” Ryan joked. Ray nodded vaguely as his phone buzzed again and he sighed.

“I dunno.”

“What’s wrong?” Ryan asked gently. Ray glanced at the phone again and made as if to turn it to Ryan but then stopped himself.

“J’s just a bit possessive I guess.”

“What does that mean?” Ryan was instantly on high alert, possessive wasn’t good. Ray noticed and laughed.

“Not like that.”

“Like what then?”

“I dunno. He’s worried about me.”

“What do you mean?” At Ryan’s question Ray sighed, trying to find the words. He stowed his phone back in his pocket, ignoring it as it buzzed again.

“He’s worried about me. He’s worried about me hanging out with-” Ray broke off and looked away. “Hanging out with Geoff.”

“Geoff?” Ryan asked. “Why?”

“J thinks Geoff is a bad influence and you know-” Ray shrugged. “You can kinda see it.”

“Yeah but-” Ryan frowned. “Wait, how does he know Geoff?” Ray frowned at that and shifted for a moment. He couldn’t exactly explain it, couldn’t come out and say that J saw Geoff nearly every day.

“I told him, sometimes I do talk to J about you guys, you know.” Ray smiled at that and Ryan nodded. Ray jumped as his phone buzzed again. This time it didn’t stop. “Shit.” Ray grabbed the phone and answered the call. He flashed a smile at Ryan before jumping up and walking further down the corridor. Ryan strained his ears but stopped when he heard his name being called.

“Ryan! Get your ass back in here!” Michael screamed from the other room. “Geoff you mother _fucker_!” Ryan felt tempted to say no, that he had to go after Ray but then he just sighed and nodded, slipping back into the living room.

 

“J, it’s not that bad.” Ray muttered into the phone, watching as Ryan left.

“Ray,” Ray sighed at that, they only used their names when something was bad. “I don’t trust him.”

“I know but- He’s a good person J.”

“He’s an alcoholic Ray. I don’t want you to be hurt.”

“It’s not like-”

“I know R. I trust you. But I know that when we,” J paused for a moment and Ray smiled, he knew where this was going. “Share a bottle, you like it.”

“I don’t think that’s the alcohol.” Ray replied and got a laugh out of J.

“I know. But I’m worried about you R.”

“I’m not a child!” Ray snapped, annoyed. There was silence down the other end of the phone and Ray sighed. “Sorry J I-”

“I know you’re not a child R. But you’re young. Trust me. People like Geoff, they can’t be trusted. Not really.”

“But-”

“He’s a good person R, I’m sure he is. But he’s a bad influence. I’m just trying to do what’s best for you, okay?”

“Yeah okay.” Ray sighed. “Should I stay?”

“Do what you think is right.” J supplied. Ray sighed and nodded.

“My mom’s expecting me to stay overnight.”

“I can pick you up.” J offered. “I’ve got a bottle with our name on it.” Ray laughed at that and smiled.

“So, you want me to leave one alcoholic for another one?”

“I promise you’ll have more fun with this one.”

With that J hung up, leaving Ray with a dumb smile on his face. The smile didn’t drop from his face as he made his farewells or when he walked out of the house. It didn’t even subside as he sat in J’s car, hands entwined over the gearstick. When he fell asleep, curled around J, the smile was still there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you probably noticed the fic's picking up the pace now. Gavin's storyline is over for now and Jack and Geoff's is coming to the forefront. If it feels too fast then I'm sorry. I've never written a story with anywhere near this many story lines and I'm finding it very difficult to balance it all off. Anyway, hoped you enjoyed.  
> See you next time.  
> (Also look! Just one month until my birthday :D)


	22. Tradition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Tradition  
> A long-established custom or belief that has been passed on from one generation to another.

After school broke up Jack didn’t see or hear anything from Geoff. It wasn’t necessarily unusual but it was worrying. Especially around Christmas. Griffon wasn’t staying with him anymore, her parents had banned her from being around Geoff at all (Jack was sure that wasn’t going to happen.)

But it left Geoff all alone and Jack didn’t trust the boy enough. Halfway through Christmas Eve Jack sighed and finally stood, glancing once more at his phone and the two dozen unanswered messages.

“I’ve got to go.” Jack said apologetically. His father frowned and gestured to the other room where their family had begun to gather.

“What do you mean? They’re all here Jack, you can’t just run off.” Jack sighed and nodded, glancing at his relatives before replying to his father.

“It’s Geoff dad.” At the older boy’s name Jack’s father sighed deeply.

“How is he?”

“I- I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to do this on your own Jack. There are people for this, professionals.” The man offered the words knowing his son wouldn’t even think about it.

“I know but you know he doesn’t like that.”

“Still-” Jack’s father trailed off, obviously thinking carefully about his next words. “You’re in your last year of high school Jack, most kids your age are off-” he shrugged. “Getting girlfriends or hanging out with their friends. But you two-”

“He needs me dad.” Jack interrupted his father, he didn’t need to hear this again. “And yeah, that stuff’s normal but look at Geoff! He doesn’t get a normal life either.” Jack’s father sighed and walked across the room, placing a hand on his son’s shoulder.

“Just because his parents did- did that,” he grimaced slightly before continuing. “Doesn’t mean that you have to give up these years of your life Jack.”

“I know dad. But I want to.” His father sighed and nodded, causing Jack to walk out of the room, nudging through the guests until he was outside in his car. It was only when he was actually halfway to Geoff’s house (it had stopped being Geoff’s parent’s house a long time ago now) that Jack wondered just how true he’d been to his dad, just how much he actually wanted to help Geoff anymore. It was exhausting.

 

 

When Jack got to the house it was to find it all but empty. He sighed, staring around the room before starting to walk through the house in search of his apparently lost friend. When he finally found Geoff he wished he hadn’t.

The boy was half passed out on the floor of the bathroom, eyes following Jack as he walked into the room. Jack cursed and knelt down next to him at which point Geoff slowly tried to shift away but Jack grabbed his shoulder before he could.

“Jesus Geoff, come on now.” Jack chastised, slowly raising Geoff up to lie against the wall. Geoff stared at him, still not talking and barely responding as Jack started to talk to him about nothing. The older boy’s head lolled back to lie against the wall and Jack sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. He didn’t want to do this.

He didn’t want to be sat in a bathroom that could easily be covered in sick at any time. He didn’t want to be sat next to his friend, he wanted to be home enjoying Christmas. As he sat there he felt anger boiling inside him and he cursed under his breath.

He felt rage fill him at the thought of Geoff’s parents, at every single person who saw what was happening and ignored it. He suddenly hated every teacher who looked the other way. He hated everyone who’d seen a child in pain and had let themselves believe some shitty lie that a seven year old had concocted.

And suddenly he hated himself because in the end he didn’t hate them, not really. He understood why everything happened, why all of those things happened. But now he hated himself because fir a moment, just for a brief moment, he had hated Geoff for letting that happen to him all those years ago.

 

 

Geoff woke to the sound of light snores. He frowned and slowly sat up. Griffon wasn’t in the bed but he hadn’t been expecting her to be. As he took in his bedroom he smiled, a lazy smile that creeped across his face slowly. Jack was lying on the floor, fast asleep. Geoff picked up his phone and unlocked it, staring at the date.

**25 th December**

**Christmas Day.**

Geoff felt his stomach drop as he realised just why Jack was there. He was there to help. Geoff groaned and lay back down. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the world for just a bit longer. Christmas. Christmas was the worst.

Geoff was so busy not thinking that he even didn’t notice as the snores slowed and then stopped. Jack slowly opened his eyes and looked over to the boy up on the bed. Geoff’s eyes were screwed shut and he was breathing heavily. Jack sighed deeply and stood up. Christmas.

“Geoff?” Jack whispered. Geoff didn’t hear him so Jack did it again, this time louder. Geoff froze. His chest stopped rising as he held in the lungful of air he had. He then slowly cracked one eye open to see Jack. The younger boy was sitting lightly on the bed, staring at him weakly. Geoff sighed and sat up.

“I’m good Jackie.”

“Sure?” Jack asked warily. Geoff sighed and nodded.

“Come on.”

“Where we going?” Jack asked, clamouring out of bed.

“You’re getting changed. Then you’re helping me cook breakfast.”

Jack knew Geoff well enough to not argue.

As he stood under the shower head he exhaled heavily. The water trickled down across the thirteen cuts which had scabbed over and were slowly fading back into his skin. But before it did the cuts prickled every time water flowed across it. The other cuts were much worse.

When he had finished in the shower he grabbed one of the pair of clothes he left there every once in a while. Ever since Geoff had got the house Jack had kept some clothes there, staying over a lot. It was a part of how their friendship worked, they both had a few spare clothes around the other’s house.

When Jack walked downstairs, into the kitchen Geoff was whirling around the kitchen with a bowl in one hand and a frying pan in the other. He was singing loudly to the radio. If you could call it singing anyway.

When he saw Jack in the doorway he dragged the boy in, nearly hitting him with the frying pan (accidently, he swears). Geoff didn’t stop caterwauling as he directed Jack towards the work surface where another bowl sat. Jack got just enough time to figure out he was meant to be making pancakes before Geoff turned on the pan and threw eggs and bacon into it before shoving toast into the toaster.

For a while they worked like that, Geoff singing along to the terrible music and Jack trying to not burn the food as he went. When they finally sat down to eat Jack was red faced and Geoff was out of breath. Half of their food was charred and a quarter undercooked. But the two didn’t really mind, eating the food indiscriminately.

When they were done the two slunk to the X-Box and fired up Halo.

“I call bullshit!” Geoff cried, staring as his gold (yellow?) Spartan fell to the floor. Jack just laughed loudly. Geoff got a calculating look in his eyes before he launched himself at the younger boy. Jack yelped as he crashed to the ground, controller skittering away. Geoff laughed and held him down as he readied the rocket launcher.

“Geoff!” Jack yelled but fell silent as his character exploded.

“SUCK IT!” Geoff screamed. Jack laughed and struggled against him. Geoff tried to fight back while getting as many kills as he could. When Jack had pushed the boy off Geoff lunged for Jack’s controller, pushing his Spartan off the cliff.

“Geoff!” Jack lunged forwards and grabbed his controller back. It quickly turned into a scramble between the two of them until the other people in the match annihilated them. The game over they both lay back, trying to get their breath back.

“Team up?” Geoff asked. Jack grinned and nodded.

“We’re gonna kick their asses.”

Jack wasn’t exactly right.

 

Christmas Lunch across the country was being celebrated with a large meal, a roast and piles and piles of food. People were stuffing themselves on fine food and enjoying it, loving it. People were ripping open their presents and laughing at them, rejoicing at what they had.

Geoff and Jack sat in front of Geoff’s X-Box playing video games. They were terrible at it but it didn’t matter. In that moment they were there and somehow everything was alright.

They did eventually have lunch, bags of chips that they managed to spill across the floor. Jack leapt up the first few times, trying to make sure they weren’t crushed into the carpet. Geoff didn’t bother, taking the time to screw both of their players over in some new way.

That was how they passed the day, playing on different games and ignoring the world. When they’d failed the mission for the thirteenth time (FOR GOODNESS SAKE GEOFF JUST KILL HIM) they put the controllers down and started to chat.

It wasn’t anything important, nothing ground-breaking, nothing they’d remember the next day. Just rubbish.

 

When the sun had set Jack shifted and stood. Geoff immediately snapped to attentions.

“Where you going?” Geoff asked, lazing across one of the sofas as Jack stood up.

“Loo.” Jack said shortly and Geoff nodded. As soon as the man was out of the room Geoff leapt up and raced into the kitchen, looking through the cupboards until he finally found what he was looking for; a small box wrapped shoddily in vibrant green. Geoff didn’t know what it was about the colour but he liked it and Christmas was one of the few times he got to use it after all.

When Geoff had retrieved the box his hand hovered over a bottle of beer before he decided against it and left it in the cupboard. He then sat back down on the sofa and just waited for Jack to come back in.

When the boy returned he smiled at the present in Geoff’s hands and turned back, heading for his bag. Geoff stood before he could and blurted out.

“Thanks Jackie.”

Jack frowned in confusion at Geoff’s words.

“What do you-”

“Thanks for being here today. You know what it-” Geoff waved his hand and coughed, as if trying to clear something stuck in his throat. Jack could see the exhaustion on his face. It always happened like this, as the day would stretch on Geoff would begin to unravel and eventually not even Jack would be able to help.

“Geoff-” Geoff cut Jack off by leaping up and placing the present in the younger boy’s hands.

_A present plonked into Geoff’s hands. He stared at Jack in amazement before throwing his tiny arms around the boy._

_“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Geoff chanted. Jack wriggled out of his grip, pouting slightly._

_“It’s Christmas Geoff. Of course I got you a present!”_

_“What is it?” Geoff asked curiously, staring down at it. Jack frowned at that in annoyance._

_“You don’t ask that! It’s a thurprise!” Jack lisped the last word, air escaping around the small gap still left by his two front teeth. “Honestly, have you never_ had _a present?” Geoff paused, staring down at the thing in his hands. It had bright red wrapping tied with a silver ribbon. Geoff knew Jack hadn’t wrapped it. He wasn’t very good at things like that. He was much better at making people happy._

_“No.” Geoff sighed. Jack frowned at that._

_“Never?” Geoff shook his head and Jack frowned in confusion. How had Geoff never been given a Christmas present? He shook his head, it wasn’t a problem. He could solve it. “Now you will. Promise. I’ll get you one next year as well! I’ll get you one **every**_ _year!” Geoff’s face broke into a wide smile at that before dropping again._

_“But I don’t have anything for you Jackie…”_

_“Doesn’t matter.” Jack said, pushing down his disappointment. “You can get me one next year!”_

_“I will Jackie! I will! I’ll always get you one! Promise!”_

 

“I go first.” Geoff said, a smile creeping onto his face. Jack sighed and nodded, taking his present. He unwrapped it quickly and frowned up at Geoff.

“Seriously?” Geoff shrugged, smirking. Jack sighed and pulled out his present, a stuffed toy. Geoff just smirked and before he could respond with some kind of argument about how Jack was still childish (Jack would respond that just because he liked watching kid’s films it didn’t make him childish. Or the fact that he wanted to go to Disneyland. Or possibly work there someday. It was just easier to not get into the argument.) “You’re terrible. Here.” Jack tossed his present and Geoff barely caught it but catch it he did.

He unwrapped it quickly and started to laugh as he pulled out a video game.

“You do know how shit I am at this, right?”

Jack shrugged. “Thought you might need some practice.”

Geoff snorted but scooted over to his X-Box and put the disk in. As it began to install he turned back to Jack, suddenly serious.

“I- thank you Jackie.”

Jack’s face fell and he nodded, avoiding Geoff’s eyes. “Any way I can help Geoff.”

 

_Geoff tore open his present the moment he got home and stared in wonder at the chocolate bar inside. His stomach rumbled loudly but he paused. His parents had said he wasn’t allowed, hadn’t been good enough to deserve treats. It would be better for him if he didn’t._

_Geoff glanced around, seeing no-one there he broke off a tiny piece of chocolate. A tiny little bit, just a little bit. A tiny little bit turned into a little bit which turned into a lot and before he knew it the chocolate bar was a wrapper. He stared at it in horror. What had he done?_

_He was still staring at it when his mother came in. First she just screamed and then- he didn’t like thinking about then. He just knew that his back would hurt and he wasn’t meant to tell the nice lady at school about it because she wasn’t nice. She’d try to take him away from his parents and Geoff didn’t want that, did he?_

_And for years Geoff didn’t._

_The next time he was allowed to eat something he promised himself he’d never do that again. He’d never take food when he wasn’t meant to. Every year he’d get Jackie presents but he’d never take anything from the boy. Jackie should be able to keep them, to make up for just having to put up with Geoff._

 

“Geoff,” Jack muttered, shaking his friend slightly. Geoff’s head snapped up as he took in Jack. He tried to smile but couldn’t, memories running through his head.

“I’m here Geoff. You know that. They can’t touch you anymore.” Geoff nodded and Jack crawled forwards and hugged him, the older boy leaning in for support. “You’re safe. You’re loved. You’re okay.” Jack mumbled. Geoff nodded, the words drowning out the teachings that had been beaten into him.

He was with Jack. He was safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this might be just a ton of overindulgence which I might need to edit down later but I just wanted to put it up. (And if anyone is wondering I have definitely not written this when I was meant to be revising for two exams tomorrow.) Uhhh no way...  
> Another chapter should be up on the nineteenth which might actually talk about more than two characters.  
> See you next time.


	23. Maelstrom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Maelstrom  
> A situation or state of confused movement or violent turmoil.

It took Ryan about a week after Christmas to actually relinquish his curiosity over Jack and Geoff. It wasn’t that it was better, it looked like quite the opposite. But memories had slowly filtered into his head and he had realised that maybe, just maybe, the problem with the two of them went a bit deeper than anything he could work out.

Instead he focused on schoolwork and trying to persuade Johnson and Joel to start the play up again soon. He’d wanted that part for a long time and he wasn’t going to let the teacher stop him.

But now he’d reached a stalemate. Johnson seemed determined to stop it and it was frustrating Ryan. Just because the man had failed at his acting career didn’t mean that he had to go and fuck up Ryan’s hobby. But, luckily, every time Ryan was about to yell at Johnson someone would stop him. Griffon, Ray, Jack or sometimes even Joel.

When that happened Ryan would take a deep breath and nod, turning away while cursing under his breath. As the exams crept forwards he began to work harder, turning down more and more invitations to hang out. He hadn’t even realised how much he’d missed until January was half over and one day he saw Ray’s left arm.

He wasn’t sure what had caught his eye, it was just an arm after all. Ray was holding his Gameboy, not bothering with the food in front of him. Ryan stared at the younger boy’s arm, trying to work out what had caught his eye. Ray glanced at him and froze as he saw Ryan was staring at him.

“What?” Ray asked warily. Ryan broke his gaze from Ray’s arm and shifted it to the boy’s face.

“What’s on your arm?”

“Uh- it’s called a jacket.” Ray deadpanned before shifting his view back to the device in his hands. Ryan frowned and leant forwards. Ray moved his arm out of the way, looking at Ryan in bewilderment. “What the-”

“What is it Ray?” Ryan felt that something was off, something was wrong. He couldn’t explain it but it was a gut feeling he trusted. He glanced up to see the rest of the table staring at him. As Gavin and Michael had been in the middle of an argument (conversation) when Ryan started talking they were also staring at him. Ray shifted for a moment before pulling up his sleeve.

“See?” Ray pointed to his arm where there was nothing. Ryan frowned. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting. “What did you think?” Ray asked to Ryan who just shrugged.

“I dunno. Sorry.” Ray shrugged and pulled down his right sleeve, while keeping an eye on Ryan. The conversation slowly lapsed back to Gavin and Michael. (Ryan couldn’t be bothered trying to keep up with them, it was some bullshit to do with how science worked and he was pretty sure that getting in the middle of it would just make him want to grab Gavin and shake him until he saw some semblance of sense.)

So instead Ryan fell into a conversation with Barbara who was sat next to him. Lindsay was nowhere to be seen and when Ryan asked, Barbara just shook her head.

“She’s-” Barbara shrugged. “Got stuff going on.”

“Are you-”

“Oh no,” Barbara smiled. “We’re good. Just, you know.” Ryan didn’t. He nodded anyway.

As Ryan turned back to his food Ray glanced down at his sleeve, carefully inching his sleeve down, masking the small patch of purple. He didn’t know how Ryan had noticed him but he didn’t like it.

 

As soon as the bell rang the whole table stood. Gavin tripped slightly and Michael grabbed him before he could hit the floor. Gavin righted himself and grinned broadly.

“Thanks boi!”

Michael rolled his eyes and grabbed his bags before a thought came to mind. He paused, bag swung over his back, and turned back to Gavin.

“Why do you call me that?”

Gavin’s smiled faltered for a moment. “What’d you mean?”

“Boi, you call me boi. Why?”

Gavin chewed his lip before shrugging.

“It’s what Dan called me.”

“What, am I some kind of replacement?” Michael said smirking. Gavin chuckled and shook his head.

“Nah, I mean after I came out to him. I didn’t have a name yet so he called me boi. Then just B.”

“That’s why you have that dumb nickname?” Michael said. It seemed kinda dumb and really sweet at the same time.

“Yeah. Dan was pretty top.” Gavin grinned and Michael smiled back. He pressed a gentle kiss to Gavin’s lips which had Gavin blushing quickly.

“Thanks for telling me,” Michael paused for a moment, finally realising the weight of the word, how it had been offered to him from the first day and all he’d done was throw it aside, not wanting anything to do with it. “Thanks boi.”

Gavin’s smile was radiant.

 

 

The next week the seemingly impossible happened; Joel cleared them for a rehearsal. When Ryan heard he wanted to shout but contained himself as Joel smiled at him, warning him not to lose his temper with Johnson again.

Geoff was sat at the lunch table when he was told. He was lying face down, groaning gently. Griffon had a hand on his back, gently rubbing his back as if that would help. Her parents had called her back home and so Geoff had spent more and more nights alone in his house.

Of course, you’d think that after getting your stomach pumped and nearly dying Geoff would have calmed down a bit. (Griffon and Jack had thought that.) But apparently Geoff had no such idea. They kinda wanted to beat him to death.

To begin with he hadn’t been drinking that much, severely cutting down on. But then he slowly started drinking more and more. By now Geoff was regularly drunk, nearly forgetting what it felt like to wake up without a hangover. Jack was getting sick and tired of it and so he dragged Geoff along to the rehearsals, just to cut down the hours he could drink in.

The gap in the rehearsals was evident by watching the actors, everyone was messing up. Even Ryan, who knew every line by heart, still freaked out sometimes, flubbing the words left and right until he just had to stop, pause and regain his breath.

Of course, this made everyone else worry as well. They all knew that if that happened, if Ryan screwed up, in the actual performance they’d have almost no chance of finishing the show.

They were halfway through the rehearsal and Ryan was just about ready to explode out of his skin. He could almost feel himself vibrating with frustration, unable to fix this. He stepped towards Miles, ready to deliver his line when suddenly the lights above him cut out. There were several shrieks (Miles would argue strongly that it was most definitely not him) which quickly turned into shouts.

“CHRIS! WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON?” Ryan roared up at the ceiling. A face appeared as the lighting director popped his head down. Chris was a good guy, as far as Ryan knew him. He was considerate but the main thing was he was really good at lighting.

He’d shown Jack some of the pictures he’d taken before and while Jack really wasn’t interested in the photo’s subjects he had to admit to Ryan that the lighting was amazing.

“Sorry Ryan! I’ll get it back!” Chris yelled back down. Ryan sighed and threw down his script. It was getting worse and worse, he just couldn’t say the words right. As the people around him began to talk to each other he began to recite his opening speech, just about able to see in the faint light from the moon and the street lights outside.

“Fuck!” he yelled as he flubbed a word. The other people in the room whirled to face him but he just shook his head and walked off. Ryan found himself in the corridor. He slumped against the wall and sighed deeply. He couldn’t do this.

Ryan had worked so hard, had been studying the script since the summer. But no matter how well he knew it he still stumbled over his words, still couldn’t articulate what the script told him to. His head crashed against the wall as he glared up. He couldn’t do this.

Ryan jumped as he felt a warm hand land on his shoulder. He turned to see Ray in front of him, awkwardly bending down to talk to him.

“Ry? You done with your freak out now?”

Ryan grunted and nodded, hauling himself to his feet. Ray paused for a second, staring at Ryan before sighing.

“I’m going to hate myself for this, but what’s wrong?”

“It’s just- I know the damn thing. I know the words but I can’t get them out!” Ryan exclaimed, pissed off. Ray nodded slowly and sighed. He had seen Ryan mess up so many times now, screwing up words and phrases which make the scene senseless.

“Just chill okay? You’re getting it wrong but you can do it. If you screw up again just take a break, take a breath and carry on. If you don’t, yolo right?”

Ryan nodded, smiling at Ray.

“Thanks.”

And just like that, Ray was gone, leaving Ryan alone in the hallway. He stared after Ryan for a moment, about to follow before changing his mind and pulling out his phone. Once more he hesitated, his foot tapping lightly against the ground as he tried to think. Before he could finish thinking a text came through.

**From: J**

**How’s the play going?**

**To: J**

**Complete meltdown**

**From: J**

**Told you that you were wasting your time there. Coming home now?**

 

Ray paused again, thinking about quite how to respond.

 

**To: J**

**Can’t, my mom’s expecting me home**

**From: J**

**K.**

**To: J**

**Love you**

 

Ray shoved his phone back into his pocket before an answer could come through.

 

 

Ray sometimes wished that he and Ryan could have a normal conversation. The only problem was that Ray had a habit of letting some things slip and Ryan had a habit of picking up on them. It was quite annoying actually.

The next day they were sat in the cafeteria, Gavin having gone for a walk and Miles and Kerry blowing each other somewhere. Well, that’s what Ray reckoned they were doing anyway. Jack and Griffon were off trying to help Geoff come down from his hangover. The third hangover of the week in fact. It was Wednesday.

“Hey Ray, you coming to mine tonight?” Michael asked, lazing in the chair. He was busy on his phone, tapping away at some game or another that Ryan didn’t care about.

“Yeah probably.” Ray muttered, also intent on his phone.

“You need my parents to pick you up?”

“Nah, J will drop me off when we finish school.” Ray said nonchalantly. Ryan frowned, slowly looking up from his food. A thirty something year old man couldn’t exactly go to the school unless…

Michael continued to talk as the gears in Ryan’s mind creaked and groaned, slowly pushing the boy towards the correct answer.

“He’s got a car? I thought he was in the year below?”

“Nah, J’s older.” Ray smirked a bit at that, too intent on his game to bother hiding his little joke. It wasn’t as if Michael would put the pieces together. It was one of the good things about being an introvert; no-one thought you were fucking your drama teacher.

But Ray, in his concentration on the game, had forgotten that Ryan was sitting there.

“So J goes to the school?” Ryan asked softly, the train of thought finally beginning to move, slowly. Ray froze and glanced up before nodding.

“Ray, is J-” Ryan blanched suddenly as a thought came into his head. Michael glanced between the two of them, confused. But Ryan just set his jaw and grabbed Ray’s arm, dragging him out of the cafeteria and into one of the empty classrooms. He then rounded on Ray, furious.

Ray himself looked almost scared, his secret had just been discovered. This was what he’d been worried about, J had never even bothered to tell Ray a contingency plan after all.

“Is J a fucking teacher?” Ryan said, angrily. Ray shook his head but he could tell Ryan didn’t believe him. Ryan had always been just a bit too observant for Ray’s liking after all.

“Jesus Christ Ray! J is a fucking teacher? Are you insane?”

“Shut the fuck up Ryan! Why do you even give a shit?” Ray raged back, tired of doing this. He was happy with J. They were happy together. Whenever J was upset Ray knew what he should do to bring a smile back to his face. Really, after a bit of practice it was easy enough.

“BECAUSE YOU’RE MY FRIEND!” Ryan roared, shocking Ray with the intensity. But Ray didn’t back down, confident in the relationship between him and J. “I don’t want you hurt by some paedophile!” Ray shook his head in anger at Ryan, J wasn’t like that.

“J’s right about you, you don’t give a fuck about me!”

“Ray-” Ryan started but was almost immediately cut off by Ray.

“No! No, you shut up, this is my time now! You got that? I love J! I’ve loved him for months now! He makes me happy and I make him happy! Age doesn’t change that and neither does his job! I love him Ryan, do you understand that?”

Ryan paused, shaking his head, looking sick.

“There are reasons why teachers aren’t allowed to fuck their students Ray! How do you even know he gives a damn about you?”

Ray shook his head angrily. Ryan didn’t understand. It was just like J said, Ray’s friends were shitty and he deserved so much more. Ray knew he should listen to J more, knew that J would protect him no matter what they came up against.

It was yet another reason why he loved J so much.

“HE FUCKING CARES!” Ray bellowed. He suddenly thought that people might hear, might hear what they were saying but he didn’t give a fuck, he didn’t care anymore. Ryan had pissed him off for months about J, bugging him again and again, saying J didn’t care about him.

Ryan didn’t know J like Ray did. To Ryan J was just his teacher, stern and demanding. To Ray he was calm and loving and while occasionally something almost predatory slipped into his expression Ray was in no way against that.

“How do you know? He could have anyone in the world and he chose you, why!” Ryan yelled, not noticing as Ray froze. Ray respected the older boy, despite everything that had happened, once he thought he could love Ryan. But here Ryan was, talking about how useless Ray was.

“He could have anyone in the world. He could have people his own age, people who are actually old enough to give fucking consent Ray! Are you really so naïve to think that he picked you because he loves you?” Ryan continued, spurred by the anger sitting hot in his stomach. Ray had to see, had to understand just how fucked up the situation was.

Ryan didn’t trust J, couldn’t trust J. He knew Ray was innocent at the worst of times. Underneath the sarcasm and deadpan humour Ray was trusting and Ryan could easily imagine how that could be taken advantage of. How easily _Ray_ could be taken advantage of.

“Go fuck yourself Ryan.” Ray whispered, not able to talk louder. He knew J could choose anyone, had so many other people to choose from. But J had chosen him, J loved him. Why was that so hard to understand?

Ryan suddenly realised how his words, sent with the best intentions, could be misread and his eyes widened in horror.

“I didn’t mean-”

“No, I fucking know what you meant. You know what? I don’t care anymore. I don’t give a damn about you Haywood! Go walk in traffic for all I care!” With that Ray turned and raced from the room.

Ryan cast around for a moment before smashing his hand into the wall.

He yelped at the pain, shaking out his hand and biting his lip at the ache that had erupted from the wall.

Ryan groaned and rested his head against the wall. He’d fucked up. Big time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd step it up a notch :).  
> This chapter's dedicated to Geoff (it's his birthday today) even though he is barely in this chapter... But ah well.  
> Also, Friday is my last exam and then I have nothing so I will finally be able to work on this non stop. I also have another few fics in the works that have been sorely neglected, a big GTA one, a werewolf one, an Ella Enchanted one (that one might not make it into editing) and one of my first fics here, a medieval/ magic/ minecraft/ I'm not really sure fic. It's just going to be good to be able to write again.  
> See you next time.


	24. Plesiochronous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Plesiochronous  
> An adjective that describes operations that are almost, but not quite, in synchronisation - in other words, almost synchronous.

“John! Wake up John!”

Michael cracked an eye open as he heard his mother shouting. It took him a moment to realise she was banging on _his_ door. When he did he froze, wracking his brain. Who could John be?

Before he could work it out she bustled into the room and stopped dead, staring at her son fearfully. Michael stared back, trying to gauge just how bad a day it was.

She was up and about so it couldn’t be one of the worst but it was obviously a bad day of some kind.

“You’re not John!” His mother breathed, fear rising in her eyes. Michael slowly scooted to the side of the bed, sitting up. His mother took a step back, fear flickering across her face. “Where’s John?” she asked defiantly.

“John isn’t here.” Michael said, trying to placate the woman.

“What the hell have you done with him?” She asked angrily, striding forwards. Michael felt his breath catch in his throat. She had never hit him. She would never hit him.

But now, staring up at her, he wasn’t so sure.

“Mom, do you remember me?” Michael asked quietly. The woman glared down at him, thinking frantically. Michael had seen that look several times before, she was scared. This was either when she remembered him or the time he should make himself scarce for both their sake’s.

“Michael?” She asked, confused. He sagged and nodded. But when he looked back at her she was still looking confused.

“Mom? What is it?”

“Who- who are you?” She looked beyond confused, she looked terrified. Michael gulped in fear as he realised his mother didn’t remember, not completely anyway.

“I’m your son. I’m Michael Vincent Jones.”

“I- I don’t have a son!” she cried, stepping backwards.

“Yes you do!” Michael said, wishing that she’d believe him. Every time this happened he could almost feel his heart break. One of Michael’s constants, one of his anchors, had broken and he was lost. He didn’t know what to do so he flailed around until she came back, trying so desperately to not drown.

He knew one day she wouldn’t come back. He didn’t know what he’d do then

“Please mom, please remember me.”

“No! I don’t know who you are!”

“Yes you do!” Michael screamed, patience gone. “I’m your fucking son! You looked after me for years before you got sick! Then I had to look after you! Remember me, for fuck’s sake!”

Michael froze as his mother’s eyes filled with tears.

“I don’t- I don’t understand-” she said weakly. Michael opened his mouth to explain, to apologise. But before he could his father stormed in, taking in the scene. He rushed immediately to his wife who was beginning to sob quietly.

“Hey, hey it’s okay. You’re safe now.”

“Who is he?” she whispered, looking at Michael with scared eyes. He stood frozen in the middle of the room, knowing he’d fucked up. His mother got confused easily, it was part of her illness. But he’d never snapped like that before, never screamed at her.

Michael’s father glared at him and Michael felt his lip quivering. It was an unspoken rule between them that they put her first. They sacrificed everything, their time their energy and their happiness just so she could keep going, could keep being safe.

“I don’t know, dear.”

Michael felt the words hit him like a sledge hammer. He left the room, slipping around his parents, still embracing. He then all but ran from the house, trying to escape what he’d just done, what his father had just said.

Michael didn’t even bother wiping the tears from his eyes.

 

 

When Geoff walked into Maths he had a sleepy grin painted on his face. He then slumped into his normal seat, the one next to Jack. The other teen glanced over before doing a double take and frowning. Geoff looked back innocently, too innocently.

“Are you-” Jack broke off and Geoff tilted his head.

“What?”

“Geoff, you’re not-” Jack trailed off again as Geoff grabbed his stuff out of his bag, along with a small flask. Jack froze as he saw it. He looked at Geoff incredulously.

“What the fuck?”

“What?” Geoff asked, as if oblivious. Jack’s eyes turned stormy and he grabbed the flask. He turned it over in his hand, hearing the splash of liquid he was sure was alcohol inside it. He then turned to Geoff, seething.

“Are you kidding me Geoff?” Jack hissed, holding the flask as if it was poison. Geoff’s face had dropped the smile and was now looking all too serious.

“Give it back, Jack.” Geoff didn’t sound angry, he sounded level and calm. That was what freaked Jack out the most.

“Geoff!” Sorola called out from across the classroom. Jack jumped and shoved the flask into his own bag. No way was he giving this back to Geoff. The teenager had obviously already had some of it, if the way his words were slightly slurring was any indication. But at least Geoff looked sharp enough as Sorola strode over.

“Yes Gus?” Geoff asked in an all too innocent tone. Sorola glared at him. Almost no-one called him Gus and it was a constant irritation to him that it was Geoff who did it. Geoff, the pupil who tried to disrupt every single lesson and managed it half the time. Geoff, who had missed a whole year of school. Gus sighed at that. Maybe he should back off.

“Have you done the homework?” Sorola snapped. Geoff looked up at him, as if curious.

“I think the real question is, did you _set_ the homework?”

“Yes. I did!”

“I don’t think so.” Geoff shook his head and Jack sighed. “Just-” Geoff shrugged. “You didn’t.”

“That makes no sense!” Sorola exclaimed. Geoff was smirking at him and Sorola just shook his head in anger before striding back across the classroom. “I want it by the end of tomorrow!” Geoff ignored him before leaning over to Jack and reaching his hand out for the flask. Jack instantly cut him off.

“Don’t even think about it Geoff.” Jack snarled. Geoff frowned for a moment before shrugging and leaning back in his chair.

“I’m an adult Jack.”

“You can barely look after yourself.” Jack snapped. Geoff’s eyes narrowed at that.

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not.” Jack snapped. Geoff’s face dropped, glaring at Jack.

“Jack, why don’t you uh,” Geoff paused, frowning as if he was trying to find a word. “Why don’t you go _fuck_ yourself.” Jack stared at him for a moment before standing.

“Jack!” Sorola snapped.

“I feel sick. Can I go to the restroom?”

“Sure. Why not?” Sorola grumbled. Jack strode out of the room, not noticing Geoff’s worried stare.

 

When Michael got about a block away he collapsed. He knew he should be stronger, shouldn’t let it get to him like this but it did. It wasn’t his mom’s fault. It wasn’t his dad’s fault. It wasn’t his fault. It was an illness. He had to remember that.

Michael took in a deep breath trying to get his breathing under control but he couldn’t. The look in his mother’s eyes, the terror, it wasn’t new but he’d never made it worse on purpose. He hadn’t been able to talk to his mother properly since the diagnosis all those years ago but there had always been his dad. But that stare, that glare.

Michael didn’t know what to do so he did nothing, just sitting there as the world slowly turned past him. He didn’t want to be part of it anymore.

 

As soon as Jack was in the bathroom he slammed into one of the stalls and grabbed his pencil case, ripping his pencil sharpener apart to get the blade inside.

Jack felt a base satisfaction as he ripped the blade down his skin. Small beads of blood appeared after a moment but weren’t given time to bubble into perfect spheres before more blood joined them.

Again and again Jack ripped open the skin. He was cutting so close, too close, that his hand was slowly being covered in blood. He felt the pain and felt the violent satisfaction that always came with this. He could feel the skin pulling as he moved his leg to the side, spotting more unblemished skin.

His skin was quickly sliced open again and again. Then his hand slipped around his leg, causing dark blood to leap up instantly. Jack’s breath hitched for a moment as he stared at it. He wondered briefly if this was it, when he’d fucked up enough he’d have to call an ambulance.

He stared at the blade in his hand, covered with the scarlet liquid. He was suddenly disgusted by it and he threw it across the room, praying that no-one would find it. Blood splattered across the floor, the dark liquid stark against the light tiles. Jack stared at it for a moment, not so long ago that blood had been a part of him.

The blood from his leg was still pouring down and he cursed, grabbing a bundle of toilet paper and pressing it against his leg. He didn’t have bandages, he didn’t have anything really. Unless he went to the school nurse he wouldn’t be getting anything. The thought made him shiver. He didn’t want anyone to find out, ever. The thought of taking this to a stranger was horrible.

So Jack sat alone in a school bathroom, trying to make sure the blood wouldn’t stain his clothes.

He wouldn’t want Geoff to notice after all.

 

When Jack left Ryan leant forwards, trying to catch Geoff’s attention. After a moment where he was making no progress Ryan paused to properly look at Geoff. He was hunched over in his seat, looking exhausted.

Jack hadn’t looked much better. Ryan knew that he was finding school difficult, almost everyone was. Jack didn’t want to go to college with the same fire as Ryan or Geoff but he still wanted it. Ryan wanted it for the knowledge, Geoff wanted it to escape but Ryan didn’t know why Jack wanted it.

“Geoff.” Ryan hissed. Geoff jumped slightly before turning back to Ryan.

“What?”

“What was that?” Ryan asked quietly.

“It was-” Geoff broke off and shook his head. “It was nothing, okay?”

“You’re lying.” Ryan stated. “Tell me.”

“Shut the hell up Ryan.” Geoff snapped. Ryan sighed and leant back. As he continued with his work he happened to glance up at Geoff just as the bolder teen leant over Jack’s bag, pulling something out.

 

Jack stood at the sink, frantically scrubbing his hands. He could still see the blood on them and he knew that Geoff would see it as well. He gulped, how could he be so fucking stupid? There was a reason he kept his blades at home. He had bandages there, he had a sink, he had-

Jack was caught halfway through his thought as the door swung open to reveal a sobbing Michael.

They both froze, the water still lapping over Jack’s hands. Michael sniffed, eyes flickering over the teenager.

“Michael? What happened?” Jack asked, turning off the water and walking over. Michael stared up at him for a moment before sobbing and crashing into the older boy’s chest. Jack gasped as the boy smashed against some of the fresh cuts but didn’t say anything.

Instead he just brought the boy closer, hugging him tightly. He could feel Michael still sobbing, could see the way his back heaved and could feel his own shirt becoming wet from the tears.

After a  few long moments Michael pulled back again, wiping his hand across his nose. Jack waited for Michael to say something but when the boy didn’t Jack stepped in.

“What happened Michael?” He asked gently. Michael sniffed again before replying.

“My mom, I- I yelled at her. I don’t-” Michael broke off as a new round of sobs overtook him. “My dad just called him. He sounded so- so guilty. I don’t- I don’t want this Jack! I want-”

Jack nodded. Michael wanted his mother back. He wanted his childhood back.

“It’s okay Michael. It’s not your fault.”

Michael shook his head and sniffed.

“But it is! I should have-”

“You couldn’t have stopped this Michael. She’s ill and that’s not your fault and it’s never been your fault! You’re going through some shit right now and it’s okay to not be okay. You’re just- you’re trying too hard okay?”

Michael stared at Jack, confused and the boy sighed, trying to work out how to explain it.

“You don’t have to do everything. You don’t have to protect Gav _and_ Kerry _and_ cure your mother _and_ keep up with your school work. It’s okay to just not be able. It’s okay to ask for help.”

“But I can’t! We don’t know how long she has Jack! I can’t just-”

“No Michael you can. You’re overworking yourself and it’s hurting you. This isn’t healthy, okay?”

As Jack spoke he could feel the blood begin to trickle down his legs again, the warmth of Michael’s body and the strength of the boy’s body hitting him breaking the already fragile skin. The cuts from a few moments, still seeping blood, mixed with the remains of the previous night which had just been reopened. But Jack just ignored the warm blood in favour of bringing Michael in for another hug.

“I don’t know what to do Jack.” Michael whispered quietly. Jack could barely hear it and he wished he hadn’t. He had no answer for the teenager.

 

 

Ray lay on the couch, staring up at the wall as J moved around him. Ray knew that the world wasn’t quite spinning right, as if it had been thrown off kilter and no-one had put it back in place. But as J came and sat back down Ray couldn’t bring himself to care.

Instead the boy pulled the bottle back to his lips again and swigged, ignoring the vile taste. It was J’s, from his personal stash and Ray wasn’t going to waste a single drop. With that thought in mind he turned slightly to J.

The older man smiled down at him, knowingly. Ray smiled up, innocently.

“You good there R?” J asked, gently. Ray giggled slightly and nodded. J let a wide smile cross his face as he bent down and kissed the boy. The moment it was broken Ray whined and moved forwards again, missing J’s mouth by several inches.

Rather than say anything J just smiled, placing his hand on the back of Ray’s head and drawing him close, twining his hand into the boy’s hair possessively. Ray moaned into the kiss, alcohol forcing his mind three steps ahead of what was happening. J knew what the boy was thinking and so he dragged Ray upwards, keeping them locked together.

When they finally broke apart J grabbed Ray’s hand, interlinking it with his own, to walk the short distance to his bedroom. Ray fell over at the very first step, crashing to the floor giggling. J sighed, bending down to pick him up.

The man then carried him, bridal style, into his bedroom.

“Wann say s’mething?” Ray slurred out, smiling up at J. In response J just shook his head and pushed Ray back onto the bed, revelling in the image for a moment.

The boy was obviously completely out of it, brain not quite connecting with the world around him. At that moment he was running his hand along the pillow closest to him, a look of wonder on his face. His cheeks were flushed and he barely noticed as J began to remove his clothes. J didn’t even bother muffling himself, knowing that the boy beneath him wasn’t going to fight back.

In fact, Ray was barely conscious by the time J was done. When J rolled off the boy and slipped into unconsciousness Ray continued to stare around at the room, as if barely seeing it. The hazy smile was still attached to his face as he turned to his boyfriend.

In fact, the smile only grew as he turned to his boyfriend. J was there, beautiful, strong J who had chosen Ray. He could have had anyone but he chose Ray and he had managed to bring so much happiness into Ray’s world.

First there was the sex, Ray was not about to complain about that. Even though he could barely remember what had just happened and would have completely forgotten about it in the morning he knew some of the other times it had happened. He wouldn’t swap it for the world.

Laying there, he could still taste the alcohol in his mouth. He grimaced at the taste.

Ray remembered the first time he’d tried alcohol. Or at least he remembered the beginning of that night. It had been that first date with J. The boundaries between what they knew and what they might learn were blurring and so Ray was more than eager to take the plunge, take the glass and down it in one.

Ever since then it had become a norm. If Ray was staying the night or long enough for the effects to wear off they might have a small glass. It helped to calm Ray’s nerves and made him malleable enough for J to mould him into whatever he wanted for that night.

Lying there in bed Ray couldn’t see a single thing wrong with that. He smiled up at the ceiling, amazed at how he’d found himself such a wonderful person who gave him so much and didn't ask for anything in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.  
> See you next time.


	25. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Dream  
> An unrealistic or self-deluding fantasy.

When Geoff woke up, once again to see Jack next to him, he just sighed and rolled over. Geoff didn’t want to have to face Jack, didn’t want to talk to him about what was going on. It was one thing to go through it with the teen beside him, another thing entirely to talk about it now years later.

However Jack noticed, having kept an eye out.

“Geoff, I know you’re awake.” Jack’s voice was tired, Jack was tired. The cuts along his leg had begun to scab over but every step he took he could still just about feel them as they tugged at his skin. He was in no mood to deal with Geoff but when Griffon had called him- well, Jack couldn’t exactly say no. So there he was.

“No. ‘m asleep.” Geoff mumbled out. Jack sighed and smiled a bit, not able to fight against it.

“Come on, there’s not even school today.”

“Wha?”

“It’s Saturday Geoff.”

“Then why’re you here?” Geoff mumbled, having still not raised his head out of the pillow.

“Griffon wanted to make sure you were coming to rehearsal tonight.”

“Are you kidding me?” Geoff groaned. When Jack didn’t answer Geoff groaned and sat up gingerly, blinking blearily. Immediately he saw Jack’s disapproving glare.

“Geoff-”

“Don’t okay?” Geoff snapped back. “I don’t need another fucking talking session.”

“You need-”

“I don’t need anything!” Geoff overrode Jack before standing. He walked a few steps, trying to ignore how wobbly his legs were or how close he felt to collapsing again. Geoff wracked his brains as he wondered when he’d last eaten. Lunch? Breakfast? It didn’t really matter. By the sunlight coming in from the window Geoff could see that it was well into the morning or even afternoon already. “What’s the time?” Geoff asked, hoping to distract Jack. Jack sighed before answering, letting Geoff know it wasn’t working.

“It’s nearly eleven. You were meant to meet Griffon remember?”

“Was I?” Geoff asked in surprise. He made a point of not missing any time with Griffon. He didn’t believe in soulmates, didn’t believe in love at first sight but he did believe in Griffon and what they had. He knew what his drinking was doing, he wasn’t blind. But Geoff ignored that, along with almost everything else, as he turned back for Jack’s answer.

“You planned it on Wednesday Geoff. Look,” Jack rose, pausing for words as he did. “If you can’t handle right now it’s understandable.”

“No.” Geoff snapped. “I’m not a kid Jack. I just forget. It doesn’t meant I can’t fucking look after myself.”

“Fine.” Jack sighed, throwing up his hands. “Griffon’s going to be here soon. You’re going to the rehearsal, remember?”

“Do I have to?” Geoff whined. Jack paused for a second, to be fair they’d only got him into the show so he they could keep an eye on him but Jack knew that Geoff was enjoying it, no matter how much the older teen argued against that.

“Ryan’s losing his mind over this, you know what it means to him.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Geoff grumbled but relented as he grabbed clothes. Jack took that as his signal to leave the room. When he was gone Geoff sighed and let his head fall against the wall. His head was pounding as the room spun around him. He was hungover, he knew it and he knew what would help it. But that would mean walking past Jack to get it. Geoff groaned once more before slowly pulling off his shirt.

When Geoff came into the kitchen he barely glanced at Jack before slumping down onto the table.

“Tough night?” Jack asked, tone devoid of sympathy. Geoff groaned and nodded. Jack sighed and grabbed the box of painkillers and a glass of water. “Go on. Griffon’ll be here soon. You have to look at least half alive.”

“Yeah yeah.” Geoff took the pill and downed it, slowly raising his head to stare at Jack. The younger teenager stared back before looking away.

“You can’t keep on doing this.” Jack said quietly, almost whispered. He hadn’t wanted to talk about this, not now but he didn’t have a choice. Geoff looked away, anger in his eyes.

“Don’t.” Geoff said, warningly.

“We can’t ignore this Geoff.”

“Then what about you?” Geoff snapped, all good humour erased in a second. “What about what you’re doing? I can see your fucking arm Jack!” Jack grabbed his left arm, trying to cover the raised scars almost instinctively. And God, how he hated that, that he was instinctively hiding, pretending, protecting the scars that would remain with him for years no matter how fleeting the action that birthed them had been.

“Jack you have to talk to someone!” Geoff hissed angrily. Jack just huffed and turned away.

“Fuck off Geoff.”

“I’m serious Jack!” Geoff snapped. Jack turned in surprise. The normally laid back boy was standing next to him, fists clenched at his side and radiating anger.

“So am I.”

“I am _trying_ to help here.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“What the dicks’ that meant to mean?”

Jack whirled around, face full of an anger which he so rarely let show. “Don’t fucking try to help now! You haven’t done anything for fucking _months_! Don’t try to tell me you give a shit now.”

“Months? I-”

“Give it a break.” Jack slammed the door and stormed off. Geoff groaned before walking to the cupboards. He probably had a bottle stashed somewhere. As he got there he heard the front door open again.

“Was that Jack?” Griffon called out into the silent house.

“Yeah. Just left.” Geoff called back as he grabbed a bottle.

“Is he okay?” Griffon walked in, carrying in a carving knife which she set gently on the table. Geoff shrugged in response.

“He won’t talk to me. He’s all cagey and closed off. He’s hurting real bad. Won’t tell me though.” He took a swig from the bottle and didn’t notice as Griffon’s face dropped suddenly into one of worry.

“Is that a new bottle?”

“Yeah. I guess.” Geoff stared at the bottle. He didn’t actually remember finishing the old one. He didn’t remember drinking a quarter of this one. Well, he thought, that’s what happens when a thirteen year long friendship breaks down.

Geoff suddenly started coughing as he took a huge swig, the alcohol burning a trail down his throat, as if it was poison. Griffon worried her lip for a moment before taking the bottle. She swallowed a little bit before putting it back in the cupboard, hoping Geoff would take the hint.

“He’ll be okay. I’ll talk to him tonight, okay?”

“Thanks Griffy.” Geoff brought her close. “Love you.”

As she echoed the words back she tried hard not to wrinkle her nose against the stench of alcohol that reeked from her boyfriend.

 

“YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER!” Michael roared as his warthog careened off screen, hit by Ray’s rocket launcher. Next to him Ray was losing himself in hysterics.

Michael glared down at him and Ray just shrugged back.

“Not my fault you suck.”

“Just get on with this fucking thing so I can kick your ass.” Michael growled out, sitting back down. Ray smirked again and un-paused the game.

After several more rounds, where Ray trashed Michael, they decided to play co-op for a bit. As they played Michael realised how rare it was, them just playing around like this.

It wasn’t either of theirs’s faults, it was just the situation. Michael’s mother just wasn’t always up for it. When she had her bad days Michael couldn’t trust anyone around her, he could barely trust himself.

Now Ray had his ‘J’ he just didn’t have time for Michael as much. Michael had problems as well, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on with Gavin. Then there was the stress with Geoff and Griffon, the tension with Barbara and Lindsay and then Miles and Kerry.

Really, Michael was surprised they got any time to play games together.

Michael was broken from his thoughts as Ray’s mother poked her head in. Ray instantly paused the game and smiled up. She smiled back warmly and brought a plate of cookies in.

Ray immediately grabbed a cookie and stuffed it into his mouth, smiling up at his mom.

“It’s so nice to see you Michael.” Ray’s mother said, half leaning on the doorframe. “I know you two hang out all the time but it feels like forever since I saw you.”

Michael frowned at that confused before Ray cut in.

“Thanks for the cookies mom.”

The woman laughed and nodded.

“That’s my cue to leave then.” She left the room, closing the door behind her. There was a moment of silence as Ray glanced guiltily at Michael.

“You’ve been using me as an excuse haven’t you?” Michael asked, grinning. Ray groaned, finally putting the controller down. Michael watched for a moment as Ray struggled to find the words. “It’s chill dude. Sucks you’re getting more action than me but I respect it.”

“So you and Gavin you don’t-” Ray raised an eyebrow, half wanting to know and half wanting to leave the conversation. Michael shrugged self-consciously.

“Gav doesn’t really like-” Michael paused, trying to find the words to explain just why his Trans boyfriend wasn’t overjoyed with the idea of having sex. “Just doesn’t like it.” Ray stared at him for a moment before nodding.

“Okay.”

“So do you with J?” Michael had the same expression Ray had just had, a mixture of morbid fascination and a warning to run.

“Dude. J’s fucking awesome. He’s older and stronger and is-” Ray broke off suddenly, staring at Michael who just rolled his eyes.

“Ray I already fucking knew you’re gay. You’ve been mooning over Ryan for a year. I had fucking figured it out you liked cock.”

Ray flushed slightly at that and Michael smirked.

“I know.” Ray muttered grumpily. “Anyway, I wasn’t _mooning_ over Ryan.” Ray muttered grumpily. Michael just stared at him. “Oh, fuck off.”

Michael chuckled at that and Ray sent him a smile back. It was good, just hanging out together.

Michael reached for a cookie and Ray sat back for a minute, pulling off his jacket. Michael froze as he saw a series of black marks around his wrist. Michael shot his hand out, catching Ray’s arm. Ray looked at him in confusion before realising just what his friend had spotted.

Ray tugged his arm back but Michael had the stronger grip, able to see the marks in more detail. He slipped his hand around Ray’s wrists, confirming his suspicions as his hand nearly slipped into the prints. But his hand was quite a bit smaller.

“What the hell is this Ray?” Michael whispered, meeting Ray’s eyes. The boy looked away instantly. “Ray, what the fuck is this?” Michael asked, anger rising to the surface. Ray glared at him, yanking his arm back.

“It’s nothing.”

“Bullshit! Who the hell did this Ray?”

“It’s none of your business okay?” Ray snapped, glaring at Michael. Michael stared back, mouth open.

“Someone hurt you Ray!”

“It’s not like that Michael. It’s-” Ray sighed before continuing. “It wasn’t an attack okay? It was-” Ray shrugged, as if embarrassed. “It was, you know, consensual.”

Michael stared at Ray for a moment and then back at the dark bruises.

“That is way too much information.”

“You were the one asking!” Ray exclaimed. Michael rolled his eyes, grabbing the controller again. His morbid fascination from earlier had vanished entirely. He did not want to know _anything_.

“I wish I hadn’t.” Michael grumbled, trying to escape the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was fine. Ray could take care of himself and J, whoever he was, couldn’t be much more powerful than Ray. There weren’t many kids their age who were immensely stronger apart from a few jocks.

Ray could stand up for himself, he didn’t need Michael to do it for him.

The unease didn’t quite go away.

 

Ryan scowled out across the bustling stage. The big performance was planned (roughly) for a month and a half away and they still weren’t ready.

The whole cast were tripping over their words, stumbling around as if this was their first rehearsal and everything was going wrong.

Someone had knocked a pot of paint onto the backdrop, ruining it. One of the bulbs in the lights had exploded and they weren’t sure if a replacement would get there in time. (Ryan wasn’t sure if they’d let him continue with the play if it got set back again.) One of the worst things was that Ryan himself had found out that one of the minor characters hadn’t even known the name of the play and had been working off the wrong script.

Ryan wasn’t really meant to talk to Mr Johnson anymore, not without people around him at least. Kara was busy running errands for Hullum which just left Joel. Joel, who was never there.

Ryan gritted his teeth together when he thought about the man. Joel was one of the only teachers Ryan had trusted, really trusted. He knew that Ray trusted him as well and maybe, just maybe, Ray would listen to Joel about J. But Ryan couldn’t do anything, he barely saw Joel or Ray anymore.

So there Ryan was, stressing over school, stressing over the play and stressing about how his friend (crush) might be being manipulated. It was just so fucked up.

“Okay, let’s try that scene again.” Ryan called out, having taken charge of directing the rehearsal. He saw some of the cast sigh visibly but he ignored it, this was what they needed to do. “Okay, from the top.”

The scene was a mock interview, Ryan, Lindsay and the boy who was playing Hector asked the students a few questions and they replied. It was nice and simple. It was meant to be anyway.

The boy playing Rudge, Tony, slouched forwards and Ryan groaned internally, this wasn’t going to be good.

“Now. How do you define history, Mr Rudge?.” Lindsay asked, chirpily. Tony just glared at her before speaking.

“It’s just one thing after another.” The boy ground out, obviously not wanting to be here and not even bothering with pretending to the contrary.

“Tony, could you please try to- I dunno act?” Ryan snapped, not in the mood for this. Tony glared at him.

“What the fuck is the point? Heyman and Johnson don’t give a shit about this! It’s not like we’re actually going to perform it!”

“Yes we will!” Lindsay said, half rising just as Tony did.

“Don’t be an idiot, there’s no way Hullum’ll let us perform this piece of shit.”

The stress that had been building up for months in Ryan was getting to be too much. This was his play, this was his chance to play a main role in a play. He just wanted to have a good school year for fucks sake!

“If you don’t want to be here then don’t fucking bother!” Ryan snapped. Tony looked affronted for a moment before setting his jaw, grabbing his bag and walking out. Ryan watched him go, too exhausted to follow him.

Ryan then collapsed backwards into his seat, his head sinking into his hands. He could feel the silence of the room pressing down on him but he didn’t move, he almost couldn’t move. He felt a hand on his shoulder as Lindsay stepped forwards.

“Ryan, don’t worry, he’s just-” Lindsay trailed off and they both knew what she was going to say.

“He’s right though Linds. I can’t- this isn’t going to work.” Ryan mumbled, just loud enough for Lindsay to hear.

“Don’t say that Ryan! We can do this!”

“No we can’t! We can’t work without a Rudge! We don’t have an understudy! We can’t cope without a teacher! We can’t cope without a set! We can’t do this! _I_ can’t do this!” Ryan finished softly. The hall was silent as everyone stared at him.

Lindsay was shocked, looking between the exhausted slump of Ryan’s shoulders and Barbra in the audience, begging for the blonde to do something. But Barbra just shrugged, there wasn’t anything to do.

The play couldn’t go on.

 

As the crew were milling around preparing for the rehearsal Griffon slipped behind the curtains and looked around for a moment before walking up to the small lighting panel. When she got there she spotted Jack. The boy turned to her in surprise and tried to smile, tried so hard to smile.

But Griffon had known the boy for a long time now. She knew what his smile looked like.

“What’s wrong Jack?” Griffon asked softly, sitting down next to him. Jack shifted slightly and shrugged.

“I’m fine.”

“That’s bull. What’s wrong?” Jack stared at her for a moment before sighing and answering.

“Geoff.”

“What happened between you two?” Geoff hadn’t told Griffon and every time she asked he refused to talk back.

“It’s- it’s complicated.”

“Jack? Don’t lie to me.”

“I- I can’t tell you okay?” Jack stood but Griffon pulled him back down.

“Please Jack. How long have we been friends?” Jack shrugged. Years definitely. Griffon had been there when Geoff got out. She didn’t know about it, not in too much detail but she’d been there. She visited Geoff regularly in the hospital and talked with him after his recovery. They quickly formed a bond which had only strengthened over time.

But Griffon had always been there for Geoff. Jack had been something of an afterthought. To be honest, he thought, he should be used to that by now.

“Geoff’s going to kill himself Griffon. I can’t- he’s started drinking again and he won’t listen to me anymore.” Griffon ducked her head and sighed.

“I know. We can’t just abandon him though.”

“He’s a madman! I don’t even know if he gives a fuck anymore!” Jack threw up his hands, angry. Griffon watched him with sad eyes.

“He cares about you Jack. He always has and he always will.”

“I don’t know Griffon. I- I pissed him off and he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

“He asked me to check on you Jack. He does care. He’s just- just confused right now.”

“Thirteen years I’ve been his damn friend. I keep on asking him to stop drinking and he doesn’t care. He just wants the fucking drink.”

“Then we’ll take that away from him. He cares about you. He cares about me. He does love us. He just forgets that sometimes.” Jack stiffened and slowly turned to Griffon, an indescribable look in his eyes.

_“He just forgot Jackie.” A boy with a black eye._

“Did he tell you that?”

_“She forgot. It’s fine.” Long scratches down his face, blood still caked around the edges._

“Well, I mean it’s obvious.”

_“They love me. They do!” Lisped around a split lip, making the boy wince with each murmured syllable._

Jack shook his head before putting it into his hands despairingly.

_“He didn’t mean it.” The boy whispered, staring down at his broken wrist. “They-”_

“What is it Jack?”

_“They love me Jack. They just forget.” A starved boy, eyes so hooded they masked the bruises surrounding it. “Just forget sometimes.”_

“You know that’s what he used to say to me about his parents. Those are the words he always used.”

_A boy in a hospital bed. “They do love me Jackie. They just- just forgot. That’s all.” Denial, just as it always had been._

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Geoff yelled, jumping onto the stage. “Don’t be so fucking melodramatic Ryan! Just get on with the scene.” He strode over to the empty seat and slumped down into it.

“What?” Ryan croaked out, clearly confused. Geoff rolled his eyes.

“History, it’s just one fucking thing after another.” Ryan was surprised as a British accent came out of Geoff. Not the one he used to taunt Gavin but a real one, a good one. Ryan looked over to Lindsay who waited for him to nod before delivering the next line.

From there the rehearsal ran weirdly smoothly. Somehow Geoff had memorised Rudge’s lines, knew the character and created enough of a calming atmosphere that the rest of the cast played along. (Afterwards Geoff would argue that it was because of how long he’d been forced to sit in the dumb rehearsals. He never admitted to quite how he’d memorised it.)

A few scenes went awry and there were a couple of stops and starts but it was their most successful rehearsal yet. Halfway through, Joel came and stood in the corner, watching them. When the last line was said a round of applause came from the paltry audience and Joel smiled before ducking out again before Ryan could spot him.

“Geoff, where the hell did you pull that from?” Jack yelled from the wings, the moment the applause died down. He was staring at his friend in amazement, this smile was a real one. Geoff just smirked and shrugged.

“I got bored!” He yelled back up. He was smirking widely and when he hopped off the stage Griffon raced forwards to pull him into a hug. He carded his hand through her hair smiling.

“You’re ridiculous.” She said, pulling back. He smiled at her sleepily and her smile faltered for a moment. “Well done Geoff. I think you got the part.” Geoff frowned at that, he could tell how hard she was to be upbeat but it was as if she couldn’t, couldn’t forget what Jack had just said.

“Grif-”

But she turned away and he was left standing there as Ryan walked over to him.

“Geoff thank you so much I couldn’t have done that without you.” Ryan was smiling broadly and Geoff nodded, trying to swallow around the lump in his throat.

“Yeah yeah asshole, now do I get the part or not?”

Ryan didn’t answer that. He didn’t think he needed to though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, Jack and Geoff aren't romantic. They're not going to be in this fic (if you want to read some when they are I can rec several.) They're bros. Hardcore bros. I put this in because someone asked me this and I just wanted to clear it up a little bit. I mean, their relationship might be stronger than every pairing in this fic but that's just the hardcore part of hardcore bros.  
> See you next time.


	26. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Confusion  
> A size of paper, typically 28 × 23 inches (approximately 711 × 584 mm.)

The night after the rehearsal Ryan couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t uncommon but it still sucked. He couldn’t get comfortable, constantly shifting as his thoughts filled with Ray and J. Eventually he gave up, moving over to his desk instead. After five minutes of staring into nothing Ryan reached a conclusion; he had to find out who J was once and for all. Then he could persuade Ray to listen to him.

Ryan grabbed a piece of paper and stared down at it. What did he know?

**33 yrs old**

**Male**

**Teacher at sch**

Ryan paused. Was that it? Staring down at the list it seemed pitiful. He sighed, trying to think. He wanted to ask Ray but he couldn’t, the lad had retreated further and further until they barely saw each other.

Ryan shook his head and flipped the paper over. Surely there had to be some way of figuring this out.

Who was Ray closest to?

Ryan stared down at the blank paper before groaning and throwing his head down onto the desk. This was so fucked up. J wasn’t meant to be nearly two decades older than Ray. He wasn’t meant to be Ray’s teacher. J was meant to be- to be normal.

Ryan stared down at the list, at the names he was certain had taken Ray away from him.

He wondered briefly if that was why he was so hell-bent on finding out who J was. He didn’t go down that path for too long, knowing where it would end.

He had to believe there was a more noble reason than him liking Ray. He had to believe that there was a reason, that he wasn’t just wanting to use Ray. He had to believe he wasn’t just jealous.

 

 

“Why am I the kid?” Lindsay moaned, glaring down at the pages in front of her. Miles and Kerry exchanged a look, a silent communication to work out which of them should deal with this issue. Miles won and Kerry turned to Lindsay.

“Ruby isn’t just a kid Linds! She’s the main character of the show and she’s way more important than Yang! Sorry Babs.”

“It’s fine.” Barbara said, voice a little stilted as she glanced over to Lindsay.

Miles sighed and leant back. This had been happening for the last half hour as they gave up their lunch break to record a few lines for the show. But the tension in the room was rising with every second.

Barbara and Lindsay were glaring at each other, throwing out their lines with far more hostility than needed. More hostility than Miles had thought the lines could carry in fact. Kerry buried his head in his hands and Miles winced.

This had been Kerry’s idea, this had been his writing and these were his characters. Miles had helped but it was Kerry’s. Seeing it butchered like this must be horrible.

“What the hell is up with you two?” Kerry snapped, glaring at the two girls. They both turned to look at him in surprise as did Miles. It wasn’t like Kerry to get angry or even snap.

“What?” Barbara said, obviously still shocked. Kerry stood up and walked over to them, looking murderous. They were taller than him but it was obvious from the waves of anger spewing from him that he wasn’t to be messed with.

Miles was very confused. Kerry never looked like this, never stood up for himself. It was what had got Michael in so much trouble the last few years.

“You two! I don’t know what’s going on but it’s got to stop! Lindsay, Barbara, you’ve been friends for years! Now for some reason you don’t even want to be near each other! What the hell happened?”

Barbara ducked her head and Lindsay looked away. But Kerry was waiting and they didn’t seem to want to annoy him any further.

“It’s none of your business Kerry.” Lindsay said shortly. Kerry glared at her for that.

“It is my business! Everything’s going wrong this year and it’s not fucking fair!”

“Kerry,” Miles said softly. “What do you mean everything’s going wrong?”

“Haven’t you noticed? Gavin keeps on getting hurt and Michael can’t help him! I think Geoff and Griffon might be about to break up because he can’t handle his alcohol problem. Ryan- the guy looks like shit. You’ve all seen it, right?”

The other three nodded slowly. They’d all seen it, of course they had.

“So please, what’s up with you two?” Kerry finished quietly, as if realising just what he’d said a few moments before.

“It’s- it’s complicated.” Barbara said, glancing over to Lindsay who nodded.

“Earlier in the year we decided we were dating.” Barbara glanced at Lindsay for a moment at that. “And then-”

“It’s just miscommunication.” Lindsay snapped. Kerry frowned and just waited for the two to continue. Instead of one of the two girls jumping in Miles did.

“Why did that make you fall out though?” Miles asked curiously, noticing the glance that slipped between the two girls.

“We have a couple of months until the end of term. Then I’m gone.” Barbara’s voice was quiet and she was now looking anywhere but Lindsay. “I’m off to college and Linds-”

“I’ve got another year here. Barbara doesn’t seem to think we can cope being apart.” Lindsay’s tone was angry but Barbara didn’t even acknowledge it.

“That’s it?” Kerry asked angrily. “That’s all it took? You’ve been friends for years and that’s what breaks you up? Come off it! Talk about your goddamn feelings for once!”

The two girls glanced at each other awkwardly for a moment while Miles stared at Kerry confused. Miles hadn’t seen this side of Kerry since, well, he hadn’t actually ever seen it. Kerry wasn’t afraid like he spent so much time being, he was confident.

It was a good look for him.

“Hey guys, could you give us a moment?” Barbra asked, staring at Miles and Kerry.

“Oh! Yeah, yeah, sure.” Miles said, already backing out of the room. Kerry followed close behind.

“Was I too mean back there?” Kerry asked nervously, chewing on his bottom lip. Miles laughed at that and shook his head, still laughing.

“That was amazing Kerry! God, that was so cool!” Miles said, a broad grin on his face. Kerry smiled at the sight as Miles brought him in for a quick hug.

 

“Look Babs, I know it’s going to be difficult but I wanna try.” Lindsay sighed before continuing. “We can still talk every day and during the holidays you’ll still come home. We can manage.”

“Are you sure?” Barbara asked, uncertainty obvious in her voice.

“We can try at least.” Lindsay stepped forwards, almost nervously and kissed Barbara gently. Barbara responded in kind and after a moment they broke away. “I’m not going to leave you Babs.”

“I won’t either. I promise.”

After a moment Barbara glanced out the windows on the door to see Miles and Kerry hugging.

“Do you reckon that helped?” Barbara asked, grinning broadly.

“What, do I think that those two will actually finally stop dancing around each other and get it on? I think we might just have done it Barb.” Lindsay slipped her hand into Barbara’s as they watched.

Outside Miles and Kerry broke apart and looked at each other, quickly glancing away and pretending to be normal. Neither of them could quite pull it off.

But that wasn’t anything new.

 

 

Geoff, just like most people had specific things which triggered reactions, more specifically he had triggers for his alcohol.

Geoff had triggers for his alcohol. There were times when he could go for weeks without needing the bottle. But then there were other times when he could barely survive a few hours without a bottle or glass in his hands. (It seemed that the latter was true a lot more often nowadays.)

One of those triggers, no matter how much he wanted to ignore it, was guilt. Normally Geoff could live with guilt, everyday lies, normal guilt, even the background guilt and shame of what his parents had done but when Jack was brought into the equation it was different. Jack was upset, Griffon was upset and all Geoff could think was that it was his fault.

And now with no Griffon to stop him (Geoff tried to ignore why Griffon couldn’t stop him) Geoff had free reign over his alcohol again. It showed.

Geoff winced as Ryan sat down next to him, crashing down his food tray.

“Shh.” Geoff whined out. Ryan did a double take before sighing and nodding.

“You’re going to kill yourself one of these days.”

Geoff chuckled weakly before replying.

“Don’t tempt me.” Geoff’s comment made Ryan tense up and Geoff winced. “Joke dude, come on.” Ryan paused, as if he was going to say something but then decided against it, opting instead to sit in uncomfortable silence. Ryan was staring into nothing as Geoff picked at his food. The rest of their friends weren’t there for various reasons. For Ryan, Ray was the most obvious one.

He had this terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that the younger boy was off with J. Unbeknownst to him he was right. The man and boy were together in an empty, locked classroom, their clothes sprinkled around them.

“Look Geoff, I need some advice.”

Geoff groaned internally at the idea. What was it about his appearance that made it look like he was in any position to give advice? But he didn’t say that to Ryan, instead turning to look straight on at him.

“What?”

“It’s about Ray. Well no, it’s about J.”

“The dude Ray’s been hooking up with?” Geoff was confused. Ryan winced slightly as he spoke, not sure of how to proceed.

“Yeah yeah, the one person you need to get rid of. I got it.” Geoff turned back to his food.

“Wha- what do you mean?”

“Well you know,” Geoff shrugged, reaching for the water glass in front of him. “Shows which way Ray swings. Now you just need to make sure it’s you”

“No Geoff, that’s not the point! J- He’s not our age. He’s thirty three!”

Silence met Ryan’s comment as Geoff blinked slowly. His mind worked through the thought, taking it to a conclusion he found sickening.

“Thirty three? Are you- how the dicks did that happen?”

“I don’t know.” Ryan breathed out, leaning back and pulling a hand through his hair.

“How long have you known about this?”

“A while. Ray didn’t want me to tell anyone.”

“So why are you telling me now?”

Ryan dropped his head into his hands, the epitome of desperation as he readied himself to answer Geoff’s question.

“He’s a teacher Geoff. J’s a fucking teacher.”

Geoff’s face dropped instantly and he whirled around, face drained of any kind of humour. He was furious but it was a cold fury, the kind that was inescapable.

“Are you sure?”

Ryan nodded and Geoff leant back, taking deep breaths in.

“What do I do Geoff? Ray hates me for trying to talk sense into him. He’s delusional.”

“Jesus fucking Christ Ryan why didn’t you say something? Do you know who it is?”

Ryan shook his head numbly.

“I don’t know. I know it’s a man and he’d a teacher and his age but nothing else.” Ryan sounded defeated and Geoff paused before frowning.

“And that his name’s J.”

“What?” Ryan asked in confusion.

“I’m guessing that’s one of his names. So that would mean it could be-” Geoff trailed off, trying to get his congested brain think. “Just get his schedule and figure out who it could be. Then you can got to Hullum and get the man fucking sacke-”

“Holy shit.” Ryan breathed out, face draining of colour as the pieces suddenly clicked together. A male teacher who Ray was close with whose name started with a J.

“What?” Geoff asked, cautiously. Ryan had suddenly gone pale and frozen, hands grabbing the tray in front of him.

“I know who it is.” Ryan said softly. “I know who it is!”

It made sense suddenly, all those times Ray had spent in the drama department, the fact that Ray had got a part in the play.

J.

 J, for Joel Heyman.

 

Ryan raced down the halls like a bull, not letting anything get in the way.

Unfortunately something did. Even more unfortunately that something just happened to be Matt Hullum. Ryan collided with him, sending both of them to the floor.

“Haywood! What are you doing?” Hullum asked, rising to his feet. Ryan opened his mouth but had nothing, all he could think was Ray, Ray was being hurt. A crowd started to gather around them, muttering as Ryan stood stock still. “Ryan? Are you alright?” Matt reached forwards and took his shoulder but Ryan jerked back.

“Get off me!” Ryan yelled. In the next classroom Ray froze at Ryan’s voice. J had left already, Ray was just waiting for some more time to have passed. The younger teen crept up to the door to hear the rest of the conversation.

“Ryan, you cannot talk to me like that. Is something wrong?” Hullum lowered his voice, knowing this wasn’t like Ryan. Ryan just stared at him for a second before shaking his head.

“I need to-”

“Come to my office.” Hullum steered Ryan away as Ray watched.

It took very little time until Ryan was let out of Hullum’s office after muttering an apology and being asked yet again if everything was okay. Every second seemed to last for an eternity, Joel was still out there, was still near Ray. Ryan could stop it now, if only he was let out of this stupid room.

The only thing that helped to calm Ryan down was the anger breeding in his stomach as he imagine just how good it would feel to sink his fist into Joel’s face.

Matt sighed at the student sat in front of him, he didn’t care. Obviously something was bothering the boy and obviously he wasn’t going to tell Matt. Nothing Matt could say would help. Eventually he had no choice but to let the kid go.

 

When Ryan had been taken away Ray slipped out of the classroom, into the crowd of students that had gathered. He then walked back to the dining hall to grab lunch but frowned as he saw none of his friends. Well, maybe ex-friends at this point. J didn’t exactly approve of any of them.

But Ray did still care about them and it worried him to be met with an empty table. He grabbed his phone and typed out a text to Geoff.

**To: Geoff**

**What happened with Ryan?**

Ray then sat down at a table, waiting for a response. It didn’t come until several minutes later. When the response did come in it didn’t come in text form. Ray jumped as he heard his ringtone and quickly silenced it by answering it.

“Hello?”

“Ray?”

“Geoff? What happened? You sound terrible!” At Ray’s words Geoff chuckled slightly before continuing.

“I’m not- not feeling too great.” At those words Geoff whimpered a bit, pulling the phone away from his face as he tried to school himself into calming his rioting stomach.

“Are you going home?”

“It’s the drink Ray. Nothing else. But look, Ryan figured it out.”

“Figured what out?” Ray could feel his blood turn to ice as Geoff answered.

“He knows who you’re dating Ray. He’s going to help you.”

“What?” Ray all but shouted, standing and abandoning the rest of his food.

“He’s going to talk to Joel and you need to go to Hullum Ray. Whatever Joel was doing, is doing, it’s wrong. It’s-” Ray didn’t listen to another word before hanging up and running down the halls.

Geoff stared at his phone for a moment before resting his aching head against the cool wall. He wasn’t in a state to go after Ray, he was barely in a state to be in school. At this thought he tasted vomit and he leant forwards just in time for his stomach to rebel again. It was at time like this that he wished he didn’t have alcohol so easily nearby.

 

As soon as Ryan was let go from Hullum’s office he stalked down the hallways. As he went the bell rang and people began to walk out of their classes. But when they saw him they parted, as if he’d cut them down where they stood.

He paused outside the drama studio for a second before bursting in, seeing Joel sat at his make shift desk. He hadn’t been given an office in the end, no-one was quite sure what he did in all honesty.

Ryan didn’t think about that though, _couldn’t_ think about that. All he knew was that this man, this piece of shit, had been manipulating Ray.

“What the fuck Heyman?” Ryan roared as soon as the door was open. Joel looked up, seeming confused. When they talked Joel would often swear and he wouldn’t tell students off for it but it was very rare for their conversations to start quite that aggressively.

Joel stood and watched, worriedly, as Ryan advanced.

“Ryan? What’s going on?”

“What’s going on? What’s going on?! You sick motherfucker! He’s seventeen years old! Seventeen! How the fuck are you justifying that? How can you even live with yourself?”

Joel looked confused and he raised his hands, gesturing Ryan to slow down.

“What are you talking about Ryan?” This just enraged Ryan.

“No, no Joel! Don’t try to pull that shit. Don’t try to tell me you’re in the right. I don’t want to hear a bullshit reason! I want you to swear to me right here and now you’ll never even _talk_ to Ray or I’ll report you to Hullum.” Ryan stepped forwards, stepping right into Joel’s personal space. “You fucking go through _me_ if you want him.”

Joel stared at the boy. Suddenly the door flew open and Ray raced in. He had obviously heard at least the end of the conversation.

“Ryan! What the hell are you doing?”

“Don’t even try it Ray! This sick fuck is-”

“Ryan, I don’t know what you’re saying but I suggest you stop. These allegations are-” Joel started but was cut off by Ryan again.

“No! You’re just-”

“Ryan!” Ray yelled. “Listen to me, for fuck’s sake!”

Ryan paused, turning to Ray in confusion. Ray sighed, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He looked pained, as if embarrassed at the whole situation. But he’d made his bed, now he had to lie in it.

“J doesn’t stand for Joel, Ryan. It’s not him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time.


	27. Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Reveal  
> (In a film or television programme) a final revelation of information that has previously been kept from the characters or viewers.

“What?” Ryan breathed out, brain not working. He glanced between Joel, who looked beyond confused, to Ray who looked indignant. “I don’t-”

“Narvaez, tell me what’s happening right now.” Joel said in a serious tone that neither of them had really heard before, it was the kind of voice that made them remember he was a teacher and a head of department. He wasn’t just Joel, the man who Ryan had trusted until just an hour before.

But Ray shook his head.

“Ryan got confused, that’s all.”

Joel opened his mouth to pursue the issue but Ray hurriedly pulled Ryan out of the room, leaving Joel alone in the room. He frowned for a moment before sitting down.

He didn’t know who this ‘J’ was, but he had a creeping sense of worry that very soon he’d learn. He was right, both in the knowledge and the worry that accompanied it.

 

As soon as the two boy were alone in the corridor Ray rounded on Ryan and hissed “What the fuck was that?” Ryan glared back at him for a few long moments before replying.

“Who the _fuck_ is J?” Ryan ground out, his anger all too evidently obvious.

“No, answer the question Ryan!” Ray ignored how Ryan was glaring at him and ploughed on. “What were you even thinking?”

“What was I thinking?” Ryan asked, staring at Ray, now in almost confusion. “What was I thinking? I was thinking that you’re not an adult yet Ray! I was thinking that you’re not old enough to understand! I was thinking that _J_ ,” He sneered the name and Ray felt his hackles rise. “Is old enough to be your father! I was thinking that this relationship is beyond fucked up!”

Ray took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “It’s not- just- it’s not messed up, okay? You don’t understand.”

“Then tell me!” Ryan sounded desperate and that was what made Ray turn to look at him. He took in the boy, he looked tired. Ryan did normally look tired but not like this. Ray dithered for a moment longer before sighing and nodding. Two years of friendship probably justified an explanation.

“Okay. But come in here.” Ray shoved open one of the doors and slipped inside, Ryan following close behind.

“What do you want to know?” Ray perched on top of one of the tables as he turned back to Ryan. Ryan slowly closed the door, trying to get his thoughts in some kind of cohesive order.

“Tell me how you met and how the fuck you managed to-” Ryan broke off and took a deep breath. “Just tell me what happened. Please.” Ray sighed before nodding.

“At the end of last year he called me into his classroom. He told me that he had feelings for me and that he wasn’t going to teach me anymore. Then he just- just sat there and I had to say something.”

“No you didn’t.” Ryan said, stoically. Ray didn’t even deign to answer that, just continuing.

“I told him I was going to think about it over the summer. I told him I didn’t know how I felt yet and he told me that was normal. I gave him my number and I took his.”

“You just took it?” Ryan asked incredulously. Surely there should have been more, at least something.

“Wasn’t the only thing I just took.” Ray deadpanned. He wasn’t putting up with any bullshit Ryan was going to throw at him. Ryan shivered slightly at the thought and Ray just rolled his eyes, sometimes Ryan was such a wimp.

“One day,” Ray continued after a moment. “He texted me and I texted him back. A week or two after he sent me the address of a café and I went there.” Ray didn’t mention how his stomach hadn’t stopped hurting through the meal, twisting itself in knots. He ignored how he’d seen J’s eyes narrow in a predatory grin too many times. The mist of memory and the fog that his feelings created meant it was almost impossible to remember just what had really happened.

“Then we went back to his house and he fucked me.” Yet again Ray found a perverse pleasure in the way that Ryan shivered, looking disgusted. Yet again, he didn’t mention the sick feeling that had landed in his stomach. He didn’t mention how it had felt like a lead weight in the bottom of his stomach or how it hadn’t lifted for days afterwards.

“Jesus Ray, this is- this is fucked up, you get that right?”

“No it’s not, okay? I’m old enough to know what I want!”

Ryan shook his head, Ray wasn’t old enough. Ryan didn’t even think _he_ would be old enough for something like that.

“Whatever,” Ray continued, now determined to finish before Ryan cut him off again. “Anyway, I left J and so he started texting me more, calling me and he dropped by my house. The day before term started back up I went and talked to him and then stuff happened.” Here it wasn’t that Ray didn’t mention it, it was that he legitimately didn’t know. He didn’t know how J had stared at him, hands creeping across the pale skin, having not seen sunlight in years. He didn’t know what J had been thinking. He didn’t know about the small webcam beeping away in the corner.

J had.

“And what, you came back to school and just got on with it?” Ryan asked in disgust, wrinkling his nose. Ray shrugged, nodding.

“He teaches me, he fucks me, I ace his classes. It works.”

“No, no Ray! That doesn’t work! Please, you’ve got to see how fucked up that is at least! He’s just bribing you!”

“No, it’s not like that. We don’t- I’m not a _whore_ or something! I- _we_ care for each other!”

“Jesus Christ Ray.” Ryan muttered, stuffing his head into his hands, gently shaking it. “Tell me who it is.”

Ray shook his head and Ryan opened his mouth, ready to beg. Before he could say anything Ray started talking again, patience having worn off. He wasn’t a whore, he wasn’t with J just because of the grades or the sex. He was with J because he loved him. And he knew (thought) that J loved him back.

“No, because if I tell you, you’ll go to Hullum! You’ll get J fired and no fucking way am I letting that happen! I told you the story, now I don’t owe you a damn thing. Get the fuck away from me and this time stay away, alright?”

Ryan sighed, closing his eyes. He didn’t know what to say, if he should fight for the name or if he should just roll over and let it happen. In the end he just stayed there as he heard Ray leave the room. Maybe that was for the best Ryan thought sardonically.

Maybe Ryan was looking at this all wrong. Ray couldn’t help who he liked. Neither could J. Maybe it wasn’t their fault, no-one chooses to fall for someone they can’t have. And there were plenty of adult couples with large age gaps between them, ten, fifteen, twenty years, sometimes even more. Maybe that was normal, Ryan frowned at that idea.

But there was something wrong with that picture. Ryan couldn’t explain it but something felt off. He didn’t trust J one bit.

Ryan froze as an idea came into his head. It wasn’t a good idea, wouldn’t bloom into a good plan either but it might- it might work.

He felt sick as he thought about it, what he’d have to do, but right then it was the only way he could think of to show Ray how fucked up his relationship was, could show him that J was just using him. The only problem now would be convincing himself that the plan could work. And that it would be worth the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter, just to clear up a bit of confusion. And thank you for all the comments on the last chapter. I know some of you are confused but it will all figure itself out.  
> See you next time.


	28. Crumble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Crumble  
> Break or fall apart into small fragments, especially as part of a process of deterioration.

During the past few months Gavin had found out was that there were upsides to having an abusive parent. Mostly that the other parent could feel guilt as they watched their child in pain. That parent would then try to make it better in any way they could.

Gavin had tried to ignore it, tried to keep a cold silence between himself and his mother but it hadn’t worked. She’d been so desperate that he’d slowly let her in, almost without meaning to. When his father finally came back to the house Gavin retreated once more and once more she pulled him out.

However, that could only last for so long. For a few glorious weeks Gavin was free, in name and act. He was no longer constrained by what he was meant to be. (They were meant to be a fucking family and look how that had turned out.) Gavin spent most of his days out of the house for that time, mostly hanging around with Michael whenever the other boy’s mother was up to having visitors.

So when Gavin’s father came back one night he wasn’t expecting it. The man, drunk as a badger, rushed through the door like a tornado on its way to a field of sheep. Gavin froze where he stood, as if a deer in headlights.

“The hell you looking at?” Gavin’s father growled out, glaring at Gavin. Gavin in turn looked away, mumbling something quietly. His father growled at that and grabbed his arm. “I said, what the hell are you looking at?”

“You’re hurting me.” Gavin mumbled, wishing his voice could be stronger. His father did nothing but tighten his grip on Gavin’s arm. It had healed up fine, no permanent damage, but all Gavin could think of was the bones compressing under his father’s hand, grinding together until they were crushed into nothing.

His father snorted and let go, flinging Gavin’s arm free so the child stumbled back a few steps. Gavin grabbed his arm, holding it close to his body as if that was going to change anything. As if he could stop his father from doing anything.

“Why are you even dressed like that?” His father sneered. “Look like a fucking-”

“What’s going on in here?” Gavin whipped his head around to see his mother walk in and quickly assess the situation. She then whirled on her husband. “What the hell is going on?”

“She’s a fucking abomination!” Gavin’s father spat out. “You know it too. I’ve had enough of pretending she’s _normal_.” Gavin felt his chest grow tighter as his eyes started to prickle. It didn’t matter what his dad thought. Gavin knew who he was.

“Don’t talk about her like that!” Gavin’s mother snapped.

“You wanna be a fucking boy?” Gavin shied away slightly at his father’s words before nodding and adding, quietly.

“It’s who I am. It’s not a choice.”

“You wanna be a man?” Gavin was halfway through nodding when he felt his back collide with the wall and his face start burning. It took him a moment to realise his father had backhanded him with enough power to make him collapse. “Take that like a fucking man.” His father spat out.

That seemed to be the breaking point for Gavin’s mother, she rushed forwards to pick Gavin up and shooed his father away. Gavin shook her off, standing on his own and willing the tears in his eyes to stay there.

“I am who I am!” Gavin yelled. “I’m not your _daughter_!”

“Good. I wouldn’t want a bloody daughter like you. I wouldn’t want a _freak_!” Gavin’s father spat out the word.

“I’m not a freak!” Gavin screamed. “I’m- I’m-”

“What? You’re _trans_?” His father sneered out the word with such hatred it hurt. “You’re a freak or you want attention. And I’m not giving you the fucking satisfaction.” With that he strode from the room without another glance at Gavin.

Gavin stood there for a moment longer, his back aching and his face stinging. His mother looked down at him pityingly and suddenly Gavin couldn’t hold back the tears in his eyes.

 

**From: The Hobbit**

**You talked to Ryan yet?**

**From: Jaune**

**Nah. Don’t worry, he’ll help.**

**From: The Hobbit.**

**I asked you to ask him a month ago Miles.**

**From: Jaune**

**And a month ago I said I would.**

**From: The Hobbit**

**I don’t know how to animate!**

**From: Jaune**

**Ask Monty, he can talk you through it**

**From: The Hobbit**

**Monty’s on the other side of the world. Ryan goes to our school.**

**From: Jaune**

**Okay, fine. I’ll talk to him.**

There was a long pause there, neither of the boys talking. Miles was eventually the one to break the silence.

**From: Jaune**

**Have we got the voices?**

**From: The Hobbit**

**No-where near. We’d need a fucking miracle to we finish the first episode before the end of term.**

**From: Jaune.**

**What are we going to do?**

**From: The Hobbit**

**We commandeer Geoff’s house tomorrow after school**

**From: Jaune**

**Wht?**

**From: The Hobbit**

**We sit Team RWBY down and everyone else that we can.**

**From: Jaune**

**Sounds like a plan.**

 

 

When Gavin woke up he stayed still for a long moment. His body didn’t ache, not in the way it had before. It wasn’t his skin or muscles that hurt, it was different. He had a bone deep ache that just made him want to sleep until the world around him changed.

When he remembered what had happened he shivered. He’d broken down in front of his mother just because his dad had hit him. He’d been weak and pathetic. Maybe his dad was right. He hadn’t acted like a boy, he’d acted like a wimp, like a girl. Maybe his dad had been right…

Gavin eventually dragged himself out of bed and walked out the front door. His mother glanced at him as he walked past but she made no move to talk to him or comfort him. Gavin didn’t make any move to do anything either.

Gavin slipped into school, getting to his locker as soon as he could and luckily avoiding anyone else. He spent far too long pulling on his binder, just staring into nothing for most of it. When he finally left the bathroom he was exhausted, far more exhausted than he should have been.

His first lesson was English with Burns. Burns, Ray, Lindsay and, of course, Michael. Gavin didn’t want to go in there, didn’t want to have to force himself into the room and stay as the class dragged on around him but it wasn’t as if he could just stop going into school. Gavin paused at that for a moment before shaking his head. No, he couldn’t do that. If this was his father’s wrath for being who he was, Gavin trembled at the idea of the man’s wrath if Gavin actively did something wrong.

Michael wasn’t looking at the door when Gavin walked in but he knew something had happened by the whispers that emerged from his classmates. Michael twisted in his chair, with half interest and froze at the sight of Gavin. There wasn’t anything terrible, not horrendous mess of raised skin and bruises but there was one that stood clear on his cheek. Gavin shuffled into the room, eyes fixed on the floor.

As Gavin walked over to his seat Michael curled his hand into fists at the sight of his boyfriend. He’d thought this was over. He’d thought he’d protected Gavin but obviously not. Michael all but growled as he remembered the boys. Michael knew they were still in the school somewhere. As Michael watched Gavin stare off into nothing he gritted his teeth. He knew their names and what they looked like. Michael was going to fucking annihilate them.

When the bell finally rang Gavin quickly gathered his books, ready to dash from the classroom.

“Gav, can you stay behind a moment?” Burns called out. Gavin froze, gulping as the students around him turned to stare. Michael watched as he went up to the teacher’s desk, Michael being forced to leave the room.

“Take a seat.” Burnie said kindly, glancing over Gavin as if checking he was still in one piece. The student sat down gingerly, perching on the far edge of the seat. Burnie paused for a moment, removing his cap and dragging his hand through his hair before replacing it.

“Has something happened?”

“No sir. Everything’s fine.” Gavin deadpanned, looking so different to the pupil he had been. His shoulders were hunched slightly and he kept his eyes fixed on the floor as if bracing himself for a hit. Burnie knew what that posture meant. He also knew not to push it.

“There’s been a change on the register. Your dad called this morning with some- some strange news.”

“What?” Gavin asked in surprise. He thought he should be interacting more with this conversation but all he could think about was what his father had said the previous night, that he was glad Gavin wasn’t his daughter.

“The register changed your name to Lucy. Is there something you want to tell me?”

Gavin stiffened and Burnie’s eyebrows lifted slightly. The boy normally wasn’t prone to freaking out. But then again something odd was definitely going on.

The injuries Gavin had got over the course of the year were too much for just a few bullies. It might be something different and, if the broken arm was anything to go by, something bad.

Burnie wasn’t oblivious to the clothes Gavin wore either, or the looks that Jones sent his way. There was obviously something going on between the two of them that looked like it could almost be love, if pushed just right. But what really worried Burnie was the clothes that Gavin wore, the feminine clothes that he always looked so uncomfortable in and the fact that his name had been replaced.

“Sir-” Gavin started, as if unsure of what to say.

“Call me Burnie. Look, I’m not asking this as a teacher I’m asking it as someone who’s worried about you.”

“Burnie I- I’m sorry. I lied to everyone.” Gavin stared down at his hands as he talked, looking exhausted. Burnie wanted to give the kid a hug or any kind of goddamn physical contact that would take that look off his face.

“What do you mean Gav?”

“My name is Lucy.” Gavin’s said, monotonously as if he’d repeated them several times. It would be simpler, he reasoned. So much simpler to just admit this, to stop pretending. As he thought that he felt ill, once more felt how wrong his body was, how it didn’t feel right at all. But he pushed that down. If that was what it took for his father to accept him then Gavin would do that. “I’m female and I shouldn’t have lied. I’m sorry.”

“Then why did you call yourself that? Why did you call yourself Gavin?” Burnie asked cautiously, his gut told him that this was wrong, that somehow Gavin wasn’t telling the truth. No-one just _pretended_ to be a different gender for months without a reason. Burnie was pretty sure he knew the reason.

“Because-”

“What do you want me to call you?” Burnie asked, speaking over Gavin. The student looked up at him, the picture of dejection.

“I don’t- my name’s Lucy, Burnie.”

“But what do you _want_ me to call you?” Burnie reiterated. Gavin leant back at that, looking stunned. He dropped his gaze to his lap and licked his lips, as if unsure.

“Gavin, can you- can you call me Gavin please?”

Burnie let out a sigh at Gavin’s words, something was wrong, something was seriously wrong. If Gavin was going to let Burnie call him something else, misgender him, when it seemed to be so important to him, then something was happening that Burnie wasn’t party to.

“Of course Gav. If you need someone to talk to I’m here, okay?” Burnie couldn’t help unless Gavin wanted it, unless Gavin told him. This was how he consoled himself as he watched Gavin leave the room, head held just a bit higher than it had been when he had entered.

 

“What the fuck happened to you Gavin?” Michael exclaimed, the moment that the Brit was within earshot. Gavin winced slightly and Michael frowned, he looked like shit. “Did someone hurt you?”

“It’s nothing boi.”

“Nothing? You look exhausted! What’s going on?” Michael pressed. Behind him Lindsay stood, staring at Gavin worriedly. Ray had already vanished off somewhere.

“It’s not that bad Micoo! Just a bit of-” Gavin trailed off, shrugging. Michael stared at him with wide eyes, unable to comprehend.

“No, you don’t get to do that! Tell me which fuckheads did this to you and I swear I’ll kick their fucking heads in!” Michael raged, perfectly ready to make good on his promise. Gavin stared at him, as if he couldn’t comprehend what Michael was saying.

But then it clicked; Michael thought that one of the people at school had done it. Michael hadn’t guessed who had hurt Gavin, who had beaten him into the ground and then hauled him back up to start over. Michael thought it had been a one-time thing, a group of boys trying to play at being men.

Michael didn’t know.

“Don’t, please don’t Michael.” Gavin said tiredly. He didn’t want Michael to know but if he gave Michael a false name that boy would be beaten to a pulp. There were times when Gavin was so, so scared of his boyfriend.

“Gavin-”

“What did Hullum tell you? What did he tell you the last time you protected me?” Gavin spoke over the top of Michael, determined to make his voice heard. Michael sighed and ducked his head.

“I’m not meant to fight. I’m on my last chance. But Gavin- this is- this is too much! Surely you get that?”

Gavin shook his head, jaw set.

“I’m not worth losing your education for.”

Michael frowned and Gavin let out a small yelp as the other boy enveloped him in a hug, drawing him close.

“You are boi. You are.” Michael whispered into Gavin’s ear. Gavin shivered at the sensation and they pulled away. Gavin smiled tentatively and he could almost feel Michael relax. If Gavin could be his normal idiotic self then Michael could cope, could pretend that he didn’t see the injuries covering the other boy.

So Gavin had to pretend for a little while longer.

 

Griffon wasn’t at lunch. She’d pointedly not turned up, sending a message through Jack saying she had to help out with some background stuff for the play.

Jack had sighed and said the same.

Everyone knew they were lying.

But Geoff ignored it, accepted it and turned away before he saw the expressions on Jack’s face. He’d seen more than enough people disappointed in him.

Kerry and Miles were off talking to Lindsay and Barbra about this thing they’d written, Geoff was a bit hazy on the details. Gavin was MIA after apparently turning up at school with new bruises.

So that left Ryan, Geoff and Michael.

Ryan was staring down at a list of names, all of their teachers. There were scribbles around it and Geoff could see the word Ray repeated over and over across it. He didn’t ask and Ryan didn’t tell him.

Michael stared across the room to where a group of boys sat, laughing loudly. Four of them held Michael’s eyes in particular. He was simply imagining smashing his knuckles into their faces again and again until there was nothing left, until they couldn’t hurt Gavin anymore.

It had been getting better, that was what grated against Michael’s nerves so much. He’d managed to protect Gavin for weeks and now it was all going downhill again.

All in all it was a sad affair, so very different from the first day of term. Geoff frowned, remembering how much had changed in such a short amount of time. He’d met Gavin Free, found out he had been born a girl to abusive parents. He found out that Michael, the little ball of rage he was, could be persuaded to not fight by someone he cared enough about.

Ryan had simply confirmed Geoff’s suspicions about his crush on Ray but he’d also shown an obsession that almost scared Geoff. Geoff had found out that Ray, young Ray, had fucked a grown man old enough to be his father, and a teacher to boot.

Geoff had seen Kerry and Miles slowly fall for each other (he wasn’t sure they knew yet) and had watched something very similar with Ryan and Ray. Geoff almost hoped those two wouldn’t know.

Griffon and Jack had showed that they wouldn’t take Geoff’s shit anymore and that thought in particular hurt Geoff. He knew how close he was to losing the both of them, that if he just didn’t drink then it would be fine and he wouldn’t have to worry about them leaving but he couldn’t.

Turns out Geoff had found out a lot about himself as well.

“I’m going to find Gavin.” Geoff muttered, rising and leaving his full plate of food on the table in front of him. Neither of the boys even looked up as he left.

Geoff didn’t know where Gavin had gone but he also knew that the boy didn’t want their company so the chances were he was where they’d never been together before.

Geoff checked first in the gym changing rooms, getting yelled at when Gavin wasn’t there. Next it was the music block, people staring at him as he passed. The library was the next and he was intensely thankful when he saw Gavin curled up on a beanbag, a book in his hands.

“Hey Gav.” Geoff whispered, throwing himself onto the bean bag. Gavin let out a small hiss of pain and Geoff actually got a good look at the boy. He looked like exhausted.

“Geoff? What are you doing here?” Gavin smiled lightly before shifting away slightly.

“What happened Gav?” Geoff sat back up, staring at the bruise prominent on Gavin’s cheek, as if crowning his cheekbones with its royal blue stain. “No bullshit, not now.”

“What does it matter?” Gavin grumped, pulling the book back up to his face. Geoff paused for a moment before rolling his eyes and ripping the book from Gavin’s hands to put it down next to him. It was out of the Brit’s reach but that didn’t stop him from trying to get it. That ended with Gavin squawking, Geoff tickling him and the book remaining where Geoff had put it. When Geoff had finally pinned Gavin down he started talking again.

“Okay Gav, now tell me, what happened?”

“You know what happened Geoff. Just give me my smegging book back!” Gavin exclaimed.

“Answer the question Gavin. Was that,” he gestured to the bruise, “your parents?”

Gavin glanced up at him, as if scared, before nodding and sinking back into the beanbags. Geoff moved off him and sighed.

“My dad got drunk again, got angry.”

“Angry?” Geoff tried to clarify. Gavin glanced at him before continuing.

“He called me a freak. Said that I was- I wasn’t his daughter. I know that’s- I’m meant to be happy about that, right?” Gavin’s voice had dropped, had softened and Geoff sighed. “My mum didn’t even do anything, just stood there watching as he hurt me. She-” Gavin broke off, his lip trembling. “I don’t think she even cares anymore.”

“She does Gav. People- people mess up.” Geoff could see that Gavin didn’t believe him but he pressed on anyway. “Sometimes it hurts but when it comes down to it she’ll protect you.”

“When it comes down to it?” Gavin scoffed. “Her husband was hitting me and she didn’t do a damn thing to help me.”

“She’s just-” Geoff didn’t even bother saying any more. It sounded like bullshit, even to him.

“You don’t understand.” Gavin snapped. “You don’t know how that feels.”

“Being hurt by your parents?” Geoff huffed. “Gav, I know-” Suddenly Geoff felt his words stop. Because if he told Gavin about what had happened then that would be everything gone. Every moment of therapy, every drop of alcohol, every sleepless night would be undone. He couldn’t get closer to this, he suddenly realised. Not if he wanted to stay sane.

Geoff decided to ignore the fact that he wasn’t sane anymore, not really. Sane people didn’t need a beer to get through breakfast. They didn’t need three more to get through a day and they didn’t need whisky in the middle of the night when they woke up screaming. (He _had_ to ignore that.)

“I don’t Gav.” Geoff said quietly. “I don’t know what it’s like.” Gavin nodded and hunched into himself more. Geoff wanted to reach forward and comfort him but he didn’t, instead staying still and struggling to keep the thoughts out.

Geoff couldn’t fix everything with Gavin and in that moment he didn’t even have the strength to try.

 

 

Ryan had done a fair number of stupid things in his life but this might trump them all. He was meant to be in the middle of a lesson, a lesson that was actually pretty important but instead he was standing in the corridor rifling through Ray’s locker.

And no, you don’t want to know where he got the key from.

He didn’t even know what he was looking for, not really. He didn’t think Ray would be stupid enough to write J’s full name with hearts around it. Anyway, they weren’t in middle school anymore.

“Ryan!” Ryan froze as his voice was called out. He turned to see Joel in the corridor. For a long moment neither of them moved, seeming to be waiting for the other to move. Eventually Joel broke. He walked forwards, staring at Ray’s open locker and Ryan’s full hands.

“How did you get Ray’s key?” Joel asked, his voice neutral. Ryan stared up at him suspiciously.

“You don’t want to know.” Ryan mumbled, turning back to the locker and continuing to rifle through it. Joel paused for a moment.

“What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” Ryan snapped, hand tightening as he saw Ray smiling up at him from a picture, staring at the person behind the camera with a broad smile on his face. He looked- he looked in love.

While Ryan was staring at the picture Joel lost his patience. He grabbed the edge of the locker and slammed it shut. The noise echoed around the empty hallway and Ryan jumped at the sound.

“Holy shit!” Ryan exclaimed. “What the fuck?”

“Who is J?” Joel asked, staring at Ryan. The boy just shook his head and scoffed.

“You don’t need to know.”

“Ryan I am still your teacher.” Joel was fighting to keep his voice level, obviously wanting to raise his voice but trying so hard not to.

“Yeah, whatever.” Ryan muttered, grabbing the locker door and moving to open it. Once more Joel slammed it shut. Ryan turned to him fully. “What the fuck is your problem?” Ryan spat out.

“I am your fucking teacher Ryan. You are in my protection. Ray’s in trouble. Tell me how.” Joel snarled out each word and Ryan paused. Could he tell Joel? The man had more resources than Ryan had. He knew the teachers far better than Ryan could and he’d be an extra eye. But even so Ryan couldn’t bring himself to trust the man. It had made so much sense, that J would be in the drama department. And even if Joel knew the teachers better that also meant he knew J better.

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Don’t try to bullshit me.” Joel growled. “I can help! Anything you tell me can be confidential, I don’t need to tell anyone.”

“Okay, fine.” Ryan sighed. “I have something to tell you, in confidence.” Joel’s face lit up for a moment before Ryan continued. The boy met the man’s eyes levelly before speaking, almost spitting out each word. “I can handle it Joel. Fuck off.”

Once more Joel was left alone in the room, knowing he could help and knowing the boy would never let him help.

 

Kerry paced the room, nervously as everyone stared at him.

“H-hey guys.” Kerry half waved and the others smiled. Michael rolled his eyes, smiling as he did. “Thanks for being here.”

“Look,” Miles took over from Kerry, stepping forwards. “We know you’ve been busy but right now we need your help. RWBY isn’t going to write itself!” He chuckled softly and the room joined in. “Kerry got these great ideas for trailers, four different ones. One for each person.”

“Why do I need to be here?” Michael asked. “I’m not even in this yet!”

“Shh.” Kerry made a shooing motion as he spoke. “We’ll get there.” Michael scoffed and sat back. “Right now we need to get sound bites. Linds, Barb,” The two girls looked up from the seat they were sharing. “We’ve got a small bit of dialogue for you two just for these trailers.”

“What are we going to say?” Lindsay interjected. Kerry glared at her but she just continued to grin.

“It’s just this teaser thing, showing that you two are sisters.”

“Cause that’s not at all weird.” Michael scoffed, staring at the two entwined. Lindsay raised her middle finger and the room burst into laughter.

“Jack,” At his name the teenager looked up. Miles winced slightly, the boy looked exhausted. “We got a part for you.”

“Who is it?” Jack asked curiously. Miles smirked.

“Think Mafia.”

“Cool.” Jack nodded and shifted slightly. He could feel warmth on his leg and he hated it. Griffon shot him a worried look and he just shook his head, placing a trembling hand on his leg and squeezing. The new burst of pain grounded him, just in time for the door to open.

Every eye in the room moved to the door as it swung open to reveal Geoff. He had an uncapped, half empty bottle of alcohol in his hand. When he saw the people inside he froze, obviously not expecting them.

Lindsay and Barbara untangled themselves from each other as Jack strode forwards, grabbing for the bottle. Geoff moved it out the way, causing the boy to grab for nothing.

“What’s going on?” Geoff slurred out. Michael winced and looked away, he didn’t want to see Geoff like this. None of them wanted to see Geoff like this. Miles and Kerry glanced at each other warily, all ready to take off at the first chance.

“It’s for RWBY. We talked about this..” Griffon said tiredly. “Remember?”

Geoff frowned at his girlfriend, befuddled brain trying to sort through what was going on. Finally he realised and his face lit up.

“Kerry’s coming. An- And-” Geoff frowned, trying to remember the other people. Griffon sighed.

“Geoff, what the hell is happening? You said you were going to be sober!”

“I am sober Griffy! Just had a little.” Geoff said, smiling broadly. No-one in the room believed him.

“Geoff-” Jack started, looking around the room nervously. He didn’t want to do this in front of his friends but he had to do it sometime. “You need to put the bottle down.”

“Nah, ‘s fine Jackie.” Geoff swigged from the bottle again. Michael glanced nervously around the room and froze as he spotted Griffon.

Her hands were clenched at her sides, shaking slightly. Her lip was quivering slightly as if she was trying her hardest not to cry. But Michael knew that face, it was her ‘get shit done face.’

“Put down the bottle Geoff.” Griffon said, tone serious. Everyone in the room stiffened. Griffon wasn’t joking, she wasn’t playing around anymore.

But Geoff didn’t seem to notice, just pouting slightly before taking another swig.

That seemed to be the final straw for Griffon who strode forwards and grabbed it from his lips. He managed to keep hold of it, barely. Geoff cried out at the loss but paused as he saw Griffon’s face close up.

“I _said_ , put it down Geoff.” Griffon snapped, drawing herself up against her boyfriend. “Give it to me now.”

Geoff shook his head and pulled the bottle closer to him. For a moment they merely stared at each other; sleepy drunken eyes met with tear-filled desperate ones.

“S’mine.” Geoff slurred out. Griffon nodded, letting her hand fall.

“Okay. Okay.” She whispered. “Okay.” She turned away for a second, taking a deep breath before turning back. Geoff frowned as he saw tears dripping down her face.

“Griffy-” Geoff slurred out, sobriety’s absence obvious within his tone. He reached forwards to grab her arm but she wrenched it away.

“No.”

With that Griffon took a few steps back, shaking her head, before she walked from the room. Geoff heard the door slam shut and there followed silence.

“Griffy-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time.


	29. Ramification

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Ramification  
> A complex or unwelcome consequence of an action or event.

“Narvaez, can you wait a moment?” Ray froze as Joel called his name out, slowly turning to take in the teacher. He put on a smile and sauntered over.

“Yeah, Heyman?”

But Joel didn’t seem to be in a joking mood, simply pointing down to Ray’s wrists where bruises circled the skin as if they were bracelets. Ray instantly shoved his hands into his pockets, still trying to hide them.

“How did that happen?”

Ray shifted uncomfortably for a moment.

_“J-” Ray panted out, desperately trying to get away. J chuckled quietly, continuing to kiss down Ray’s body. “Stop! Please!”_

_“Don’t worry R, we’re almost done.” J purred. Ray whimpered and doubled his efforts to get away. He didn’t want this._

_“Please!”_

_“Give it a moment R.”_

_“Stop it! Please J!”_

_“Be quiet R.” J growled, taking that order into his own hands as he roughly kissed Ray, effectively sealing his lips shut. Ray whined against it, heart racing too fast suddenly._

_“Please! I mean it J!” Ray glared at J, trying desperately to show J he was serious, this wasn’t a joke. J frowned and moved his hands from Ray’s hips to his wrists, grabbing them tight. He positioned his body across the boy’s, trapping him into the bed. Ray whimpered again, struggling against the man’s superior strength and weight. J growled and tightened his grip on Ray’s wrists. Ray whimpered from the pain and froze, no longer fighting._

_“Shut. Up. Ray.”_

_Ray said nothing more._

_When they were done Ray was out of the bed as soon as he could._

_Ray sat on the sofa, breathing heavily. J had done this before, held him down but never that bad. He’d never continued when Ray had outright refused, when he’d asked J to stop._

_What had changed, Ray wondered. When had it changed? Was it when Ray had fucked up? When he told Ryan? Ray felt guilt build in his stomach at that thought. He’d messed up so badly, put J in danger, put himself in danger and put their relationship in danger._

_So, Ray thought, it made sense J would be angry. Really, it had been Ray’s fault. Ray felt his heart sink as he realised that J was just trying to help him, trying to give him some sort of penance for what he’d done. And really, if that was all it was Ray shouldn’t complain. He shouldn’t try to fight, just relax and let J do whatever he wanted. Because they loved each other, anything J did to him was helping Ray._

_“Sorry for that, R.”_

_Ray jumped violently as J slipped into the seat next to him._

_“Guess I got a bit carried away.” J leant forwards and took Ray’s face, kissing him gently. Ray shivered slightly but then berated himself. This was J. Ray had no right to be revolted or repulsed._

_“It’s okay.”_

_“You’re so good for me R.” J kissed Ray again, deepening the kiss and letting his hand wander downwards. Ray’s breath caught in his throat but then he forced himself to relax._

_He was just being selfish._

“It was nothing Joel. Promise.”

“Please don’t lie to me Ray. At the very least don’t do that.” Joel snapped. Ray blinked in confusion before shrugging.

“I’m not lying.”

“Those were made by another person Ray. Who’s hurting you?”

“No-one sir.” Ray replied testily. Joel had no right to be asking these questions, everything was fine. Joel glared at him.

“How many years have I been teaching you Ray?”

“One.” Ray said shortly, knowing that wasn’t what Joel meant. He’d only taught the boy one year but they’d somehow managed to be almost friends, as much as they could professionally anyway. If Ray wanted advice he’d go to Joel and the man knew him. At least, Joel had known him last year.

“Was it your parents?”

“No!”

“Was it one of your friends?”

“No.” Ray ground out. “Can I go?”

“No. Was it your boyfriend?”

Ray froze at that, slowly looking up at Joel. “Why- why do you think it’s a boy?” His tone was accusatory but Joel didn’t even bother commenting on it. They’d touched on the subject a couple of times when Ray was struggling but Joel had just connected the dots for his confirmation.

“Was it?”

“I don’t see how it’s any of your business.” Ray grumbled. Joel glared at him.

 “If you tell me I can help you. I can stop him. I can get him arrested. All you need to tell me is his name. This is my job Ray.” Joel looked so serious and for a moment Ray hesitated before scowling again. It might be Joel’s job to protect Ray but it was Ray’s to protect J and their relationship, no matter what other people thought about it.

“I don’t need your help Heyman. I don’t need fucking _dating_ advice.” Ray growled out. He wasn’t about to let Heyman get between him and his love. “It’s fine.”

“Ray-” Before Heyman could finish talking the door had slammed shut behind Ray and Heyman was left. “The fuck?” he asked to the empty classroom before sighing. He’d just have to trust Ray.

The problem is, he didn’t.

 

 

Michael didn’t normally dread going home. His family were good people. His parents loved him and he was comfortable in his house. His mother was better recently, had been feeling better for the last two weeks. Michael was hoping it would stick around.

But there were small things, even on good days, that made him a lot less comfortable. His parents weren’t assholes, far from it but they just didn’t understand some stuff.

His mom was too far gone to notice those things on TV now. She still had the mind-set of an America of ten years before, still reserving judgement on any open sexuality that wasn’t straight. His father didn’t comment on it either.

Whenever he brought up homosexuality, when he’d been preparing to come out on his own they had simply ended the conversations, he had never had the courage to pursue it.

On gay marriage they had stood on neither side; not condemning the point or pushing it forwards. They were happy to sit on the side-lines and reserve judgement until it meant something to them.

Because of all of this Michael had no idea how they’d react when they came into contact with him. But he’d been dating Gavin for months now and cared about the Brit. Every time he talked about the boy in front of his parents he felt like he was lying and he hated that sensation.

So he was going to come out. Michael shuddered, it sounded bad even in his head.

Rationally everything should be okay but Michael wasn’t rational, he was a teenager in love.

Worse, he had no idea how his mother would take it. On a good day she could take it one way and on a bad way a completely different one. None of this helped the worry that had constricted his throat and settled like a rock in his stomach.

He’d talked through it with Ryan, when he’d managed to drag the boy away from whatever thing was going on with his obsession over one of the teachers, and the older teen had been helpful. He’d talked to Michael about how hiding didn’t help, how it would hurt more people in the long run and how he had to stop lying, stop keeping secrets from the people he cared about the most. Michael wasn’t sure if Ryan was still talking to him at the end.

After dinner seemed to be the best time. They’d all eaten and Michael could just go up to his room and not come back down until school the next morning. Or, if something went wrong-

No, he reminded himself, nothing would go wrong.

So he sat through the meal, stomach twisting into knots until he could barely swallow a bite of food. His parents noticed and they glanced at each other before putting down their cutlery as well.

“Michael,” his mom’s voice was soft and calming. “Are you okay dear?”

“Yeah mom.” Michael frowned and coughed, his voice was scratchy, as if the lump in his throat was ripping it apart. “Well no actually, I need to tell you guys something.”

Yet again his parents shared a look that he couldn’t quite work out. Michael pushed his plate forwards, not hungry anymore. His parents tracked the motion and turned their full focus to him, worried.

“I- I don’t know how to start this.” Michael admitted, staring at the floor. “But I- I-” Michael broke off, sighing. He didn’t know how to say it, he didn’t know what would happen. “I’m gay. I have a boyfriend. Gavin’s my boyfriend.” It came flooding out of Michael and the moment he’d said it he snapped his mouth shut and stared down at the floor.

His parents just looked at him for a long moment.

“Michael, were you afraid of telling us this?” his father asked softly. Michael nodded and the man sighed. “It’s okay Michael.” Michael’s head shot up and he took in the sight of his father smiling tiredly. “We’re not going to judge you son.”

“You should have talked to us darling. Did you-“ She paused, frowning. “Did you not tell us because of me?”

Michael paused before responding. Ever since he’d shouted at her he’d been on edge, trying so hard to not hurt her any further. His father had apologised for what he’d said but it had stung Michael far more than he’d like to admit.

“Yeah.” Michael mumbled. “A bit.” At Michael’s words his mother sighed.

“This can’t be easy for you Michael. But we’d- We’re never going to hate you because of something like this Michael. We love you.” She leaned closer, taking his hand. “I love you. It doesn’t matter how much-” She broke off before continuing. “My illness won’t ever change that. You do understand that, right?”

Michael nodded at his mother’s words feeling himself relax.

“’M sorry. I just-”

“We get it son. We know why you did it. Just wish you didn’t have to.” Michael’s father said easily. Michael nodded and sniffled slightly, embarrassed that he was close to crying over something so dumb.

But then his mother was hugging him and he didn’t care. He ignored the fact that he’d need to do this again and again, every time his mother forgot. He ignored the fact that this was one coming out among hundreds he might need to do. Because in that moment he was safe and accepted.

That was all that mattered.

 

The silver moon danced across the black sky, illuminating it as much as it could. Beneath, the ground was lit up with the colour of light that had once belonged to sunlight but now belonged to the night alone. Far away it lit Michael, fast asleep in his bed. It illuminated Ryan, scribbling furiously away, Geoff’s heaving breaths as he tried desperately to forget, Gavin as he heard shouts below and curled deeper into himself, Ray where his beloved was holding him down despite his fierce protests. But Jack was left in the shadows, back against the door just in case someone tried to come in.

There were no tears this time, there was nothing on his face except for blankness. He stared into nothing as his hand moved along his thigh. Ruby red blood was rising to the surface, gathering in perfect circles before racing down his thigh to the t-shirt that was already stained red. Each perfect sphere was broken as it crashed down his leg, catching in his hair and leaving large parts of it behind to stick there.

His hand slipped and suddenly a tide of scarlet roared down his leg. He gasped, thrown back to himself as he stared down at what he’d done. Tears filled his eyes as he grabbed another t-shirt and pressed it down. As it made contact with the gaping would he couldn’t help the yelp. Instantly he silenced himself, sobbing quietly into his arm as he continued to press the t-shirt down.

After several minutes he gingerly took the t-shirt away and twisted his head in revulsion as he saw just what he’d done to himself. There was a gaping wound where his skin should have been and now that he was no longer pressing the shirt down, the blood had started to pour again. A great sob wracked his body, making more of his blood rain down.

He stayed like that, sobbing into his hands, for half an hour as his wound slowly closed enough for him to crawl into bed. He knew he’d fucked up, the pain in his leg was more than enough proof of that. He’d fucked up just like he always did.

As he lay awake he felt the pain in his leg pulse painfully but did nothing to ease it. He deserved this. All he could think of was the blankness on Geoff’s face as Griffon left. Geoff hadn’t deserved that. Jack deserved that. He deserved pain and misery. He’d done nothing in his life to make anything better. He’d never helped someone, had never made things better. He was useless, he just hurt his friends. He knew they’d be better off without him but he couldn’t drag himself away.

He was too selfish to leave and too weak to help them.

As the boy fell asleep the moon slowly shifted and lit up the rest of his room. It came to light onto the pictures Jack kept on his dresser; pictures of his family, Geoff and himself.

There was one of the two boys as children way before Jack had any idea of what was happening to Geoff. The boys were grinning through the empty gaps where their front teeth had been. Geoff’s gums still hurt when he touched them and Jack didn’t really know why.

There was a picture of them as Geoff held a birthday present in his hands, looking uncertain. Every time Jack looked at that one he felt his heart lurch. The boy in the picture was bruised, wrists purple and mottled and he kept his arm close to the side, he’d told Jack he’d just fallen out of another tree. But despite his injuries he stared at the present in wonder and then at his friend in adoration.

The next picture with Geoff in skipped years, the years where he’d grown to be skin and bones, where his eyes had lost any sparkle they had, when he shied away from Jack and flinched at loud noises. This picture was of a sixteen year old Geoff and fifteen year old Griffon and Jack. Geoff was proudly showing off his arm where there was an angry red raised patch of skin that would eventually fade to show the tattoo that he had to this day. In that picture Geoff looked carefree and Jack was beside him, laughing away.

 

Geoff stared into a glass of amber liquid. He knew that all of the propaganda said the same thing; drinking is your choice. He wasn’t sure.

He didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to drink it.

Geoff stared at the empty glass.

Griffon wasn’t there, hadn’t come back since she stormed off. She wasn’t coming back. Geoff tried to ignore it.

Gavin wasn’t there, he was probably being hurt. Geoff could have helped him. Geoff wasn’t strong enough.

Jack wasn’t there, had obviously got tired of Geoff.

It was just Geoff.

Sat there alone with a bottle of alcohol.

Geoff noticed tears streaking down his face and he wiped them away angrily. He could do this. He was Geoffrey Lazer Ramsey and he could do this. He barely noticed as his shaking hands poured another glass, just one more.

He lifted it to his lips and paused, tears still streaming down. In one fluid movement he flung it across the room, hearing it smash into the wall. He froze at the sound before smiling weakly.

He could do this.

The bottle in front of him was the first to go, poured down the sink. Geoff felt guilty as he watched the amber liquid drain out but he quashed it, it was _his_ damn booze and he could use it however the fuck he wanted.

He didn’t keep too many bottle around the flat, couldn’t with Griffon nearby. But by the end of the night they were all empty, their contents down the drain. He stood, still slightly buzzed from earlier on. He could do this.

He stared at the stain on the wall and smiled in defiance. He was Geoffrey Lazer Ramsey and he was stronger than a little bit of alcohol.

As Geoff decided to change his life, decided to save his life, Jack cried himself to sleep, with his brain not allowing him to see just how much he had affected the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good luck to everyone getting AS/A2 results today :)  
> See you later.


	30. The Calm before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: The Calm before the Storm  
> A period of unusual tranquillity or stability that seems likely to presage difficult times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, story time, one year ago I started to write Shards. I finished it on the 24th and I posted the first chap on 28th. So, I've decided to do something similar. Every day I'll post another chap until the 24th. On the 28th I will then post the final chapter. (TBH it's kinda more of an epilogue, everything's already 'sorted'.)  
> So expect a lot of chapters from me in the following days.

The next day Michael all but bounced into school, grinning from ear to ear. He bounded up to Gavin and kissed him gently on the neck. Gavin stiffened and turned in shock but relaxed again as he saw it was Michael.

“What are you doing, boi?”

“Kissing my boi. Got a problem?” Michael smirked before grabbing Gavin in for another kiss, this one on the lips. When they pulled back Gavin gave a smile, around the black eye he was still sporting.

Michael frowned and leant forwards, popping a small kiss onto it. Gavin squawked and pushed him away.

“What’s got into you Michael?” Gavin asked, Michael was being so- so different. It wasn’t that Gavin was unhappy that Michael was so happy. It was just that Gavin was stressed.

Gavin was stressed and his arm hurt and his ribs hurt and his bruises hurt and he just didn’t want to hurt.

But Michael didn’t know any of that. Michael couldn’t know any of that.

“I did it Gav! I came out to my parents!” Michael crowed, several other heads in the corridor turning to watch him. Gavin gulped and forced a smile on his face, nodding.

“Good on you.” He managed to get out. Gavin was so glad as the silence, threatening to become awkward, was broken by the bell. Gavin hurried off to his next lesson, leaving Michael slightly confused behind him.

Gavin all but ran down the hallway knowing he shouldn’t feel like this. Michael was happy, his parents had accepted him. That meant he and his boi could spend more time together.

But the heart of the issue wasn’t the time he spent with Michael. It wasn’t that he was gay. As usual, Gavin thought with disgust, it came back to him. He couldn’t let Michael be happy, had to be obsessed with himself, with what he was going through.

It wasn’t even that Gavin was transgender. It was that he knew, and had known for months, that his parents weren’t going to accept him. They didn’t even accept him as their perfect daughter, let alone their flawed son.

But it was Gavin’s turn to play the good boyfriend and so he did. By the time school was over he thought he might have perfected it, learned just how to nod along and smile, ignoring how moving his lips pulled at the bruise surrounding his eye.

The rest of the gang seemed to have somehow dissipated. Geoff wasn’t in school, Jack wasn’t talking to anyone, Griffon was off with some of her other friends, Miles and Kerry were doing RWBY, Ray was no-where to be seen and Ryan didn’t listen to anything that was said.

So Michael’s excitement fell on deaf ears, not that it mattered to the Jersey boy. He was ecstatic throughout the day, not once raging or looking even the slightest bit angry. Instead he looked perfect.

His curls bounced freely and there was a lightness in Michael’s eyes that had been missing for far too long. He was smiling and relaxed. Throughout the day Gavin was touched more than he had been since- well, he didn’t remember actually.

So he hugged Michael back, he held his hand and he smiled. Michael was happy and Gavin made sure he was as well.

 

In the end Ryan found out who J was by chance. If you could call stealing a copy of Ray‘s timetable, following him between classes, skipping out of his own lessons early just to make sure and watching him get home, chance. Ryan did. Otherwise it would just sound weird.

Ray had just finished English, his last class, when his phone buzzed. Ray pulled it out of his pocket and sighed at the display, glancing around. Ryan pulled himself around a corner and Ray began to walk off, a change in his step that definitely hadn’t been there before.

Ryan followed as Ray made his way through the halls, glancing behind him again and again. Luckily for Ryan the halls were packed with no hope of the other teen spotting him. Eventually Ray slipped into a classroom and Ryan glanced around. He had no proof he was in there with J, had no proof anything was amiss or wrong in any way.

But he could feel it, could feel that something was wrong.

Ryan sat in the classroom across the hall for the next two hours, ignoring the phone buzzing in his pocket as his parents wondered where he was. Ryan considered texting back, he really did, but he didn’t want to have a second of distraction just in case something happened.

He knew he was pushing it too far, he knew this was unreasonable but he also knew that he had to understand, had to try to understand anyway. At the moment he had no idea how he could. Ryan realised, somewhere between his leg going numb and getting pins and needles, that he wanted to trust Ray, even after all this. He wanted to believe that Ray was alright but he didn’t. He didn’t trust Ray. That made the teen sigh and rest his head in his hands. What was wrong with him?

Ray had been there, had always been there. He wasn’t especially loud but he was reliable no matter what. And now Ryan didn’t even trust him. At that thought Ryan glared at the door he could just make out. It was his fault, J’s fault, If J hadn’t come in then they’d be happy. The anger that began to burn in Ryan’s gut swept clean any guilt he was feeling.

When Ray finally walked out of the room, clothes askew and face flushed, Ryan stood.

He walked into the hallway, making sure Ray was gone. Ryan then hesitated once more, hand on the door. This was it, this was what he’d been building up to for the last few months. Inside the room was a person who was using his friend, hurting him and lying to him. Ryan forced his hand down. The door swung open and he entered the room.

The room was empty apart from one man sat at the desk, staring at his computer. His head snapped up and Ryan stared at him in confusion for a long moment. He had jet black hair and brown eyes. He slowly stood as Ryan entered and Ryan paused. This man wasn’t thirty, no matter what Ray had said.

“You shouldn’t be in here Haywood.” The teacher said, glaring at Ryan. The student stared at him, beyond confused.

“Mr Johnson?”

 

 

When Geoff woke it was with an aching head and a dry mouth. He stood, stumbling into the kitchen to grab a drink. He opened the cap on one of them and tipped it back. He frowned and blearily opened an eye as nothing came out.

He shook himself, staring at the bottle. It was empty. So was the one next to it.

In fact they all were.

Geoff moved into the other room and froze, seeing the dark stain against the white wall. He chuckled to himself softly as he remembered what had happened.

He could do this.

And maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to redeem himself to Jack, Griffon, Gavin and everyone else that he’d hurt.

And maybe, just maybe, Griffon and Jack would come back.

 

Johnson stared at Ryan for a long moment and then moved forwards, striding around the desk. Ryan stumbled backwards, suddenly worried the man was going to hurt him. But Johnson stopped, less than a foot short. He stared at Ryan up and down and Ryan felt his skin crawl.

It wasn’t the gaze of someone who wanted to know something, it was the gaze of someone who wanted something. Ryan shuddered as the gaze was focused on him.

“What are you doing here Ryan?” Johnson asked, every word quiet, as if he was trying to hold in his anger. Ryan glared at him and squared his shoulders.

“You’ve been hurting Ray and I’m here to stop it.”

“What are you talking about?” Johnson spat out. Ryan faltered for a moment before continuing.

“I’ve seen the fucking bruises Johnson! I’ve seen how bad he’d fucking hurt right now!”

“Do not take that tone with me.” Johnson growled. “You are my student and I am your teacher.”

“You’re a fucking pervert.” Ryan sneered out. “You’re old enough to be his fucking father! You’re never going to teach again! You’re going to-”

“I suggest,” Johnson’s voice was quiet and ice cold. It make Ryan pause, the anger in his gut beginning to freeze. “That you stop talking. I suggest that you leave.”

“No! I won’t-”

“I suggest you leave before I have you expelled!” Johnson snapped out. Ryan paused.

“You can’t do that.” Ryan said softly. Johnson smirked.

“You haven’t got it yet Ryan, have you?” Johnson gave the boy’s body another cursory glance. Ryan resisted the temptation to curl up. “I can do whatever the fuck I want to. And right now? I want you to leave.” Ryan went to say something but then stopped himself. Johnson smiled and Ryan turned on his heels, fuming. Johnson watched the boy leave and his icy façade dropped away.

Johnson turned on his heel and cursed.

“Fucking hell. It had to Ryan _fucking_ Haywood.” Johnson sat down at his desk again. Just ten minutes ago Ray had been there, innocent little Ray who had no idea. Ryan had far too much of an idea. Johnson cast around for a thought, any way he could get out of this.

He could run, could drop everything and leave but that would mean leaving his job, leaving his house and leaving Ray. That was something Johnson didn’t want to do. He’d done this before, ensnared a student but never like Ray. Never so completely.

Johnson sighed. Ryan didn’t have evidence. If he had evidence then he’d have said something to Heyman, the meddling teacher who would jump on any excuse to get Johnson fired. The arguments Ryan and Johnson had been having throughout the year would actually help him, Johnson realised. If Ryan said something they might just brush him off as trying to get revenge.

Johnson had tenure, had the trust of almost everyone in the school and it would be almost nothing to persuade them that Ryan was simply a student trying to kick up a fuss.

Johnson could make sure that no-one would believe the boy.

So he just had to survive until the end of the year. Then Ryan would be gone and he’d have one more year with Ray. Johnson smiled at the thought before returning to the papers. He paused once more, staring off into nothing as he remembered Ryan. A smile crept onto his face.

 

When the day was over and Gavin was alone again everything changed. He walked home alone, the normal route that always filled him with dread.

He crept into the house silently and saw his mother sat at the table, typing away at her laptop. She glanced up at him as he walked in and he ducked his head.

Before he’d come to this bloody country he might have stood up for himself, stare right back at her. But something had changed. Something had changed in them as well as him.

He didn’t want to be Gavin _and_ Lucy. He wanted to sort himself out and to do that he had to have an ounce of freedom. The clothes he wore should be his own, his room should be his own and he should be able to talk to his parents without flinching.

But at the same time he was terrified, he knew what his parents could, and would, do.

Because if he’d evolved since moving to Texas they’d devolved, back into the beasts that ripped and roared for no reason other than that they could.

Back in England they’d hit him sometimes, hit him around the head or crashed him into the wall. They’d never broken a bone though.

They had never done anything like that.

“Lucy, we need to have a talk.”

Well shit, Gavin thought, succinctly. But he sat down at the table and faced her.

“Lucy, I want to trust you okay?” She sighed. “I know this is a very difficult time for you.” Gavin wanted to scoff but didn’t dare make a sound. “These last few months have been hard on all of us and I just need to remind you that I’m here to talk to. About anything, Lucy.”

“Anything?” Gavin asked, not able to take the tone of disbelief from his voice. His mother sighed.

“Your father has been talking to some people Lucy. People who can help you.”

“Help me?” Gavin asked, quietly.

“You’re confused and that’s okay. But we can help you.”

“What do you mean?”

“America’s different from home, sweetie. They have ways over here of,” She paused, trying to think of the word. “Fixing you.”

“I-I’m not broken.” Gavin stuttered out. His mother just shook her head and stared back.

“Please Lucy. Just keep your head down for a bit longer.”

“Or what?” Gavin spat out. His mother shook her head, angrily.

“Your father is under a lot of stress because of you. Don’t push him. I’m trusting you here Lucy. Don’t let that trust be misplaced. Your father doesn’t want to have to punish you again.” With that she stood and left, leaving Gavin glaring after her.

Punish? Punish? That’s what they were calling it? Gavin’s father had beaten the shit out of him without rhyme or reason. Gavin took a deep breath in. Getting angry wouldn’t help anyone.

That was just another difference between him and Michael, Gavin reflected as he walked upstairs as quietly as he could. Gavin had been told to be quiet, he’d been beaten into submission. He’d kept quiet, shrinking into himself as the noise around him grew. Michael had grown, had begun to shout as silence threatened to engulf him.

Michael had been taught by the world to have a tough surface so people wouldn’t see who he was. Gavin had been hit to lower his boundaries, breaking the tough surface of secrets he’d made as a shield and revealing who everyone wanted him to be.

Gavin was scared of the next night, the next day. Michael was scared of the next week, the next month. Gavin was scared when his parents paid attention to him and that was all Michael wanted.

Michael had lived life fighting what made him different. Gavin had just wanted to embrace it.

Gavin leant his head back against the wall, blinking back tears. Maybe if he was just normal his parents wouldn’t hit him. Maybe he wouldn’t have phantom pains shooting through his arm. Maybe he’d feel comfortable in his skin.

Maybe he could have been happy.

He didn’t bother blinking them back anymore.

 

 

Ryan rushed out of the school, hands trembling. He could see the walls spinning around him as he struggled to put one foot in front of the other. When he finally made it outside the building he collapsed against the wall, taking in deep breaths.

He knew. He finally knew who J was and he couldn’t do a fucking thing.

Ryan’s chest heaved as the teen tried to think, tried to imagine what he could possibly do to help Ray. Nothing came to mind.

Ryan forced himself to take a deep breath in, gasping for air. He knew he was about to hyperventilate and he knew it.

“Ryan?” Ryan’s head snapped up as he heard someone talking to him. He looked up to see Michael, several metres away, staring at him.

“Wha-” Ryan made out before stopping, focusing on his breathing. He heard Michael stride up to him and support him, carefully instructing him to calm down, to breathe slowly. After a long moment Ryan did. As he felt his breathing return to normal he turned to look at Michael properly.

“You okay?” Michael asked, clearly confused. Ryan nodded.

“What are you doing here?” Ryan asked. Michael shifted for a moment before answering.

“Had a detention.”

“Th- that should have finished though.” Ryan replied, confused.

“My dad’s meant to pick me up. Hasn’t come yet.” Michael sighed and refused to meet Ryan’s eyes. “Been sitting here like a fucking idiot.”

“Come on then.” Ryan stood shakily, transferring his weight off the wall. He then walked over to his car, unlocking it. Michael hesitated for a moment, obviously not wanting to go. Ryan sighed. “You can call your dad but you need to get home Michael.” The younger boy nodded and climbed into the car, fiddling with his seatbelt.

Ryan slowly clamoured in and paused for a moment, making sure he had his breathing back under control.

“What were you doing?” Michael asked, staring at Ryan. The teen sighed.

“I was- I was waiting for Ray.”

“You guys back on speaking terms?”

“No.”

“Oh.” Michael frowned as the car rumbled to life. “What happened with all of that?” Ryan paused before answering.

“He’s being hurt. You’ve seen it too, haven’t you?”

“Yeah. He said it was- you know-” Michael shifted uncomfortably. “His choice but-”

“It’s fucked up.” Ryan spat out. “It’s fucked up and it’s my fucking fault!” He hit the steering wheel and Michael stared at him in disbelief.

“Calm it, Ryan.” Michael’s voice was strong as he spoke, helping to shut down Ryan’s anger. “Anger won’t help.”

“Look who’s talking.” Ryan snapped. Michael rolled his eyes at that.

“How did Ray getting hurt make you have an argument?”

“I tried to work out who was hurting him and he told me to fuck off. I didn’t-” Ryan clenched the steering wheel tighter and sighed as he saw the traffic jam ahead of him. “Jesus fucking Christ.” He paused the car and rested his head in his hands.

“You need to calm the fuck down Ryan.” Michael said, beginning to get seriously worried about his friend. “What can I do to help?”

“I don’t know. I just need to- I know who it is but I’ve got nothing! The police won’t fucking listen to me and the school wouldn’t trust me.”

“Where would the evidence be?” Michael asked carefully. “I mean, if it’s in school-”

“There’s not going to be evidence I can get in school. Not legally anyway.” Ryan sighed. Now he knew he could probably get some kind of camera in there but he had a feeling that Johnson was smart. And if Ryan got caught with footage of them having sex he could be arrested, and he doubted Ray would be okay with having his privacy invaded like that.

“Well,” Michael paused, trying to find his words. “What about illegally?”

“What?” Ryan asked in confusion.

“Ray told me the other day that J was visiting his family tomorrow.” Michael’s words were slow, as if he couldn’t believe he was saying this. “You could-” Michael paused before looking back at Ryan. “Would there be evidence there?”

“You’re saying I should break into someone’s house?” Ryan asked in amazement. Michael shrugged.

“I’m saying, Ray needs someone right now. He’s only letting it be J and that ain’t helping him. I’m saying- yeah, fuck it. I’m saying break in.” Michael met Ryan’s eyes and Ryan sighed.

“How the hell would that work?”

“I can distract him, I can pull him away for the night.” Michael had fully turned to Ryan at this point and Ryan was all ears. He’d considered it before but never seriously. Well, maybe slightly seriously. Well…

“How would you distract Ray?” Ryan asked, trying to get his mind away from thinking about how long he’d been planning to break the law.

“We can have a game night.”

“Geoff won’t agree to that. Not in the state he’s in.”

“I can- I can have one at mine.” Michael said quietly. Ryan frowned at him for that and Michael sighed. “My house is big and there’s more than enough bedrooms.”

“We’ve never been there though. Not overnight.”

“We both know the only fucking reason my dad wouldn’t pick me up Ryan.” Michael growled, not meeting Ryan’s eyes. “She’s back in the fucking hospital.” Michael clenched his fist at that. “My dad doesn’t normally forget me.”

“She might be fine.”

“She’s not fucking fine Ryan. You know that.” Michael spat out. “It’s just-” He broke off and shook his head. “I can’t help her right now. I can help Ray. So, is this happening?”

“Get Gavin too.” Ryan said. Michael smiled at that and nodded.

“I wasn’t going to suggest anything else.”

“How do I get in?”

“Can you pick a lock?” Michael asked, genuinely curious. Ryan turned to him with an astounded look on his face.

“Do you really think I’d teach myself how to do that?” The traffic started up again as Ryan spoke.

“This, coming from the guy that came apparently throw a knife into a wall from across the room.”

“That was just physics.” Ryan murmured. Michael scoffed.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“I’ve never broken the law before, you know.” Ryan said softly. Michael sighed.

“Look, Ry, this is dangerous stuff. You fuck this up and you don’t get to college. You don’t fuck this up and Ray gets better. You see how this is working? You gotta figure this out Ryan. I can help but I can’t do everything.”

“Yeah but-”

“Get the key off Ray. You won’t have to break in, you can just- walk in.” Michael shrugged, staring at Ryan. “I know this is a fucking stupid plan but we’ve got to do something.” Ryan nodded, wondering for a moment when Ryan and Michael had become RyanandMichael. When he had become a we.

“Okay. I can- I can do that.” Ryan nodded, biting his lip as he did. “But you have to distract him.”

“Now that,” Michael smiled. “That, I can do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry for J. I was having serious difficulty writing that part actually. But congrats to everyone who had already guessed it was Johnson! I'm sorry that I don't remember everyone who did but if it helps I was very worried at the time when I thought I was being very sneaky. (Then I told a friend and they were completely confused that Johnson even existed. Hopefully most people will be in between.)  
> Thanks for sticking with this story despite the month long gap. (My only excuse is Hamilton.)  
> See you next time.


	31. Dissociation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Dissociation  
> Separation of normally related mental processes, resulting in one group functioning independently from the rest, leading in extreme cases to disorders such as multiple personality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a heads up, basically every warning in the tags is going to come up in the next six chapters. Just take care.

Jack was worried. He spent a lot of his time like that, especially since he’d stopped returning Geoff’s calls. It wasn’t anything against the man per se but every time Jack saw him he was reminded of the cuts and scars that lined his legs.

Basically, whenever he saw Geoff, Jack felt like shit.

It was all too easy to jump onto Griffon’s bandwagon and just slip away, pretend that Geoff’s drinking was too much; that their friendship could be soiled by something so base. Sometimes Jack really hated he’d done that.

His legs reflected it, a multitude of small cuts interspersed by long gashes that wept blood for far longer than they should. He knew it wasn’t healthy, in much the same way that Geoff knew his drinking wasn’t.

Jack wasn’t prepared to give it up.

There was something hypnotic about the feeling of the razor slicing through skin, the way that it felt like the world had frozen. The wound would open, a line of pale skin, revealing even paler skin inside. Then there would be a few specks of blood along its length, almost invisible.

The next instant time would catch up, vengefully eating up seconds it had no right to. Blood would pour down his leg as he tried to staunch it somehow, to make sure he didn’t have to clean it up later.

And Christ, he didn’t know when it had got to the point that cleaning his blood off the carpet had been number one on his list of things to do.

But at the end of the day he knew why he was avoiding Geoff; so he wouldn’t have to talk about the scars he was adding to every day.

 

 

On his second day alcohol free Geoff woke and instantly threw up, across the empty bed. He crawled to the bathroom and emptied his already void stomach. He sat there, whimpering for a bit. He felt terrible, had for hours.

He raised a hand to grab for a piece of toilet paper to wipe his face but couldn’t get it, his hands were shaking so badly.

“Griffon.” He called out huskily. “Griffon!” Geoff wanted her there, wanted Jack, wanted anyone. He wanted someone to look after him. He wanted- his thought train was cut off as he suddenly remembered. She wasn’t there. She’d already left him.

He slumped back down, feeling a new wave of nausea explode from him into the bowl of the toilet. If this was what happened when he stopped drinking he wasn’t sure he could cope.

After a few minutes he dragged himself from the room and sat down, shakily on the couch. He was shivering and he could feel a thin sheen of sweat on his brow.

Geoff cursed, he knew the symptoms. He was going into withdrawal. He honestly had no idea he’d been drinking so much. Geoff curled into himself more, trying to conserve some body warmth. He should go into school, should try to be there to work out whatever the fuck was happening with Ryan.

A wave of shame washed over him at that; he knew that Ray was being fucked by a teacher and Geoff hadn’t done a thing about him. The shame gave him some semblance of strength and he rose and staggered over to the door. He didn’t make it, crashing into the ground after only a few steps.

Geoff felt his eyes closing and hoped, prayed, that when he woke up his mind would be clearer.

 

Michael walked into school smiling. Gavin caught sight of him and groaned. It wasn’t that he didn’t like it when his boi was happy, he did. But he was just so tired. He hadn’t slept the previous night, listening to his parents shouting. There seemed to be something in the air, some kind of heat that was growing by the second, as if it was about to explode.

“Gavin!” Michael yelled, running up to him. Gavin smiled back weakly. “Look, don’t ask me why but I kinda need to hold a Game Night tonight.”

“Tonight?” Gavin asked.

“Yeah. I was hoping Babs, Lindsay, Miles, Kerry, Ray and you. Kinda a lads’ thing, you know? And then also Babs and Linds.”

“Sounds good.” Gavin replied apathetically. Michael frowned. He really needed to sell this, really needed to make sure Ryan was in the clear for just one night.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing.” Gavin murmured. Michael scowled and turned him to face him.

“You’re upset.”

“I’m fine.” Gavin stated before turning to go. Michael caught his hand and pulled him back, a pleading expression on his face.

“Talk to me?”

Gavin sighed. “I’ll ask my parents, alright?”

“Okay.” Michael frowned as Gavin walked off before shrugging.               The teen knew he could talk to Michael if something was wrong. And maybe that was all Gavin needed to know; that someone would listen.

 

“Geoff?” Jack called out softly into the house. He stepped inside and sighed.

Jack could see that Geoff was barely living here. He walked into the kitchen and winced at the smell of booze that permeated everything. Next to the sink there were bottles and bottles of the stuff, all drained.

Jack felt his stomach clench as he thought how quickly Geoff would have got through them. Jack turned and spotted the stain on the wall, cursing. It didn’t look like it was coming out anytime soon. For a moment he wondered how Geoff had managed to get alcohol onto the wall before moving on. He had no idea what his friend was doing nowadays. There had been a time that Geoff wouldn’t have even considered alcohol, still linking it back to memories that hurt far too much.

But now- well, now he seemed to ingest it like a drowning man.

“Griffy?”

Jack turned as he heard a raspy voice from the bathroom. He stepped in cautiously and nearly lost his lunch because of the stench of vomit. It smelt like there was more vomit than Geoff left.

The man himself looked up at Jack weakly from beneath half closed lids. There was vomit caked around his mouth he hadn’t bothered to wipe off and his eyes were wet and ringed red from the vomiting.

His hands, clasped around his own waist, were shaking so badly that Jack could see it from where he stood. He looked terrible, face pasty and eyes hooded. Jack gulped and tried to calm the rage that rushed through him.

“What the hell Geoff?”

“There’s no alcohol.” Geoff slurred out, a smile across his face. That only served to infuriate Jack. How the hell was the boy _happy_ that he’d got through those bottles?

“When did you drink it all then?” Jack asked, anger barely hidden in his voice. Geoff looked up at him and smiled, that same bleary smile as if he was only half there.

“Didn’t drink it Jackie.”

“Of course you didn’t.” Jack ground out, grabbing a cup from the side and pouring some water into it. “Don’t call me Jackie.” He snapped, almost as an afterthought.

“But Jackie!” Geoff grinned and Jack scowled at him, anger still rising.

“Geoff, don’t you see that you’re ill? How is this healthy?”

“Haven’t had alcohol. That’s why.” As Geoff said this he leant against the toilet seat, energy nearly spent. He’d spent the day vomiting and attempting to drink some liquids. Nothing had helped. But now Jack was here. Geoff smiled at that thought but it stuttered in the face of Jack’s thunderous rage.

“You haven’t had any alcohol? Don’t bullshit me Geoff! You’re going to kill yourself! Jesus Christ.” Jack pulled a hand down his head, still staring at Geoff.

“No, it’ll pass.” Geoff mumbled, eyes beginning to close. He wanted to sleep so badly, just sleep through this hellish transition.

“No it won’t Geoff! It won’t just pass! This is your _life_ we’re talking about here! You’re going to die and I’m going to have to clean it up!”

Geoff narrowed his eyes at that, having to crack one open to do it.

“Clean it up? That’s what you’re worried about? You think I’m going to die and you’re worried about the clean up?” Geoff spat into the bowl as he finished speaking, it looked more vomit than saliva.

“Well someone has to! It’s not like you have anyone else!” Jack yelled. He knew the instant he’d said it that it was the wrong thing to say. Geoff had frozen, head still over the bowl of the toilet. He turned slowly back to Jack, a mix of hurt and anger on his face.

“What did you say?”

Jack should have backed down, he knew that. He should have said it was nothing, that he was just stressed and tired and worried. After all, he was. But he was also angry. He was angry at Geoff, at Griffon, at Geoff’s parents and at the world itself.

“I said you don’t have anyone else who gives a damn! Your parents don’t! You don’t have any family left to put up with you! You ignored every one of your friends and expected them to just be there! You managed to chase Griffon off! She’s loved you for years and you chased her away!” With every word the pain on Geoff’s face slipped away and was simply replaced with tiredness. That, more than anything, pissed Jack off.

Geoff was tired. Geoff was _tired_? He lived his life in a haze, the pain of past grievances hidden by alcohol. If he could get his hands on something stronger Jack knew he would. Geoff wasn’t allowed to be tired of the world, he barely existed in it!

“It’s always been me and you! You screw up and I clean it up! You can’t do your homework? Copy mine! You don’t have lunch? Eat mine! Your parents kicked you out? Live with me! Guess what Geoff! I’m fucking sick of it! Clean up your own damn mess!”

With that Jack turned on his heel and strode from the room. He needed to get back to school, morning lessons were nearly over. As he left he tried to ignore the guilt in his stomach that threatened to overwhelm him. It was Geoff’s fault, just like it had always been.

Jack had cleaned up after him so often. He’d stood by him while Geoff refused to leave his parents. Jack had stood by him when Geoff ran away, trying to protect himself. Jack had even stood by Geoff when he turned to the bottle.

But this was a step too far.

 

Once more, Miles felt like something was going on that he was not privy to. Michael and Ryan had been talking to each other all day, muttering quietly as if they were hiding something. Geoff was nowhere to be seen and Jack, when he finally turned up, was angrier than Miles had ever seen him.

Jack kept on fiddling with his pen, gripping it so hard Miles was worried for it before relaxing his grip and just staring down at whatever he was working on. A few moments later he’d stare off into nothing and start to squeeze the pen again, as if he wanted to break it.

Miles glanced around for a moment before shuffling over to him.

“Jack, are you okay?” Miles asked. Jack frowned for a moment before nodding.

“I’m fine.”

“Uh, okay. D-do you know where Geoff is?” At the other teen’s name the pen in Jack’s hand broke.

“Fuck!” Jack spat out, throwing it down. Miles stared at him in surprise. Jack wasn’t one to swear. But then again, he wasn’t normally one to break pens.

“Jack?”

“I’m fine.” Jack grunted, sounding anything but. He sighed at the ink that was now dribbling across his clothes. “Fucking hell!” He spat out and shook his head. Miles watched him leave in confusion. After a few moments Michael came and sat down, staring at the ink that covered part of the table.

“The fuck happened here?”

“Jack.” Michael frowned at that but decided to not push it any further.

“Look Miles, you need to come over to mine tonight, okay?”

“What?” Miles asked, confused. Michael sighed.

“It’s fucking complicated but I need you.”

“What is it?”

“Game Night.”

“Wh-”

“Will you fucking come or not?” Michael snapped. Miles nodded and Michael smiled tersely back. “Thanks.” As Michael spoke Ryan sat down next to him. Miles stared at him in confusion. For the first time in months Ryan looked almost calm. He glanced at Michael who nodded back at him.

“What’s going on?” Miles asked, glancing at them. They glanced at each other before Ryan started to speak.

“We’re trying to help Ray.” Ryan smiled as he spoke, a nervous energy seeming to run through the boy.

“And you need a Game Night for that?” Miles asked in confusion. Ryan nodded.

“It’s complicated and-”

“Ryan.” Michael interrupted Ryan, nudging the older teen. Both of them looked up to see Ray entering the room. Ryan glanced at Michael, who nodded, before rising.

Ryan strode up to Ray who was tapping his hand against his leg absent mindedly. He was staring off into nothing and when Ryan nudged him he jumped out of his skin. He whirled around to see Ryan and relaxed.

“What do you want?” he asked guardedly. They hadn’t really been getting along very well since the whole ‘J is actually a teacher and we’ve been fucking in school and you’ve nearly walked in on us several times.’ Understandable, really.

“I just-” Ryan broke off and shook his head. He couldn’t stray off topic. “I can see the bruises Ray! For God’s sake, can’t you just understand what he’s doing?”

“Fuck off Ryan.” Ray spat. Ryan stared at him for a long moment before he grabbed Ray’s collar and pulled him back out of the cafeteria before shoving him into the wall, pinning him there. Ray stared up at him in fear and Ryan leant forwards needing only one hand to pin Ray against the wall.

“Is this what he does?” Ryan hissed. “Holds you and hurts you? Don’t try to bullshit me Ray.”

“Get off me.” Ray’s voice wavered slightly and Ryan tightened his grip.

“Does he?”

“No. Get the fuck off me.” Ray couldn’t help as his heart began to pound in his chest, trying frantically to free himself from Ryan’s grip. Because no matter how much he hated it the teen was right. But it was different. Whenever J was rough he’d apologise afterwards. Ryan just didn’t understand that.

Ryan regarded the teenager for a long moment before nodding and releasing him. Ray stared at him as if he was insane.

“The fuck was that?”

“Was I right?”

“No!”

“Ray I just- you asked me to trust you but I don’t think I can! Just- he’s not a good person. He’s not who you think. Trust me.” Ryan paused as he saw Ray’s face. “You do trust me, don’t you?”

The bell rang before Ray could answer. He didn’t know what he’d say.

“I need to go.” He mumbled before all but running off. Ryan stared after him and sighed. Michael and Miles walked out of the room and Ryan turned back to them and smiled weakly. Ryan opened his hand, proffering it towards the other two teens.

“Bingo.”

There, in the centre of his palm, lay Ray’s keyring.

 

By the time school was over Jack felt terrible, he should never have yelled at Geoff, should never have said those things. They both knew what a soft spot his parents were to Geoff.

Geoff hated his family on some level but he still loved them. That was the worst of it.

If he hated his family for what they’d done he could move on. If he loved them enough to get over what they’d done then he could love them. But he both loved and hated them, forever pushing them away and wishing they hadn’t made him push them.

It had caused so much heartbreak over the years that Jack was amazed that Goff’s heart could snap again. But he’d seen it.

As he left he’d seen the heartbreak searing through the man as his oldest, and at some points only, friend walked out on him, leaving him to clean up his own mess.

But anger still burned in Jack’s gut and the two conflicting emotions fought throughout the evening. By the time the sun had set he knew he’d done the wrong thing. A final spark of spite pushed in into bed, he’d let Geoff stew overnight.

It couldn’t leave his mind as he lay there, staring at the ceiling. The spark of spite in his chest stopped him from trying to contact Geoff but it didn’t stop him from worrying. Anytime he thought about it he just reminded himself that the boy wouldn’t even be conscious, probably drinking himself into an even deeper slumber.

But once more as the moonlight spilled into the room it found Jack on the ground, razor in hand and leg bloodied. Jack let his head fall, thick ugly tears trickling down.

How could he blame Geoff when he did something like _this_? Even if Geoff was hurting himself he wasn’t doing this, wasn’t dragging metal across his body for no good reason.

Maybe there’d once been a reason, maybe there’d been a trigger for the whole thing. Jack vaguely remembered a want to be better; to be slimmer, to be stronger, to be brave like Geoff.

Another rip split his skin, scarlet blood dribbling from it.

Geoff had fought for every single thing in his life. He’d fought for food, fought for his right to friendships, he’d fought to keep them safe, he’d fought for his right to speak and he’d even fought for his own life. He’d come so close to dying once upon a time but he’d fought against it.

Jack had fought for nothing. He deserved to get the same amount.

Jack couldn’t help it as his eyes strayed over to his desk, to the drawer he’d promised himself he’d never open. He’d never go that far. He wanted to see the next day.

He probably did anyway.

He knew he used to.

 

When Gavin got home he prepared himself to crawl upstairs and collapse into bed. It was exhausting pretending to be happy constantly. Even more exhausting was trying to pretend it didn’t get on his nerves.

He was high strung and could feel the headache he’d had throughout the day forming again in the back of his head. But when he stepped into his house he was immediately met by both his mother and father.

“Lucy,” His mother started as if trying to calm her child. Gavin glanced at both of them warily. “Go and have a shower now and get changed. We’re leaving in an hour.”

“Where?” Gavin asked. His father frowned but his mother just placed a calming hand on her husband’s arm.

“Go get changed dearie.”

Gavin frowned before sighing and nodding. He didn’t have the energy to argue. It seemed to get harder every day to stand up to them, to tell them no. So often now he just wanted to collapse into nothing and just stay there.

As Gavin stood under the shower head he couldn’t stop his eyes from sliding shut. He could barely think after having a day full of Michael and he just wanted a break. Hopefully wherever they were going would be boring enough to send him to sleep.

But then again that might just mean his parents would have an excuse to hit him. Not that they needed one anymore.

“Lucy! Hurry up!”

Gavin jumped at the noise outside the door and let out an undignified squawk. He quickly grabbed the shampoo and tried to figure out how long he’d been in the shower. From the freezing water crashing against his back he figured it had been a while.

When he stepped outside his mother was stood there, waiting for him.

“Took you long enough. Your clothes are on your bed. I expect you to drop the,” She gestured at Gavin and he knew instantly what she was about to say. “Nonsense tonight. I want to impress these people with my daughter.”

Gavin nodded numbly, not bothering to ask who it was. He trudged into his room and groaned as he saw the dress. It was very similar to the one Miles had been wearing, all that time ago. But this one wasn’t red, it was silvery top half and black for the skirt.

He stared at it for a long moment before he just sat down on the floor. This wasn’t what he needed. He felt like everything was just too much. Michael was infuriating, with his perfect family which was everything Gavin wanted. He knew, deep down, he was just jealous but he didn’t care.

The feeling in the pit of Gavin’s stomach hadn’t gone away. He felt like something was happening but he didn’t know what it was. The feeling on its own nearly made him want to cry, he just didn’t know what to do to stop it.

As he heard his mother walk up the stairs he rubbed his eyes, determined not to cry, as he walked to his chest of drawers. He pulled out a pair of tights, one of the few that didn’t have any ladders in it, and pulled it on. Next came the dress itself.

There wasn’t much he could do to make it less, well less feminine. He had to leave the binder in the bottom of his school bag, trying to hold back the tears as he placed it down, making sure to fold it carefully.

As Gavin left the room he caught sight of himself in the mirror and froze. He looked like a girl. There was no other way to see him. His hair was too long, his face too soft. His chest extended where it shouldn’t as did his hips. The dress highlighted it but all Gavin could think was that it was just highlighting it.

The dress didn’t make him look like that, didn’t make him look like a girl.

That was just him.

Gavin couldn’t help the tears running down his cheeks. He gulped in a breath of air before ripping the dress off him and throwing it the length of his room. He grabbed his shirt and pulled it on, trying to ignore how badly his hands were shaking as he stared at the mirror.

Getting rid of the dress didn’t help, not really.

Because now Gavin could see it all over again, where his body was just wrong, the lines that should have belonged to another person, that had never belonged to him.

He knew that his breath was coming too quickly but he didn’t care as he curled in on himself, hunching down until he could pretend he was invisible, until he could pretend his body would play along.

 

Geoff stared after Jack for a long time. He’d been right. Jack had been following Geoff for years, helping him back up when he’d failed. And goddamn, Geoff had failed a lot.

Maybe it had started with his parents, maybe it had started when he’d born. That’s what his parents had said, had shouted. Maybe it was learned, maybe it was born or maybe it had been beaten into him. He had no idea.

All he knew was that he was fucked up.

Jack deserved a friend who didn’t need to be looked after. He deserved a friend who would stand beside him, not fall behind.

Gavin deserved someone who would stand up for him, someone who would go and report what was happening. Even if Geoff wasn’t strong enough to do that he should have told Gavin his own story, given him some hope to cling to.

Ray deserved better, hell they all did. They _all_ deserved better than him.

Griffon deserved better than him, she deserved the stars on a platter and he was so far in the gutter he couldn’t even see them.

With that thought the rest of Geoff’s stomach exploded into the toilet and he whimpered.

They deserved better.

 

Ryan stood outside Johnson’s door, shifting nervously from foot to foot. This was ridiculous. He had no idea what was about to happen. He had no idea what he was about to do.

It _was_ ridiculous, wasn’t it? He could just leave. Ryan bit his lip, trying to decide if this was the worst mistake he could make.

He could still feel Johnson’s eyes on him, could still almost see the man. The man creeped Ryan out. Thinking back, maybe it wasn’t just to do with Ray, they’d been arguing all year after all.

Ryan stood there for another minute, worried. He didn’t want to do this. He wanted to go home and crawl under the blankets, pretend that everything was fine.

However he pushed that thought from his mind. He was just worried. The deep feeling in the pit of his stomach wasn’t actually prophetic, much more pathetic.

Anyway, he wasn’t doing this for him. He was doing this for Ray.

A change had come over Ray. He still talked about J as if he was the stars and the moon but he did it differently. He said it while absentmindedly rubbing his wrists.

Ryan had seen the black bruises covering his wrists, as if someone had forcibly held him down. He’d seen similar ones around his neck but a lot more faded. He’d seen Ray wearing scarves almost constantly some days and when Ray occasionally took them off Ryan saw hickeys marking the boy as if he was owned.

But it didn’t stop Ray from talking about J like that, singing his praises to anyone who would listen. He’d been spending less and less time around the gang and Ryan would bet that he spent it with J, adding more bruises to his body.

If Ryan did this, got over his stupid worry then Ray would be safe, would never have those bruises marking him again. Ryan could protect Ray but only if he could get over himself.

Ray was hurt.

Ryan could help.

He was slipping the key in before he knew it.

The door was opening before he was ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time.


	32. Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Mistake  
> An act or judgement that is misguided or wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Technical difficulties music* My internet died last night which is why this one is late. The one that should have been out today will hopefully be out in the next hour (ish)?  
> Also, am I the only one who can't hear that technical difficulties music without thinking back to Vloggers?

Gavin barely heard the door open, just saw his mother standing above him. She sighed and shook her head.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Ca-can’t wear the dr-dress.” Gavin gasped out. She sighed before sitting down next to him.

“Your dad wants you to meet these people Lucy. He thinks it will help you.”

“N-not Lucy.”

“Come on, dear.” His mother stood and walked over to Gavin’s wardrobe. She then rifled through it before pulling out a skirt. Gavin stared at it before shaking his head but his mother just frowned at him sternly. “Wear it Lucy.”

“Bu-”

“Put it on.” His mother said, with a finality. Gavin slowly pulled it on as his breathing began to slow again.

“Where are we going mum?” He asked softly. His mother sighed.

“We’re going to help you.”

“I don’t want help.”

“You need it.”

“Why? Because I’m a- a freak?” Gavin spat the word out and his mother shook her head.

“Lucy-”

“You used to say you loved me no matter what. Please just-”

“Stop.” His mother commanded. “Get dressed. Look pretty and behave like a normal girl for once.”

“I’m not!” Gavin shot back.

“Then bloody pretend!” His mother snapped. “For one night pretend you’re not- not a-”

“Not what?” Gavin asked, challenging her. She shook her head.

“A mistake.”

 

The Game Night was too quiet without the Gents, Kerry decided. There was no Geoff squealing (and yeah, they’d decided that it most definitely was squealing), there was no Jack yelling at them or Ryan being creepy.

Instead it was Michael being shifty, checking his watch, Barb and Linds clicking away at the X-box, Ray scrambling through his bag and Gavin nowhere to be seen, a silent house reminding them of how many people hadn’t turned up.

“Where’s your mom?” Kerry asked Michael.

“Huh?” Michael looked up, frowning.

“Where’s your parents?”

“Oh. My mom’s back in hospital.”

“Oh, shit. Sorry.” Kerry shifted and Michael shrugged.

“It’s not that bad this time.” Michael sighed and looked away. Lindsay watched him sadly. In another world, one where neither of them were quite so gay, she could have loved him as much more than a friend.

“Will she be okay?” Lindsay asked softly. Michael nodded.

“Yeah. She- she just got confused and scared yesterday after school.”

“You should have told us.”

“Yeah. I was just kinda busy.”

Next to Michael Ray sighed and tugged out his phone. Michael noticed after a long moment.

“Who you texting?”

“J.” Ray murmured, staring into his bag. “Fuck.”

“What is it?” Miles asked nervously.

“Can’t find my keys.” Ray stared down at his bag again, missing the wide eyed stare Michael received from Miles.

“Bu-” Miles started, before letting out a yell of pain. He fell back against the sofa, surprised to see a cushion now lying in his lap. Every eye in the room turned to Michael. The teen just looked around, wide eyed and innocent.

“What?”

 

Ryan let himself into the house, making sure he was silent. He raised his phone in his hand shakily, the torch shining across the room. He half expected it to be scary, full of something that would indicate just what kind of person Johnson was. Maybe hooks.

But instead it was just- normal.

The door opened into a small corridor with several doors leading off it. Ryan stepped forwards silently and pushed one of them open. The door opened slowly to reveal a sitting room, the furniture all looking run down and worn. Ryan frowned. He felt like there should be something more.

He slipped back into the hall and then glanced into the other three doors. One of them was a kitchen, sink full of dishes obviously still waiting for their owner. The dining room table was covered with junk, papers covering it and overflowing onto the floor. Ryan glanced over some of the papers and scoffed.

They were from the school. Books for marking, half designed worksheets, tests half way through being graded. It looked too normal.

Ryan whipped around at a noise from behind him. He felt his heart begin to race as he heard a car pulling up to the drive. He began to curse under his breath as he crouched, trying to see the front door. As his heart continued to race he gripped his phone, trying to stop the shudders running through his hands.

**To: Mogar**

**What do I do if he comes back?**

Ryan glanced around before rising and shuffling over to the living room which had had a perfect view of the driveway. His heart pounded as he pulled the curtains aside to see a car parking across the street.

It was only when a woman stepped out, chatting eagerly on her phone, that Ryan’s heart began to calm. Ryan shook himself and stood, turning to look at the rest of the room. Behind him he didn’t notice the woman pausing, staring at him before hanging up her call and making a very different one. What Ryan did notice was his phone buzzing in his pocket.

**From: Mogar**

**You can’t get caught Ry. Run.**

**To: Mogar**

**False alarm. Can’t see anything down here. Going upstairs.**

**From: Mogar**

**Be careful.**

**To: Mogar**

**Always am :-)**

**From: Mogar**

**Don’t leave the nose in. It looks fucking weird.**

**To: Mogar**

**:-(**

Ray searched through his bag one more time before giving up.

“Fuck.” He murmured, glancing around the room as Miles tried to throw the pillow in his hand at Michael and Michael threw cushion after cushion at the other teen. “I’ve gotta go.”

“What?” Michael asked in confusion. Ray sighed and shook his head.

“I- I lost my keys Michael!” He shouted out. “I can’t go back without them! I need to- to find them! They-” Ray glanced around and shook his head as his breath picked up.

“Whoa.” Barbara stood and clasped Ray’s arms. Ray jumped as she touched him and she instantly released him, frowning at him. “Ray.”

“I-I’m fine.” Ray mumbled. “I go-gotta go. I c-can-” Ray closed his eyes and sat back down, trying to take in deeper breaths as he thought about just what J would do if he found out- “Oh God.” Ray whimpered. Michael stared at him in horror as the younger boy’s breath picked up again and he struggled to get a breath of air.

“Ray! Ray!” Barbara snapped, crouching down to Ray’s face. The boy stared at her as she began to breathe deeply. “Follow me, okay? Just, breathe.” Ray nodded jerkily and sucked in a breath, then another one. After several long moments his breathing began to even out and he nodded.

“What the hell’s going on?” Kerry asked.

“L-lost my keys.” Ray gasped out. “J won’t-” At the man’s name Michael’s face turned thunderous and he turned away from Ray, whipping out his phone.

**To: Mad King**

**Fucking nail this guy Ryan. I don’t care what it takes.**

**From: Mad King**

**He’s not getting away with this Michael. It’ll be fine.**

**To: Mad King**

**Ray’s upset. You need to fuck Johnson up.**

Staring at Ray, Michael had a feeling that it wasn’t going to be okay.

After what felt like hours Ray was finally in some state to go home. There was no talk about keeping him there, he had to calm down and social situations had never been his forte.

“I’ll take him home.” Barbara said, placing a calming hand on Michael’s arm. “He’ll be okay.”

“Yeah.” Michael grunted, staring at his phone in confusion. Ryan hadn’t responded in a while and he was beginning to get worried. “Are you coming back here after?”

“Uh yeah. I promised my parents I wouldn’t spend any more nights with Linds. You guys _and_ Linds though-” She shrugged and Michael smiled. “Hey, isn’t Gav meant to be here?”

“Yeah. Can we swing by his house? He hasn’t been responding to my texts.”

“The world’s not about to end because one of your friends doesn’t answer your texts.”

“I know.”

“Get in the car.” Barbara smiled and they walked outside. Ray followed behind, almost meekly. He said nothing as the car pulled out, just glancing at his phone every so often.

**To: J**

**I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.**

**From: J**

**What the fuck were you doing R?**

**From: J**

**Are you too fucking stupid to even try to fix it?**

**To: J**

**I’m sorry.**

**From: J**

**I know. Just don’t talk to me.**

**To: J**

**J, please. I didn’t mean to.**

**From: J**

**Shut up R. I need to deal with your mess**

**To: J**

**Deal with it?**

“Who you texting?” Michael asked. Ray jumped at the question before looking up.

“J.”

“Oh.” Michael responded, face suddenly dropping. “What’s he saying?”

“Nothing much.” Ray shrugged as he twirled the phone in his hand. Michael frowned at him, not believing him for a moment. “Look, I’m sorry for ruining the party.”

“It’s fine. Just-” Michael paused as the car pulled up outside Ray’s house. Michael went to say something but then seemed to decide against it. “Just be careful.”

“Thanks for giving me a lift.” Ray climbed out of the car. “You’ll be on X-box Live?”

“Yep.”

“Gavin’s now?” Barbara asked. Michael nodded, pulling out his phone to text his boyfriend, pushing the worries about Ray and Ryan from his mind as he did.

 

Gavin had been hoping that he’d have a good day when he’d woken up. He’d hoped that he could have one good day among the shitty ones that had been thrown at him for the past few months. But it seemed that, once more, life wanted to fuck him up.

His father had come into the room, had seen Gavin sobbing and his mother trying to get him to stop. The man had, for some reason, thought that the best medication would be to yell, to grab Gavin and scream at him.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang and Gavin’s father released him, letting him stagger backwards. All three of them turned to the door in confusion. Gavin’s father snorted and waved his hand, indicating that Gavin should get it. Gavin slowly climbed to his feet, making sure not to put any pressure on his arm. The docs had warned that anything might re-break it and while Gavin didn’t have much hope that his father wouldn’t hit it he still retained a bit of hope.

Gavin limped forwards and then took a deep breath, forcing himself upright as he walked to the door. His mother was behind him as he opened it. He had just enough time to see a mass of ginger curls before he was engulfed in a hug, someone pinning him. Gavin gasped in surprise but relaxed as Michael pulled back.

Michael had indeed pushed aside the thoughts of Ray and Ryan, now thinking only of his boyfriend and the lightness that seemed to infect his chest when he thought of him.

“Hey Gav.” Michael murmured quietly, having not yet noticed the adult in the room. “Good to see you.” He was smiling widely as he kissed Gavin lightly on his cheek. Gavin smiled at him before shaking him off, glancing back at his mother. Suddenly Michael saw her. “Oh fuck.” He murmured. “Hey.” Michael held out his hand and Gavin’s mother took it.

“Who is this Lucy?” At that name Michael’s face dropped and Gavin cringed backwards.

“This is my boyfriend.” Gavin murmured. At his words his mother’s face lit up.

“It’s so good to meet you.” She smiled but Michael didn’t respond similarly. Any happiness Michael had brought had now vanished. At any other time Gavin would have been delighted, seeing just how much one little name meant to his boyfriend. But this was not the time. His father was still upstairs and Gavin had no idea what his stopping point would be. Or if he even had one if Michael said the wrong thing.

“Likewise.” Michael grunted, glaring at Gavin’s mother. The woman frowned before turning to Gavin.

“What’s his name honey?”

“Michael.” Michael said, not letting Gavin get a word in. “My name’s Michael. Gavin,” He stressed the name, still glaring at Gavin’s mother. “Babs is outside in her car, is your stuff for tonight still upstairs?” As he spoke Michael went to walk up the stairs but Gavin grabbed his arm.

“Michael-” Gavin broke off, glancing around. His mother was now glaring openly at Michael and the lad was glaring right back. “Michael, let’s just go.” Gavin tugged on his boyfriend’s jacket but Michael stood his ground.

“You need stuff if you’re staying overnight.”

“Lucy you are _not_ going to your room with a boy.” Gavin’s mother stated. At her words Michael seemed to grow with his indignation, seeming to take up more space as his anger swelled.

“Mum, I’m not going to have sex or anything.” Gavin murmured.

“Lucy, I don’t even know what’s going on with you anymore.” Gavin’s mother sighed before turning back to Michael. “How did you meet my daughter Michael?” Gavin sighed at that word and Michael just seemed to get angrier, if that was still possible.

“I met _Gavin,_ ” Michael stressed the name, glancing at his boyfriend as if that would make the situation better in some way. “In school. We started dating just before Christmas.”

“Well, Lucy didn’t mention that to me.” Gavin’s mother frowned at Gavin who avoided her eyes. “I’m sorry. My daughter’s going through some troubling times. It’s nice to see her with normal people.”

“Normal people?” Michael asked. Gavin’s mother smiled, a thin smile that did nothing to comfort either of the teenagers.

“Back in England Lucy started getting involved with-” She looked up, trying to find the right words. “Freaks on the internet. They filled her head with nonsense and-”

“Mum,” Gavin said quietly. “Can we not?” Michael looked at him in confusion at that, at how small the Brit looked in the face of his parent’s bigotry.

“Go grab your stuff Lucy. I see that you don’t want to come to see these people. Your father won’t be happy but-.” Michael frowned again at the almost fear that came into Gavin’s eyes. Gavin opened his mouth as if to say something before stopping and moving up the stairs slowly. Michael watched him go before turning back to the Brit’s mother.

“Why do you talk about him like that?”

“Michael, you seem like a lovely boy but my daughter is confused.” The woman sighed and shook her head, as if she was talking about Gavin messing up the names of his classmates.

“What do you mean?” Michael’s fists were clenched at his side as he spoke.

“Those people on the internet, they started filling her head with all these stupid ideas. She’s a good kid. She really is.”

“Just confused?” Michael said between bared teeth. The woman smiled and nodded.

“Those people-”

“You called them freaks earlier.” Michael interjected. “Why?”

“Well,” The woman sighed. “They were. They had convinced themselves that they were normal. It was- it was horrifying.”

“And how did they do that?” Michael growled out. The woman sighed again and shook her head.

“They were confused and they made things up to cope with it. They gave themselves titles, they tried to normalise it and every day I see more and more people.”

“What kind of titles?” Michael asked, trying his hardest to keep his voice even.

“Transgender.” The woman half murmured, as if embarrassed. “And it got Lucy all confused. But I’m glad you’re here now.” Michael didn’t even respond to that, trying his hardest to tamp down the anger deep within him. “A nice straight boy. You’ll show her won’t you?”

“No.” Michael spat out, taking a moment to enjoy the confusion on the woman’s face. “I won’t fucking show Gavin a single fucking thing! There’s nothing I need to show him about being normal!” By the end of the sentence he was yelling. He’d tried so hard to protect his boyfriend from the bullies at school and somehow he’d forgotten these people, these people who were hurting Gavin in a completely different way (or so he thought) but just as damaging, if not worse way.

“What-”

“I am not going to take another fucking minute of this! Your son is not fucking confused! He’s not fucking sick! He’s not a fucking freak! You’re the freak! Gavin is-” Michael paused, noticing a man standing at the base of the stairs that Gavin had vanished up. “Gavin is my boyfriend! Got that? He’s not a fucking girl!”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” The man interjected, striding forwards. Michael could smell alcohol on him and scoffed. He’d known Gavin’s living situation was less than perfect but he’d never thought it was this bad.

“I know my boyfriend.” Michael stared at the man in front of him. The man stared back. Gavin was frozen in the doorway. If Michael left, if Michael just walked away or apologised then it might be fine.

“You don’t know shit.” Gavin’s father sneered out. At that Michael’s face morphed into a smirk and he snorted in disbelief.

“I know that he loves me and I love him. I know that he’s terrified of you finding out and I know he shouldn’t be! I know that Gavin is normal and healthy and good and not a fucking freak or an abomination. I know he’s so fucking scared every day because of your shitty parenting and I know he deserves so much better than you fucking backwards ass thinking shit heads for parents!”

There was silence for a moment as the words sunk in. Michael still stood there, not doubting his words for a moment while Gavin slowly felt himself wilt. Gavin’s mother was staring at the American in shock while Gavin’s father was just staring at him in anger.

“What the fuck did you just call me?” The man growled out, moving forwards and boxing Michael into a corner. Gavin felt fear leap into his throat as he saw Michael wasn’t going to back down, not from this.

“I called you,” Michael spat out, “a fucking backward ass thinking shit head. Do you want me to write it down or are you illiterate as well as a fucking idiot?”

Michael didn’t even see the first hit, he just knew he was on the floor. When he’d registered it he roared and leapt to his feet, lashing out at Gavin’s father. The man roared back as Michael punched him in the gut. That was the only hit Michael got in before Gavin’s father grabbed his head, smashing it against the wall.

Michael’s vision swum as he felt another punch land but he still see Gavin as he ran forwards.

The Brit ran forwards from the shadows, shoving his father backwards. The man roared and backhanded him. Gavin didn’t cry out, just stood his ground for the first time in months.

“Stop!” Gavin yelled, his voice quivering. “Stop it!”

“I’ll stop when this piece of shit apologises!” Gavin’s father yelled. Gavin stared at him then back down at Michael who was still not focusing.

“Dad, please.” Gavin’s voice still wasn’t strong, still wasn’t what he wanted it to be but it was enough for now. His father dropped his hand and glared down at Michael.

“You have some fucking explaining to do Lucy.” Gavin let out a yelp but Michael’s head had fallen to the side, not seeing as Gavin was backhanded again. His father grabbed Gavin and drew him in close, making sure no-one else heard what he was about to say. “If I see that freak again I’ll fucking execute him. Get him the hell out of here.” Gavin whimpered and nodded, scrambling backwards. He grabbed Michael and hauled him up before scrambling to the door.

When he was out he stared down at Michael in horror. The boy was staring at him in confusion.

“Did he hit you?” Michael asked. Gavin froze, staring down at him.

“N-no. I-” Gavin shook his head and backed away. Michael stood shakily and cocked his head.

“What’s going on?”

“No.” Gavin whimpered out, shaking his head. He couldn’t deal with this. He couldn’t deal with seeing his boyfriend hurt because of him. He didn’t care what Michael had said, his parents were right. Gavin was a freak, an abomination. He didn’t deserve Michael. Couldn’t even begin to deserve Michael. “I’m sorry.” Gavin whimpered out before turning and running, leaving his boyfriend staggering after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time.


	33. Shatter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Shatter  
> Break or cause to break suddenly and violently into pieces.

****

A phone buzzed quietly in the background. Johnson looked down and sighed. It was probably Ray. Again.

Now the boy was calling rather than just texting, wanting the man to mollify him.

“What do you want?” Johnson snapped.

“Oh,” A female voice replied. “Sorry, is this a bad time?”

“Sorry, who is this?”

“Peggy, from across the road.”

“Oh, this is Joseph. I wasn’t expecting you to call. Is there a problem?”

“I know you’ve been doing tutoring sessions with some of the boys from the local school but,” Johnson tensed as she spoke, wondering just what the woman was about to say. “I think one of them might be in there now.”

“Now?” Johnson asked, confused.

“Yes. I-I’m sure that there was someone in there. Do you want me to call the police?”

“No!” Johnson replied, cursing himself as he did. Too quickly, too loudly.

“Oh.”

“I mean,” He amended. “That it’ll just be one of them. He probably left something behind.”

“Should I talk to him?” The woman asked, incredibly unsure. Johnson frowned before responding.

“Did you see what they looked like?”

“Yes, he looked about seventeen or eighteen, light brown hair, broad shouldered. Uh-”

“Light brown hair?” Johnson clarified.

“Yes.”

“I’ll come back and talk to him. Thank you.”

As he strode outside his thoughts turned back to his house, the house he had thought empty. A seventeen or eighteen year old, broad shouldered, light brown hair. A boy who had the audacity of breaking into his house.

Ryan Haywood.

Johnson smiled. The boy wasn’t getting away with it this time.

 

 

Geoff began to feel better about an hour after Jack left, having had the last of the alcohol leave his system. He felt shaky and nauseous but his hands had stopped shuddering so much and he managed to keep down a bit of food.

He tried to fall asleep on the sofa, gaining any rest he could. He still hadn’t cleaned up the sheets in the bedroom and he hated to think what state they’d be in now.

Geoff managed to sleep for a few hours until he heard a knock on the door. He groaned and pulled himself to his feet, opening the door to see Gavin in front of him. Suddenly Geoff was on edge.

Gavin didn’t have tears streaking down his face but his eyes were empty, as if he’d just seen too much. He was wearing a skirt that was looking a lot worse for wear and he was clutching his phone. His phone, Geoff noticed, which was still buzzing.

“Gav?” Geoff rasped out, throat raw from vomiting. Gavin squinted at him for a second before sighing.

“You’re drunk aren’t you?”

“Why the dicks does everyone assume that? Get your ass inside.” Geoff said, irritably. Gavin didn’t point out that everyone said it because it was true. That made Geoff all the more worried about the lad’s state.

“You want some clothes?” Geoff asked, taking in the boy’s current clothes. Gavin nodded and Geoff grabbed a pair of pants before guiding Gavin towards the bathroom.

When Gavin got out to the living room he collapsed onto one of the sofas, head in his hands.

“Gavvy, what happened?” Geoff asked, voice still scratchy. Gavin squinted up at him tiredly.

“M-my parents-” Gavin whispered. “Michael told them.”

“He what?!” Geoff yelled. Gavin didn’t react, didn’t flinch or even look at the man as he shouted. Gavin just stayed sat down, staring at his own hands.

“My-my parents know about Michael Geoff. H-he yelled at them. They- they’re going to kick me out.”

Geoff breathed out a sigh of relief at that. When it had been him it was different. He hadn’t been transgender, hadn’t defied them in the ways Gavin had. He’d been younger. Gavin could survive being kicked out.

“Good.” Geoff said, not noticing how Gavin’s face dropped. “Their loss.”

“No, it’s my loss! I can’t just walk out now! Are you insane?” The change that had come over the Brit was instantaneous and almost scary. Geoff blinked at him and shrugged nonchalantly.

“It’s what I did.”

“Yeah right.” Gavin sneered. “You live without any responsibilities, must be really tough for you Geoff!”

“Hey! It wasn’t like that Gavin!” Geoff rounded on the Brit who just glared defiantly back.

“Really? Tell me what it was like then! Did you get hit every night because you weren’t enough? Did you ever get your things burned because you weren’t good enough? Did your mother ever watch as your father beat the ever-living shit out of you and just tell him to hit where it can’t show?” Gavin yelled, getting right into Geoff’s face.

Geoff just stared back, meeting the younger boy’s eyes easily.

“Yes.”

“Bullshit! Don’t try to bloody console me! You don’t have a fucking clue what it’s like!”

“Who the fuck told you that?” Geoff roared, patience long gone. He was pissed and so was Gavin.

“Oh please! You spend the day drinking! Do you do a single other fucking thing?”

“Not this again!”

“ _Can_ you do anything Geoff? Can you do a single thing other than drink your life away?”

Geoff growled and shoved Gavin backwards before yelling.

“At least I have the fucking balls to stand up for myself!”

“What the toss is that meant to mean?” Gavin screamed, shoving Geoff back.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You don’t do a fucking thing! You let your parents walk over you!” Geoff shoved Gavin backwards into the wall and the Brit began to snarl. “You just leave Michael and me to deal with it all!”

“Oh what, and you letting Griffon pick up your pieces is fine?” Gavin retorted, shoving Geoff back. Geoff pushed him back against the wall, forcibly restraining him, barely noticing as he did.

“You don’t know a goddamned thing about that!”

“I know you don’t give a fuck about her!”

That was the breaking point for Geoff. The idea that he didn’t care for Griffon was the breaking point He wasn’t even thinking as he crashed his fist into Gavin’s face. Gavin’s head smacked against the wall and Geoff stepped back in horror, letting the younger boy collapse to the floor.

“Jesus Gav- I’m so sor-”

Geoff was cut off as Gavin roared and punched him. Quickly Geoff went on the defensive, not willing to hit Gavin again.

“Gavin calm down!”

“Fuck that! Fuck you!” Gavin screeched. Geoff paused before pushing Gavin back against the wall, immobilising the boy.

“Gavin calm down.” Geoff said, in the calmest voice he could. Gavin had landed several good hits and that, coupled with the nausea and headache, was quickly trying his patience. Gavin glared at him.

“You know what you’re like? You’re just like my dad. He loves to do this as well. Push me against the wall and beat the absolute shit out of me. You’re just like him Geoff!”

“Shut the fuck up Gavin.”

Gavin’s eyes gleamed as he noticed another way he could get Geoff riled up. He didn’t know why he wanted it but suddenly he did. He wanted Geoff screaming and raging and Gavin was determined to get it.

“That’s why Jack left, isn’t it?” At Gavin’s words Geoff’s head shot up, eye full of anger.

“Don’t.” Geoff ground out, voice deadly serious.

“His parents warned him off you. Knew you’d just turn into an abusive asshole. Drinking your life away. You’re just like my parents! Jack obviously saw that and left!”

“Shut the hell up Gavin!” Geoff screamed, the memories of his own childhood coming back. The time that Jack had flinched, had cowered as Geoff had screamed. The number of times Geoff had tried to fight back against a nightmare or panic attack and caught Jack instead. He’d sworn to himself long ago he’d never hurt his friend and he’d never managed to keep that promise. He didn’t need Gavin reminding him.

“Make me!” Gavin screamed and once again Geoff saw red.

The next thing Geoff remembered there was a sharp pain in his head as it collided with the edge of the coffee table. Gavin was stood in front of him, blood pouring from his nose and clutching his side in pain.

“Gav-” Geoff started, staring up at the boy in horror. But Gavin just shook his head, face twisting in disgust as he stared down at Geoff.

“I knew you were _just_ like him.”

As the door slammed behind Gavin Geoff didn’t know whose father Gav had been talking about. In the end it didn’t matter. It left the same sick feeling in the pit of Geoff’s stomach.

 

Ray frowned as his phone buzzed. Not many people texted him. Really it was only J and he was busy, his parents were visiting his house. But Ray paused his game and unlocked his phone anyway. Maybe J had been able to ditch them.

**From: Dickhead**

**Call J and tell him to go somewhere**

Ray’s brow furrowed as he read the text over again. Ryan didn’t agree with J, so why the hell would he want Ray to call the man?

**From: Dickhead**

**Pls Ray. Im in dnger**

**From: Dickhead**

**Do you trust me? Call him.**

 

Michael walked back into the car as if he’d been hit by a hurricane. Barbara just stared at him for a long moment.

“Oh my god.” She murmured, raising her hand to his face where there was already a red mark. Michael slapped her hand away and she huffed.

“Get me home.” He said quietly. His voice wavered in the middle but she didn’t mention it. The drive was silent until she broke it again.

“What happened?”

“They said Gavin was a freak. They said that he was- was-” Michael was silent, for maybe the first time since she’d met the boy.

“What did you do?”

“I hit his dad and he hit me back.” Michael half laughed, half scoffed at that. “I think- I think-”

“What?” Barbara asked gently.

“What if it’s not a one time thing? What if-”

“You can’t think like that Michael.” Barbara replied soothingly. “It’ll be fine just-”

“It won’t be!” Michael snapped. “It fucking won’t be! Ryan’s not answering his goddamn phone and Gavin just ran off into the fucking night! Geoff could be dead for all we fucking know!”

“He’s not!” Barbara shot back, as if she was more reassuring herself than him.

“You have no fucking clue. Admit it.”

“We just have to trust him. He knows what he’s doing. It-it’ll be fine.”

“Fine? Fine? Fuck you.” Michael spat out. “Do you know the kind of hell we’ve been through this year? Then you’re just off fucking your girlfriend!”

“Don’t bring Linds into this Michael. You’re pissed at Gavin’s parents not her.”

“Fuck you! I’ll be angry at whoever I goddamn please!”

At that Barbara stopped the car. Michael was thrown forwards before slamming against the seat. Barbara took in a deep breath before turning to Michael.

“You have no idea what Linds and I have gone through this year. Just because you’re having problems doesn’t mean we’re not.”

“Just get me home.” Michael scoffed and Barbara shook her head.

“No.”

“What?”

“No. We’re not going anywhere until you calm the fuck down. You’re not okay and none of us are. That does not mean you can dump your problems on us and expect us to shift through that shit.”

“Then what’s the point of having you around?”

“To talk to.” After Barbara’s words silence reigned in the car. Michael glanced at Barbara to see the woman staring at him evenly.

I forgot there were people like that.” Michael murmured. “Forgot there were assholes like that. That they’d just-”

“Oh Michael.” Barbara sighed before hugging the boy. “There won’t always be. And if-if there are then it won’t matter.”

“What?”

“Your parents accepted you. My parents accepted me. Lindsay’s parents accepted her. I know that if Jack had something to say his parents would be okay with it. Ray’s mom is fine with it. Ryan’s parents accepted him.”

“Gavin’s didn’t.”

“I know but-”

“Geoff’s didn’t.” Michael said softly. At that Barbara sighed and nodded.

“That’s two out of eight. That’s still a seventy-five percent success rate.”

“You’re a nerd.” Michael replied.

“You can’t just give up on this, just throw in the towel already.”

“I can’t help him Babs. I- I tried.”

“And you did. Michael, I don’t know what just happened but you’ve helped Gavin this year. He’s almost unrecognisable now. H’s so much more comfortable around us all.”

“I helped?”

“Yeah bud. You helped.” Barbara hugged Michael again before slowly turning the car on again. The world was full of idiots. They just had to be a little bit smarter for a little bit longer.

 

Ryan had just got to the top of the stairs when he found the computer. He had scrambled into the room and stared at it for a long moment before glancing around. It looked like the place had been left in a hurry, papers were scattered and one of the drawers were open.

Ryan sat down at the computer and sighed. How the hell was he meant to get into it? He typed a few words in but didn’t hit enter. There was just no point. He debated texting Ray but decided against it.

After several long minutes Ryan stood and walked over to the desk, opening it up. He stared down for a long, long moment before he understood what he was seeing.

A picture of Ray smiled up at him, as if the teenager had been smiling as Johnson took the picture. It had to be an old picture, Ray’s skin wasn’t bruised but Ryan could see far too much of it. Ryan knew what he was seeing but didn’t dare name it.

He crouched and turned the photo over to see more below it, more pictures of Ray vulnerable and naked. Ryan could feel how his hands were quaking. The next picture was of another boy that he recognised. This boy had been a senior last year. Ryan shuddered to think about how many people there could be there, how many more children had had their innocence taken from them, stolen from them.

Ryan flipped to the next picture, a morbid curiosity egging him on before he dropped it in horror. He stumbled backwards and turned his face away. He had to take a moment to get his breathing under control, not hearing a key slide into the door as he did.

When he finally composed himself he stared at the picture in horror. It showed Ray happy. It showed Ray sitting in what looked like a café, a straw in his hand and what looked like love in his eyes. As Ryan looked at it all he could see were the other pictures, a battered and bruised ghost of that boy with that same love in his eyes.

Ray couldn’t even see what that monster had done to him.

He heard something in the rest of the house and froze before grabbing for his phone, shooting off several texts without a pause.

**To: Ray**

**Call J and tell him to go somewhere**

**To: Ray**

**Pls Ray. Im in dnger**

**From: Dickhead**

**Do you trust me? Call him.**

“I see you found them.” Ryan whirled around to see Johnson staring down at him. Ryan jumped to his feet and surged forwards but Johnson just pushed him back.

“You monster!” Ryan cried out, leaping to his feet again. Johnson snarled and all but leapt on top of him. He slapped Ryan across the face and then grabbed his chin tightly, holding something to his lips. Ryan struggled against it, trying to yell out but then he felt something dribbling into his mouth.

“Swallow it.” Johnson said evenly. Ryan twisted his head to spit out whatever it was but Johnson just shifted so that one of his elbows was across Ryan’s throat and the other hand grasped the boy’s nose shut. Ryan tried to resist but eventually he couldn’t do anything but swallow.

When he did Johnson smiled cruelly down at him.

“You should never have got involved in this. Everything that’s about to happen, you brought on yourself. Remember that.”

 

 

Outside Geoff’s house Gavin paused, feeling blood drip down his face. He didn’t know what to do. He could go back to Geoff and beg forgiveness but that idea didn’t sit right with Gavin. At the thought of going to Michael’s Gavin felt a surge of rage pulse through him. He’d had no right to say those things.

Ray, Miles, Kerry, Barbara, Lindsay and Michael were all together so they were a no go. Gavin contemplated calling Jack or Griffon for a moment before remembering he didn’t know where they lived.

Gavin scrunched his eyes shut. He had no-where to go.

No, he did have somewhere to go. Gavin slowly slid his eyes open as he realised where he could, where he had, to go.

He had to go home.

So he turned his weary feet away from where he wanted to go, where he could go. He turned back to where he was beaten and ridiculed because of who he was. After all, there’s no place like home.

 

Ryan didn’t remember much of what happened after that, as whatever Johnson had given him began to infect his body and dull his mind. He remembered trying to struggle as Johnson lifted him and began to carry him.

Then he began to fade out, mind trying to separate from his body as Johnson didn’t stop. Ryan’s mind slipped away from the physical to concentrate on a word. It was a word he needed. His mind spun as other words filled his ears, Johnson’s words of false love and fake endearments used more as insults than the gentle whispers they had been created to be. Ryan’s brain was trying to block out the sounds of the room, the sounds of Johnson. His body became numb and he barely felt the tears sliding down his face.

All he knew was that he had to find that word, had to find the word quickly. He tried to convince himself he wasn’t there, wasn’t immobile beneath a man, wasn’t being ra- that wasn’t the right word Ryan thought. He had time to think about that later but not yet not now. Not- it was not-

Ryan suddenly came back to himself and whimpered quietly. His throat was frozen, the drug having essentially gagged him. Johnson was nowhere to be seen but Ryan knew he had to use the word, that word that might have saved him, the word he had to say.

But his throat was frozen and his voice was gone. His eyes were already sliding closed despite how much he fought against it. He tried to mouth the word but his muscles would not obey him. Nothing would obey him. Darkness filled his vision and, despite how he fought against it, he couldn’t stop sleep overcoming him.

In the pile of clothes that had been thrown aside by Johnson there came a faint buzz, accompanied by a small white light. Ryan slept, not peacefully, but deeply as the word he’d been trying to think of so hard flashed on the screen, the word he had tried so hard to say. The word that he thought would have saved him.

**No.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am legitimately sorry for that. I really am.  
> See you next time.


	34. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Sacrifice  
> An act of slaughtering an animal or person or surrendering a possession as an offering to a deity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This shows rape aftermath, nothing explicit but still possibly triggering. I'd also like to point out that Ryan is in no way thinking straight in this and is blaming himself when it really really was not his fault.

By the time Michael got back to the house he knew he’d screwed up. Luckily his friends also seemed to realise something was up.

The moment he entered the room they could see something was wrong. Lindsay was there in an instant, asking him over and over what happened but he didn’t reply. He just wanted to sleep. Eventually Barbara told them what she knew and murmured that maybe they should go.

Michael had just nodded in response as stared as his friends walked off without him.

He’d then sat there for a long time, thinking.

It seemed obvious now.

Gavin had come into school with new bruises while Michael had barely let him out of his sight. Gavin wouldn’t tell Michael who was hurting him, despite knowing how much it stressed his boyfriend out to not be able to help.

Gavin was still being forced to wear girl clothes despite how much it obviously hurt him.

After his friends had left Michael spent the first fifteen minutes ringing Gavin constantly. After that he tried texting, just in case Gavin couldn’t talk for some reason. But after an hour with no response Michael got jumpy, wanting to call someone.

Ryan didn’t pick up. Geoff didn’t pick up. Jack didn’t pick up. He then tried Linds and Babs, obviously interrupting something and he hurriedly hung up. Miles answered but almost immediately had to hang up, having to go and answer the door.

Then Michael decided to try Ray, just to talk to someone. As he set the X-Box up he almost felt guilty that it had taken him that long to think about Ray who had been his best friend for a long time. When Ray finally picked up he sounded a lot better than he had last been.

“Can this wait like half an hour? Just about to get an achievement here.” Ray said the instant the call connected.

“No. It can’t.” Michael ground out. Ray paused at that, wondering what Michael was so pissed about.

“Fine, what do you want?” Ray paused the game.

“Do you know where Gav would go if he didn’t go home?”

“Why? You gonna try and get some?” Ray smirked as he un-paused the game. If it was a spat between lovers it shouldn’t get in the way of getting the achievement. He was so close.

“Ray pause the goddamn game this is important!” Michael yelled. That made Ray stop for a moment.

“How’d you know I hadn’t paused it?”

“Because it’s you.”

Ray thought about refuting that for a moment before shrugging and nodding.

“Fair enough.” He paused the game. “Now, what’s up?”

“I think Gavin’s in trouble. I need to know where he’d go if he couldn’t go home.”

“Gavin’s in trouble?” Ray asked, shooting up in his seat.

“Yeah, I think so anyway. Maybe, I don’t know okay? But I need to find out where he is!”

“I can’t help you. I haven’t even been to his house.”

“Yeah, that’s because you don’t go anywhere anymore.” Michael groused. “Anyway, thanks but I need to go now.” Ray nodded, biting his lip, nervously.

“Hey Michael, have you seen Ryan? He’s- I dunno.”

“I thought you two had fallen out.” Michael said, curiously. If they hadn’t then maybe there was hope yet for Ryan.

“Yeah we have. But he just texted me a few hours ago and just asked if I trusted him and told me to call J.”

“What did you say?”

“I said I didn’t trust him. Anyway, J’s got family in town today so we couldn’t do anything. There’d be no point in me calling him.” Everything Ray was saying made sense but the boy was still saying them with a frantic tinge to his voice, as if he knew he’d done the wrong thing.

“You don’t think something’s happened do you?” Michael asked worriedly. He glanced down at his own phone and saw the texts that he’d sent to Ryan, without a response in sight. Ray sighed and looked down at the controller in front of him. Tonight was just meant to be an evening to chill and not care about anything. He was meant to try and get this achievement that had been bugging him for ages.

But for some reason this night had turned into a shit storm he had no idea how to cope with.

“I dunno Michael. I just don’t know.”

 

When Ryan woke up his brain was hazy and he was sick to his stomach. He looked around, frowning at the complete darkness. He couldn’t see a window anywhere in the room. His fuzzy brain tried to function but it couldn’t, still casting around as it tried to work out what was happening.

Ryan sat up and looked around, his eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. He was in a bedroom, in a double bed he’d never seen before. The other half of the bed was empty and cold. Ryan shifted slightly and had to pause as nausea threatened to overwhelm him.

He took in several deep breaths until the roiling in his stomach began to calm. As he stared around his mind began to sharpen, the fuzzy edges beginning to fade. He remember fragments, sneaking around the house, a phone vibrating in his pocket and-

Ryan sat bolt upright as he remembered just why he was there. All he could think of was Johnson kissing him, stealing a secret kiss in the darkness of the room as the boy had whispered a word beneath him. Ryan retched and then silenced himself abruptly as he wondered where Johnson was now.

He staggered to his feet and the world swirled around him. He stumbled forwards before grabbing for his clothes. Sobs rolled through him, not stopping as the boy wished they would. He grabbed his clothes and pulled them on, as if to conceal what had happened to him.

He felt different, changed. It wasn’t losing his virginity that had changed him like that. It had been Johnson.

He didn’t feel freed, he felt dirtied.

Ryan tip toed through the house, wishing he could be quieter. Every noise made him freeze as if Johnson would come back. He had no idea where Johnson had gone. So every room Ryan walked into he scanned, heart in his throat, as he tried to work out just where the man was.

When he got to the front door he wrenched it open with all his might. He then ran from the house, not turning back or even glancing behind. He was terrified of what he’d find. Eventually the sobs became too much and he stumbled into an alley, tears pouring down his face.

Every other breath was a hiccup as he felt his breath getting shorter and shorter.

He knew the signs of a panic attack and this wasn’t one he could stop. Tears streamed down his face and he kept on taking shallow breaths that did nothing to calm him.

Suddenly he felt his phone vibrate and he cried out in surprise.

He saw Michael’s name come up and he hovered his finger over the accept button but then decided against it.

Michael would pick up on the fact that there was something wrong, that Ryan wasn’t in a good place. Ryan didn’t want to talk, didn’t even want to think about it.

He rested his head against the wall, tears still dribbling down. The panic attack that had nearly overcome him had just about faded but it was still lurking, ready to pounce.

Ryan saw the end of Ray’s conversation and sighed.

**From: Ray**

**No.**

“Of course.” Ryan whispered. Of course Ray didn’t trust him. Why should he? Ryan wanted to close his eyes at that point, just wanted to sleep. What had been the point of this? He felt his mind began to wonder and thought for a moment just what would happen if he didn’t move.

He quickly came to the conclusion that just sitting there wouldn’t do him any good. So Ryan staggered to his feet, whimpering as the world tilted once more. As he stood he felt his body begin to ache, from the headache swelling to the pain growing in his feet.

But then there were the injuries he didn’t want to think about, the way Johnson had gripped his hips, pulling him into compliance, would leave bruises. Ryan had angry red marks around his wrist and he knew they’d bruise as well.

It seemed that it wasn’t just mental injuries Johnson had left him with.

Ryan pulled out his wallet, rifling through the money he had in hopes of getting a taxi home.

But then he paused; he couldn’t go home.

If he went home his parents would be there. His parents would see the hickeys covering his neck, the bruises around his wrists, his slight limp.

His parents would know.

The panic attack threatened to overcome him at that moment but Ryan tried his hardest to ignore it. He could find somewhere else to go.

Not Michael. He couldn’t show up like this, so- so defeated. Ryan cast around for a moment trying to think of anyone. The first name that popped into the boy’s head was Miles so he slowly trudged off. The tears had stopped dribbling down his face by then but he had a feeling that they had just been the first of many.

 

When Gavin snuck into the house he knew he’d made a bad decision. He felt like over the past few months he’d done enough to know the feeling.

While his parents weren’t right there Gavin knew they were close, could just feel it. So he crept up to his room silently, ignoring the pangs of hunger in his stomach. He’d left the house too early that morning to eat and had quickly lost appetite at lunch, surrounded by his silent friends.

But before Gavin could make it to the safety of his room a voice rang out.

“What the hell was that earlier Lucy?”

Gavin winced and turned, seeing his mother stride towards him. He forced himself to relax, if he fought back everything would be worse. So he just ducked his head, trying to be docile even now. It was what he’d been taught; be quiet and still. Take the hits and not fight back.

“I’m sorry mum.”

But that wasn’t enough for the woman as she strode forward and glared at him.

“What happened to you? Where the hell did we go wrong?”

Gavin bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from retorting. There were simple rules here, he stayed quiet and so he woke up the next morning.

“Answer me when I ask you a question Lucy!” Gavin’s mother screamed, roughly pulling Gavin’s chin up. He looked up at her. She looked pissed off. Gavin gulped as he noticed his father emerging from the master bedroom down the corridor. Here it came. Here it bloody came.

“I don’t know mum.”

“That’s not good enough.” Gavin’s father said, towering over his son. Gavin kept his eyes trained on the floor, hoping that it wouldn’t be too bad tonight, that it would pass easily.

Gavin was already aching from Geoff, his knees were scraped from where he fell over and he was so so tired. He just wanted to collapse into bed and not wake up.

He felt a fist collide with the side of his face and suddenly realised there was a good chance that might happen.

 

Miles opened the door he to a Ryan he hadn’t really seen before.

Ryan was hunched in on himself and leaning on the wall. He looked sick and as Miles watched him the boy wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Can I- can I come in?” Ryan asked quietly. His voice quivered as if he’d been crying.

“Oh yeah. Yeah, sure!” Miles didn’t want to say no, didn’t even consider it. Ryan smiled slightly and stepped into the house. Miles walked up to his room, Ryan following.

“Hey Miles, could I- could I use your shower please?” Ryan’s voice was still so small, so broken. Miles didn’t understand but he nodded and Ryan smiled slightly as he walked off. Miles sat on his bed for a few moments, trying to collect his thoughts. What the hell could have happened?

Miles then grabbed some clothes and knocked on the bathroom door.

He didn’t expect the door to open or for Ryan to be naked already.

“What the hell?” Ryan yelled, trying to cover his naked body. Miles’ eyes widened comically and began to stutter out apologies until he paused. Ryan had bruises around his hips.

They looked like hand marks, as if someone had grabbed the boy hard. Or if-

Miles broke from that train of thought, blushing.

“Sor- sorry. Didn’t know. Here.” Miles shoved the clothes into Ryan’s hands and Ryan stared after him for a moment. Miles had seen, Miles had noticed.

Miles had guessed.

Miles knew.

This time there was nothing to stop the panic attack.

 

 

Geoff knew he’d fucked up. He knew he’d been doing it more and more often and he fucking hated it.

Gavin’s words had struck a chord inside him. He knew what Gavin’s parents were like and he knew what his own parents had been like.

Physically he’d long since recovered from the shit he’d gone through but mentally? He tried not to think about it.

Geoff staggered into the kitchen and wrenched open the cupboard under the sink. He cursed as he found it empty, slamming the door closed again. He ripped open the cupboards in a frenzy, trying to find what he was looking for.

But he was too good, he’d known where every trace of alcohol was when he went through the apartment and he knew there was nothing left now. He cursed again, louder.

All he wanted to do was sit down with a drink until he didn’t remember what had just happened, what he’d just done. That was why he drank after all, to get rid of the memoires and numb the pain.

It was pathetic and made him feel so weak but he needed the alcohol. Geoff honestly couldn’t cope without it. But here he was, in a house wiped clean and not a single drop of alcohol to be found.

The memory of Gavin’s scared face flew through his mind and Geoff felt his chest constrict. He’d seen the face before, in his own mirror. He’d stuck by his family for so many years and he’d worn that expression for most of those long years.

He’d sworn to himself over and over that he’d never make someone look like that, would never let someone he cared about wear that look.

But he’d caused it. That was the worst thing.

God, he needed a drink.

With that thought Geoff moved into the other room, grabbing the emergency stash of cash. He pushed guilt from his mind. This _was_ an emergency.

He continued to try and convince himself this as he raced from the apartment. He knew where he could get alcohol, if you looked hard enough. Geoff had become a master of doing that, finding people who were willing to buy alcohol for a kid.

However he also had a dealer, a guy who could get spirits and had **no** qualms giving them to an eighteen year old. So that’s where he went, giving the last of his money for a bottle of vodka.

He didn’t un-cap it as he walked home, not trusting himself to not drain it on the way. When Geoff finally got back to the apartment he put the bottle down on the side and walked around the apartment. First he shoved the sheets into the washing machine, trying not to gag.

He grabbed the painkillers and put them into the bathroom, putting in a bottle of water as well.

Geoff then sat down at the table and opened the bottle.

He could just stop, could just leave it. If he did that then the last few days wouldn’t have been in vain, he’d be able to talk to Griffon or at least face her. He could explain everything to Jack.

But Geoff couldn’t explain it to Gavin. He could barely face Gavin.

Geoff stared at the bottle. He couldn’t face Gavin.

 

Ryan stayed in the shower for half an hour.

He had to wash, every movement just reminding himself of when Johnson had touched him there. He couldn’t cope with all of his body but where he could he scrubbed until the skin was red and raw. In some places it started bleeding and he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop.

All he wanted was to get the stench of the man off him. He wanted to get the man off him. He wanted to get the man out of him.

But nothing he did could stop the feeling that Johnson was still there, that somehow he’d attached himself to Ryan and wouldn’t let go until the boy was dead.

Every movement sent a jolt of pain through his muscles that had ached since he woke. He had to cling to the wall just to keep himself upright. He figured out eventually that it had to be whatever Johnson gave him. That revelation hadn’t helped his roiling stomach in any way.

Ryan cried while he was there.

The tears mixed with the shower until he could almost pretend to himself that it was all fine, that there wasn’t a problem. Like he wasn’t crying in a friend’s house, scared to go home after being violently raped by one of his teachers.

He could almost pretend.

Almost.

 

Gavin’s father spent half an hour hitting his son. Gavin counted each second, trying to pull himself away from the pain. After that Gavin was shoved into a seat at the kitchen and screamed at, interspersed by the occasional slap.

An hour after he got home Gavin was beyond ready to sleep, now to rest his aching body as well as his mind. But his parents had other ideas. So that was how Gavin found himself, crouching as his father pulled his belt off and sent a few lashes into the wall next to Gavin.

With every hit Gavin hunched further into himself, not wanting to think about it, not wanting to think about anything.

But he couldn’t ignore it this time, couldn’t just mindlessly exist for a bit. Every stroke he had to count or they’d start again. Gavin sobbed out the numbers after the first two, the pain nearly unbearable. His mother had screamed at him for the clothes, calling him a freak, a mistake, who would do anything just because he could.

That had earnt him even more lashes of the belt.

When they were finally finished Gavin was ready to pass out. But first he had to say that he was wrong, each word tasting like poison as he explained away who he was.

Gavin then raced upstairs, his mother deciding to choose that moment to walk up as well.

He didn’t really know what happened next. All he remembered was his mother’s snarling face and then there was no step below him and he crashed backwards, his head colliding with the wall at the bottom.

Darkness filled his vision and his head lolled, letting the blood drip down his face and onto the floor.

He lay there, unchecked, until morning.

 

Miles sat awkwardly in his room. He could hear Ryan in the shower just over the noise. He was crying.

When Ryan finally dragged himself into Miles’ room his eyes were red and puffy and Miles was terrified over what had happened to make Ryan, one of the strongest people he’d ever known, react like that.

“Hey.” Ryan said quietly, sitting down on the bed.

“Ryan, what’s wrong?” Miles whispered. He wasn’t sure why he did it. But for some reason noise seemed to be the last thing the other boy needed, as if it was disrespectful in some way.

“I fucked up Miles. I- I fucked up so bad.” Ryan barely got through the two short sentences, tears spilling from his eyes again. Miles reached forwards and pulled him into a hug.

Ryan relaxed into the familiar touch as the sobs that wracked his body continued to crash through him. He couldn’t stop them.

“Ryan, did someone- did someone attack you?” Miles didn’t want to say the word, he couldn’t say the word. The imprints on the hips, the ones he could see on the wrists, the bruises along his neck all signified one thing.

Ryan sobbed quietly, bringing his knees up onto the bed, curling into himself as much as he could while still keeping contact with Miles.

“Ryan were you- were you raped?”

Miles whispered the word, could barely believe he could say them. But when Ryan’s body tensed beneath him Miles knew he’d been right to say it.

Ryan nodded jerkily, as if he couldn’t believe the answer either.

 

When Gavin opened his eyes the next day he did so slowly, not wanting to face the day. Every muscle screamed at him to lie back down, to sleep again. But he resisted it, clambering to his knees.

He retched as he smelt the blood surrounding him and had to rock back on his heels at the thought. Gavin then wiped his mouth, snapping his eyes shut as he felt crusted blood. He staggered to his feet, leaning on the wall for balance and all but fell into the bathroom.

His face was a mess of dried blood and red marks that were already fading to angry black ones. Gavin felt his heart jump in fear as he realised he wasn’t going to be able to hide this. He couldn’t just pretend there was nothing wrong, something was so obviously wrong there was no point denying it.

Gavin then noticed that his clothes were ruined. His shirt, a complicated geometric design that Geoff seemed to love, was beyond repair, stained with the same scarlet liquid that pounded through his veins. There was no way to save the fabric, he despaired as he stared down at it. The best thing he could do was go get changed and leave it to soak somewhere.

The thought of moving, even just up the stairs to his room, made his stomach twist in anxiety. But he steeled himself and left the bathroom after half-heartedly washing some of the blood away. Every time he touched his face pain ripped through him. He didn’t have the energy to wash all of the blood off.

When he’d finally managed to stagger up the stairs he paused. He could hear his parents asleep in their room and knew he wasn’t in danger from them. But he also knew that they could wake any moment. He quaked to think what they would do.

The previous night they’d promised him he wouldn’t get to leave for a week at least, not even to school. Gavin knew what that meant.

They were still trying to hide and they knew just how impossible that would be. A week brought them time for his injuries to heal. But it also gave them more than enough time to cause far more.

Gavin paused for a moment before setting his jaw. He grabbed one of the pair of pink shorts, wincing at the bruises forming on his lower legs. He then took one of his tops, one of the few his mother let him keep that was halfway masculine.

He wondered for a moment what he looked like but that thought was pushed from his mind as he raced around the room.

He didn’t trust his parents not to fuck up his room while he was out. So he’d taken a few things and shoved them in his locker over the last few months. Worst comes to the worst and he had to sleep over somewhere until his parents calmed down and Gavin could just take them.

Gavin grabbed his school bag and shoved the few things in the room he cared about.

His phone, his phone charger, his headphones, his iPod, his emergency cash, his X-box controller. Gavin paused, staring into the room. There wasn’t much left. His binders were already safely at school, along with all the clothes he actually wanted to wear. Anything he left his mother had already approved.

Gavin sighed as he realised there wasn’t anything else. This was it. This was the sum total of nearly seventeen years of his life.

Seventeen bloody years.

The front door creaked quietly but no-one in the house stirred and no-one noticed as a slight figure slipped off into the dregs of night.

 

When Miles got downstairs the next morning it was to Ryan already sat at the breakfast table, a bowl of cereal in front of him. The boy didn’t look like he was eating it, instead just staring off into nothing.

Miles awkwardly slid into the chair next to Ryan and the boy smiled at him weakly.

“Sorry about last night.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’m glad I could help. Do you- do you want to tell me what happened?”

Ryan met Miles’ eyes and held his gaze for an almost uncomfortably long time, as if weighing him up. Then he looked away and sighed. The words took a moment but when they started they didn’t (couldn’t) stop.

“You- you know that uh, Ray-Ray’s dating J-” Ryan’s sentence stuttered off at that point as he took in a deep breath. But then he regained himself. “But- but J’s not our age. J’s Johnson. J is a teacher and he’s an adult and I should have known and I should have protected Ray better! I- I- I should have known and I should have done something earlier but now Ray’s got those bruises and he’s being hurt and he can’t even see that his J is hurting him but Johnson is just using him!”

Miles blinked for a moment, trying to process the influx of information. He blinked a few times as the full implications washed over him. He was quiet until a new question began to grow in his mind, sickening him as he even considered it.

“Ryan. You said you were raped.” Miles’ voice was quiet but the moment Ryan heard them he sat bolt upright, pulling away from the other boy.

“I-”

“Oh my god Ryan.” Miles said, breathily. “Please don’t-”               

Ryan felt thick tears dribble down his face and he put his head into his hands. Miles stared at him in horror before pulling the boy back gently.

“Ryan, did he- did Johnson rape you?”

There was the golden question, Ryan reflected. Did he want to tell Miles just what had happened?

“Yeah.” Ryan whispered. “Yeah he did.”

“Tell me what happened Ryan. Please.”

“I broke into his house. I just- I just wanted to prove Ray wrong.” Ryan felt tears prickling at his eyes and he blinked furiously. He shouldn’t be crying, he didn’t need to be crying. What had happened had happened. It was over.

It was his own fucking fault, he’d gone there knowing that Johnson was a piece of shit.

But he had never thought that Johnson was that bad.

“Ryan?”

“I thought that maybe- maybe if I found something then Ray would- would believe me.”

“So you slept with Johnson?” Miles asked in disbelief. “Ryan that’s just- that’s too far! You don’t-”

“He drugged me.” Ryan whispered. But somehow Miles heard as his face blanched.

“Oh my- How?”

“He gave me a drink.” Ryan paused. He couldn’t make his mouth work, couldn’t make the breath flow through him properly.

It just didn’t work.

“I found something. He’s got pictures Miles.” Ryan couldn’t make himself speak louder. He wanted to cry at the thought; nothing in his body was his own, he was being betrayed by his body over and over, keeping him silent. “Child pornography.”

“Holy shit.” Miles whispered. Ryan nodded, sniffing and trying to stop the tears in his eyes.

“He’s got Ray there. There- there was a boy who was a few years above us. He- he was the lead in the school play.” Ryan didn’t know why he felt the need to include that detail. “Then Johnson came in and dragged me out. He- he took me to- to the-” Ryan broke off, not able to stop the tears this time.

“To the bedroom?” Miles whispered. Ryan nodded and Miles felt tears prick his own eyes. Ryan was one of the strongest people he’d ever met.

But here he was, cowed and desolate by just a night. It was as if he’d been shattered, irrevocably broken.

“He held me down. He- he told me- he told me-” Ryan broke off and Miles scooted closer, hugging the boy.

“You don’t have to Ryan. You never have to tell someone okay?” Miles said, feeling the other boy curl closer into him. “You’re safe and that’s all that matters.”

The sound of a phone startled the both of them, causing Ryan to literally slip off his chair. But he was back up in a moment as Miles lunged for his phone. As he opened his mouth he felt the vice around his throat tighten. He couldn’t ask who it was on the other end.

Terrifying images flashed through his mind; Johnson ringing to drag him back, his parents knowing what he’d just done, nameless, faceless people who’d be able to see what had just happened to him.

“Kerry?” Miles asked. “No. I- Look, not now. Okay?” Miles snapped before hanging up. He then turned back to Ryan apologetically. “Sorry. Ryan, are you- are you going to tell the police about this?” At his words Ryan paused.

“I do-don’t know.”

“I think you should.”

“They- they can’t stop it from happening can they?” Ryan whispered.

“They can make sure he doesn’t do it to anyone else.”

“But-” Ryan started. The thought of telling someone else, telling a stranger how weak he’d been, how stupid he’d been was terrifying. He didn’t want anyone looking at him like Miles was watching him right now.

“Look,” Miles started diplomatically. “I’m not going to force you. But I think you should. You can talk to them privately. They could get a warrant and arrest him easy. They won’t judge you or anything. You can just explain it. Like I did.”

“But-” Ryan paused, trying to think of a single intelligent explanation for why he wouldn’t go to the police. But all he could think was his emotions, swirling confusingly in his mind. “Can I just- can I just think?”

“Don’t you need to,” Miles broke off, looking away. “Get a rape kit?”

“Wo-won’t work.” Ryan offered in response. “He used protection.”

“Oh.” Miles frowned before nodding. “It-it is your choice Ryan but I think you should tell them, okay?”

“I can’t. N-not yet.”

“Okay.” Miles sighed. “Okay.”

“Thank you.” Ryan replied. “Fo-for listening.” Miles just nodded in response, not knowing what to say to that. Ryan coughed slightly, rubbing at his eyes before looking away. “Wh-when do you normally leave f-for school?”

“You’re going to school?”

“Yeah.” Ryan nodded. “If I don’t then I’m just going to-” To think about it, his brain filled in. Miles nodded, as if he understood. As if he _could_ understand.

“Do you, do you wanna call Ray?” Miles asked. Ryan bit his lip before nodding, reaching for his phone. He flicked through it for a second, noticing the missed calls and the unread texts.

“What the hell happened last night?”

“An awful lot of crap.” Miles responded, smirking. “I don’t even understand how it could all happen in just one night, just seems weird to me.” Ryan hummed quietly and flicked through his texts, trying to put off that terrifying call for just a few more moments.

Ryan suddenly froze as he caught sight of a series of texts from an unknown number. He felt his stomach drop out as he saw that there were seven texts.

It took an almost superhuman strength to force his finger to move, to open the texts.

**From: UNKNOWN NUMBER**

**File attached.**

“Oh god no…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time.


	35. Rebuild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Rebuild  
> Build (something) again after it has been damaged or destroyed.

“Geoff? Geoff!” Jack called out, almost frantically. He’d opened the door with Griffon’s key, the woman handing it over all too easily. It wasn’t her fault and it wasn’t Geoff’s fault but it was a problem. It was a fault they might never heal if Geoff didn’t get his act in order.

She couldn’t continue living in the same house not knowing if her boyfriend was going to be awake that morning or if he would have drunk himself into a stupor. She couldn’t even reassure herself he’d always be there. It hurt her to leave but she couldn’t do anything else.

As there was no noise Jack continued into the house and frowned as he saw Geoff, face down, on the counter. He was still gripping the bottle in his hands that Jack could just catch the label of, proudly stating its contents; vodka. Fucking vodka. Jack sighed deeply and dragged a hand down the side of his face.

This wasn’t working. Geoff couldn’t keep on doing this.

“Geo-” Jack broke off as he saw Geoff’s dark hair sticking together. He frowned and stepped forwards. There was something in his hair, as if something had stuck inside it, twining the strands together. Jack turned away, bile rising. Blood. It was blood. Geoff had hit his head and he was too drunk to even do anything about it. His back was rising so Jack took that as some kind of consolation, he was still alive at least.

“Geoff, wake up!” Jack shook Geoff but the boy lay still. Jack was frozen for a moment before looking at the alcohol again. It was this that had caused all of this, this poison that his friend couldn’t seem to stop.

With that thought an idea occurred to Jack. He strode into the kitchen and slammed the cupboards open, determined to find whatever alcohol he could. When he couldn’t he cursed and went to the other rooms, going through every drawer he could find.

“Jack? What are you doing?” Geoff’s voice was quiet and tired but almost hopeful. Jack turned, sighing. Geoff was still holding the bottle in his hand for fucks sake!

“Jesus Geoff! Sit down! Look, Geoff, I meant what I said yesterday, well, some of it. Not the- Not the stuff about-” Jack broke off and shook his head. “You can’t do this Geoff. It’s going to kill you! Even if it doesn’t kill you now, the damage you’re doing to your body is-” Jack broke off as Geoff started to snigger, quickly turning into a full flourished guffaw. Jack glared at him.

“This isn’t funny Geoff! I know you don’t give a damn but-” Jack paused as Geoff held out the bottle to him.

“Have a drink Jackie.” Geoff said with a half-smile, as if he knew what was about to happen. Jack frowned and grabbed the bottle, to take it away from Geoff more than anything. But then he actually looked down at it and did a double take.

“I know what’s happening Jack. I know that Griffy’s not coming back if I’m like this. I know you’re not either. I want to make you guys happier and you deserve someone better than me.” Geoff finished quietly, staring down at the floor. Jack looked between the intact seal on the bottle to Geoff.

“Are you- are you sober Geoff?” Jack asked in a voice of wonder. It had been a long time since Geoff had been entirely sober. Geoff nodded sadly.

“Haven’t had a drink in a few days. Not the best feeling right now. Kinda want that bottle back.”

Jack gripped the bottle harder and he saw Geoff’s smile falter.

“I’m not going to Jack. I- I spent the last two days puking my guts out from withdrawal. I know that bottle will just send me right back. I’m not going to risk that. I want you to take it, drink it, chuck it, I don’t care. But get that shit out of my house alright?” Geoff’s voice was hard and Jack nodded, turning to put it in his school bag.

When he turned back Geoff grabbed his arm and Jack looked to him in surprise.

“You know I’m going to relapse Jack. You know that.”

Jack nodded. They both knew how long Geoff had been relying on this and that wasn’t going to change overnight, no matter how much he wanted it.

“But we’ll get you proper help, don’t worry Geoff.”

“No, you don’t get it Jack. I’m going to relapse but I’m not the only one.”

Jack froze, not wanting to meet Geoff’s eyes. He knew what the other boy was talking about but didn’t want to acknowledge it, didn’t even want it mentioned. But Geoff wasn’t about to let this go.

He moved his hand forwards slowly, as if asking permission. When Jack didn’t refuse Geoff rolled down the younger boy’s sleeve to show the thirteen nearly scars from all that time ago. Jack didn’t look at them, focusing on Geoff instead.

“We haven’t talked about it and I know you sure as hell don’t want to. But you need help Jack. Maybe I can’t give it to you but I can be here and that’s what I want, okay?” Geoff looked earnestly up at Jack as he spoke and Jack nodded slowly.

“I- I don’t know if it works like that Geoff.”

“Bullshit. You’re fucked up. I’m fucked up, hell,” Geoff chuckled darkly. “We all are. But we don’t have to be, got it? We can be fucked up or we can just be.”

Jack nodded and Geoff smiled, maybe he could finally make his old friend happy again.

“How about this. I don’t have another drop of alcohol and you don’t hurt yourself. A drop for a drop.”

Jack’s head shot up at Geoff’s words, chewing his lip slightly.

He knew he shouldn’t cut, in the same way Geoff knew he shouldn’t drink. But Jack also knew there were some days when he needed it. He wasn’t so great at coping with real life issues and it was an easy way out. But it had got to a dangerous point now. He’d never had to call an ambulance however he’d used the first aid kit, scrappily pulling the broken skin into some semblance of perfection, far too many times.

“Jack, I can’t do this alone. I need you, okay?” Geoff sounded vulnerable and that was what made Jack meet his eye. Geoff was a lot of things. An asshole leapt to mind but he was also caring, comforting, funny and compassionate.

Jack hadn’t seen vulnerable Geoff in a long time.

Once upon a time he’d seen it every day. He’d stood beside Geoff for so long after all.

Jack suddenly remembered the young man as he had once been.

A happy five year old, smiling down at Jack, offering his hand. Jack had taken it and muttered thanks for chasing away the bullies.

Blood dribbling between them, Jack trying not to cry at the pain. Geoff barely flinching as he cut open his own thumb, pressing them together. Whispers of forever, protection, passed between them. Geoff’s eyes had been ecstatic, finally finding someone who would never leave him.

A child with a wicked tongue that never failed to make Jack laugh. Geoff would laugh along with the younger boy and Jack would think nothing of it but every time Geoff made a joke his eyes would slip over to Jack. Sometimes Jack caught him looking shocked, as if he couldn’t understand that someone else thought he was funny, that he was good.

Geoff, pausing over a math problem, mouth moving frantically as he tried to get his tired eyes to focus. Finally he just looked to Jack who scratched in the answer, explaining quietly. Geoff had bitten his lip and nodded, trying not to be disappointed that he didn’t know it but that a boy a year younger than him did.

Long angry scratch marks down the boy’s face. Geoff swearing that it had been a tree he’d fallen out of. Jack hadn’t believed him.

A crying nine year old, sobbing as he told Jack he couldn’t go to Jack’s birthday party. He’d shoved the present into Jack’s hands before running away, leaving Jack yelling after him.

Hooded eyes stared out from a half starved face, with nothing in their sights. They lit up suddenly when Jack pushed his lunch in front of the older boy. A mutter of thanks, which was more heartfelt than Jack could describe.

A face, far worse than half starved, body hunched over in pain, tears flowing down his face. A broken boy, broken at eleven years old. He couldn’t ask for help any more than he could fly. His wings had long since been clipped and he’d been left to the mercy of the wolves. Jack could do nothing to help.

A thirteen year old, gasping on the floor for air as blood filled his lungs. Eyes staring at nothing, mouth moving, screams trapped in his throat as he struggled to draw breath.

The same starved thirteen year old, burns, scars and blood marring the purple and black painting that was his bruised skin. He lay against the sheets of a hospital bed, the small amounts of unblemished skin the same colour. The blood stood in stark contrast as if burning a hole through the clinical cleanness, as if contaminating anything it touched.

The voice, thin and reedy, of a thirteen year old child as it rose to tell its story. The hand that had found Jack’s.

A fifteen year old, sat in a chair as a needle drove ink into his scarred skin over and over. He barely felt it, maybe it was from how the nerve ending had been fried (burned) or maybe it was, as Jack was worried, that he’d suffered far worse in a much shorter time.

A seventeen year old, hunched over the toilet bowl as Jack gingerly rubbed circles into his back. When he’d laid back Jack hadn’t told him off. He’d just led the boy back to his bed and made sure he had everything he’d need.

Now an eighteen year old. His trials should have been over, he should never have gone through them. He’d suffered pain, loss, failure and a near death experience.

But he was still there.

“I promise.” Jack said. Almost as an afterthought he grabbed Geoff’s thumb and pressed them together. Geoff’s eyes lit up in a smile in remembrance of another promise they’d made all that time ago.

But really this one wasn’t new, the promise they’d made as innocent children had held through as Geoff was hurt over and over again. By the time he was free he was jaded and it was Jack who held him together, tried to patch him up as he poured poison into his own body. On the long nights where Jack awoke with screams Geoff would be there to comfort him. When the world threw its worst at the pair they told it to fuck off. When a maelstrom of agony crashed against them they put their backs to it and ignored it.

This wasn’t a new promise. This wasn’t any kind of promise anymore. This was instinct. This was who they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I may or may not have teared up while writing this.)  
> See you next time.


	36. Ray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Ray  
> Spread from or as if from a central point.

Ray was, in no way, prepared for the shit storm that was the next day. Somehow the world had exploded while he’d been busy playing Halo. He thought that was a bit ironic but shoved that thought away.

The first person he saw in school was Gavin. Gavin, who was limping, with blood crusted in his hair. Ray had crept into the bathroom, shooting off a quick text to J to meet him there. It was before school so the chances of someone being there were small and J had keys anyway.

But the idea flew from Ray’s mind when he saw Gavin.

When Ray had opened the door Gavin whirled around, as if ready to attack the other boy. But then he saw who it was and all but collapsed backwards.

“Hey Ray.” Gavin murmured.

“What the fuck happened to you man? You look like you got the crap kicked out of you!” Ray exclaimed, moving over to Gavin worriedly. Gavin shrugged, wincing slightly at the movement.

“I-” Gavin tried to say something as if to brush it off but Ray stepped forwards, making grabby motions at the piece of damp paper towel Gavin was trying to clean his face with.

Gavin gave it up easily enough and Ray began to dab gently at the Brit’s face, trying to make sure he was gentle. But Gavin still winced and cursed occasionally as Ray drew the moist paper across his raised skin.

“How did this happen?” Ray asked, worriedly. Gavin frowned, staring at the floor before looking back up.

“Same as usual.”                                                                  

Ray snorted.

“Don’t lie to me Vav, this isn’t just a few idiots. It looks like you got run over!”

Gavin hissed in pain as Ray pressed just a bit too hard on his cheek.

“Something like that I guess.”

Ray frowned, ready to push it but then the door swung open to reveal J. Ray flushed, realising he hadn’t told J not to be there.

“Narvaez, Free why are you in here?” Mr Johnson’s voice was level and Ray was suddenly thankful that the man taught drama for a living, he was very good at controlling his emotions. Apart from when they together, a part of Ray’s mind reminded him. Ray smirked at the thought before clearing his throat and replying.

“Uh, sorry sir. We were just cleaning up Gav here.”

The teacher didn’t even spare Gavin a glance, instead just hurrying on with what he had to say.

“Narvaez, can I have a word?” with that he left. Ray shared a confused look with Gavin before the Brit took the towel and began to wipe away at the small amount of blood that was left.

Ray all but raced to J’s office. The moment Ray had walked in J was upon him, kissing him passionately. Ray was surprised, over the past few days it had almost felt like J was pulling away, as if he was preparing for breakup.

But Ray was not going to let that happen.

That was what he was thinking as he pulled off his clothes, J just pulling off his pants. They stood like that for a moment, Ray totally naked and vulnerable. Then J brought them together again, crashing his lips against his student’s.

 

After Ray left, Gavin sat in the bathroom for a few long minutes, waiting for his friend to come back. Ray would come back, Gavin reasoned. Johnson wouldn’t want much so Ray could hurry back to help Gavin.

But Ray didn’t come back, leaving Gavin to clean the rest of the blood off by himself and then drag himself to his feet to stagger into homeroom.

The moment he slumped into his seat he could feel the eyes on him. He shifted uncomfortably for a few moments. When his tutor had called the register and everyone else had fallen into easy conversation she took him outside.

“Gavin, are you okay?”

Gavin didn’t meet her eyes, couldn’t meet her eyes as he lied.

“Yeah, sorry Turney.”

“Gavin,” Turney had this tone of voice she used occasionally. Gavin had named it her ‘taking no shit’ voice. For some reason she tended to use it more with Gavin than anyone else. “Who did this to you?”

“I fell down some stairs miss.” Gavin muttered, not looking at her directly.

“That’s bullshit.”

Gavin stared up at her in surprise as she swore. She didn’t even seem phased by it, barrelling on anyway.

“Go to Hullum now. I’ve seen this happening more than once and it needs to be reported. Before you say anything, if you don’t go now I’ll walk you there tomorrow.”

Gavin sighed but nodded, turning to leave. Her heart was in the right place, he knew that.

 

 

When they were done J started talking, standing over Ray as the boy tried to catch his breath.

“I love you like this R, so fucking beautiful.”

“J-”

“No R, I need you to listen okay?”

Ray nodded desperately as he stared into Johnson’s eyes. The teacher looked saddened for a moment before he started speaking, a lot slower this time.

“You know how I had family over last night?” Ray nodded, confused. “My mother’s ill R, I can’t not go.”

“What do you mean?” Ray asked, shooting up. J just shook his head sadly.

“I’m going to hand in my resignation. I have to go back to Pennsylvania R. I’m so sorry.”

Ray stood there for a moment, staring at the man he loved with an open mouth.

“That’s- that’s states away J!”

“I know R. I swear, if I could I wouldn’t go!”

Ray dropped his gaze to the floor, feeling his bottom lip quiver as he imaged a life without J. He knew he hadn’t always had J there but it felt like it. He spent almost all of his time talking with the man and he hadn’t spent much time with his friends recently. J had said they weren’t good enough for him and who was Ray to argue with J?

But even as he tried to understand a new thought came into Ray’s head.

“When are you leaving?” he whispered, looking up at Johnson. The man frowned.

“Tonight. I had some personal leave to cash in and I officially leave at the end of the year.”

Ray nodded, chewing on his lip. Could he do this?

“J, take me with you. I don’t- I couldn’t cope without you. I love you.”

At Ray’s words Johnson moved into another bruising kiss which Ray was all too happy to return, wrapping his arms around Johnson’s neck.

“Go home R. Go home and pack. Come to my house straight away and we’ll leave. I swear, every single day I find something new to love about you.”

Ray smiled up at the praise being thrown at him and raced off. He wasn’t about to let the love of his life leave without putting up a fight.

Behind him Johnson’s smile dropped. The game he was playing was a dangerous one but he couldn’t stop now.

Ryan was involved, the boy knew his secrets. Johnson cursed himself at the thought, he shouldn’t have tried to get Ryan as well. The teenager was too smart for his own good.

But with Ray, with that leverage, he could control Ryan. Because he had Ray completely. The idiot was in love, more than that, he was a teenager in love. At this point Johnson could do anything and get away with it.

It showed as well, it showed in the way Ray wore scarves, trying to cover Johnson’s marks. It showed in how Ray winced and whined sometimes, J having been too rough. It showed in the bruises that laced themselves around Ray’s wrists.

Johnson smiled at the thought. Soon he’d have Ray to himself with no friends, family or school to protect him.

After that, Johnson could do whatever he liked.

 

 

As Gavin dragged himself to Hullum’s office he spotted Ray in the distance, slipping out the school gates. Gavin frowned in confusion but it wasn’t as if there was anything he could do, Ray was too far away.

Gavin knocked on the office door, hoping that it would be empty and was sorely disappointed. Heyman was in there, having some kind of heated conversation with Hullum, all Gavin could make out was ‘Haywood’ before Joel noticed him.

Joel straightened immediately and turned back to face Hullum.

“Matt-”

“Joel, wait outside. I need to talk to Free now.” Hullum said, distractedly. Joel glared at him for a moment before leaving the room.

“If you want I could just go.” Gavin mumbled. Hullum fixed him with a look that made him think that wasn’t likely to happen. So instead Gavin just pulled up a seat.

“Mr Free, your home tutor has told me you keep on coming in with injuries. These,” Hullum gestured to Gavin’s face which the boy ducked in shame. “Are not the worst you’ve come in with but it’s happening more and more often. Gavin, who’s hurting you?”

“No-one sir. I’m clumsy.” Gavin muttered, still staring down at the floor. Hullum sighed, leaning back and dragging a hand through his hair.

“Gavin I want to help you okay? More than anything in the world right now I want to help you. If another student is causing these kind of issues I can get them out of the school. If it’s a teacher I can fire their ass and get them sent to prison. If it’s someone outside the school I can get in contact with the police. If it’s your parents,” Hullum didn’t miss Gavin’s flinch and sighed internally as he realised his hunch had been right. “We can make you safe.”

“I’m sorry sir, I fell over.”

“Gavin, I want to help you.” Hullum stated again, staring at Gavin as if he was telling the truth, as if someone actually gave a fuck about Gavin. That was how Gavin knew he was lying. “But you have to help me first.”

“Sorry sir, I can’t.” With that Gavin rose and grabbed his bag, not even waiting for Hullum to dismiss him, and walked off to English.

Behind him Hullum buried his head in his hands and reached for the phone before pausing. If the boy didn’t say anything there was only so much the school could do. Matt’s hand hovered before he sighed and retracted it. He’d give it until the end of the day.

Joel strode back into the office, slamming the door and Hullum groaned. The day was only just beginning.

 

 

 

Lunch was a pitiful affair. Miles wasn’t eating, still thinking about Ryan’s revelation earlier. Geoff wasn’t eating either, too nauseous after the violent detox. Jack was almost too busy watching Geoff to eat and most definitely too busy to make easy conversation. Kerry was staring down at his food for most of the meal, not even touching it.

Michael was stabbing his food grumpily, still pissed at himself for unintentionally causing Gavin to be hurt. Ray and Ryan just weren’t there. Lindsay and Barbra weren’t even bothering with conversation anymore, the tension within the group was almost toxic at the moment.

But when Gavin walked in the entire atmosphere changed. Geoff and Michael exchanged a look and intercepted Gavin, grabbing all the food they could from their trays. The others all stared up in horror at the new injuries Gavin had acquired since the previous day.

Gavin saw them coming and tried to turn back and leave but they just stood next to him, not letting him go anywhere.

“What do you two want?” Gavin ground out, glaring at them behind half closed lids, squeezed shut from the swelling.

“What the fuck happened last night Gavin?” Michael asked, angrily. Gavin glared at them before realising they weren’t likely to drop it.

“Can we- can we do this somewhere else?” Gavin murmured. Geoff frowned before nodding and opening one of the classroom doors. They then stood shoulder to shoulder as Gavin collapsed into one of the chairs.

“Gavin, I want to say sorry about last night. I don’t know what I was-” Geoff started but was quickly cut off by Gavin raising his hand.

“I pissed you off. I get it. Can I go? I’m bloody hungry.” As Gavin spoke the door opened again and Jack walked in. He smiled at Gavin gently before setting down the tray of food he was holding. He then sat down next to Geoff. Gavin glared at him for a moment before Jack motioned forwards.

“Eat.” Jack said. Gavin didn’t do anything.

“Eat the fucking food dumbass.” Michael said, scowling at his boyfriend (friend?). Gavin pouted back but grabbed some of the food and began to tear into it, as if he hadn’t eaten for hours. In fact he hadn’t eaten since dinner two days ago. He was hungry, so sue him.

While he munched away, Geoff and Jack exchanged glances. Jack seemed to ask Geoff if this was okay, if he was going to be okay with this. In response Geoff just nodded tiredly. He had to be.

Michael started.

“Gav, I uh, I wanna apologise. I didn’t think your parents were-” Michael broke off and gulped in the face of Gavin’s glare, it wasn’t angry, that was the worst thing. It was just empty, just like he’d been the previous night in Geoff’s house.

“I know you didn’t mean it. I should have told you earlier.”

Michael frowned at that, Gavin was just rolling over.

“Really?”

“Of course not! What the hell were you thinking Michael? You knew I wasn’t out! You knew they made me wear different clothes! Even if you didn’t know they hit me you still knew that!” Gavin yelled, pausing as Jack looked shocked. ”What?”

“They beat you?” Jack asked, throat too constricted to talk through. Gavin sighed, putting his head into his hands before answering. Jack cursed and took in a deep breath. He couldn’t let this go now. He had to be strong for just a bit longer.

“Yeah, they hit me. Yeah, this is what they did because- because of last night.”

“Gav, what did they do? Exactly?” Geoff asked, in a no nonsense voice. He could tell that the Brit was in pain and he’d bet his bottom dollar that Gavin hadn’t been given any kind of treatment. Geoff could still see blood on the boy’s neck. Gavin glanced away and Geoff frowned. “Answer me Gavin!”

“Why the fuck should I? You’re just as bad as they are.”

Geoff sucked in a deep breath and looked away. Jack stared at Gavin, mouth agape.

“How the hell can you say that?”

“What do you mean? He bloody clobbered me yesterday!”

“That doesn’t make him an abusive asshole!” Michael spat back.

“Don’t talk about my parents like that!” Gavin yelled, rising from his seat.

“What the hell Gavin? They beat you up for kicks! Why are you still so loyal to them?”

“Because they’re his parents.” Jack said softly, looking up with tired eyes. Next to him Geoff sighed before nodding.

“Gavvy, I never told you why I live with Griffon.” Geoff took a seat next to Gavin, ignoring as the younger boy scooted away. Michael stayed standing, glowering at nothing much. His fears from the previous night hadn’t been unfounded; Gavin’s parents were abusive.

Worse than that, Michael had caused them to beat up the other boy. It made Michael feel sick, especially after seeing Gavin, hunched over and in agony.

“You’re her boyfriend.” Gavin stated, shrugging.

“And we’re in high school. Dunno how it works back in England but that shit doesn’t happen over here. No, Jack persuaded me to go to Griffon after- well, after my parents went too far.” Geoff bowed his head at this, remembering just how it had felt, seeing his parents almost ready to kill him.

“Went too far? What the toss is that meant to mean?” Gavin asked, as if he was trying to be aggressive but the anger fell short in the face of his own curiosity. Geoff sighed deeply and Michael shifted uncomfortably. He hadn’t known Geoff when the shit storm had gone down but he’d known of him.

He heard the story about the kid whose parents nearly killed him, who’d got out just in time and felt pity. After meeting Geoff the pity quickly disappeared leaving Michael with respect for the older teen. He’d lived through something that would have broken most men, let alone a kid.

Jack just watched as Geoff prepared himself to tell his story again.

“My parents used to beat me too Gavin. It wasn’t outbursts, they were trying to make me better. Every day I’d go home and they’d watch me, everything I did. If I didn’t do something right, like I was playing video games too loud, they’d beat me. I thought it was normal for years. By the time I worked out it wasn’t, my parents had escalated it.”

Gavin looked on with a look of dawning apprehension and a growing admiration for the boy next to him.

“They wouldn’t let me out, worried that other children would mess me up. I wasn’t allowed to watch TV or read books. They would lock me in my room at weekends with nothing to do. If I made a noise they’d beat me. Sometimes they just didn’t feed me, telling me not to look for food. It was meant to be character building or some shit like that.” Geoff shrugged, half-heartedly.

“Then, one night when I was about thirteen they snapped. I’d been late home, I’d eaten at school and I was talking about Jack just a bit too loudly. They beat the shit out of me that night.” Geoff chuckled slightly at that, a sound that was so far from happy. “Next day I went into school and Jack noticed my chest was bruised. Took me to the nurses office and then I told him what was going on. By the end of the night my parents were in jail and I was in hospital. My dad had messed up something inside, had busted a rib that shifted just wrong.”

“It nearly killed you Geoff.” Jack said, frowning as the boy tried to pass off the touch with death as if it was a stubbed toe. Geoff looked at the boy sadly for a moment before nodding.

“Yeah. Punctured my lung, that’s- that’s quite something.” Geoff’s eyes gained a haunted look as he remembered just what had happened.

_Jack crashed into an empty classroom and froze as Geoff turned around. The boy was weirdly presentable. His clothes were scruffy but that was just Geoff. As Jack ran in Geoff smiled, remaining sat on the table._

_For all intents and purposes Geoff looked fine. He was smiling, a crooked grin that made most people see him as a trouble maker and nothing more. There weren’t any visible injuries or any hint that something was wrong._

_But Jack knew Geoff. He’d been there when Geoff had been kicked out of his house. He’d been there when Geoff was half starved, afraid to ask for help just in case he was beaten. He was there last night when he saw the fear in Geoff’s eyes, his shaking hands as he accepted a cereal bar._

_Jack could see a similar expression in Geoff’s eyes now, a fear that Jack knew all too well._

_“Hey Jackie.” Geoff croaked out, surprising himself at the hoarseness of his voice. Jack strode over, with all the righteous fury a twelve year old could muster. He paused in front of Geoff before ripping the older boy’s shirt up. Geoff let out a cry of warning but it didn’t stop Jack._

_They both froze as Geoff’s skin was revealed. Most of the skin was mottled with bruises. There were small cuts that were scrappily pulled together in some pretence of perfection by band aids. But what caught Jack’s eyes was Geoff’s left side._

_There was a rib out of place. Jack stared at it in confusion. He could trace every single one of Geoff’s ribs if he wanted to, the boy was nearly skeletal. But there were three ribs that looked wrong. He gently prodded them and Geoff cried out in pain._

_“Geoff, what happened?” Jack asked in horror, unable to drag his eyes from the misplaced ribs. Geoff offered a queasy smile and shrugged, every movement looking like it cost him something dear._

_“Bad night.” Geoff took in a gulp of air after that, slowly moving away from Jack, trying to get a full breath in. Jack glared at him and held tight, not letting the boy escape._

_“Your ribs are in the wrong place Geoff!”_

_“No Jackie, they’re just- just-” Geoff stared down at them, slowly licking his lips. They weren’t in the right place. He knew that. But he also knew he couldn’t do anything._

_Ribs meant serious damage. Serious damage meant a hospital. A hospital meant his parents finding out just how weak he was._

_“Just what?” Jack asked sternly, crossing his arms._

_“They’re just bruised.” Geoff breathed out, trying to ignore how much it hurt. He was a teenager now, he could cope with a bit of pain. He pulled his shirt back down and stood shakily. Maybe, just maybe, if he got through the day he’d prove how strong he was._

_Because they did hurt, they hurt so badly he wanted to just curl up and not move until it went away. But he couldn’t. He had to be strong. That’s all his parents wanted. And Geoff would be damned if he let them down again._

_Geoff made it half way across the room before crying out in pain as he felt something inside him break. He collapsed to the floor, gasping for air that didn’t come. Jack’s eyes flew open and he fell to the floor beside his friend who was gulping desperately._

_“Geoff? Geoff!” Jack screamed. Geoff didn’t respond, couldn’t respond. That realisation was all it took for Jack to run, leaving Geoff alone, suffocating on the floor._

_Just before Geoff passed out he figured it was probably right. His parents had been right all along. He wasn’t strong enough for anyone to love him._

 “I promise Gavin, I’m not like your parents.” Geoff said quietly, mind half stuck in the past. “I’m not like my parents either. I try to care for you, I _try_ to look after you. I’m trying so hard right now and I think I’m just fucking it up even more.”

“Geoff-” Gavin started, unsure of what to say. What was he meant to say? Before he could work it out Geoff shook his head.

“I didn’t say that to make you feel sorry for me. I didn’t say it to make you pity me.” Geoff almost snarled at that word. He’d gone too far to want anyone’s pity, gown too much to need it. “I told you that because if you stay with your parents I can fucking promise you it’ll end the same. It won’t get better. They won’t get better. If you think they will, you’re dumb as dicks.”

“What do you want me to do then?” Gavin asked tiredly. He was so tired nowadays. He didn’t want to keep fighting, having to struggle every day to make sure he’d get through it. Gavin didn’t want to live like this but there wasn’t anything else he could do. He was only in America because of his parent’s jobs and if he left his parents he didn’t know what would happen.

“Go to Hullum. Tell him what they’re doing to you.” Michael snapped. Geoff sighed. It was obvious, from an outsider’s perspective. Gavin’s parents were hurting him so he should get away from them.

But Geoff had been through this. It wasn’t simple, it wasn’t easy. He’d raged and yelled against Jack before going. In the end he’d only gone because he started to drown, his blood filling up his lungs, suddenly couldn’t breathe, the rib shifting against his lung. The hospital trip was enough for Jack to make a final desperate plea which no longer fell on deaf ears.

“What did they do to you Gavin?” Jack asked softly.

“What do you mean?” Gavin knew full well what Jack meant but he was going to force the older boy to say it.

“Last night, what did they do?”

Michael glanced between the two boys. It looked like some kind of battle of wills between them. Gavin was the first to look away, wiping a hand down his face as if trying to pull off the tired expression. It didn’t work.

“They hit me around a little bit. Then they yelled. Then-” Gavin paused, licking his lips. He didn’t know how to put the next bit into words. Instead he just turned and raised his shirt, revealing both the fresh bruises from the stairs and the belt marks.

“Fucking hell!” Michael exclaimed, turning so as to not have to look at them anymore. Jack winced but Geoff just nodded and sighed.

“Gavin, please. Go to Hullum. Do your parents know you’re here today?”

Gavin shook his head and Michael cursed again, wanting to rage and scream and barely holding it in.

“They’re going to punish you when you get back?” Jack asked and sighed as Gavin nodded. “Do you think they’ll stop this time? Look at yourself Gavin. Just- please-”

“What age were you Geoff?” Gavin interrupted quietly.

“When they started or when I left?” Geoff asked tiredly, running a hand through his hair.

“Both.”

“I dunno when they started. They always used to hit me as a punishment, corporal punishment and all, but I don’t know when it became more. I left when I was thirteen.”

Gavin sucked in a breath at that, imagining a thirteen year old Geoff, beaten and bloody as Jack tried to calm him. Michael just stared at the wall. He’d known this since before he’d even known Geoff. Jack glanced at Geoff who just offered a shaky smile in return.

“Gav, if you don’t then you can stay at mine for a bit. My parents- I told my parents that I messed up.” Michael said quietly, begging Gavin’s forgiveness without a word. Gavin met his eyes for a moment and sighed.

“What happened to your parents?” Gavin asked, quietly, looking to Geoff again.

“They’re both in jail. Got long sentences and they’re not going to be out for a while. When they do I’ll be old enough to stay the fuck away from them.”

“If they got out would you talk to them?”

Geoff stared at the younger boy for a moment, thinking over the question. In the end he didn’t know. His parents had nearly killed him. But they were his parents. They loved him. That had been the problem after all.

“I don’t know. Maybe at some point. But not yet, not until I knew they couldn’t hurt me again.” Jack sighed at that. He didn’t care if those people got out tomorrow. There was no fucking way they were hurting Geoff again.

Gavin nodded softly, thinking it over in his head.

“But Gavvy, we’re different cases here. You can’t do it just because I did it. That would be dumb as fuck. You’ve got to work it out for yourself.”

“If I- If I told the police would you still be here?” Gavin whispered, looking vulnerable. Michael frowned at that, looking at the normally boisterous Brit. Over the months they’d known each other Michael had learned that Gavin had issues.

Gavin hadn’t mentioned his binders or his parents until it was nearly too late, both times afraid of what they’d think.

“We’re not going to leave you dipshit.” Michael said aggressively. “We’re bois, remember?” There was a pause as they stared at each other, both knowing the weight that they’d attached to that word.

“Thanks boi.” Gavin said, smiling up at him. He then stood shakily and nodded, looking to Geoff. “I’ll do it.”

Jack smiled and stood as well.

“Let’s get this over with then.”

 

 

Ryan felt like his phone weighed a hundred pounds in his pocket. He’d seen what was on it but hadn’t dared to show Miles.

The words were burned so deep into his own head he was surprised Miles couldn’t read the smoke signals.

There had been four pictures, followed by three texts.

Each depicted him, from different angles, as he lay naked in Johnson’s bed, spent. Ryan felt sick as he thought about them, he hadn’t even seen the man take them. He wondered how many of the other children hadn’t known until it was too late.

Ryan pulled out his phone and flipped through it quickly, finding the texts.

**From: J**

**If you even think of telling anyone everyone will find these. Your parents, your friends, your classmates.**

**From: J**

**If that’s not enough, remember the others. I can destroy Narvaez just as easily as you.**

**From: J**

**It’s your choice Haywood.**

It wasn’t even a choice Ryan knew that. It was a threat, plain and simple. Johnson was trying to show the power he had. Apparently he wasn’t sated with just the power of a teacher or an adult, apparently now he had to blackmail Ryan into keeping his secrets.

Ryan hadn’t let Miles see the texts but he’d told the boy what the texts were and he’d watched as Miles’ face dropped in horror. Miles had finally convinced Ryan to do the right thing; go and report Johnson to Hullum.

But Ryan wanted to put it off for as long as he could, wanted to do anything to not have to show those texts to someone else, to not show what Johnson did and just how he was threatening Ryan.

So first Ryan tried to find Ray, in some kind of hope that the boy would finally believe him. He didn’t find Ray before school and the boy didn’t answer his phone all the way through the first lesson. So there Ryan was, with no idea what to do next.

“Haywood!”

In retrospect, not going straight to Hullum was a terrible idea. Ryan turned around slowly to find Johnson striding down the corridor. The students around Ryan glanced at the pair curiously and Ryan tried to back away but Johnson was quicker.

He grabbed hold of Ryan’s sleeve and pulled him into the drama studio. Ryan stood tall and ripped his arm away, facing Johnson straight on. He tried to ignore how much taller the man was, how much older he was and how much stronger.

Ryan knew all this already, after all, Ryan could still feel the ache around his hips from the man’s hands.

“Let me go Johnson!” Ryan demanded, in a voice far stronger than he thought he could make.

“Or you’ll do what?” Johnson spat, knowing he had all the power in the conversation.

“It doesn’t matter! You can’t do a thing to stop me getting to Hullum!”

Before Ryan could say another thing Johnson slammed him against the wall so hard the breath was knocked out of Ryan.

“You’re not going to fucking testify. You know what happens if you do? My little whore,” Ryan winced as Johnson mentioned Ray, he still had no idea how Johnson had managed to make Ray think he cared. “Will back me up and you’ll be left alone. Is that what you fucking want?”

“You’re lying! I’m going to tell Ray! He’s going to believe me!”

“Why the fuck would he do that? He knows what you are.”

“W-what?” Ryan asked, confused. Johnson just smirked, using the hand not pushing Ryan against the wall to pull down the boy’s shirt collar just a bit more, revealing some of the marks from the previous night.

“A good fuck.”

“No! That’s not-!” Ryan redoubled his efforts but Johnson kept him pinned.

“It’s funny really. You love him.” Johnson all but purred the words as he let his hand wander down the boy’s body. Ryan struggled but Johnson was stronger. “He liked you. He _really_ , liked you. Then I came along. He doesn’t give a fuck about you Haywood. He doesn’t give a fuck about any of you anymore.”

“He does!”

Johnson just chuckled at that, moving his hand to the hem of Ryan’s shirt.

“That bitch doesn’t care about you. He’s convinced he loves me though. It’s one of the best things about children, they’re naïve.

Ryan felt the hand rise and he couldn’t help the squeak that escaped his mouth. Johnson’s face twisted into a smirk.

“You- you can’t hurt him anymore!” Ryan squeaked out, cursing as his voice trembled slightly. Johnson just smirked and leaned forwards, hands dropping down past Ryan’s navel to skim the top of the boy’s jeans.

“Have you seen him today? He’s all ready to run away with me. He’ll do whatever I ask him to do. I wonder how far that’ll go? Do you want to find out?” Johnson’s hand hovered over the top of the boy’s pants and Ryan shook his head.

His head was spinning, why the hell would Ray leave? What had Johnson said to persuade him? What could the bastard have possibly said? But not for one second did Ryan doubt it. Johnson had Ray wrapped around his little finger.

He was right, after all, Ray would do anything.

“Good. You don’t breathe a word of this and I let Ray keep his innocence for a little bit longer.” Johnson then ran his eyes across Ryan’s face, almost appraisingly. Ryan knew what he was about to say and turned his head back. Johnson’s hands slowly slid into the boy’s pants, brushing against his underpants and Ryan couldn’t stop the whimper that was ripped from him.

Ryan honestly couldn’t describe his next emotions. He didn’t really believe in a God, not strongly at any rate. He also didn’t put much by fate. But somehow the next noise he heard wasn’t Johnson’s instructions, identical to the previous night. It wasn’t another sob from his own lips, the treacherous mouth that would all too soon be abused just as the boy was.

It was the door swinging open.

A figure appeared in the doorway.

Joel Heyman stood in there, surveying the scene in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time.


	37. End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: End  
> A final part of something, especially a period of time, an activity, or a story.

 

Heyman, still standing in the doorway, took a moment to look at the scene in front of him. Johnson used that moment to discreetly remove his hand from Ryan’s pants.

“What the fuck is going on in here?” Heyman exclaimed after a few seconds. Johnson stepped back and regarded Ryan for a moment, obviously thinking intently.

“Joel! This boy attacked me!” Johnson shouted, looking to Heyman for help. Ryan pressed his head back against the wall, trapped. He knew what would happen if he didn’t play along, what Johnson would do to Ray.

“Is this true Haywood?” Heyman asked, cautiously. Ryan nodded, still not looking at Heyman.

“Yes sir.” Ryan croaked out. From the corner of his eye he could see the smirk on Johnson’s face which vanished as soon as Heyman glanced over at him.

“Ryan,” Joel said softly. Ryan looked down at him in surprise and saw a steel in the teacher’s eyes he’d never seen before. But then the teacher dropped the gaze and Ryan breathed out heavily.

“I’ll take him to Matt, Joel, don’t worry.” Johnson said, grabbing Ryan’s arm. Ryan felt like sobbing. They weren’t going to Hullum.

“Johnson, can I have a word please?” Joel muttered quietly, turning his back on Ryan to create some image of privacy. Johnson glared at Ryan, as if ordering a dog to sit, before walking round to Joel. The glare made Ryan feel even worse.

Because at the end of the day he was a dog, a bitch. He couldn’t fight back, couldn’t do anything to protect what was his. Or what was Ray’s.

So Ryan just watched as Johnson prepared to weave more lies, creating a netting that would ensnare the two teenagers for as long as he could. Because there was no way out now, not until Ryan could promise Ray’s safety. He couldn’t just abandon the younger boy. Not when Ryan would be the cause of so much pain.

Johnson kept his eyes on Ryan and straightened his jacket a bit and dusting himself off. Ryan felt a spike of hate at that, that his attacker would just dust it off himself. Ryan couldn’t have bruised him, couldn’t have split the skin. Johnson would walk out of here with no problem. Ryan couldn’t.

“Joel? I need to-”

Suddenly Joel lunged forwards. Johnson didn’t even have time to finish his sentence before Joel’s fist crashed into his face. Johnson reeled backwards, holding his nose in pain but Joel just continued to advance. Ryan jumped at the movement, staring at Joel in amazement.

The cold fury that Ryan had witnessed briefly in the past was back with a vengeance. Joel no longer looked like the absent minded head of drama. This was a new beast all together, made of fury and remorse at not being able to help his students. He looked like a man possessed and a man in complete control, a wild beast and a creature of cold reason but most of all, he looked terrifying.

“I think you forgot something Johnson.” Joel stood over Johnson, looking down in disgust at the crumpled figure. “I know Ray. I know Ryan. I _know_ when they’re lying to me.”

At that Johnson roared and leapt towards Joel, swinging wildly with his fists. Joel ducked under the first attack and elbowed Johnson in the stomach, hard.

Ryan looked on in morbid fascination as the two teachers began to exchange blows, fairly equally matched. Ryan knew, somehow, that he was safe. While they were constantly moving Joel was repeatedly putting his back to Ryan, forcing Johnson to go through him if he wanted to hurt the teenager.

“Get Sorola!” Joel yelled at Ryan, getting a fist to the stomach as payment. Ryan didn’t need any more prompting as he raced out of the studio, barely escaping Johnson’s flailing arm.

Ryan crashed into the nearest classroom, obviously interrupting Sorola in the middle of marking.

“Haywood! What are you-” Sorola started, staring angrily at Ryan. But Ryan quickly overrode him, shouting.

“Joel’s in trouble!”

The change that came over the grumpy maths teacher was astounding. He leapt from the desk, moving faster than Ryan had ever seen, and rushed past Ryan to race into the drama studio.

Ryan had to struggle to keep up despite how close it was.

When they came back into the studio Ryan once again hung around the edge of the fight, knowing he wouldn’t be any good. Joel seemed to have held his own but he was bleeding from a split lip and was almost definitely in a lot of pain.

But when Gus joined the fight it changed. Johnson couldn’t possibly resist both of them and it was over very quickly. Joel soon had Johnson pinned on the floor, not letting the man get any kind of leverage against him. Gus was the one who then did what anyone in the situation would do, the most obvious and the simplest thing to do.

“What the fuck is going on?”

Joel flicked his eyes to Ryan who was still standing nervously.

“Ryan,” Joel said quietly. Ryan glanced at him, scared. But his gaze quickly slipped down to Johnson who smirked devilishly. Ryan was caught, stuck between a rock and a hard place.

If he told them Ray might be out of his reach, out of anyone’s reach. Ryan didn’t know if Johnson was alone, didn’t know where Ray was. He didn’t even know how to contact Ray. But if he didn’t explain then Ray would leave, would be at the mercy of Johnson.

It was either definitely losing Ray soon or maybe having already lost him. In the end the answer was simple.

 “He and Ray have been sleeping together.” Ryan blurted out, taking a large amount of satisfaction as Johnson’s face twisted in anger. Joel shut his eyes for a moment, as if a theory had been proved correct. But Sorola just stared, open mouthed between Ryan and Johnson. “It’s happened since last year. He’s persuaded Ray to leave. I don’t know where he is!”

The two teachers exchanged a horrified glance at that.

“Is that everything?” Joel asked. Ryan did a double take. The normally insane and hilarious drama teacher was suddenly powerful, furious and in the perfect position to protect Ryan. At that thought Ryan got the last of the courage he needed.

“He’s got pictures. Of Ray and- and others I don’t know them.” Ryan decided not to tack his own name to the list, still trying to ignore the pictures’ existence. It was just- just nothing. Not compared to Ray.

“Pictures?” Gus asked, as if he really didn’t want to know.

“They’re porn.” Ryan whispered. “I don’t think the boys even knew.”

“Fuck.” Gus whispered, still glancing between Ryan and Johnson. Johnson, on the floor, knew the jig was up, knew there was nothing he could do to cowl Ryan Haywood.

“I’m going to fucking kill you, you whore!” Johnson was silenced as Gus kicked the man’s skull as hard as he could, knocking him out instantly.

“You’re not going to touch him you motherfucker.” Gus whispered down at the man lying unconscious on the floor. Joel smirked at Gus, standing up and brushing himself off.

“And people say I have issues.”

The look that Gus shot Joel would have been comical in another world, would have set Ryan off laughing. But all he could think about was the weight in his phone, the weight of all of those pictures.

“Ryan, Ryan are you okay?” Gus asked, looking at the boy worriedly. “Did he hurt you?” Ryan shook his head numbly.

“He just felt me up a bit.”

Sorola’s eyes widened in horror and he turned to Joel who simply looked saddened. 

“Ryan, how did you find those pictures?” Joel asked softly. Ryan tensed, he didn’t want anyone to know about what Johnson had done to him. Even at the time, in the moment it had been barely survivable but with Joel looking at him like that he felt ashamed and dirty. It felt wrong and that feeling seemed to have changed to him as well, as if he was covered in some kind of oily sheen now that he couldn’t scrub off.

And yeah, he’d tried to.

 “I- I-” Ryan stammered, trying to work out what he was meant to say. Gus stared at him, confused for a moment.

“Jesus Ryan, you didn’t-”

“No- no!” Ryan exclaimed, knowing that Gus was nearly there, nearly knew what Johnson had done. “I uh- I found them! In- in his briefcase. I was going to-” As Ryan stuttered he could feel his hands beginning to shake, he knew it sounded terrible but he couldn’t stop, couldn’t let them know.

“I was looking for proof that Johnson wasn’t uh- wasn’t the guy I thought.”

“So you looked and then he attacked you?” Gus asked curiously. Joel narrowed his eyes and glanced over at Johnson’s briefcase, tightly locked and under a thick stack of paper. 

“Gus,” Joel commanded quietly, seeing how distraught Ryan was getting. “We need to take Mr Johnson to Matt. Ryan, go find Ray. He’s going to need someone right about now.”

Ryan nodded gratefully and ran. Behind him Gus hauled Johnson up, assisted by Joel. When Johnson ‘accidently’ crashed to the floor Joel smirked at a glowering Gus.

“Sorry.” Gus said, sounding anything but.

As Ryan ran down the corridors, trying to find Ray he was only met with a rising sense of dread. He knew Ray wouldn’t be there. The question then was where _would_ he be?

 

Ray looked around his bedroom, chewing his bottom lip. The smile that was threatening to break across his face made him feel as if he was flying, as if he could do whatever he wanted.

He grabbed a few handheld games, a few changes of clothes and some of his electronics. He then surveyed the room. There was still so much left there, he’d lived there for seventeen years after all.

But looking around he didn’t care about it. He could get more stuff. He could make new stuff. With J by his side he could do whatever he wanted.

Ray sauntered downstairs, humming a tune to himself and grabbed a pen and a scrap of paper.

**Sorry mom I’m leaving. I found someone who loves me and we’re going to spend our lives together. I’ll call when we’ve arrived. Love you and don’t worry. I can handle myself.**

**-Ray**

With that done, Ray left the house, still humming under his breath. He was ready to face the world. He was ready to be with J, free of any constraints.

 

 

Gavin, Geoff, Jack and Michael walked into Hullum’s office to be confronted with two police men, Heyman, Sorola and a pale faced Ryan.

They were more than a bit confused.

“Gavin, what the hell happened to you?” Ryan asked, rising out of the chair and walking towards his friend. Gavin half opened his mouth before staring down at his shoes and shrugging. Michael looked at him worriedly and slipped his hand into Gavin’s.

Hullum stood from behind the desk, he looked tired.

“Gavin, what happened?”

“I- I need help.” Gavin nearly whispered, still staring at his shoes. Hullum looked, with wide eyes between Ryan and Gavin. They both needed help. The police men looked to Hullum for direction and he sighed, sinking back into his seat.

“Ryan, do you have anything else to say?”

Ryan looked worriedly between his friends and the police men. Geoff, Jack and Gavin were both confused, wondering just what had happened that needed the police. But Michael was just staring at him with a look of dawning comprehension that Ryan hated.

“Jesus Ryan, you’re testifying? Does Ray know?” Michael asked, astounded. He didn’t think it would come to this, or if it did he thought Ray would be the one to do it. However the boy was no-where to be seen.

At his words the two teachers stiffened and turned to stare at Michael.

“You knew about this?” Gus asked, astonished. Michael shrugged, staring at Ryan with an open mouth.

“You- please tell me you didn’t do anything dumb.”

Ryan didn’t, couldn’t, meet his gaze. In his place Sorola stepped up.

“How much did you know, Michael?”

“Not much.” Michael muttered, still staring at Ryan who was still not meeting his gaze. Hullum, from his desk, sighed deeply.

“Gavin, I think we need to talk. Ryan, I-” Hullum sighed, faced with two students who both needed him. He should prioritise Ryan, should prioritise the student who could tell him how a student in his care had been manipulated and molested by a person in power.

But he knew if he let Gavin go the boy wouldn’t come back.

“Ryan, are you alright if I go and talk to Gavin? Joel and Gus can stay here.”

Ryan nodded nervously and Hullum smiled at the boy. He stood and walked over to Gavin who looked even worse close up.

“Come on. We’ll go find somewhere quiet.”

“I’m coming with him.” Michael stated. Hullum looked surprised for a second before looking at Gavin who nodded.

“Me too.” Geoff added. Jack smiled at them and shook his head.

“It’ll be plenty crowded without me.” As he said that he backed out of the room. Geoff and Michael could handle this just fine.

Ryan watched his friends go nervously. He hadn’t told the police men about the previous night, just what he’d known beforehand. It had been illegal after all. After seeing Michael’s face his mind had been made up; he wasn’t going to tell anyone.

Gavin, Geoff and Michael were brought into an empty classroom. Hullum entered and scribbled something on a piece of paper.

**Do not disturb**

**-Hullum**

He then put the sign on the outside of the door. The last thing he needed was someone to come in and spook Gavin. The boy looked bad enough as it was.

“Hullum, Gavin needs to talk to you.” Geoff said, giving Gavin no time to escape the situation. Hullum nodded, pulling up a chair and gesturing the boys to do the same. He didn’t escape the wince from Gavin as he leaned back.

“Call me Matt.” Hullum said. Gavin looked at him, untrusting and Matt sighed. This could take a while. “Gavin, what happened to you?”

Gavin licked his lips but said nothing, glancing at Michael. Michael squeezed his hand and Gavin nodded, taking a deep breath.

“I- I need to get away from my parents.” Gavin said in a weak voice. Matt nodded, leaning forwards slightly.

“Gavin, have they hurt you?” Matt asked softly. Gavin stared down at his lap, as if torn.

“Go on Gavin.” Michael murmured from next to him. Geoff glared at him but it made Gavin meet Matt’s eyes for a moment.

“Yes. They- they hit me. They’ve done it for years but not- not like this. Never this bad. I don’t- I don’t know what they’re going to do to me.”

Matt nodded, ready to comfort Gavin. But Michael stepped up to do that, whispering softly to the boy who was obviously trying hard not to sob.

“Gavin, I can protect you okay? I can get you somewhere safe. The police men in there will want to take you to the station to answer a few questions. When that’s done they won’t be able to hurt you ever again. But first you need to tell me what they did.”

“I’m transgender.” Gavin muttered, not meeting Matt’s eyes. Matt nodded, he’d guessed as much. “They don’t- don’t agree with it.” he glanced at Michael who was scowling down at the floor, still pissed that he’d been the one to reveal how much they disagreed with it.

“That’s why they did this.” Gavin gestured vaguely to himself. Matt sighed.

“Gavin, you’re going to be more specific.” Matt said sadly. He didn’t want to know this, didn’t want to find out just what had happened to the boy but he needed to.

“My dad started hitting me. I thought- I thought it would just be a few hits. But then he didn’t stop. I thought- I didn’t know when he’d stop. After that he took off his belt and-” Gavin lapsed into silence and the tension in the room simply grew as he fiddled slightly with his hands, having retracted it from Michael’s grip.

“When I was allowed to leave I ran up the stairs but my mum grabbed me. I- I think I tripped but the next thing I remember I woke up this morning.”

“Okay Gavin. Thank you for telling me. I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure they can’t hurt you. You’re safe now.”

Gavin nodded, eyes filling with tears. Matt handed him a pack of tissues and stood.

“I’m going to talk with the officers and they’re going to take you down to the station.”

Geoff stood as well, staring down Matt. The man suddenly realised just how difficult this must be for Geoff. He knew what Gavin felt like.

Matt hadn’t known Geoff when he reported his parents but he’d heard of him. The kid who hid his abuse for years, who starved himself on the orders of manipulative abusive parents, who hid bruises and cuts, who would have hidden broken ribs if he hadn’t collapsed.

No-one really knew how much he’d hidden and Geoff was in no hurry to tell them.

“I’m going down with him. I know how difficult that shit is and there’s no fucking way he’s going alone.”

Matt raised his eyebrows at the aggressive tone but simply nodded.

“I’m not expecting you two back into lessons until tomorrow. Gavin, I’m going to need to discuss that with you but that can wait for a while. All that matters now is that you’re safe.”

Gavin smiled weakly up at Matt and nodded. As he stood, flanked by Geoff and Michael, he finally began to believe it.

Ray’s phone was alive with texts and calls as he sat on J’s couch. He’d gone straight from his house to J’s, worried that someone would learn of what they were doing.

Ray knew it wasn’t entirely rational but he didn’t care. He knew how he felt for J, he knew how the man felt about him and it just made sense to him. It didn’t stop him being worried though. He held his hands in his lap, twisting them as the nerves built up.

He hadn’t called his mom, knowing that his mother could come back before J and he could leave. It didn’t matter, he could drop her a phone call later, he reasoned with himself. If he told her now she’d just freak out and tell him not to go.

It was also why he wasn’t looking at his phone. The unease in his stomach could so easily overpower him, convince him to just go back to school, leave the house and go home. But he didn’t want to.

When twelve o’clock rolled around Ray turned off his phone and went to the kitchen, making lunch for him and J. He spent the next hour alternating between staring at the food and the door.

J didn’t arrive.

He didn’t come in the next hour either.

When Ray was halfway through the next there was a sharp rap at the door which had him racing for it. He wrenched the door open and then froze in horror.

Ryan stood there, with hope on his face and a police officer on either side.

 

 

“Hey Gavvy.”

Gavin turned at Geoff’s voice. Geoff smiled down at him tiredly before sinking down, back pressed against the wall and legs pressed against his chest.

“Geoff?”

“Did I ever tell you,” Geoff pulled down the sleeve of his right arm and showed Gavin the tattoo that had enraptured him so long ago. It was simple; a black anchor with the chain looping around it. “Why I got this?”

Gavin shook his head and Geoff smiled faintly. He drew his arm back to himself and traced the tattoo for a moment before speaking.

“My parents didn’t like me.” Geoff said, in a tone of voice as if he could be talking about the weather. “Never really liked me. They wanted me to be faster, stronger and just better. That’s why they hit me, to train me up.” Geoff’s voice still didn’t change, didn’t even shake at the implications he was putting across.

“They hated a lot about me actually. They hated that I was scruffy, that I cried, that I ate too much. Basically they hated everything I did. But they also hated other people. One time I asked my dad why a man had tattoos and he hit me. I didn’t ask again.”

Gavin gulped, wanting to cut in, to reassure the older man that he didn’t have to talk. But Gavin got the feeling, somehow, that Geoff wasn’t saying this for Gavin. He was saying it for himself.

“When my parents got taken away I got a bit rebellious. Changed my name, even got a new middle name; Lazer.”

“You’re kidding right?” Gavin asked. Geoff grinned at him and shook his head.

“Didn’t cost any extra to change it so why wouldn’t I?”

Gavin chuckled at that and Geoff smiled lazily before his face dropped and his hand began to trace the tattoo again.

“I got this three years after my parents were locked up. Sixteen years old.”

“How’d you get it?” Gavin asked curiously. Geoff smirked slightly at that.

“Found someone who didn’t give a shit. Got an infection but it was worth it. This thing is a part of me. Jack suggested it actually.”

“Does it mean something?”

“Some shit like my inner strength. I had the power to stop my parents, to make sure I didn’t just float away.”

“You always say I made you get it,” Gavin jumped and looked up to see Jack standing over them. He smiled down at them and shook his head. “I have never managed to force you to do a goddamned thing.”

“Sure you have.” Geoff replied before frowning.

“How much have you told him?” Jack asked, glancing at Gavin. Geoff sighed, looking old and so very tired.

“Everything.”

“Everything, everything?” Jack prodded.

“Yeah.” Geoff nodded and Jack smiled, sitting on the floor next to him.

“You told him how you didn’t even accept going to the hospital?”

“That is not how it happened!” Geoff exclaimed. Jack snorted and Gavin giggled quietly. Geoff glanced at him in surprise but Jack didn’t even react. It made sense suddenly, how Gavin cowered and shuddered at all the wrong moments. Jack had seen it before after all.

“Did you tell him how you didn’t even tell anyone until you were thirteen?”

“I told you.”

“Hardly.” Jack scoffed. “You turned up on my doorstep saying your parents had kicked you out.”

“Well-”

“Really?” Gavin asked in amazement. Jack smiled and shook his head.

“Nope. He turned up at my window.” Geoff had the grace to look ashamed at that, glancing away.

“Your window?”

“It was just easier.” Geoff shrugged.

“He was lazy.” Jack replied. Geoff rolled his eyes and Gavin didn’t even notice the smile spreading across his face.

“I was not lazy!”

“Do you remember, you must have been,” Jack paused, trying to think. “Eight? And you just turned up at my window and-”

“You two bloody ramble on.” Gavin scoffed and both of them smiled at him. “But like, what happened?”

Gavin watched the two older teens talk so lightly about something that had so nearly destroyed Geoff. Geoff smiled and laughed at the stories as Jack teased him about this or that. Gavin smiled as he realised that could be him. He didn’t have to be broken.

Jack watched Gavin carefully and smiled as the Brit relaxed. Jack had done this before, sharing a glance with Geoff Jack was assured that Gavin wasn’t about to be left alone. Not as long as they were there.

 

“Ray!” Ryan cried, leaping forwards but Ray pushed him back, terrified.

“Mr Narvaez, we need you to exit the property, it is now a crime scene.”

Ray tried to slam the door shut but the police man blocked it, pushing it all the way open and forcing Ray to stumble backwards. Ryan let out a yelp and raced forwards again but this time stopped just short of Ray at the rage in the boy’s eyes.

“What’s going on?” Ray asked in a small voice that in no way matched the ferocity of the glare he was directing at Ryan. The police men brushed past him and Ray stared after them as they walked around the house. He dreaded to think what they’d find.

Not that he thought that J had done anything wrong but he knew in the eyes of the police it was different. He also knew how easily it would be to work out the nature of their relationship in the house.

“Ray, Johnson’s been arrested.”

“You told them!?” Ray shouted, pushing himself away from Ryan. Ryan opened his mouth in denial but then his expression hardened.

“Yeah, I told them. He was about to abduct you Ray!”

“No he wasn’t!” Ray shouted, ignoring the unease in his stomach. He loved J. He understood J. He knew J. He was fairly sure he knew J. But Ryan was just looking at him sadly and Ray felt a stab of uncertainty.

“Ray, you didn’t call him last night.” Ryan’s voice was soft as he prepared himself to reveal a secret he wished he’d never had to have.

“Yeah.” Ray said quietly. He didn’t know why Ryan had wanted him to call J but he knew it must have hurt the older boy to know Ray didn’t trust him. Ryan gulped before pulling out his phone and handing it to Ray, with the images that sent a spear of ice through Ryan every time he saw them, shown to the younger boy.

Ray took one look at the messages and threw the phone clean across the room. Ryan watched it go and winced as it hit the wall but didn’t say anything. Ray was white as a sheet, shivering as J’s words burned themselves into his brain.

**_I can destroy Narvaez just as easily as you._ **

“Wha- what is that?” Ray whispered, the enormity of the situation crashing over him.

He could feel his world shuddering around him, the beauty of his love threatening to shatter. The base it was placed upon; J caring about him, was crumbling away.

Ray knew what it would leave behind; the tattered remains of scenery to a play that had long since sold out, the seats empty and the stage breaking. The rips and tears began, Ray remembered the predatory look in J’s eyes, the way he grabbed at the boy viciously. It began to crumble as Ray felt his wrists pulse, the bruises from where J had held him down, whimpering slightly.

Ray suddenly thought about the number of times it had been like that, never fully forced but there’s been times- god there’d been so many times; times when he hadn’t wanted, not then, not there, not like that. But he’d gone along with it, for his love. Just in case J saw sense and left him.

The last of the façade broke when Ray remembered, with sudden clarity the first time he’d gone back to Johnson’s house. Johnson had smirked down at him, predatory and cruel and Ray? Ray had done nothing more than what he’d been commanded.

“He’s-” Ray managed to choke out before breaking down completely. Ryan pulled him close as the younger boy began to sob. The teenager shushed him gently, pulling a hand through his hair comfortingly as Ray realised he’d been played, he’d been manipulated. Johnson had set up a scene, intricately crafting each detail, to lure Ray in.

In the end, what Ray had mistaken for love was simply a story. He was a puppet dancing for Johnson’s pleasure as the man stood above him, pulling the strings.

Ray’s legs suddenly gave out from under him and Ryan caught him, lowering them both to the floor. Ray continued to sob and Ryan felt tears prick his own eyes. It had taken months for Ray to realise what had happened. Ryan didn’t want to think about how long it would take for him to recover. For either of them to recover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is. There will be one more chapter, basically an epilogue but that'll be it. I've toyed with the idea of a sequel and I have ideas but I hit a block every time I try to write it. So, there might be one but don't hold your breath.  
> Thanks everyone who's read this :)  
> See you next time.


	38. Achievement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Define: Achievement  
> Something that has been accomplished by hard work, ability or heroism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end *DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMMM*

The night of the play was a warm one. A storm had been gathering for the last few days and now the rain was finally coming down, dowsing every person trying to get into the school. The audience rushed in with umbrellas above them and coats wrapped around them.

They were all glad when they entered the hall and were greeted with the set. Griffon had truly outdone herself, the issues between Geoff and herself had left her with time to create and the need to attack something with a chainsaw.

Geoff was glad it had just been the set.

He was also incredibly glad Griffon had come home.

She’d done it with no fuss, had just appeared in the house one day, talking about how bad his eating habits were when she was out. In her hustle and bustle it was as if she’d never left. But the kiss she pressed to Geoff’s cheek was different. It was tender and she was smiling proudly up at him.

It said far more than she ever would.

That alone had made the detox worth it.

 

Geoff hopped up onto the stage and walked behind the wings, ignoring the glares of Aaron as he did so. He could do whatever he god dammed pleased. He breezed through the backstage, watching as stage hands frantically moved around the props, to double check.

It was the first night and, coincidently, it had just been the last day of term. Everyone was frantic, rushing around and practicing their lines one last time. The room buzzed with nervous energy that Geoff was trying his hardest to ignore, it wouldn’t do him any good to get worried.

With this in mind he walked into the drama studio, set a way back from the actual stage. There, he saw Ray and Ryan. Ryan was frantic, waving his arms around viciously as he gesticulated wildly. The nerves had obviously got to him.

But what really drew Geoff’s attention was the smirk on Ray’s face. The lad hadn’t been smiling much recently. He hadn’t been doing a lot of anything. He ate and he slept and he came into school but he spent the rest of his time thinking.

He was still coming to terms with who Johnson was and it was more difficult than he could believe. Any time he started doing something his mind would be filled with other thoughts, his original activity set aside in favour of thinking just what would have happened if Ryan hadn’t stepped in, if he hadn’t gone to Johnson’s house. If Ray had left.

“Ray, you okay?” Ryan asked, carefully. Ray snapped his head up and nodded at the boy. He knew that he wasn’t the only one changed after Johnson. Ryan’s change had been less obvious but it was still there.

Ryan was disgusted by the idea of the man touching him. He’d confided in Ray a couple of times that he couldn’t sleep because if he slept he remembered. It showed on the boy, how his eyes were ringed with dark marks and his hands shivered from lack of energy.

But he came into school with a smile every day and he didn’t let anyone around when the smile dropped, when the panic attacks set in. He hadn’t even told Ray about those, how Ryan would just drop as his throat constricted and he could hear Johnson’s words all over again. Because there was another thing Ryan was afraid of, more than anything. He was afraid his parents would find out.

He hadn’t told them, hadn’t answered Joel’s question after seeing Sorola’s face when he paused. Miles, Ray and Michael were the only ones who knew that knew anything. But as much as Ryan wanted to keep it that way he knew he shouldn’t.

“Ray, I know this isn’t the time but,” Ryan sighed, putting his script down. Ray tracked the movement and gulped, conversations that started like this were never good. “I also know we haven’t talked about it but Johnson’s trial is going to happen soon. We-we’re going to be called up.”

Ray looked away, feeling panic rise in him. The whole school knew that Johnson had fucked a student and the rumour mill was flourishing. Not many people had pointed a finger at Ray though. The perks of being an introvert was that no-one thought Ray had been raped and molested by a man he thought he loved.

“Why’d you do it Ryan?” Ray asked, curious. Ryan had never struck him as a stupid person but what he’d done- the extent of what he’d done was beyond ridiculous.

“Do what?”

“Let him fuck you. Hullum would have believed you straight off but you went all the way.” This was not the time to make a joke but Ray was very very tempted. Ryan sighed and looked away, dragging his hand through his hair, a habit he should really drop.

“I- I didn’t.” Ryan whispered. Ray frowned. “I- I mean. I did have sex with him but not- I didn’t _let_ him do anything.”

“What happened?” Ray asked softly. Ryan took in a deep breath and paused. He hadn’t talked before, had held it in and it had nearly destroyed him. Now was the time to change that.

“I went to his house to try and find something and he caught me. I thought it would be okay because I had texted you, that if you found out what I texted you and-” Ryan broke off as they both remembered what Ray had said. Ray looked away guiltily at the memory. He then sighed deeply before forcing himself to meet Ryan’s eyes.

“He raped you?”

“Yeah.” Ryan whispered. “I don’t- I don’t want to talk about it.” Ray stepped forwards and hugged the teen, as if somehow he could help. When he pulled away he had the decency to not notice the way Ryan’s eyes were red and wet. He’d already made Ryan sacrifice so much. The teen should be able to keep what was left of his dignity.

“Okay, but why did you bother? Why didn’t you just leave me and not give a damn? Why did you break into his house? You could have walked away, I gave you enough reason.”

Ryan ducked his head to avoid Ray’s gaze, feeling sick. He knew now he should have gone to Hullum when he found out Ray was sleeping with a teacher but he hadn’t. He knew that everything that had happened could have been avoided. He didn’t blame himself for what Johnson had done to him, not for a second. The man was evil, twisted beyond comprehension. But Ryan allowed himself to be put in that situation and in the end there was only one reason he could think of.

“Look Ray, I- I like you okay? I’ve liked you for a long ass time now. And I didn’t want you to hate me. I didn’t want you to be hurt.”

“You liked me?” Ray asked, surprised. Ryan nodded and Ray heaved a great sigh, unsure of how to continue the conversation.

“I don’t mean anything by that now though,” Ryan said hastily. “I know things have changed and it’s not the ideal time. I know that-”

“Ryan, shut the fuck up.” Ray said, smiling faintly. “I like you too, dumbass.”

There was a pregnant pause as they both considered what to do next. They’d liked each other for so long, far longer than Johnson had been in the picture. Neither of them even really remembered when it had started but it had hit at different times and they’d realised they were screwed.

But Ryan was the first one to break the silence, with a deep sigh.

“It doesn’t change anything though, does it?”

Ray shook his head, feeling a lump in his throat.

“I’m not- I’m just not ready for something like that.” Ray whispered. Ryan nodded.

“I don’t think either of us are.” He said sadly. Ryan had been pining after Ray for a long time, had fallen for him over a year ago. But he couldn’t, in all good faith, do anything now. The idea of anything physical, even just making out, made his stomach lurch uncomfortably. He wasn’t about to get over that any time soon.

Ryan didn’t imagine for one second he was alone in that. He knew Johnson had changed Ray, had quietened him and taken some of the brightness from the boy. Ryan was confident the lad would get it back but not now, not yet.

“How about friends?” Ryan offered. Ray nodded, smiling.

“Did we just friend zone each other?”

Ryan laughed at that and Ray started to chuckle, one of the first real ones since he’d seen that picture of Ryan.

Ryan turned his head slightly as he heard Chris call out for the five minute mark.

“I’d better go.” The teen didn’t move. He bit his lip and frowned for a second. “Can I- can I kiss you Ray?” Ray looked back at him in confusion before nodding. It didn’t last long, neither of them trying to deepen the kiss but when Ryan broke away he was still smiling. “Thank you.” He whispered before turning to leave, he had a play to do.

 

The play went without a hitch, all the long hours of rehearsal finally paying off. Michael and Gavin, sat in the audience, were awed as they saw the scenes unfold before them.

They felt like part of the play, fully immersed as they sat there in awe at their friends. At the interval they tried to rush backstage but were pushed back by stern looking actors. Apparently there was bad luck around that sort of thing.

So they took their seats again, talking to Lindsay, Griffon, Jack and his date. He’d introduced her shyly a few weeks before. She was a beautiful woman with a rich Australian accent and the ability to make Jack smile more than even Geoff had seen in a long time.

In Geoff’s eyes that made her perfect. Jack agreed.

 

Kerry had been stressing over the play for a while but watching him on the stage you wouldn’t have thought it. While Posner was far from the most confidant there was something in Kerry’s stride, as if he knew exactly what he was doing. Miles strutted across the stage, owning it obviously and obnoxiously, just as he should. But Kerry, as Posner, stood back, watching as the events unfolded around him; unable to change what would happen but being changed for the rest of his life by it.

As the play drew to a close Kerry couldn’t help but feel sad. They had another two night but this was the opening night, the first time he’d ever performed in something like this.

While he knew he’d enjoy the other two nights this was special and he wanted to cherish it a bit longer.

Miles was thinking the same but rather than sadness he was euphoric in the knowledge. He’d nearly done it, he’d so nearly performed a run through, without a single hitch, to all his friends. The feeling built and built as the play went on until Miles was barely holding a smile back. Each laugh Dakin gave out Miles would feel tenfold, having to stifle so much of it. By the end of the night, in the penultimate scene, Miles couldn’t keep the silly grin from his face. Dakin sauntered off to the rest of the boys where they were all clustered for the end.

The scene was simple enough, the boys would share their farewells, leaving the audience with a feeling of satisfaction as they went their separate ways to a new life. Then the final scene shattered it, watching far into the future at their destroyed lives.

As Miles listened to the other characters talking he couldn’t help but think about Kerry’s character; Posner. He left the school in body but never in mind, living out the rest of his days in a hellish perdition as he tried to work out what had happened to him at such a tender age.

Miles felt his smile falter as Ray spoke, interrupting that chain of thought. Ray was getting better, that was obvious, but he wasn’t fixed. He wasn’t perfect.

But on that night, in the warm lights beating down on them Kerry looked perfect. Miles steeled himself for his part once more, pushing the thoughts from his head.

“Now look, everybody. This is known as Posner’s reward.” With that Miles wrapped his arms around Kerry before stepping backwards. Kerry smirked before the next line.

“Is that it? The longed for moment?”

“What’s wrong with it?” Miles asked, as if defensive. It was getting difficult to keep the smile from breaking across his face as warmth bubbled in his chest.

“Too fucking brief.” Kerry said, half laughing, Miles smiled at the look, Kerry half throwing a glance behind him to the rest of the students. Like this Kerry looked perfect. But then again, he always did. “I was looking for something more… lingering.”

Miles didn’t have time to think it through, didn’t have time to wonder about the problems of breaking from the script. All he thought of was Kerry.

He leapt forwards and rather than wrapping his arms around the boy he locked lips. Miles could feel Kerry tense in surprise but when Miles broke away Kerry just shot him a smile.

The other boys began to hoot but at that moment the two only had eyes for each other.

From the wings Ryan smiled, watching the pair. It had taken them a long time, it had taken them forever to stop dancing around their feelings. One heated kiss on stage wasn’t about to change anything much but maybe, just maybe, they’d get their heads out of their asses long enough to actually have a conversation.

Ryan couldn’t help it as his eyes drifted to Ray, watching Chris sing out some ridiculous pop song. It was loud and off-key but that was the point. It didn’t have to be perfect. That was what made it so special.

Ray caught Ryan’s eyes and smiled faintly, as if to remind the older boy that he was okay, he was still there. Ryan smiled back.

Ray was okay and for that Ryan could maybe, one day, be okay with what had happened.

 

After the performance Michael dragged Gavin outside. The Jersey boy was ecstatic, somehow the excitement of the cast had infected everyone. To Michael it felt as if he were floating, suspended in animation for that one moment while the world turned past. He didn’t give a fuck about the rest of the world though. He was there, with his boyfriend and that was all that mattered.

“Gav! Come on!” Michael yelled, running out into the rain that was growing heavier by the second But Michael ignored it, whooping and ignoring the stares of the people around him.

Gavin smiled after him sadly.

“Love,”

Michael turned at Gavin’s tone and took in the Brit. Since Gavin had got away from his parents he’d been getting happier, living in a mid-way home for teenagers not quite old enough to be adults in their own right.

There were conversations flying around for Michael’s parents to foster Gavin until he came of age. They were expecting to finish the paperwork in time for September, for their final school year to start. Gavin would finally be able to have a home where he would be safe.

“What is it boi?” Michael asked quietly, walking over to Gavin. The Brit sighed and sat down on the soaked ground, apparently not caring. Michael slowly sat down beside him and slipped an arm around his back. Gavin curled into the body heat for a moment before sighing and pulling back, turning to face Michael.

“Michael, it’s about my parents.”

“Have you got a court date?” Michael asked, excitedly but Gavin just shook his head.

“They’re being shipped back to England. But Michael, it’s- it’s me.”

“Gav, that’s sorted remember?” Michael said soothingly but Gavin just shook his head. He was visibly upset, pointedly not looking at Michael.

“Michael, I love you. Remember that.”

“Gavin, what is it?” Michael asked, with rising trepidation. Gavin sighed and brought his gaze up to meet Michael’s eyes.

“The police have been looking for relatives for me. They found my uncle.”

“So your uncle can take you in? That’s fucking fantastic dude!” Michael exclaimed, not understanding why Gavin wasn’t happy as well.

“Michael, my uncle lives in England, in Oxfordshire, right near where I used to live.”

Michael frowned in confusion at that.

“So, when’s he moving here then?”

The silence that followed sounded like an explosion in Michael’s head, as neurons slammed together and reached one final conclusion. He slowly stood, looking at Gavin with a rising horror.

“No-”

Gavin scrambled to his feet, trying to put a comforting arm on Michael but he was thrown off.

“Michael! It’s okay! I’m just-”

“You’re leaving? That’s not fucking fair Gavin! You can’t just-” Michael paused, waving his arms wildly. He could feel eyes on him but he didn’t give a fuck, he needed to keep Gavin, he had to- he _had_ to keep Gavin.

“Doesn’t work like that. Gotta follow the law.”

“So, what? You’re just packing up and abandoning us?” Michael yelled. Gavin closed his eyes and sighed, face twisted in sadness.

“Please don’t do this love. Please just- I’ll still talk to you Michael. I won’t- it’s not like I’m breaking up with you!”

“You’d better not be!” Michael said, slamming their lips together in a desperate kiss. He suddenly realised it might be their last. That thought made him cling all the tighter, deepening the kiss as much as he could until Gavin broke it, gasping for breath.

Before the Brit could speak there was a honk of a car and Gavin jumped.

“That’s- that’s him Michael.”

“Gavin, when do you have to leave?” Michael said, desperation creeping into his voice. If he couldn’t have Gavin forever he could make the most of his time, he was determined to make the most of their time together.

“I’m leaving tomorrow Michael. They wanted me to go last week. I got to stay but this was- this was our last night.”

Michael stared at him in horror and Gavin refused to meet his eyes.

“Why the fuck didn’t you say something, dipshit?” Michael burst out, glaring at Gavin. Gavin just shrugged apologetically, glancing back at the car.

“Michael, I have to go.”

“No! No! You can’t go!” Michael shouted, grabbing Gavin’s sleeve. Gavin wasn’t allowed to leave now, not so soon after Michael got him back. Not so close to Michael keeping him safe.

But Gavin just fixed Michael with a look.

Michael slowly let go and watched as Gavin disentangled himself, blinking back tears.

“Goodbye Michael.” Gavin whispered before turning and walking into the rain thundering down around him.

Michael watched him go, heart breaking just that little bit more. It had broken so many times he was surprised it could do it again. It wasn’t just his heart, he reflected, it was him as well. He’d gone through shit and he was scared one day soon he just wouldn’t be able to come back. He knew he was broken, he just hoped he could be fixed. His friends were broken as well. They were all broken, each and every one of them had faults running through them, injuries that would never heal.

Geoff had been beaten down at such a young age, pushed into a mould that was too small, cracked as he tried to fit himself in. When he’d finally got away he’d hidden the cracks as he’d always been told to. He covered them with alcohol, poured it in the crevasses of his injuries as if it could fuse the broken edges together. But he’d poured in poison and now he’d have to cleanse himself, remove every trace of the toxin that pervaded his body.

Jack had never shattered completely but he had gaps, gaps where he’d ripped himself apart in pursuit of something he’d never achieve. Like Geoff he’d hidden it but he hadn’t hidden from habit, he had hidden through choice. Believing no-one would ever want to patch him up he never tried to show them, shying away from the world as the cracks grew.

In the end it took Geoff, beautiful broken Geoff, to rip away the veil and see the horror of Jack’s injuries. When Geoff had first broken he had leant on Jack, needing the boy to give him the strength that had been sapped by the people who were supposed to protect him. Now he would return the favour, each lending the other strength, picking up the slivers of glass that had escaped. Entwined as they were, the shards would not always fly true, lodging themselves in the wrong boy’s hearts. But when they found these foreign pieces the boys didn’t even try to remove them, they just healed around those alien shards until they were whole again.

Ryan had been shattered by that one night. The strains had grown on him, trying to hold up everything he could and knowing it would all topple. Taking Johnson on himself, not letting anyone else bear the burden meant that while Ryan was trying to scream he shattered completely. His shards scattered and it would take years to piece them back together again.

Michael had broken so slowly but never as much as Ryan. He’d put himself up as a shield, a line of defence to protect those around him. He ripped himself apart and thrust his shards back to the people who needed them most. He took the hits designed for others and never complained as he began to fracture. In Gavin, Michael found his greatest challenge; protecting someone while not knowing who was hurting them, not knowing if it was external or their own mind driving them insane. Michael had flaws running through him, slivers skittering across the floor to land at the feet of those he loved. He wouldn’t stop breaking until he healed himself.

Gavin had been ripped apart but had stood tall, continued to be himself as much as he could. He silently patched himself up, hiding what he could in the hopes that one day things would be better, one day he would be free of the pain that was inflicted on him all too often. As that didn’t happen he began to flag, fault lines turning into cracks which threatened to rip him apart. Then Geoff and Michael had been there, pulling him back together, trying to fix him. Gavin had once more found a reason to be fixed.

But despite everything, Ray was the one who had suffered the worst. He hadn’t had the opportunity to prepare himself before his innocence shattered, turning to shards before skittering every which way. Michael didn’t know if the boy would ever find them all. But even if he didn’t there were people who would search, people who wouldn’t stop until the boy was whole once more. They were determined that one day he would be put back together.

Every shard could be found, every sliver could be returned but perfection would always elude them. They could never return as perfectly as they had once been. The boys were marred and that wouldn’t, couldn’t, be changed. For every crack or fissure that was healed there were scores more.

Some of their wounds had taken years to form and would take years more to heal. Fissures, cracks, missing slivers, fault lines, forgotten and lost shards, they were all there. There was no way to fully heal the scars they had. Whether they had been inflicted by the boys themselves, their parents, friends, loved ones, it didn’t matter.

They were broken and they would never be perfect but they were willing to try. They were willing to pick themselves up, limp off, limp on to whatever existed beyond their injured frame of reference.

And that made all the difference.

Gavin turned around just once on his way to the car. He could still see his boyfriend, illuminated by the lights of his school.

The rain was still coming down, no longer dancing but racing down the sky. It settled into Michael’s curls, soaking them and pulling them down to lie flat against his skull. Some of the drops balanced on top of his head for a second or two before juddering down to the floor, displaced by the shudders running through the boy’s body.

The downpour had been nothing a few moments ago, charged with excitement and euphoria of a new beginning, a second chance, a life that was just starting. A life together.

But now all it did was mingle with the tears slowly dribbling down Michael’s face. His breath hitched and he didn’t care about the people around him, he didn’t give a damn what they were thinking.

His boyfriend was leaving and he couldn’t do anything.

Gavin tore his eyes away from Michael, brushing frantically at the tears streaking down his own face. As he walked he could feel his heart breaking, shattering at the thought of never seeing Michael again.

But the lights beckoned the Brit onwards, called him forwards to a new life, a life without his boyfriend. A life where he might finally have a family that loved him.

Walking in the rain Gavin wasn’t sure which one he wanted.

A sob ripped through the air and Gavin didn’t have to turn to know it was Michael, he knew what it sounded like when his boyfriend cried. Gavin wished a hundred and one things. He wished he’d been born normal, he wished he’d had parents who cared about him, he wished he didn’t have to leave but in that moment none of that mattered. He wished a hundred and one things but all he could think of was that Michael, his beautiful Michael, wouldn’t cry over him.

Tears dribbled down Gavin’s own face but he didn’t turn back. If he did he wouldn’t have the resolve to carry on. So he just whispered, every word being whipped away by the wind the instant they left his mouth.

“I’m sorry boi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this story is fully written out. But I wrote over 50 000 words in eight days so most of it is not intelligible at the moment. (And yes I realise I have issues with this.) So this is how it's going to work, I'm going to try and get a chapter out at least once a week. There might be more if I have the time to edit, there might not be one every week. If it doesn't happen one week then I'm sorry but yeah, I'm meant to be focusing on my education this year.  
> See you next time.


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